Sleep has become a thing I was lucky to get a full night of now-a-days. But as of late i've realized I've managed to gain some of what would be considered a more natural sleeping schedule.
Which had been completely ruined last night.
Rubbing the tiredness from my eyes I shuffled out from under my stuffy blankets and trudged off to get ready for the day with around three hours of sleep to keep me going.
I drew out a long sigh with the sight of my cracked and ruined sink, which I'd managed to glue and seal into something somewhat manageable with a cheap sealant I bought from the store.
The sink wasn't leaking, that's all that matters.
I splashed some cool water on my face, slumping over the counter as I stared in my reflection. Tilting my head to the side, I tried to smooth down my hair to something a little presentable. I wasn't too worried about my appearance though, because Tom had given me the day off today.
I showered and dressed in my usual bartender outfit Kasuka had gifted me, but I let my hair be as it dried into something wild and disheveled. The dark bags under my eyes weren't adding to the look either...
With a yawn, I wandered out to the kitchen for something to eat. I kept focused on my destination, not daring to look around to see if Izaya was watching me. It was easy to tell that things were still a bit strange from last night. The air felt almost-tense but in a high-strung awkward sort of way instead of aggressive.
I turned on the coffee maker with mild interest and sat a mug under the nozzle, grabbing the bag of sugar along with cream as I waited. Every movement was lagged and soaked with my obvious fatigue, but I didn't really care.
The coffee began pouring, wafting the apartment in a pleasant scent as I drifted off to look at the clock. Last night after everything that happened, I wasn't able to fall asleep for some time which in turn made me sleep in late.
It was around 9:00 in the morning.
Thoughts lingered and dragged around my head as I blinked slowly, still staring at the digital clock on the stovetop.
"Shizu-chan."
My head rose, glancing back towards the living room where Izaya sat staring back at me with a brow raised high. I slurred out a tired hum as a meager response.
"Your coffee."
I glanced back at the coffee machine, which had turned off. I grabbed the cup expecting to feel heat welcomingly wrap around my hands. Instead, there was only a lingering warmth as I realized I'd been staring long enough for the cup to cool off a bit.
Grunting some sort of noise as an answer, I dumped in a lot of sugar and cream and was quick to guzzle down the caffeine. I sighed with contempt as I waited for some of the tired edges of my mind to wear off.
At least Izaya was speaking... I took another gulp as I glanced over towards the living room again.
The television wasn't on, he was just laying on the couch, I couldn't see much past the back of the seat but it seemed like he was just sitting there in thought.
Hm.
With the fatigue flickering out, I let myself wake up as I gently held my coffee mug. I couldn't help but stare at the back of Izaya's head, thinking back to last night.
It was strange seeing Izaya act like that. A warranted reaction, sure. But from Izaya? It was new, and there was this strange feeling of comfort that came with knowing even the flea could get angry like that.
Sure, our argument hadn't lasted long but it was relieving to see him express himself like that...Thinking back to that moment, I felt the need to fight back and argue my point across- but when I managed to calm down afterward, it left me alone and unable to sleep as I thought back to what he had said.
What Izaya had expected from me...
Saying that I should just be laughing off his death, it didn't sit right with me. I knew I should be agreeing with him. After all, we actively attacked each other, and it wasn't some harmless game between rivals.
No.
Izaya and I were enemies, I despised him and he despised me. We tried to destroy each other daily...
But when I'd killed him- and was swallowed up with the idea of what I did. It wasn't just the idea that I had taken a life that haunted me, it was that I took Izaya's life of all people.
It felt strange, foreign, and so wrong to think that I had won- what I always figured would be a never-ending battle between us. So when I came out victorious-
I hated it.
Like hell could I just laugh off everything that happened! Throw a party and celebrate with friends over ending a life that could've been saved if I had just acted with a little more control?!
Izaya was a villain, a demon, and a snake. That's how I had always viewed him from the first moment I saw him in high school.
But seeing the fabled devil bleed red, shattered under stone with lifeless eyes... I knew it was too late to take back everything I'd done. I know I wasn't to blame for everything that happened between us, far from it really. But I still could've tried, tried learning what lay past that sickly smirk and condescending gaze.
