Tommy's POV:
I woke up in a panic.
Cold tears ran down my face as I sat up in bed. I was hyperventilating and over heating. What the hell happened? Where am I? I was on the couch. Why is it so dark? Where is everyone? What time is it? What day is it?
My breathing only became worse as I tried to make a sense of my surroundings. My first comprehended thought was, I can't see. My eyes are open. I know because they burn from the tears. But it's all black. No light. I can't see
I can't see
WHY CANT I SEE
I covered my eyes and rubbed them with my fingers.
Maybe it's just the lighting. Maybe it's really late. Or maybe my eyes are broken. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. It's just dark. It was dead silent in the room.
No breathing or shifting around of the sheets. Any movement I made didn't feel real. I didn't make any sound. No matter what I did. It felt like I was dying. Maybe I need to calm down. Calm
Calm
Please. I can't see I need to see what's going on? Is this a dre- nightmare? What's happening? Someone please help. Help me. What's going on. I'm scared. Someone please. I can't hear.
I would've believed I was dead if I couldn't feel the tears falling down my face and my hands tugging at my hair. I couldn't tell if I was yelling or talking or doing anything of the sort but I jsut tried. I tried to beg for help. My head was spiraling. I had no idea if I was making any progress in saying anything or if I was even real at this point.
Everything felt surreal. I felt like I wasn't in my body. I dug my nails into the bandages along my arms piercing through some of them successfully in attempt to ground myself.
The bandage fell. It fell off my arm. I started scratching and digging my nails into my arm. It's not helping
"SOMEONE HELP ME"
"PLEASE"
I could feel the words leaving my mouth but I couldn't truly tell if they were as loud as I wanted . I continued to dig my nails into any exposed skin I could get a hold of in attempt to ground myself.
Nothing was helping.
My wrists were grabbed by someone and pulled away from each other.
I screamed.
At least I think.
I hope.
I choked on my sobs.
Please don't hurt me.
I felt the blood dripping down my wrist and some down my neck.
I'm gonna die
This is what death feels like.
I felt light headed.
I felt on the verge of passing out before I was hugged and pushed back down onto the bed.
I could breath normally. Finally.
It was still dark. Too dark for my liking. I could hear more. I couldn't tell who was around me but in a second a light turned on illuminating the room. I took in another choked sob as I squinted my eyes and got a good glance at the room around me.
Only Tubbo and ranboo. Thank god no one else got involved. They would've been so pissed that I woke them up they would just kick me out..
I took a deep breath and grabbed onto the wrist of the person infront of me. I still couldn't make out who was who but there was only two people so it has to only be Tubbo and Ranboo. Within a minute or two my senses came back to me as I sat on my bed being hugged. Tubbo was the one still holding my wrists apart from each other as Ranboo puts more bandages on the cuts I reopened and the small ones on my neck.
"What time is it..?" I asked after a bit.
"It's 4 am right now but this all started around 3." Ranboo replied and gave me a hug.
"Sorry for waking you guys up." I say and yawn.
"It's okay Tommy, just lay back down and get some rest. It'll be alright." Tubbo laid down next to me and Ranboo turned the lights back off. I took a deep breath as I laid in bed. I'm not going back to sleep. That was too scary.
I was so scared.
It felt like I was dying. Im so tired but I don't want to sleep. What if that happens again? What if I can't breathe The next time? What if they kick me out? I pulled out my phone after a bit of struggle working around Tubbo but I eventually was able to listen to music.
I closed my eyes with no intent of actually drifting off to sleep. I let the shivers of cold then hot run through my body while I was still recovering from panic. Tubbo held me close to him while he rested.
"Tommy go to sleep." Ranboo whispered to me from his mattress on the floor.
"You're not my mom, I do what I want." I whispered back.
"Just get some sleep man. It's late." Ranboo said and rolled over so he was no longer facing me.
"Whatever." I closed my eyes and listened to my music wishing I could just disappear. I was so tired but I couldn't risk falling asleep.
Maybe I should text someone to talk. To keep me awake. I opened my phone and went to my text messages. Who is probably up right now? Umm definitely not George, or sapnap. Maybe Karl, Karl always stays up late and wakes up early. It was about 5 am at this point so I think it'll be fine.
Me
Hey Karl, you awake?
(Read 5:03 am)
Karl
Yeah, do you need something? It's pretty early.
