Slap
“Why did you do that?!” The first thing she did to me after waking up. Her slap hurts, I just know my cheeks are red from it.
I was looking at the side, refusing to stare at her again. I don't know what face to show her at all, I felt so humiliated and ashamed of myself, I'm so weak... So fucking weak. “Alatus, fuck!” she closes her eyes while her hands were on her head.
“Do you want to know what they're doing there? Arranging our wedding! Fucking fuck you!” I could hear her sobs, and I couldn't help but tear up from this too. I don't want this to happen. If only I could've done something to prevent this from happening...
“I... I'm sorry.”
“Sorry?! Sorry...” she lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Alatus we're getting married! Do you think your sorry is enough? Do you think your sorry will make Venti's pain go away?!” my head hurts a lot to even process what she was saying.
“Xiao you were there with him! You had the chance to run away with him, why would you... Why would you deny your love?”
“Because I fucking know she will hurt Venti right on spot if I admit I still love him!” I finally had the nerve to look back, tears were starting to fall repeatedly from my eyes. I was angry, it's not like... I wanted this to happen. “I knew I had to protect him, even if it means we can't be together!”
“What about me..?”
What?
“Can you protect me from heartbreak too?” what was she talking about? I don't know anything. I am so confused. “This wedding would only make it harder for me... Xiao. It will make it harder for me to hate you! It will break me more knowing that I'm the only one who wants this wedding.”
My heart dropped the moment she speaks out her thoughts.
What was she thinking? Is she losing her mind?
“I know from the start that... It's still him, and I know I can't do anything about that, Xiao. But it still hurts. It hurts so much because I love you, I fell for you even if I know it's not possible. It's just funny because... I'm the one who's getting married to you and yet... I feel sad.”
I couldn't speak.
How could she ever love me? Why would she allow herself to feel pain by loving me? I don't want her to be hurt like this. This is all my fault. I should've done better, I should've stayed away from her while it was still early... If I did that... She wouldn't fall for me and endure all this pain.
I hate myself so much.
I wonder how much it hurts her whenever I talk about Venti?
But yet she stayed by my side. She was still there for me even if I'm hurting her without knowing... I don't know what to do to repay her kindness... I wanted to love her, too, but I know it's not possible because even from the start... My heart belongs to Venti.
“I'm not asking you to love me back, Xiao. I just want you to be happy... I want you to be with him. Please, have balls for once, fight for it.” I chuckled slightly at her statement. She's right... I am a man. I should have the balls to go against anyone who's going in between me and the love of my life.
“I am always on your side.”
-
Time flies so fast. I am now standing in front wearing a golden silk tuxedo, my hair was perfectly brushed. I was just standing here, waiting for the bride to come to me.
Everyone looked so happy, I wish I was too.
I can't help but imagine this was me and Venti's wedding. It makes me wonder... If the rule didn't exist, would I be happy right now? Would it be Venti who I'll be waiting for right now? Would we be happy forever?
I don't even know.
This is probably the most painful wedding ever.
When I was young... I had always thought that weddings are where people are happy. The groom and bride love each other... So much. But... Why does reality hurts?
I thought that when I get married too, I'll be the happiest man alive, but... Why does my chest hurt?
When the huge door opened, it revealed Hu tao, holding a bouquet of silk flowers in her hand. I don't know if anyone could see it, but I can— her eyes were wet. And I know that even if people see it, they would only think it's tears of joy.
She was wearing a long off-shoulder gown, and her long hair was tied up in a bun where they added tiny pearls, or whatever hair accessories those were.
The theme was gold, so the color of her gown was almost the same as mine. And since her favorite flower was silk flower, the castle allowed her to use that.
My sister was sat on one of the chairs, I know she doesn't like this too, but she chose to be happy for me by smiling. God, I wish she didn't have to pretend.
I also saw my cousin, Yanfei, sitting on of the chairs. My mother, of course, was sitting too. This wasn't the wedding I want for me. Wouldn't it be better if Aether... And Lumine was here? Did my mother even consider inviting them here? It breaks my heart knowing how broken our family is.
While she was walking towards me, I can only imagine she was Venti... So that at least... It wouldn't hurt me so much.
I heard a sound coming from afar halfway through Hu tao's walk. I just know it was from a flute, but I don't know where it's coming from... it feels so far from me.
It sounded so sad... Those tunes sounded so depressing. I wanted to know who was playing it but I need to stay here in front until this ceremony is done. Maybe it was just a part of the wedding itself? I don't know, I wasn't the one who organized this wedding. It was all on my mother.
