Several revelations happened in a short space of time that had Bucky's head spinning. His gut feeling that something had happened between Jamie and Steve was spot on, but there weren't any details other than that they'd slept together. When Thomas had made the off handed comment about being surprised that Steve and Jamie had made up after what happened everyone had frozen. Unsure where he was going with this Bucky and Sam had awkwardly stood by. Steve had made a non committal hum of agreement telling him that she was one of his best friends, that of course they'd make up. Turning to face him with a small frown Thomas took a sip of his beer. "Is that all she is to you, Rogers?"
"Of course. What else would she be to me?" Steve shifted uncomfortably, his small plate of cake forgotten in his hands as he avoided the other man's eyes. Seizing onto his moment uncharacteristic meekness, Thomas' eyes flashed with an almost antagonistic light.
"I don't know, Steve. I've always had a feeling that more has happened between you two than just friendship, you know what I mean?" Bucky and Sam share a look and a nod ready to step in to stop whatever this was. "I just need to know what I'm walking into because I plan on marrying her, but if I'm stepping into something is it even worth putting in the effort?"
Shock filled Steve's eyes and twisted up Bucky's stomach. He didn't know why other than the thought that he would be missing his chance stuck out to him. His friend's voice came out almost disbelievingly. "You're going to ask her to marry you? You guys only just got back together."
"We've been together on and off for years. So yes, the long term plan is marriage. Is there a reason why I shouldn't ask her to marry me?" The other man seemed more and more like he was baiting Steve into a fight. Any other day he wouldn't have fallen for it, but this was about Jamie. Even Buck was having a hard time not laying this asshole out.
"I-"
When Steve floundered for words that's when Thomas immediately pounced on his hesitation. Taking a hostile step forward, crowding into his space. The other men moved to try and put some distance between them as he practically growled lowly, "I knew it. You've slept together haven't you? Just tell me Steve because I'm tired of all of this back and forth."
Letting his anger come to the surface and more than a little of his arrogance Steve tipped his chin up. "Fine. Yes we have, but it was never when you two were dating. What James does or with who shouldn't matter when you were the one who left her."
"Yeah, well at least I stepped up and went after her when I realized my mistake, unlike you." What happened after that happened so quickly that it caught them all off guard. In seconds they were having to pull Steve away from Thomas before he did something really stupid. Both men came back to themselves when Sam told them to knock it off. That they were ruining Jamie's party and this was neither the time or place.
A small sound had them all looking over to see Jamie standing at the bottom of the stairs staring at them in shock. Allowing himself to be pushed back Steve kept his angry eyes locked on Thomas who told Jamie they needed to talk as he apologized to everyone for causing a scene. They watched as she followed him looking back at Steve with disbelief at what had just transpired. The hurt look of hers as she walked out the front door seemed to finally snap him out of his head because Steve deflated a little before brushing them off of him.
No one seemed to know what to say or do as they all stared at Steve with looks of surprise, confirmation and 'what the hell just happened' expressions fliting across their faces. After a long tense moment he stalked out the front door. Bucky, not wanting round two to go down in the front yard, followed. Telling Sam to keep everyone inside. He had a feeling that even if Steve didn't involve himself that the conversation Jamie was about to have wasn't one she'd want them all listening to.
Stepping out onto the porch he could faintly hear Jamie and Thomas speaking. Their words got louder and clearer as he stepped up next to his best friend. Seeing that he wasn't going to say anything or go after her boyfriend again, Buck was content to stay where he was in case she needed them. The longer they argued the more it was revealed what had been at the heart of their issues. Steve and what it was that Jamie really felt for him.
She expounded on the point that they were just friends and that's all they were. When Thomas shouted that Steve was in love with her and that he knew she was in love with Steve, Bucky felt his friend tense up waiting for her reply. They watched as she stood there when Thomas told her she knew where to find him when she'd finally made her choice and kissed her. It gave both of the friends some kind of satisfaction to see that she hadn't reciprocated it, but not by much because they could see she was hurting. When Thomas finally left Jamie had just stood there staring after him holding herself tightly as if she didn't know what to do or where to go. Cautiously Steve strode down the steps and across the lawn until he was just behind her.
Unable to walk away Bucky stood there watching them as she turned around to see her friend standing there. It was like a car wreck; he just couldn't look away. "Jamie, I'm sorry. I swear I didn't say anything. He just seemed to know and I didn't know what to say, but I didn't deny it. I couldn't lie to him."
"Did you hear everything Tom said?" She asked in a monotone not sounding at all like herself. At his silent nod Jamie shook her hair out of her face before just throwing the bomb of a question out there. "Is what he said true? Are you in love with me?"
He could see Steve's throat flex as he nervously swallowed, watching as her eyes followed the path his tongue took as he licked his lips trying to figure out what to say. "I- Yes, I'm in love with you."
"For how long?" Walking closer Steve stopped when she took several steps back to keep some distance between them.
"It happened so gradually over time that I didn't notice until one day I looked at you and just knew I was in love with you." His voice came out hesitant and completely unlike the sure confident friend he's known his whole life.