Those were the thoughts that kept me up every night- thinking back to every regret and possibility that could've come out of just a little more effort.
But it was too late, and those restless nights of wondering were proven true as soon as I put the slightest glance past Izaya's masks. It hurt knowing that things could have been different, maybe friendship was a stretch- but perhaps tolerance.
Just coexisting. Peaceful even.
Our new situation was proof that maybe, just maybe, things could have been better between us. Especially last night, when I was able to see a new emotion from Izaya...
I slumped against the counter, raking my hand through my knotted hair, fingers detangling the locks as I felt a stubborn heat blush across my face.
It was hard not to think about my admission, of missing him that is. I couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed with it, I didn't regret it because I'd meant every word. But it was still embarrassing to admit something like that to Izaya of all people.
I sucked in a breath and clamped my mouth tight, recalling Izaya's reaction. It had managed to leave Izaya speechless, ending our argument entirely...
I wrenched my neck up, stretching so I could look back at Izaya's ghostly head of black hair. I had no clue how to act now, it was a given he would still piss me off and we'd fight but after dragging him to see his sisters to show that people care, including me- it had to change something at least a little right?
I ruffled my bleached hair in frustration.
Izaya probably thought I was an idiot- well he's always thought that so there wasn't much difference there... but after what I said I'm surprised he hasn't shoved it back down my throat with mockery...
Instead, he was being strangely quiet, except for the coffee remark. But even that had been more passive, awkward even. The tense feeling in the room between us still hung in the air, but a part of me felt comfort in the quiet it brought along with it. I figured things could be so much worse, and even with my thoughts being a complete jumbled, confusing mess, I could admit that this wasn't the worst scenario that could have come out of last night...
The soft chime of a song began.
I tapped my empty mug with a gentle finger. Meddling over the what-ifs, and different ways that could have gone. Each and every horrible word Izaya could have screamed at my face, all of which my own mind had admittedly already reminded me when I tried to go to sleep.
It was strange to think that our existence together has become less hostile as time went on... He still annoyed me and acted mostly like the same little shit, and I still tried to throw punches or projectiles his way when I was pissed. Not that any of those attempts worked...
"Shizu-chan."
But there were now normal moments, where Izaya would just talk or idly watch and, admittedly, they've been really nice. Simple, pleasant at times. When exactly had we grown more comfortable with each other's presence?
"Shizu-chan."
My mouth slanted with confusion, it was all so much. So much had happened within what felt like such a small amount of time. My life's been flipped on its head and left to hang and It's left me grasping at straws at what to think or what to do next.
I tapped against the mug a little harder as my thoughts spiraled, the tingling of familiar frustration growing at the back of my skull. I hadn't been able to rightfully let out my anger since Izaya died...I shook my head away from the memory.
Both hands reached up to grab my head, another shake of ratted hair as I tried to push off that familiar edge of anger.
"Protozoan?"
Hm? Wait- I turned my head back up, Izaya was staring at me with an expecting look, his eyebrow lifted high just like earlier as he stared back.
"What?" There was a tinge of a growl at the edge of my speech.
He blinked. Red eyes were covered with thick black lashes for a second as his mouth slid further down into an unimpressed frown. A chipper song was playing as he stared back- the music didn't match his expression in the slightest-
Wait, music?
I reached for my pocket in a hurry, an incoming call illuminated on the screen along with two missed call notifications, all from Shinra.
Damn. I'm really distracted this morning, aren't I?
I clicked the "accept call" button before I could think against it. Resting the phone up to my ear as I watched Izaya's face grow amused at my shortcomings.
I frowned back at his growing smirk.
"Hello?" I mumbled.
"Shizuo! Finally, you answered!" Shinra's voice chimed from the phone.
"What do you want?"
"Jeez, somebody is grumpy today..! I was just calling to see how you've been?" His tone was chipper, but there was this strange little nervous laugh at the end of his sentence.
I squinted back at Izaya as his shoulders shook, he was too far away to hear Shinra on the phone, so what the hell was he laughing about?
"M' fine."I slurred back and I felt a little awkward. Since our last conversation together wasn't exactly on a high note, it was unnerving to hear the man on the other line sound so happy and yet nervous at the same time.
