September 23, 2019 London
The whole weekend with Florence passed quickly, but it was the best weekend I ever had. We spent it very homely and cozy, being together and doing couple things. I was so fucking sad when she had to leave me alone, but we didn't have a choice.
I didn't even once mention my mom, too afraid of her reaction when I finally reveal that I want to tell her about us. I hate sneaking out with her.
Fortunately, I didn't have too much to sulk about it because the next day, after my mom returned, I flew out to New York.
I spent almost the entire week back home and going from a meeting to a meeting. I think it went pretty well, everyone told me that they'll call if I got the job.
At least, they said that if they don't call in the next two weeks, I don't get the role. And till then, I spent the last week doing three things:
1. Spending my time in Flo's house or on some dates with her.
2. Making out with Florence in her trailer, while I'm on the set.
3. Talking with Mia or Rose when I'm alone in home.
Shooting is ending by the end of this month and I'm panicking so much. When I first kissed Florence, I was thinking about staying in London, so I could be closer to her and change my scenery a bit because England is very nice to life. But apparently, Florence isn't going to stay here too long after filming this movie, she said she has a house in Los Angeles and she's going to stay there after Christmas. She's also having a movie premiere around December, so she'll be traveling a lot.
Not to mention that all the projects that I tried for are filming in US. I won't lie, this changed a lot for me and got me thinking. I wanted to stay here, but it won't do anything good for us anymore. She also said that I shouldn't move out from my home just because of her. I don't agree with her fully, but I didn't see a point in arguing with here then and ruing our weekend.
But ten minutes ago, my mom told me that she bought the return tickets to New York to October 2nd. And now, I'm sitting on the floor in my bedroom, trying to regulate my breath as the tears stream down on my face.
It made me realize that we're going back home soon. I'll leave my girlfriend and go to live on a different continent. Without her. How the hell I'm supposed to get used to being without her after four months of almost seeing each other every day.
It's impossible.
And I can't calm myself about it now. That's why, I take my phone in hand and select Flo's contact name, desperately needing to hear her voice right now.
Flo: Hey, Isa! What's up?
Flo asks after picking up after a moment.
Me: F-Flo
I stutter quietly, fighting with my tears and gasping for the air.
Flo: Hey, why are you crying, baby? Is everything okay?
Me: I-I... I'm going back home i-in n-next week...
I trial off, sniffing loudly as I run my eyes angrily, trying to wipe the tears.
Flo: Oh...
She falls silent for a few seconds and I take a shaky exhalation, taking a deep breath.
Flo: No, no, it's okay. It's alright, we both knew that at the beginning, right?
She tries to calm me down and maybe her soothing voice helps me a bit because I can breathe more regularly now.
Me: I guess, but it doesn't really help, you know? We aren't even together for a month and it's gonna be 3460 miles between us soon. It doesn't sound too well
I ramble quickly, stammering over my words. I sound really rushed, but I can't help it. My brain works differently right now. I hear Florence chuckle on the other side when I stop talking, taking a deep breath again and bush by my own actions.
Flo: You checked how much is from New York to London?
Flo laughs softly and I crack a small smile, blinking away the tears.
Me: Maybe. It helped me with handling this whole situation, you know I like numbers
Flo: I know, love. Well, I'm worrying about it too, you're not alone in this, baby. I know you're worried, but we can try and see each other in a month
Me: What, how?
I blur out confused. I didn't think that we'll be able to see each other till the December.
Flo: Scarlett and I are gonna be in LA for a few things and probably she's gonna stay there for more than a week, so you could go with her
She suggests and my eyes widen with hope.
Me: Really? I didn't know that
Flo: Yeah, Governors Awards and a premiere of her movie. I'd show you my home there and we could go to the beach or something, it should be still warm, so yeah. What do you think?
Me: That... That sounds perfect actually
Flo: See?! We have a plan already. And after that, I'm gonna be in New York at the beginning of December and we have Christmas and then, boom! I'm already living in LA and we have fewer miles between us.
She exclaims, trying to sound eager and calm me down.
Me: It's still a big distance, Flo
I whine out, chewing on my bottom lip.
Flo: My love, I know it's big, but we'll make it work, I promise. We want to make it work, right?
She asks unsurely and I nod immediately, but then I remember it's a phone call. I facepalm myself mentally for being so stupid.
Me: Yes, of course, babe. I want it very much, I want nothing more than this, Flo.
Flo: That's what I'm talking about!
Flo yells excitedly and I giggle at her goofiness before I get serious again when an idea pops into my mind.
Me: What if...
I start talking, but I stop myself before I say something I'll regret. And Florence clearly picks up my hesitation.
Flo: No, no, you were saying something. Tell me, baby
Me: No, it's stupid. Forget I say anything
I mumble, closing my eyes and being annoyed with my self. Maybe it's not even annoyance, but fear.
Flo: No, please, say it. You don't have to be scared or anything, you can tell me anything
Me: What would you say about telling my mom about us?
Flo: S-Scarlett?
She stammers out suddenly and I feel the tears showing again in my eyes. Stupid, stupid, stup-
Me: I told you it's stupid. Can we just change the topic, please?
I plead quietly, blinking my eyes angrily.
Flo: No, I'm sorry. You just took me from surprise. You never mentioned it before, that's it. If you want, we can tell her
Me: We don't have to if you don't want to, Flo. I don't wanna force you to do it. I just thought it could make things easier for us. Because I don't know what to tell her when we're gonna want to meet in LA or even in New York and to be honest I don't wanna lie to her that much. She doesn't deserve it and I just I-I-
I rush out and begin to stammer at the end, my breathing starts to accelerating one more time.
Flo: Hey, Isa! Calm down, baby. It's okay, we can tell her. Please calm down. Breath with me, please, breath with me
She says gently and takes many deep and loud breaths, so I can hear her. For a first second, I listen to hear before I start to follow and breathe with her.
Flo: That's it, you're doing a great job, darling. Keep breathing with me. In and out, good job
We keep breathing together for a couple of minutes until I calm down fully.
Flo: Are you feeling better now?
Me: Y-Yeah, I think so. Thank you
I whisper to the phone, relaxing against the wall behind me.
Flo: You don't have to thank me, pretty girl. And as I said, we can tell Scar as soon as you want. I don't mind, but maybe we can wait after our last day of shooting?
Me: Why?
Flo: I don't want to make a weird atmosphere on set for the last few days. It's not a big difference and would make it easier, I guess
She explains her reasoning and it seems okay to me.
Me: Okay, it makes sense actually. We can talk with her on Monday, so she'd know before we go back home
Flo: Yeah, we'll do this on Monday
Me: Okay, good. Good
Edited: October 23, 2022