Millie sat on Steve's sofa, tapping her fingers on her lap while she stared out the window. It had been hours since Steve ran out on her abruptly, and she was beginning to get worried.
He had been somewhat off for a while, but Millie kept trying to brush it off, blaming it on the war, the lack of funds, anything. However she couldn't simply brush off him leaving her standing in his apartment, naked and confused.
Finally, the front door swung open and Millie jumped to her feet, planning on asking Steve a zillion questions as to where he was, what he was doing, and why he was being so strange.
"Steve?" The voice called out, and Millie realised before she even reached the front door that it was Bucky who showed up, not her lover.
"Bucky?" Millie squeaked.
"Where's Steve?"
"I don't know, he hasn't come home today-"
"Shit."
"What?"
Bucky growled, banging his fist on the doorframe. "Fuck."
"Bucky," Millie crossed her arms and frowned. "What's going on?"
He let out a long, defeated sigh and pinched his nose. "He left."
"Wha-"
"They beat him to a pulp and when I found him, he up and left."
"Steve's hurt?!" Millie panicked. "Who hurt him? Where is he?"
"I don't know and I don't know...but it was bad, Millie." Bucky looked worried, which was unlike the usually calm and collected man. "I helped him up and he ran away, I've never seen him like that, Millie. He pushed me to the ground and screamed at me, told me not to follow him."
"And you listened?" Millie snapped.
"Well, what was I supposed to do?!" Bucky bit back. "He was full of rage, like nothing she'd seen before."
Millie let out a deep breath, she knew taking her anger out on Bucky wasn't right. Steve was a grown man and Bucky was not his babysitter.
"Do you have any idea where he went?"
Bucky started to shake his head but then stopped and his eyes lingered on a portrait that hung in Steve's hallway, of his mother and father, before he died.
"Maybe I do..."
"Where?!" Millie cried. "We have to find him!"
Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head to the floor. "When he left...I noticed that he, well, he went in the direction of the enlistment offices."
"No..." Millie shook her head. "No, he-he wouldn't do that. He's not stupid."
"He was angry Millie, and humiliated!" Bucky started. "Not to mention that ever since we were kids, he said he wanted to be like his dad. A hero."
Tears started to well in Millie's eyes. "We have to stop him," she started slipping on her shoes. "We have to go, now!"
"Millie, that was hours ago!"
"We have to try!"
She ran out the apartment, quickly followed by Bucky. Her dress bellowed in the breeze and she ran and ran like she was trying to save someone's life– perhaps she was.
"Millie, wait!" Bucky yelled after her, trying to keep up. "Do you even know where you're going?"
She stopped in her tracks and turned around to face Bucky. "Tell me." She spoke quietly. "Tell me where to go."
Bucky finally caught up and put his hands on her cheeks, wiping Millie's tears, he sighed. "Come on, this way." He took her hand and pulled her through the many people on the busy path until finally they reached the recruitment area, with men filing in and out rapidly.
Bucky continued to pull Millie in until she was inside, the only woman, surrounded by men in their underwear.
Men frowned and scoffed at her entering the building, some brave ones even wolf whistled which made Bucky stand a little taller to seem intimidating– which worked.
"You go over there, I'll look over-" Millie started but was caught off when she saw none other than her Stevie, standing up to the podium, all battered and bruised and covered in blood, while a man checked over his documents.
He hadn't noticed her yet, consider she was to the side and behind him, but there was no mistaking it was him. She was too far to hear what they said, or maybe her thoughts became too loud.
Her world started to crash around her, the perfect life she'd envisioned for them shifting and changing in front of her. He was going to risk his life, no, he was going to die out there. And why? To feel big and strong?
To Millie, he already was. She only wished that her words had the power to make him believe it the same way she did, hell, the same way Bucky did! Steve wouldn't believe it, but Bucky looked up (metaphorically speaking) to Steve all the time.
She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out, only a soft sob which she quickly muffled by throwing her hand over her mouth.
"Millie-" Bucky whispered but she couldn't pay him any mind, and in a swift movement, ran out of the recruitment room as fast as her legs would carry her. "Millie!" Bucky called out, grabbing Steve's attention, but Millie didn't stop.
She didn't stop until she reached the hospital.
Her shaky legs climbed the steps and she opened the doors, drying her tears as best she could to seem at least somewhat presentable.