But the sound just felt... So far. It felt like it didn't even come from Liyue itself. Whoever was playing that... I know they're in pain.
I can feel the air getting more suffocating as Hu tao gets closer to me.
Fuck, I couldn't even breathe anymore.
I said the scripted vow that I was forced to memorize earlier even if it pains me to do so, and she did too.
After exchanging vows, we exchanged rings, just like we were told to. Hell, I don't even know how weddings work that I felt nervous I'll mess up.
“Xiao, do you take Hu tao to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love and cherish her, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?”
“I do.”
I don't.
“Hu tao, do you take Xiao to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love and cherish him, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him, for so long as you both shall live?”
“I do.”
Her voice cracks but she only laughs at it while still wiping her tears. God, I want to be the one to wipe those tears. I know this was painful for her... But with only a kiss, we will be sealed forever. And it's all my fault.
“Hu tao and Xiao, you have heard the words about love and marriage, have exchanged your vows and made your promises, and celebrated your union with the giving and receiving of rings.”
My heart was beating too fast. I wish time could just stop so I could run away from this absurd wedding.
“It is at this time that I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
Fuck.
“You may now kiss the bride!”
And then everyone starts cheering, waiting for us to have our fucking lips connected to each other to seal our non-existent love. I wish they could just shut up, I'm getting anxious. I was afraid I'd do something reckless like running away.
I wanted to. But I can't.
Father, if you're watching me up there... I hope you're happy for me. I will try to be a good king for everyone even if it hurts me, because that is what I was born to do.
The tune was getting louder despite the distance we have. It sounded more painful, I didn't even notice that I was crying too.
I was ready. I was ready to let go of everything from the past. I was ready to let go of Venti, when Hu tao suddenly held my wrist, causing me to open my eyes once more. I thought that I got drowned with my thoughts that I didn't even feel us kissing, but when everyone stopped cheering— looking confused, I already knew we didn't.
Hu tao lets out a shaky breath before pulling me away with her.
What the fuck!
How can this woman run in this huge ass gown and, I know for a fact she's wearing heels!
I heard everyone gasp. I also heard some orders to chase us. I even heard some people saying 'I think they're so excited for their honeymoon.' Which makes me so mad. They don't know anything, they should just stay silent.
We were just running... But from this, I knew we were running away from everything. We were escaping the future we didn't want to face.
“Don't fucking disappoint me this time, my husband! I risked my life for you and Venti, god! I don't know why I'm doing this but go!” she lets go of my wrist aggressively, I almost fell. But when I saw her face with hope in it, I knew I had to run.
I wanted her to run with me, I wanted to escape with her, but she told me that it would only make it harder for me. I really didn't care at first if it will make it harder. No matter how hard it is, I will do it. And yet she insisted that she would do things by herself from here, I don't even know how she'll escape with that dress. I get worried too, of course, but she ordered me to keep running... This is the only way I could repay her kindness to me.
I'm sure our lives are at risk now because we escaped one more time. This might ruin Liyue's reputation, but I don't care anymore. Who the fuck started this mess? Wasn't it her too? I knew even from the start that I was ready to let go of anything for Venti, but her? Was she ready to let go of everything?
Even if every people start hating on Liyuens, I didn't care. This is not what a good king would do, but to achieve my happiness, Venti, I am ready to be selfish.
If only she didn't forbid us... This wouldn't have happened.
If my mother can get so heartless, I can too. I would destroy everything that goes between me and Venti.
I don't even know how she can be like that. It's like she doesn't feel emotions at all... Except for anger and revenge.
I've always sensed justice in her. I don't know what for, but it seems that she's looking for one. Maybe she was in pain. But that isn't an excuse to put others into pain too.
I love my mother, I have always do, I and Beidou didn't lack love for her— the problem is her. She wouldn't open up to us. She is our mother and yet we know nothing about her and her stories.
I didn't plan on going up against her as long as she abolishes the rule, but after six years... She's still the same heartless woman I've met.
I can become the king with that kiss, and I am aware that if I'm the king, I could be the one to revoke that absurd rule.
But what's the point of removing it when I'm already married to someone I don't love? I have thought about this thoroughly, I'm not stupid. Divorsion isn't a good option either because the process takes a while and I don't think she will even allow us to do it.
Escaping the wedding is the best thing to do.
I will fight with my will to be with Venti forever, I would never accept defeat, I would rebel against anyone if needed. My only rest is Venti, and my only defeat is when I don't have Venti anymore.
-
R u guys ready