Jimin held Jungkook to his chest as he kept the older man calm. Even though it may have been a scary situation for Jimin, Jungkook was also a little scared of himself. In many ways, Jungkook was ruthless. He's done many things, but one thing he's never wanted to do was to hurt Jimin.
So as the blonde ran his fingers through Jungkook's ink black hair, they remained in their closed bubble, trying to ignore what just happened. It wasn't to be ignorant. It was to let them heal before they actually spoke about what just took place.
For a moment, they were silent. Only their heavy breathing resulting from their sobs could be heard. Jimin's fingers lightly brushed Jungkook's hair back continuously, until they were both calmer. When the air was less tense, Jungkook decided to speak.
"Baby..." Jungkook's quiet voice broke the sounds of their heavy breathing.
Jimin, who was in his little bubble, shuddered when he remembered what was going on now, and the emotional conversation that would come with it. They couldn't ignore the events of today, even if they wanted to. It wouldn't be healthy for them.
"Mhm..." Jimin responded, even if there was still a lump present in his throat. He looked dreadful, after having cried for so long, but Jungkook looked just as bad. Never in his days has Jungkook imagined hurting Jimin this way; it's just that his past demons got ahold of him and they possessed him in that moment. There was no guarantee that it wouldn't happen again, but Jimin had a little faith that even if Jungkook needed psychological help for a long time, they could get through this issue. They would try, no matter what.
"I'm sorry-" Jungkook had started, but didn't get a chance to speak further. Jimin just tightened his hold around Jungkook, hushing him in the process.
"I know... I know... I should really hate you for what you almost did to me..." Jimin whispered back, barely even audible. Jungkook tensed after hearing that. The thought of Jimin hating him, although it was highly called for, really broke him, but not any more than the fact that he deserved Jimin's hatred.
"So what's stopping you?" Jungkook managed to speak, his eyes shut as he rested in Jimin's arms. Although he should thank his lucky stars that Jimin didn't hate him as yet, he couldn't help but wonder why.
"Excuse me?" Jimin mentally buffered, pulling back a fraction so that he could look down at Jungkook who was resting his head on Jimin's chest while the blonde sat with his back against the headboard. Jungkook pulled back as well, looking up to make eye contact with Jimin. However, the problem arose when making this eye contact proved to be the hardest thing, and maintaining this eye contact was the worst for both men. The pain that couldn't be hidden within their eyes were torturous, and Jungkook blamed himself for it. But, he had to maintain the eye contact, so he could understand Jimin's emotions.
"You said that you should hate me. But that means that you don't already. Why don't you hate me already? What's stopping you?" Jungkook asked further, reiterating his previous question.
Jimin inhaled, his eyes showing the exhaustion that his mind felt. Jungkook's eyes just kept looking into his, and the air in the room may have been tense but at least neither of them were trying to make the situation worse.
"I can't hate you, Jungkook... I'm upset and quite shaken up by how different you were ten minutes ago, but I don't hate you. I'm just...highly concerned. Is this what you were afraid of telling me? Did you hide this side of you from me for so long?" Jimin asked, his teary eyes breaking Jungkook's heart further. The older man immediately pulled back, sitting up to look directly at Jimin.
"No! I swear, I didn't hide this on purpose... It's just that I never wanted to hurt you so I never even thought of forcing myself on you-"
"So was this time intentional?" Jimin pried, both men creating distance between themselves as Jungkook pulled back. Each man was upset for their own reasons, but they both needed to set aside their own feelings for a moment in order to understand that the other was just as hurt.
