I groan, "Katherine."
She smiles, "And look at that, a reason. You cut off things because of Jessie, you're letting that bitch rule your life, Andreas, let that shit go. You'll never be happy if you don't."
"Shut up, you don't know anything you're a child," I grumble.
I try to walk away, but she pulls me by the collar of my blazer. "Ok listen here, you asshole, I've been here when no one else was. Who do you think was taking care of you when you came home drunk, who wiped the drool and throw up from your face, bathed you, and put you to sleep so Ma and Ba didn't have to do it? I was! I was 13 years old, having to see my older brother having a mental breakdown, do you know how scared I was. You know how many sleepovers I denied, knowing that if I went away, you would be left alone, in a way you owe me." Never have I seen my sister look as scary as she does right now.
"You did all that?" My voice softened. I knew that someone was cleaning me up, taking care of me, I thought it was my mother or father and they just didn't say anything because they didn't want to embarrass me. Turns out, it was my little sister the whole time.
"You're my brother, I would do anything for you." She lets me go. "I saw you at your lowest, it was scary Andreas. I was scared to go to sleep, thinking you would break your neck climbing up the tree to your room or choke on your own vomit. I never said anything because- because saying it out loud made me want to piss my pants." She looks up at me, "I love you Andreas, and to see you throwing away something good because of fear makes me want to stab you with this spoon."
I hold in my laugh, "Isn't that a bit dull?"
"Don't joke with me. Jessie hurt you, deeper than a person could hurt someone, but I don't want you turning love away because you're afraid of being hurt."
"I'm not af-"
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"YES, you are Andreas. Don't stand here and lie to me, I can read you like a book. I'm sure you already fucked it up with her, but it's not too late to repair things between you two. Go talk to her, I'm sure she'll understand you, and love you no matter what."
"Trust me, I don't think she wants to talk to me."
Katherine grabs my arm and walks us to the restaurant's balcony. No one's out there, so we sit in the nearest chairs that overlook California. It's nighttime, all the lights look so beautiful and peaceful.
"What did you say to her?"
My mind reels as I bring up the moment I ruined my life, "I told her that I didn't want her anymore, that she was distracting me from my studies and I only wanted sex and nothing more."
I swear my sister's jaw drops to the ground, "You really are a dumbass, I wonder how we share the same DNA sometimes. You told a girl that, yeah, you've made your bed now you must lay in it."
"Didn't you just say I could fix everything!"
She takes two bites of her ice cream, "That's before I knew you said that, I can't believe you said that to her. Girls want to feel wanted, be wanted. They love being listened to and heard and knowing they are loved. From what Monica has told me, you and Elizabeth are perfect together, sharing the same sick mind."
I laugh.
"Why the hell are you on normal talking basic with Monica?"
"Because she's the coolest fucking person ever! When she came down for the break, we had so much fun. Anyway, she tells me everything. What you need to know is this: love is pain. Yes, there is a possibility that you and Elizabeth won't be together forever, and maybe once you get together things will fail."
"You're further proving my point." I take a bite of chocolate nuts on top of my ice cream; it melts in my mouth.
"I wasn't done. If you never get into a relationship with her, never give her a chance then you'll never know what you two could have had. I thought when you came to college that you would forget about everything that happened and move on, but you didn't. You're still the same person." She takes another bite of ice cream. "You deserve to be happy, so be happy with Elizabeth. Don't let things from the past affect you now."
I hear her stomach starting to grumble, "Fuck."
"Look at you, about to shit yourself."
Her face turns green, "Shut up before I do it all over you." She clutches her stomach, getting up from the table. "Tell Ma and Ba I'm about to shit my brains and think on what I just said." She leaves me outside to go to the bathroom.
I do as she says, thinking about what she said.
Don't let things from the past affect you now.
Who knew Katherine Chen was wise. I've got blockers in my body that stops me from taking the next step with someone, with the fear of getting hurt again. You heard what Katherine said, I was having a mental breakdown. It sends a pang in my heart, the fact that she saw me like that, with throw up all over myself and smelling like an alley. At 13!
She was too young, but Katherine has always been wise for someone her age, she hung around our older relatives growing up, no wonder she was able to handle tough things most kids her age couldn't.
She's also right, I need to let go of what happened between Jessie and me. She's moved on, so should I. I deserve to be happy, for years I haven't been until Elizabeth came along.
I want to be with her, I want to love her.
You've ruined what you guys used to have, there is no way she's going to take you back now, my inner voice tells me.
She won't take my calls or texts, trust me, I've tried reaching out to her.
How do you tell the woman that you love you messed up, bad?
✏️✏️✏️✏️
My parents and Katherine ended up going back to the hotel once Katherine got done shitting her brains out. My father scolded her, telling her if she keeps eating dairy, even though she's lactose intolerant, she'll get irritable bowel syndrome or inflammatory bowel disorder. She tells me to save her as they walk off, I just smile and laugh at her discomfort.
Carlee is sitting on the couch watching TV when I come into the house. She's all alone, I'm sure everyone else is asleep, or at the hospital with Monica.
She hears the door shut, "Is that you, Monica?"
"No, it's me, Andreas," I tell her, walking into the living room, plopping down on the couch next to her. She's wearing a long nightgown. "Why are you dressed like Ebenezer Scrooge?"
"And why do you look like shit?" She asked, amused.
"You're so mean." I pout.
"Whatever." She hands me a cookie on a Christmas plate, I take one. "How was the dinner with your family?"
"Exhausting."
She chuckles, "I figured. Hey, before I forget, I need you to chip in." She takes a plastic bucket from the coffee table.
"What's this for?"
"I and the guys are putting money in here to get Elizabeth a dorm warming gift, you know, to help her acclimate. We only need you to chip in and we can get her the gift." She jiggles the bucket in her hand.
I get an idea.
"Uh, you guys get her whatever you want with the money you have. I'm going to buy her a separate gift."
She looks thunderstruck, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Look at you, Mr. Big Bucks." She takes the bucket and puts it on the table. "What are you going to buy her?"
"It's a surprise, and only for her to see. I'm going to bed, see you tomorrow." I kiss the top of her head and go to bed, with the perfect gift for Elizabeth on my mind.