The first few steps out of Yugyeom's door feel strangely slow. You were by no means walking leisurely, but the ambiance just seemed to have the consistency of gelatin. Nothing registered in your mind other than the irritatingly calm turbulence clouding every mental command except for 'move.' On the heavier hand, you were embarrassed. Confused. Annoyed. Disappointed. But on the lighter one, somewhere deep in your soul, you were also relieved. Some part of you was at ease.
It was that small, faint voice in the very very back of your head desperately fighting for a sliver of your attention that now celebrates in the vast shadow that is your solemn disappointment. A voice you know well, but refuse to pin. Pinning it would mean acknowledging something that shouldn't be. It would make no sense to. It'd be stupid. You'd rather ignore it and keep ignoring until it dies off. It can't be long now, anyway. It's been around for more than enough time.
"Nine!"
There it is.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me." You mumble, snapping back into Father Time's regular physical pace and even speeding it up a little. You don't bother turning around. Out of all the times you can't deal with him, this particular frame lands on the highest peak. He calls you by name now. How bold of him. How did he even know you were here? It's about to be four in the morning.. Why is he even awake? Did he track you down? The notion that he might've planted some device on you no longer feels like a bad joke.
As much as you wish the universe would throw you a bone, apparently it only has boulders in stock at the moment. Jungkook is never one to be ignored. Now is no exception. "Where are you going?" He stops right in front of you, blocking your sidestep getaway with a sidestep of his own. "Hey, talk to me." Jungkook's head tilts down as if he was your high school softball coach and you'd just thrown the worst pitch of the season. "What are you doing here?" He questions further. You've never felt more trapped in your life.
"Don't I have more grounds to be asking that question?" You glare at him, trying hard not to let all the emotions you're working so hard to suppress explode all over him. You assume he's an innocent-ish bystander, but in reality, this is all his fault. Or at least, it all circles back to him. How would you know, though? "Don't tell me you go around visiting your friends so early in the morning?" You fail at neutralizing the bitterness left on your tongue.
"I'm not visiting anybody."
"Then—?"
"You.." Jungkook's voice softens, fading off into nothing. His eyes trail down from your reddening eyes to your slightly puffy lips, noticing the remnants of smudged lip gloss around them.
"What?"
"You kissed him?" Jungkook asks. If you knew any better (which you don't) you'd say he almost sounds hurt. He stands before you with false courage coursing through his veins—because God knows if he hadn't worked it up beforehand he'd never be confronting you like this. He probably wouldn't even be talking to you, eagerly waiting for you to make your own way back to him and let him know he indeed had not lost connection with one of his favorite people on campus.
Who the fuck asks—? "That's none of your business."
"Maybe not." Jungkook swallows the shattered pieces of his pride threatening to tear his throat to shreds. He parts his lips to speak again, but you cut him off.
"Why are you here?"
"Because you are." He answers.
"And how the fuck would you even know that?" The irritation seeps through your words much more clearly now. What you held back so eloquently with Yugyeom doesn't to do so well in its cage now. Jungkook feels the acidic emotion soaking through him, too. Exhaustion aside, you have nothing left in you to hold complete composure anymore. All you want is a blanket. Some peace and quiet. Some time to lick your wounds, for lack of a less dramatic phrase.
"I have my ways."
"You have your ways." You repeat, a mocking chuckle escaping airily from your mouth. "You must train the birds around here to report everything back to you, huh? God. Seriously." You spit.
"Nine,"
"No." You cut him off. "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you and your stupid meddling. I'm sick of dealing with the fallout of every single thing you do regarding me." You ramble. He stays quiet. "You don't speak to me in weeks and then you show up here at this exact time asking me all these stupid questions out of nowhere like you have any right to." You spill. "I don't know what goes through your head. Really. Do you not think? That was you at the door not too long ago, wasn't it—?"
"Yeah, and what?" Jungkook admits.
"And what?"
"She's still not talking to you?" Jaebyung plops down in the empty lawn chair next to Jungkook, who just stares blankly at the young fire burning steadily some feet in front of him. Jungkook shakes his head. "Damn." Jaebyung sighs, slumping down and bringing the newly opened bottle up to his mouth. "Is she really that mad or is she just dragging it out?" He asks, falling for the flames' enchantment just like Jungkook had. They're quite mesmerizing.
"I don't know." Jungkook shrugs. "She was mad at first. Couldn't blame her." He slowly taps his finger on the uncomfortable armrest. "I stopped bugging her because I figured the more I bugged her, the more annoyed she'd be and the less she'd want to talk. But then all these weeks went by and still, nothing." Jungkook puffs out some air through his nose. "Oh, but she'll talk to Jaehyun and Yugyeom, no fucking problem. Everyone else gets a pass but me."
"Yeah, man. She even talks to me." Jaebyung says carelessly. Jungkook glances over at the tall young man, glare as transparent as can be. "Sorry." Jaebyung mutters quickly.
"Is that why you were so eager to throw our friendship out the window? To fuck all my friends in peace?"