He hummed, "Well that's good, my darling Celty told me you guys talked the other day..." His words drawled off, almost as if he got distracted. "You sure you're doing alright Shizuo?"
My eyebrows scrunched together. "Yeah..?"
"Really? Nothing bothering you at all? Not even- say... a little dissociation, or strange sounds...sights..." He laughed nervously.
"Shinra. What the hell are you trying to get at?
"Uh-" He trailed off with a strange titter. "Y'know... it's just my dear Celty told me- OW! Celty-!" My frown grew, I couldn't make out Shinra's whispers as I could only guess he spoke to Celty. Izaya's shoulders still lightly shook at the couch, obviously, he was finding something funny.
I mouthed a snarled "What?" his direction. He waved his hand with dismissal.
"Nothing nothing, I just found it amusing that you answered to 'Protozoan' a moment ago, quite easily may I add." His lips sharpened with a familiar teasing smirk.
"Y'know Shizuo-" Shinra started on the phone.
I ignored him in favor of grumbling back at Izaya, "Shut up Izaya."
Izaya's shoulders still lightly shook with amusement as he shook his head, turning to rest into a more comfortable position again.
My nose curled for a moment- then I blinked. I glanced at the screen of my phone, it still said I was on the call, but Shinra had gone dead silent.
"Shinra?" My head tilted, "Hello?"
Deciding to ignore how Izaya's head turned back with intrigue, I focused in to try and listen to the call.
"Shizuo." I was a little startled by his much more serious tone, "Celty and I are coming over alright?"
What? Why in the hell is he acting so serious? They're coming over? He sounds concerned-
Wait.
Oh fuck.
I said Izaya's name out loud didn't I?
"Wait- Shinra-!" The phone hung up. My head hit the countertop.
Shit. This isn't good. How am I supposed to explain something like that? They probably think I'm messed up or something and that's why they were concerned! Audibly talking to Izaya did not help defend my case on sanity in this situation!
And even if I tried to explain that Izaya was a ghost- Celty can't even see him so why would Shinra be able to!?
I gripped at my phone, the already cracked device easily giving way under the strength of my hand.
"Fuck!"
I lifted my hands in the air away from the, now destroyed, phone. I growled out something incoherent. I did not want to spend my day off being questioned on my sanity- goddammit! And now I need to buy a new phone...
Letting out an aggravated groan, I began to weigh my options. Since Celty and Shinra were both coming, there was a chance I could convince them that Izaya was really a ghost and I could actually see him.
But that opened up a whole other realm of possibilities. Celty was a Dulluhan after all-so there was a chance she might be able to, I don't know- Exorcize him? And...
I bit the inside of my lip. I didn't know how to feel about that idea yet.
"What did Shinra have to say?" Izaya quipped with a curious tone. Watching as I paced around.
"Shinra and Celty are coming over."
"Oh," The flea hummed, the faintest line of nerve on the slant of his mouth as he nestled back into his comfortable position on the couch.
I opened my mouth, thinking of something else to say- before I was interrupted by the sound of a knock at the front door.
Shit. They got here fast!
Shuffling my feet up to the door, I took a deep breath before opening it. And even with my hopes of it being some dumb neighbor or random stranger so that I could have a bit more time to think-
Instead, there stood Shinra and Celty. I leaned against the door frame and gave a scrunched, awkwardly courteous smile as a hello.
Shinra waved and said hello in return, while Celty stood quietly, her helmet unmoving as she looked at me.
"So..." I forced myself to ignore the blatant hole in my door that had been covered with duct tape and cardboard as they both watched me.
There was a moment of standstill before Celty flipped out her PDA. [Shizuo? Are you alright? Can we come in?? We really need to talk to you.] Was typed out on the screen.
My fake smile softened into something a little more sincere at her worry. My shoulders sagged in defeat of the upcoming discussion, nodding and moving to the side to let them come in.
Shinra nodded his head in thanks and stepped into the apartment, Celty keen on his toes with her shoulders tensing with worry.
As soon as they ushered into my living space- they froze.
They were both staring directly at the couch Izaya was laying on, and Izaya was staring right back.
Shinra's mouth hung open, and Celty dropped her PDA. The device clacked on the ground as Shinra croaked out something just barely above a disbelieved whisper.
"Izaya..?"