To Millie, there was nothing worse than being stuck at home, waiting for Steve, to hear if he was alive or dead, if he was ever coming back. The suspense would kill her, so she figured if she was going to be left all alone, she may as well make use of her training and do something instead.
Was she hurt?
Yes.
Was she acting irrationally?
Definitely.
Did she care?
No.
She was angry, sad, confused, and heartbroken. She was acting without thinking, perhaps a part of her even wanted to Steve to feel as she did, as toxic as that may be.
Millie stormed right past reception into the nursing ward, to the matrons office. As she stood outside the wooden door, Millie swallowed harshly and wiped her eyes one finally time before knocking.
"Come in." The matron grumbled and Millie obeyed.
"Good afternoon, Missus Crane."
Mrs Crane looked at Millie from over he glasses and tutted. "Miss Elliot." She spoke bluntly. "What do you want?"
"I want to enlist." Millie's voice shook. "I want to go the frontlines and nurse the wounded."
Maybe if she was lucky, she'd get sent to wherever Steve would, and that way if he got hurt, she could help him. Save him if he needed.
"Really?" The matron sounded somewhat surprised. "Aren't you...in the family way?"
"What?" Millie screwed up her face. "What gave you that impression?"
"The walls have ears in this hospital, miss Elliot." She straightened a stack of papers. "There's nothing that goes on that I don't know about."
"Well, I'm not pregnant, Ma'am."
The matron pursed her lips. "Your husband okay with this?"
"I don't have a husband."
"How old are you again?"
"Twenty-five."
"Hm." The matron looked Millie up and down. "I'll go get the paperwork."
Millie nodded and stood with her hands crossed behind her back, posture straight and chin trembling. She was doing everything she could to appear put together and not burst into tears, but knew that if she didn't sign those papers fast, she would.
Finally, Mrs Crane returned with a stack of paperwork and a pen. "Fill this out, list any health conditions your or your family members had, have had, or may be susceptible too."
"Thank you ma'am."
"I should be thanking you, actually. You're the second person to enlist as a wartime nurse today."
"Who was the first?"
Mrs crane flicked through some pages. "Hm-ah! Miss Wells, Sylvia Wells."
Millie froze. Sylvia hadn't told her about that, but then again, Millie hadn't told Sylvia. She hadn't told anyone actually.
"Well, get on with it!" The matron urged and Millie picked up the pen and started to fill out the form, forcefully holding back tears the entire time.
Once finished, she signed her final signature with a shaky hand and passed it back to she matron, who looked through.
"Hm..." the matron spoke. "It seems to all be in order."
"So...?"
Mrs Crane stamped the sheet and put it in a box labelled 'out'. "I'll get this sent to the recruitment agency and you'll ship out on Monday."
"M-Monday?"
"Yes."
"This Monday?"
"Mhm."
"As in...the day after tomorrow?"
"My god, girl. Are you stupid?"
"No-no..." Millie swallowed. "I just didn't expect it to be so soon."
The matron handed Millie a card with the date of Monday printed, along with a time she was to attend the station. "The war effort needs you, Miss Elliot. Be grateful you're not being shipped off immediately."
Millie had gone almost catatonic. Her insides were full of panic, but she couldn't express it. "Where am I going to go?"
"At first, upstate. They passed a law last month requiring you to undergo more training, it'll take about a month. Then you're likely to be stationed in England or Russia, or perhaps somewhere else in Europe."
"Why there specifically?
"I don't know, girl! It's just how things are done."
"Okay, th-thank you ma'am." Millie's voice shook and she turned around and left the matrons office immediately, without so much as another word.
She took wobbly steps out until she was down the steps and on the pavement, where the tears finally fell freely, splotching onto he card she was given.
What had she done?
~
Millie opened the door to Steve's apartment, after dragging her feet the entire way home. The immediate regret had set in and fear took over, but it was too late. She quite literally could not back out.
"All I have to say is thank the fucking lord, Steve." Bucky's booming voice filled the apartment, travelling to Millie who was kicking off her shoes, still clutching the card in her hand.
"Are you done?" Steve snapped. "You've been lecturing me all afternoon!"
"And I'll keep doing it. You nearly gave Millie a heart attack, do you know that?"
"Millie deserves a hero..."
"MILLIE DESERVES YOU ALIVE, FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE!"
