Tommy's POV:
I woke from my sleep with an imitate pain in my arm and an itchiness on my face. I covered my cheek and continued to lay there. I hated my face so much, I was so disgusting.
I hated everything about me, my face my body my personality my stupid ass humor that isn't even funny. I know why everyone hates me now, because honestly I hate me too. So I guess we have something in common. I smiled to myself as tears ran down my cheeks making the old cuts burn slightly.
That was it. I finally snapped- well for the second time I guess. It was about 2 am but I wasn't tired. I stood from my bed. Maybe I should try a different way. Bleeding out isn't too pleasant.
I walked into the bathroom and grabbed some random pill bottles. This should probably be enough. I stuffed all the bottles into my pocket and made my way to the garage.
Rope
We had to have rope somewhere
I set the pill bottles on a ledge and started looking around the room. Just to make sure I was gone for good. I looked through many storage bins only to find tape and paint. Where is the god damn-
There it was. Sat on top of other of the taller shelf. I sighed and stepped closer to the shelf examining it to decide the best way to get up there. I got a good hold on one of the shelves before I hoisted my foot up. Great now just the other foot should be easy enough.
I pulled my foot up and to my dismay i knocked a can of paint over. It fell to the floor with a loud thud. I quickly moved off of the shelf and saw the rope fall. I quickly grabbed it from the floor and attempted to unroll it as fast as I could. I was about half way through tying when the garage door to the house was opened.
I dropped the rope and attempted to turn around and grab the pills off the small table before they were spotted but I just ended up spilling them everywhere. Whoever Just walked into the room was wide awake now.
"Tommy what the hell are you doing?!" I was surprised to hear technos voice.
Techno was a sound sleeper. I'm shocked he woke up to the sound of the paint can unless he wasn't sleeping. He quickly moved over to me and pulled me into a hug.
We Just stood there for a good couple minutes. I could tell he was crying as he hugged me. This is the first time he's spoken to me since the incident and he's only here because I was about to try again. We stood in the dim light of the garage as techno continued to hug me. I didn't bother to hug him back. It had been a while before techno let go and led me to the door. He stopped there and held onto my wrist as he took one step inside.
"WIL! WAKE UP AND GET DOWN HE-" techno yelled out. I quickly reached over with my free hand and covered his mouth.
"Shhhh! Don't tell him! He's gonna be so upset!" I whisper yelled but wil along with some others were already walking down the stairs. I took a deep breath knowing damn well there is no way I could cover this up, there were pills all over the garage floor along with a half tied noose. What the hell could I say to cover this up.
Soon there was a small group of people gathered in the garage that consisted of Dream, Eret, Wilbur, Techno, Niki, Ranboo and Tubbo.
Yeah this is so what I wanted
This is Just amazing
I was pulled into a tight almost suffocating hug by Ranboo. Tubbo was sat on the floor near the shelf sobbing while niki was trying to calm him down. Wil didn't have anything to say and dream was working with Eret on cleaning up the pills.
"Tommy you didn't take any of the pills right?" I was whispered to by Ranboo
"No I don't get the chance too unfortunately." I said and sighed
"Don't say that."
Did this count as an attempt? Cause I was really close to hanging a couple feet off the floor before I was stopped, or does it not count cause I technically didn't get done with it and hospitalized? I don't know. It was too early in the morning for this.
I let Ranboo hug me until everyone was leaving to go back to bed. It was almost early enough in the morning that people were waking up for the day now. I went and laid on the couch where Tubbo was sitting and I placed my head in his lap.
He tried to soften his crying as he rubbed my back. I don't deserve these people. They are so kind to me and I'll I try to do is leave them. Soon Ranboo joined us and sat on the floor infront of me.
God I don't deserve to be freinds with these two. They care to much and I'm just so mean to them. They try so hard and I just break them every time. Why do they even like me. I'm so ugly, and I'm a waste of food and space and oxygen. I wish I was dead. I wish I hadn't made that mistake. I probably would've died this time.