"No! How could you think that?" Jungkook pulled back, moving to stand on the ground and he began to pace like he usually did when he was upset. "I didn't do this to hurt you intentionally. I was blinded by my past. In that moment, I couldn't have a good enough grip on my mentality and I reverted back to my old ways but I promise you, Jimin, the second I saw the pain in your eyes, I willed myself to stop. I would have never tried to go further and I'm mad at myself for even taking things this far, but I warned you that I'm a monster. You should have just stayed away from me-"
"Are you even hearing yourself?" Jimin began to question as he got off the bed as well, following after Jungkook as the man paced back and forth. "You wanted me to stay away from you, but you're the one who forced me to come here and stay against my will. Now that I actually enjoy being here, and being with you, it's my fault that you nearly raped-"
"Don't... Don't finish that," Jungkook's voice grew softer, and it caused a chill to go down Jimin's spine as the older man stopped pacing, before he turned around to face the younger. Their eyes locked, and Jimin was just a mere three feet away from the taller, scarier man.
"It's the truth, Jungkook. What you almost did to me and have done to many of those before me is called 'rape'. You need to know this. It's not okay-"
"I know it's not okay. Fuck, I know it is. It's hard for me, Jimin... Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be anything other than what I've been trained to be?" Jungkook questioned, his pain practically slicing Jimin's heart in half.
"I don't get it-"
"Of course, you don't. Watching my parents go back and forth like this for ten years of my life, where my dad would rape my mother in front of me, was the worst fucking torture I've ever been through. And when I grew up, my dad trained me to be just like him. I'm the Beast's reincarnation. How can I be anything else other than sadistic when I've only been subjected to this lifestyle?" Jungkook spoke up. It was easier for others to tell him to be kinder, but it was the hardest thing for him to actually try to be any sort of emotional. All his life, he's been putting up his stone cold barrier. Doing a full three-sixty change and reforming himself was just a bit too farfetched.
"You can be anything else other than sadistic. You're the man who watches me color for hours. The one who helps me eat or do anything when I'm little. When I experience even the slightest bit of discomfort, you're there. You've been nothing but kind to me from the start, so how can you say that you are born to be a sadist? You have a good heart, Kookie... I know you do, and one mistake doesn't mean that you don't deserve a second chance. You can redeem yourself, which is why I told you that if you hurt me like this once more, I'll leave for good. Try to work on yourself. I know you can," Jimin pleaded, his eyes begging for Jungkook to try to be a better person.
"You're hoping for a transformation, and I'm afraid I can't give you that. I'm not some sort of Prince Charming, and I'll never be. You know that, Jimin. I can try my best to be what you deserve but somebody like me can't just wipe their slate clean and start afresh. It will take years of work..." Jungkook said. Their rage slowly disappeared as they stood closer now, the older man looking down at the smaller man who wore a ripped shirt. The aftermath of the issue at hand was still tensed, but they weren't as tense as earlier. Jimin believed that they could move forward from this, even if Jungkook hated himself deep down. He wasn't even partially prepared for the nightmares he'd be having of today's events.
"I know it will, but if you promise to make progress and to try your best to be better, I'll help you," Jimin whispered as he approached the older man. Jimin wasn't one to give up on someone he loved, even if he didn't quite realize that he was falling in love with Jungkook yet.
The younger man lifted his arms and wrapped them around Jungkook's neck, their chests touching. Their breaths were slowly diffusing, the gap between their faces just mere inches. As conflicted as each man was, being in each other's arms felt right.
It was an unexplainable feeling that even if Jungkook had his demons, Jimin had just enough light in him to help fight them off.
"Let me help you..." Jimin whispered gently, looking up at Jungkook as they stood in the center of the room, in each other's arms. The older man was bent down to the younger's level, closing his eyes as he fought with himself.
Ignoring the tear stains, Jimin brought a hand up to caress Jungkook's stained cheek, wiping away the moisture.
When Jungkook felt that, he kept his eyes closed, before nodding solemnly.
"Okay..." the older man finally agreed, afraid to open his eyes out of fear of Jimin being just a figment of his imagination. After all, he was too good for the ravenette, and Jungkook believed that Jimin was more than he deserved. So, he held on to the younger as tight as possible, even if he knew that Jimin deserved better.