Millie froze, she had never heard Bucky talk to Steve like that in all their years of friendship. It wasn't a typical disapproving tone, it was furious.
"If I died tomorrow or in the next ten years, there wouldn't be any difference." Steve's voice was trembling.
Millie stayed out of sight, hiding in the front hallway, eavesdropping on the two men in the kitchen.
"What the fuck do you mean, Steve?" Bucky choked out. "There's a huge difference!"
"Not really, either way I die and she will be sad yes but she will get over it and find someone who can better take care of her."
Millie's breath hitched at Steve's words, sounding so thoughtless, like he had lost a care for everything in the world. Tears pricked at her eyes, threatening to spill over, she wasn't sure how much more she could take.
"Jesus," Bucky breathed out. "God forbid she hear that, Steve."
"Why? What does it matter?"
"Well, not only are you speaking so lowly of yourself, but you're boiling Millie down to nothing but a user. As if all she wants, all she NEEDS is someone to take care of her when you know damn well she is not that shallow."
"That's not what I meant–"
"Perhaps, but it's how you sound. You and Millie deserve each other, you love each other, you take care of each other. It's not one sided, Steve."
"I know, I didn't mean–"
"Enough with what you mean and don't mean, Steve!" Bucky yelled. "You're so damn impulsive, and why? With your words, your actions, it's going to get you in serious trouble!"
"Stop trying to be my parent!"
"MAYBE YOU NEED A PARENT!"
"ENOUGH!" Millie ran into the room, tears falling freely on her red face. "BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP."
Steve and Bucky blinked at Millie who's chest was rising and falling rapidly. Finally, her eyes landed on Steve and her face softened at the sight of him. He looked like he was bashed around with a meat tenderiser.
"Steve..." she whispered. "What happened to you? Please, tell me."
"It doesn't matter-"
"It matters to me!" Millie stepped forward to caress his cheek but he pulled away from her touch.
"I don't matter!" He cried.
Millie's bottom lip trembled. "Is that why you enlisted?"
He stared at her, shame filling his eyes. "I didn't get in, Millie."
Millie's eyes widened, and her heart skipped a beat as she stared fearfully at the love of her life.
"I did."
The silence that filled the room was unmatched, you could hear a pin drop. It seemed even all breathing was halted.
"You're joking..." Bucky spoke first. "This is a joke, right?"
Millie shook her head, crying. "I'm not..."
"No." Steve said. "No, no you're not!"
"I am-"
"YOU CAN'T!"
"I-I have to, baby..."
Steve lunged forward and grabbed hold of Millie's face. "Please...please don't leave me!"
"Steve I have to!"
"Why would you do this, Millie?"
"Why did you try to do it?" Millie cried. "You tried to leave me!"
"I-I wasn't thinking!"
"You said it yourself, Steve. It doesn't matter if you die..." Millie sobbed. "But it would matter to me! I-I love you Steve, I wanted to start a family with you!"
"We will!" He sobbed. "Millie, we will."
Steve's knees started to buckle and he slowly fell to the floor, followed by Millie. The pair continued to cry while holding each other, as if they were about to say goodbye for what felt like to be almost 100 years.
Bucky leant back against the wall, a hand covering his lips, muffling his own sobs. He was about to lose one of his best friends, he nearly lost both.
He knew that there was a chance he'd get drafted at some point, but he also knew he had a far better chance of coming home than Steve. He was angry, lashing out at him, yes...but it was because he was scared.
He loved Steve like a little brother, like family, and the thought of him never coming home was terrifying. But Millie...
God, Millie leaving was something different. He knew she wouldn't be fighting, but she was still putting herself in a dangerous position.
"When do you leave?" He asked Millie, who shook on the floor in Steve's arms.
"M-Monday."
"This Monday?" Steve and Bucky both said in unison and Millie nodded.
Bucky rubbed his face stressfully. "I'll uh...I'll go call your parents, Millie."
Millie couldn't respond, only managing a small nod. She hadn't even thought of them, god, they'll be heartbroken.
"I'm so sorry, Millie." Steve croaked out.
"I'm sorry too, Stevie."
—
A/N:
Apologies for the shorter chapters lately, to me they just flow better. I tried writing longer ones and the overflow of content doesn't allow for the same intensity, and important scenes can tend to get lost.
Peace and love,
-Lonah Lennox ♡︎♡︎♡︎