I bit the inside of my cheek in attempt to not cry. Ranboo reached his hand out from the floor and placed it over the cuts on my face. I literally could not contain myself anymore. I started sobbing.
Why do they care so much
I can't even care for myself
Why me
Why does everyone choose to care for me
Why not someone else.
(I literally only cope with physical touch and like nice words so y'all are gonna have to put up with it >:] another reminder that this is all platonic and I'm Just showing off my favorite characters)
I let the tears run down my face as Tubbo rubbed my shoulder. Everything was so stressful I wish I would die right in this moment. Maybe it would be better than in the cold garage. I felt safe, like I could just slip away and be fine with it. I'd be at peace.
Too many thoughts were going through my mind to comprehend anything but I didn't care. I felt safe. I was around the people I loved and trusted. Even if they didn't feel that way about me. They brought me comfort.
The sun was rising and you could see it slightly through the blinds in the living room. Eventually Ranboo got off the floor and sat next to Tubbo. I continued to cry until people started coming downstairs.
I sat back up on the couch and Tubbo stood up.
So I was annoying him..?
I should've moved earlier
He's probably upset with me
He's probably tired too
I'm sorry
Fuck. I stayed on the couch while everyone- not including Ranboo- went to the table. Ranboo sat silently next to me for a while before standing up and returning with two plates of food. I felt like passing out. I didn't have the energy for this. I laid my head back on the back if the couch.
For breakfast we were having waffles with strawberries. One of my favorite foods- well used to be my favorite before I decided it was better to stop eating. I genuinely wanted to eat it but I knew it would make me nauseous. I simply sit cross cross on the couch and put my head in my hands as I let out a sigh.
I stood up, "I'm going to bed-"
"Eat first, your so tired because you have nothing in your system. Just try."
I let out an annoyed sigh as I set back down. I grabbed my fork and started eating the food. After a couple bites i started to feel nauseous but I tried to shake it off and continue. I was just gonna throw it up later so it didn't really matter did it. I ate and chatted with Ranboo. He was such a nice friend. Sometimes I felt like I actually cared. It was a nice feeling seeing as it probably wasn't true.
After I had completely finished the food I attempted to excuse myself only to be declined.
"Nope, we are gonna play a game for an hour and then you can leave." Ranboo said. "Or we can Just go hang out in our room for an hour." He gave me a soft smile that made me wanna cry. I simply agreed and we went back to our room.
I felt like crying, But I couldn't, Ranboo was a couple feet away from me. I simply laid down in bed and covered myself in the blankets. I wanted to throw up so bad but I knew damn well that wasn't gonna happen. I took of my hoodie so I was now wearing a t-shirt. I climbed back under the covers and sighed. It didn't really help hiding anymore, I was only gonna give myself heatstroke.
I started to cry silently while laying in bed. After a couple minutes I felt a shift of weight on my bed and then I felt really comfortable. I felt a sense of security and warmth as Ranboo hugged me. I don't know how the hell he does it but he always finds a way to make any situation better. It was something simply natural within him or something. I see why Tubbo likes him so much. He's just.. how do you say..? amazing. I dug my head into his shoulder and continued to cry silently.
He rubbed my back as he hugged me. I felt so helpless but at the same time I felt so loved. How can a simple task of a hug make someone feel like nothing could ever go wrong. I felt like dying in that moment but at the same time I wish it could last forever. I slowly started to fall asleep. I felt so safe and I don't know why. I felt like nothing bad would ever happen again because at least one person cared.
I let out a quite sob as I was hugged tighter.
"It's gonna be okay, trust me everything is going to be okay. Just get some rest, I'm here for you." Ranboo whispered to me. As he spoke I only wanted to cry more. I couldn't tell if he was lying or not. I closed my eyes as I tried to fall asleep.
"It's gonna be okay.. I'm right here.. nothing can hurt you."
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Word count: 1814
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