Me
No I just need someone to talk with cause I can't sleep
(Read 5:08)
That was kinda a lie but whatever. At least I had someone to talk to now. Me and Karl chatted for a while before the sun started to rise. Of course everyone wouldn't be up at the crack of dawn but by the time the sun started rising people like Karl, Puffy, Ranboo, Dream and Quackity wake up. It's strange cause they are the ones always staying up the latest. They all also seem to have to take 'power naps' very often.
After a while I heard the door to our room open the close. It was 6:30 so that was most definitely Ranboo waking up on his own little alarm clock brain.
I wasn't going to get up before Tubbo did seeing as he had a death grip around me so I guess I'll just have to lay here till he gets up.
I heard slightly more noise from downstairs so I assume more people were up.
After a while Tubbo had woken up and moved away. I turned over in bed so I was facing where tubbos bed was. The way the room was set up we had three mattresses on the floor (we are yet to buy bed frames) mine in the middle, tubbos to the right of mine closet to the door and then Ranboos on the left of mine, closest to the bathroom.
I laid alone in my bed as I hear everyone downstairs getting breakfast ready. Maybe I should join them. Y'know what I'm gonna stream today why not. I sit up slowly and stand from my bed. I walk into the bathroom and brush my hair before putting on a new t-shirt and some sweatpants.
I made my way downstairs as some people told me good morning. Ranboo was at the bottom of the stairs holding two plates of food. I'm assuming he was gonna come upstairs to give me one.
He smiled at me and handed me the plate.
"Let's go eat in the living room, Tubbo already set up a show." Ranboo said and turned around to go sit with Tubbo. I followed and sat down on the floor setting the plate next to me.
"Good morning Tommy." Tubbo said and smiled at me before clicking play on the show. I watched along with the both of them but occasionally picking up some food and eating it. Small bites with long breaks in between made it more bearable.
The show ended after a while and Tubbo and Ranboo stood up to go clean their plates and I did as well. I had surprisingly finished almost everything on the plate in the time it took to watch one episode of tubbos show.
Im hoping I don't feel nauseous later. Im trying. Im trying really hard to do better. I promise.
After washing my plate I started walking up the stairs to go stream. I haven't streamed in a while and even though I said I was taking a break I've been gone for to long. I love streaming.
I shouted a quick "I'm gonna stream!" Down the stairs before going into my room and sitting at my desk. I made sure everything was set up properly and I made sure that any kind of scars were covered up well enough.
"What's up guys!? How are we chat!" I smiled as the stream started. I was just gonna play some Minecraft while having media share on. These were my favorite kinds of streams cause I can Jsut do what I want.
As the stream started off I only then realized I had no mods. Shit. I put the media share on auto accept and prayed I wouldn't get banned. The chat was asking about seeing other people in the house and I told them maybe.
It was possible someone would just walk into the room so yeah, It was a maybe. After a while I got a couple stupid media shares that made me laugh and then someone submitted the video in the field. God damn it.
"Guys that's not funny. Stop talking about it. Your thinking to much into it. It's just like the Halloween stream with Tubbo, I was Jsut messing around." This fandom really can't just forget things can they.
Pog_primes_22: Tommy being abuse possibly? That would explain his face
Lilly_not_found: u being defensive?
"Chat, stop. Let it go. I'm not being abused. I'm fine. I'll end stream if y'all keep talking like that." I say with no hint of sarcasm in my voice. After that chat shut up.
I streamed for about 50 minutes until Wil walked into the room. I turned around in my chair to look at him.
"What's up Wil?" I say
"End your stream Tommy we told you that you needed a break man." He explained
"Come on man I'm Jsut trying to have fun." I say a bit upset
"Prove to me your trying to get better and then maybe you can start doing social media again, alright?" Wil said and I nodded
"Fine fine, alright chat you heard wil I'm ending steam bye don't forget to prime." With that I ended stream and turned off the pc. I spun around in my chair to look at Wil.
"Tommy, Tubbo told me what happened last night. Would you be able to give me more closure on what actually happened?" Wil said and sat down on tubbos bed.
"I jsut had a panic attack thing I'm pretty sure, it's no big deal. It was Jsut really dark and I couldn't remember where I was." I said plainly and stood up from my chair while still holding onto it trying Keep my stability.
"Look Wil don't think to hard about it. I'm alright man. I just need to find new coping mechanisms cause without my old one I think things are only gonna get worse." I said. I'm trying my best. I promise. If i wasn't trying I wouldn't have ever spoken to anyone about this.
"Tommy, if you are ever struggling with impulses and such come to me. I don't want you to be alone in this. I don't care what I'm doing. I'm here for you."
———————————————————
Word count: 2018
Thank y'all for 500+ reads that literally Insane. Thank y'all so much I hope your enjoying this story