"Stay a mystery, It's better. "
-Unknown
TW- panic attack
Mason Moore
I sat in my car in front of the school rethinking everything that could happen as soon as I set foot in school. Today was the first day of me repeating my senior year. I had to repeat this year for several reasons that are hard to talk about.
Last year I came out of the closet to some of my friends. I told no one else, only a few friends. After that I told them about me being gay they inmidelty made fun of me and left me for nothing.
They started to hang around other people and started to bully me with some of their new friends. The bullying became pretty hard to deal with, I'm not gonna go in detail but it was pretty messed up. So I skipped school for like almost 2 months or more.
I just didn't show up. And here I am going to school for an extra year because I didn't attend any of the classes.
I came extra early to school so I could avoid everybody else ( I don't know why it's just a habit). As I walked into school I started searching for my class.
After getting into the right classroom I saw 6 rows of tables standing in an almost perfect line. I chose the spot in the back that's almost next to the window.
My anxiety began to rise up for almost no reason. Nobody is in here and everybody that knew that I was gay is gone now.
I calmed down after a few minutes and decided to read a book that I brought with me. The first period begins at 8.30 am. It's 8.05 am now so I can wait and read for a little while.
" Fuck serious I thought that I was late, ugh" I hear somebody saying. I tense up a little bit when I see that person is going into my classroom. He walks towards me and sits beside me.
When I took a closer look I saw it was Fynn White. Oh gosh I didn't know that he had to repeat senior year too. He was in the same class as me last year, he probably doesn't remember that.
He seriously is one of the most popular guys in school. We had some short conversations, but I'm probably the only one who remembers. You know what, I'm gonna talk to him.
I don't think I have anything to lose. You can see it as making new friends and starting with a good beginning.
So I started talking to him "Hey you're Fynn right, how are you doing?" I said. Omg it's the stupidest thing that I could say.
He looked unbothered by my horrible social skills and probably ignored me. I tried to talk to him some more, but I gave up after some people came into the classroom.
He's probably ignoring me, because he doesn't like me or something. Our history teacher wasn't a fan of the " being on time'' rule.
He walked into the class pretty late, but I wasn't complaining. More time for me to mentally prepare for a school day. The teacher organized his stuff and began to talk and directly went to the point of school work for this semester.
" You have to work together with the person that sits next to you," Mr. Strong said. Ugh I'm back at school for one day and I have to work together with someone already.
I looked beside me and I totally forgot that Fynn was gonna be my partner for the rest of my history classes this year.
My heart skipped a beat by the thoughts of me working together with him. I tried to talk to him and this time he answered back.
His answers weren't that long, but look at the bright side he talks to me! I was really embarrassed with what I was saying to him it almost sounded like bragging.
When I said some stuff about him being popular it hit something inside him. I think he didn't know that I saw it, but when it hit him I could see his eyes becoming like a black zone.
I chose to not talk about it so that he wouldn't feel burdened.
There was a long silence until he began to talk. "Hehe, being popular isn't everything" he said with a big smirk across his face.
After the short, weird and not that big of an answer we changed from subject. Before I even knew it we were back talking about our project.
To work with him was not as awkward as I had in mind. He knew some stuff about history so I didn't have to do everything by myself.
We talked some more and came to know that we had some interests with each other and in no time we were talking normally to each other.
"No, that's absolutely not the best marvel movie that exists. Shang Chi is really good, you know, if you learn more about the movies and ACTUALLY watch them," I glanced at him with a big smile on my face.
A smile that wasn't there for quite some time. " Okay okay I will watch them, I promise," Fynn said.
* School bell rings*
Oh got to go, I will see you tomorrow I think?" Yeah see you tomorrow. That's when I walked out of the classroom with a happy face. I think I made a new friend, but I can't say for sure. The next lesson started soon after and I chose a seat in the middle of the classroom.
I was early again so I waited a few minutes before everyone was in the class. I looked at the people that were going into the classroom and looked if there were any familiar faces around.
There wasn't anybody that I knew until an old friend of mine came into the classroom. You gotta be kidding me, I thought that he had graduated.
Alec (my old friend) walked to me with a smirk, this is the moment where I knew that I was in trouble. He was the one that hurted me the most last year.
" Hey Mason how ya doing, ahh is not so good well you're just a weird gay ass person so you don't really derserve to be doing good" is what he said ( yess it's really lame).
He thinks what he is doing is funny, and cool, but in reality it is scary and dumb. I just tried to ignore him for a bit, but he began to punch me in my arm.
He wouldn't stop doing it and at one point I just knew that my arm would have a big bruise tomorrow.
As he was doing so bad memories came over me as I was thinking about the past. I felt my heart loudly pounding in my chest.
It was beating so loud that I swear the whole fucking class could hear it. I wanted to ask the teacher to leave the class for a bit but my voice just wouldn't come out of my mouth.
In the corner of my eye there was Alec grinning so hard that I wish that I could rip it off of his mouth. He fucking knew that he had me and he really liked it.
The panic inside me became bigger and bigger with the minute. My hands were trembling like crazy and I didn't feel so good.
Before I knew it I ran out of the classroom with my stuff and went straight for the exit doors. Because of the panic I couldn't think straight and didn't know where I had parked my car.
I wanted to take the time to search for my car, but when I looked behind me I saw that Alex was walking to me. Shit did he leave class to look "if I was okay". Oh no no no no no this can't be happening.
After like 20 seconds I saw my car standing in the middle of the parking lot and just ran to it. I unlocked the doors and went inside.
You don't wanna know how fast I wanted to get out of there. I started the car and drove off to my house.
I was still shaking and I don't think that it was a wise decision to let a person in the middle of a panic attack drive, but that is a question for later. My house came closer and I came home very fast.
I think I broke the speed limit over 10 miles per hour, but I don't have a receipt so that's okay. The minute that I unlocked the door of my house I ran upstairs and jumped into my bed. My mom wasn't home so I was very lucky to have my moment to calm down.
My mom doesn't know that I have panic attacks and I like to keep it that way. She already has been through a lot.
My dad cheated on her 2 years ago, my mom couldn't handle the fact that my dad wasn't into her anymore.
So when he left my mom went into a dark hole. If she sees that I'm in that same hole as she was, then she would crash down and I don't want that.
After some 30 minutes pulling out my hair, crying, and heavy breathing I finally calmed down and could get some rest. I didn't feel like doing anything and I was exhausted from the attack.
I have some sleeping problems so if I wanna sleep I have to take some sleeping pills, otherwise I can't sleep. In the drawer next to my bed there is a jar with pills.
I opened it and it was completely empty. Fuck I forgot to order new ones, how am I gonna sleep now? Okay this will do, think about the happy things in your life. The last 2 years were shit so ehm, what about today?
I thought about Fynn and the funny conversations we had, about how I was happy for once in my life. These thoughts really calmed me down and made me pretty sleepy. Before I even knew it I was sleeping safe and soundly in my bed.
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Already on chapter 2!
I never had an panic attack so this is pure reacherd shit that you are reading. I hope I got it as real as possible, cause I want it to be real and not some fake ass shit.
Do you guys wanna see where this story is going?