"What?" Your eyes widen, looking straight into his eyes hoping to find even a single strand of humor or joking nature within them. You don't. None that you recognize, anyway. No. There is no humor or trace of a joke within them, but there is insincerity. Or, better said, insecurity. A bitter feeling guarding a much softer one. You don't see it. You're not looking for it. Just like it had in you, the composure in Jungkook had started chipping, too. Quicker than yours even.
"Oh, don't give me that face right now." Jungkook tosses his head back, speaking as if he was your scorned husband and you were having another typical argument after twenty-five years of tired marriage. You scoff at him and his ridiculous behavior, fighting down an incredulous laugh. He scoffs, too. "You act all innocent and nice, blowing up at me for tainting that perfectly uninspired reputation of yours, but little does everyone know it's not just—"
"The fuck are you talking about?" You interrupt, shoving his shoulder and moving away from him. You have places to be and absolutely no time to be listening to Jungkook's mild insults. "Nobody's acting 'innocent' or 'nice.' You're so fucking reckless and I had every right to be mad at you for what people were saying about me on your account."
"Then explain this phrase to me, darling." Jungkook follows you expectantly. "What am I supposed to make of the words 'sometimes I really do just want to fuck him to give them something real to talk about'?" Jungkook grabs your arm and cuts you off, placing his body directly in front of yours to prevent you from taking any more steps. He's diligent about the eye contact. You feel your heartbeat pick up hearing that sentence repeated through his lips.
"I don't know what you're—"
"Spare me." Jungkook dismisses your lie before you can even tell it. "You don't know the shit I had to say and make up for people to let that little sentence go." His voice is a lot firmer than you ever thought your ears would witness. "'Oh, you know what she said? Apparently they haven't hooked up, but she'll do it now just to shut people up.' 'Oh, really? No, she's just covering it up. She's fucking lying.' 'It's always the quiet ones, huh?'" Jungkook recites. You try to pull away. "Where are you going?" He keeps his hold.
"Jeon," Yugyeom's voice stops you from yelling. Great. As if Jungkook wasn't enough. This morning couldn't get any fucking worse. Yugyeom's long legs slow down as he notices you and your reddened eyes threatening to spill over with frustratedly embarrassed tears, "is everything alright?" Yugyeom asks. He tried his hardest to stay put, but something in his consciousness wouldn't let him. He expected you to be out of the complex already, somewhere on the sidewalk. Not here. Not with him.
Guess he should've known. Only one person knows that knock. That's the whole reason he let you go.
"Get outta here, Gyeom."
"The hell's going on?" Yugyeom furrows his brows as he sees your arm caged in Jungkook's stubborn hand. He walks up to you and pulls him off. Jungkook scoffs as his body stumbles back a pair of steps, looking over at his friend with a shifted jaw and unamused smiling eyes. "Let's get back to your dorm, man." Yugyeom's voice softens. Just as he's about to turn to you and say something, you turn and look away.
You walk off without saying anything to either of them, choosing to express your gratitude toward Yugyeom later, if you can bring yourself to speak to him again. Just as you have no words to say goodbye, he has no words to make you stay. As much as he wishes they would, no syllables make their way out of his mouth. They're kept in by an unbearable form of shame. On your fifth step down the hall, his hand drops back down at his side defeatedly, lips closing for good.
"Oh, come on now." Jungkook laughs at the scene splayed out in front of him. He yells out your name, obnoxiously calling for you like he thinks Yugyeom should. You keep walking until you finally disappear beyond some corner, calm enough again to keep a firm hold on your dignity. "What?" Jungkook furrows his brows after the second time he's told to cut it out. "Don't you want her? Isn't that the whole fucking point?" He shoves his friend's shoulder.
"Shut the fuck up."
"She's not for you." Jungkook ignores him.
"Shut—"
"D'you see how fast she booked it when you got here?" Jungkook chuckles. Yugyeom looks away and closes his eyes after taking a deep breath. He hates this goddamn feeling in his chest, the way it makes every pass of air in his lungs feel like it's laced with something. It was all for Jungkook. This right here, this scene, these words, all solidify the very reason why Yugyeom had to push you away. And here Jungkook is. Acting a fool. "She didn't even—"
"Jeon,"
"She must like you, then." Jungkook continues to ramble stupidly. "Either she likes you a lot or she doesn't like you at all." He laughs, channeling that uncomfortable feeling in his own chest into words with no meaning. "No, I think she did like you." He nods, placing a hand on Yugyeom's shoulder. "Maybe you're just a bad kisser."
Today, 4:30 am
you
is it okay if i spend the night?
you
or the rest of the morning
you
please don't tell me you're asleep
4:39 am
you
yeah you're asleep, i'm sorry
you
get back to me when you see these i
really need someone to talk to
you
thanks. love you
4:40 am
rafa
IM SORRY IM SORRY
rafa
YES WTF COME OVER!!!!
rafa
is everything okay????
rafa
i was asleep but i'm up now!!