Pacing restlessly Jamie seemed to hunch in on herself when she asked, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
Lost in how to get her to understand, he was honest with her. "Because I didn't know how to. With what happened with you after the Snap I knew at the time you didn't feel that way for me and I was okay with that. I just couldn't handle telling you the longer time went on. I couldn't ruin everything between us and risk losing you after losing everyone else if you didn't feel the same way."
Halting her nearly frantic pacing she spun around to face him. "If you love me like you say then what was the reason you were going to go back to be with Peggy? Because if you loved me don't you think I should have at least known about that little fact before you were going to completely abandon me for your dumb ass plan?"
Flinching at her nearly venomous tone Steve walked closer with his hands raised to try and get her to calm down while he tried to explain himself. "I don't have a good explanation to give you, Jamie. Because believe me I wanted to tell you every day, but I was scared I'd mess us up and you'd push me away. I guess almost doing what I did was my way of trying to lessen the pain of you not loving me back." Swatting away his beseeching hands she backpedaled from his grasp. "Please, I don't want to lose you again after just getting you back in my life. Jamie, please can we just drop this for now? Forget all of this and just go back to before?"
Ignoring his plea she pressed on. "So you were going to leave without giving me a chance to see if I might have felt the same way? Jesus Christ. How does that make any sense to you, Steve?"
"Is what Tom said true?" He couldn't seem to stop himself from asking while simultaneously hoping and dreading her answer. "Do you love me too?"
Buck stood there with bated breath in anticipation and a massive flood of anxiety the same as his best friend, but for vastly different reasons. Throwing her hands out to her sides Jamie said, "Of course I love you. But am I in love with you? I don't know. I haven't allowed myself to love anyone like that in so long. Maybe never."
Hope crossed Steve's face at her answer that maybe if she thought about it, let herself think of him in that way, she just might. "I can give you time. As much as you need to figure it out. Just tell me we'll be okay." He desperately tells her, finally able to get close enough to Jamie without her running away.
But after a second she stepped back and shook her head at him. "What happens if I don't feel the same way?" Her voice cracked with emotion, terrified that he'd follow through with his plan to go back in time to live out his life away from her if her answer was anything other than yes.
Shushing her, Steve rushed forward and pulled Jamie into his arms. Rocking her gently back and forth in a bid to calm her down. "I won't go anywhere. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it even if you don't feel the same way for me."
Going back inside because he wasn't able to watch any longer, Bucky avoided answering any of Sam's questions while he silently wished he hadn't come. For a day that had started out so good it had ended in disappointment. It looked like all they would be was roommates. How had his feelings for this girl escalated so quickly in such a short amount of time?
:::::::
Telling Steve that she needed a few days to think about things she asked that he give her space. He relented when she promised that she wasn't going to cut him out. That she just needed time. The party pretty much broke up after that. Hard to keep up the fun mood when the birthday girl breaks up with her boyfriend who started a fight with one of her best friends in the middle of said party. Jamie went around to say her goodbyes to everyone apologizing for the drama. She knew that they all had questions about what happened, but respected her privacy. They knew if she eventually wanted to talk she would. Tony and Pepper waved off her apology but she could tell they were worried about the potential fallout for the friends after what happened last time. Hell, she was scared of what her decision could do to them.
May, Peter and Ned rode home with Mathew which had been their original plan all along since they lived nearby to each other and her and Bucky lived in Manhattan. The older woman hugged her telling her to call if she wanted to talk. Matty had done the same while Pete and Ned had just hugged her. They knew she wouldn't want to talk about this with them, but they would give her their silent support and she was grateful for that.
The car ride back to the city was long, awkward and tense. Glancing at the stoic man in her passenger seat staring out the window she let out a quiet sigh. Bucky had seemed to shut down and shut her out after the fight. He had refused to talk to anyone and silently climbed into the car as soon as it was announced that she wanted to go home. Worried that he was having a PTSD moment or something she left him alone until he was ready to talk. Twenty minutes into their drive, not able to stand the continued silence, she turned some music on low. Specifically the playlist her and Steve had made of songs he listened to back in the day. Her hope was that the familiar music would help relax Bucky enough to maybe talk to her or at least to stop ignoring her.
It did neither of those things. For the rest of the trip each of them got lost in their own heads. Once they reached home Jamie watched as Bucky immediately went to his room and firmly closed the door. At the sound she jumped a little. Why did it feel like any ground they'd covered this weekend had them suddenly back at square one, even less maybe. She felt a loss of not only Thomas, but of Steve and now Bucky.
As she was readying herself for bed Jamie's phone chimed a text alert from a friend. He needed a photographer for a shoot last minute back in her hometown of Portland because the one they had had unexpectedly cancelled. It had her thinking that maybe taking some time away would be a good thing. Replying back, she told Charlie that she could help him out and asked when he needed her. As she waited for his response she climbed into bed and plugged her phone in to charge.
A minute later Charlie informed her that she would need to be at the airport tomorrow morning by 8 AM. Telling him that wasn't a problem and that she'd see him bright and early Jamie got up to pack a bag. Being needed for three days she packed for at least a week. If she was going home why not catch up with some old friends? Maybe they could help distract her from the current mess that was her life. Setting her alarm for 5:30 she turned out the lights and settled under the duvet letting out a deep sigh. Her last thought before she fell asleep was, how had her life become so complicated so quickly?