BRIEF mention of SH in this chapter so fair warning! It never says the word or goes into any sort of detail about it but you never know what can be a trigger for someone. I put a summary at the end of the chapter if you wanna scroll through and read that!!
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Delilah Lavigne
I'm meeting with Luca today. It's been four days since the banquet and the shit show that went down. I don't think I've given myself enough time to process the events that took place because I've been working and kind of ignoring the guys but with good reasoning. I needed a break and to be normal for the time left that I have so I used it.
I also haven't given myself enough time to process the fact that I just earned half a million dollars worth of money. It's literally just sitting in my closet in my bedroom shoved in a shoe box because I don't know what to do with it. Do I keep it? I feel sort of selfish keeping it but at the same time I went through hell and back to get it.
Lennon and Finn are doing better than ever apparently. Lennon wouldn't shut up about anything that happens when they hangout and never forget to mention the fact that I never hang with them anymore. Boo fucking hoo. Sorry I can't hangout with you guys every damn day, I'm kinda going through a mid life crisis that I can't talk about so sue me.
I just left work and am now driving to the warehouse where Luca's office is at by myself, I never told anyone I was coming because I know it will be boring and quick since we are just discussing some things and I have to sign papers.
I pull up to the warehouse and park my car across the way from the door. Stepping out, I make my way to the door and knock three times. There's a slit in the middle of it to which a man opens and makes eye contact with me, he shuts it and then opens the steel door. I make my way inside and from muscle memory I walk up to Luca's office.
Knocking on the door twice, he opens it and greets me with a smile and open arms, "Delilah! Just the person I wanted to see."
"Nice to see you sir." I smile at him. He leads me to the chairs in front of his desk and I take a seat, him doing the same at his chair.
"Please, call me Luca. Now, I don't want to keep you here too long so I'll make this quick and easy. All you need to do is sign these papers here," he points to a stack of papers in front of me on his desk, "and then be on your way. You might want to read through them carefully before you sign."
I nod, take a pen and start reading. It just consisted of me having to basically sign all my rights away to the mafia and them owning me. No big deal right?
After reading and signing through every stack I place the pen down, "All done." I announce.
"Perfect. That's all I needed. If I need to contact you at any time, I will do so through Harry. But you are all good to go sweetheart." There's that nickname again.
I leave the warehouse and get in my car to drive away. Obviously connecting my phone to the aux before leaving, I play Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden.
I pull up to my next destination, Reign. I decided to pay them a visit since I've been pretty much ignoring them for almost a week. Plus I like to show up unannounced literally everywhere for some reason I can't explain.
Getting out of my car, I walk up to the doors and walk inside. Given the fact that it's only one in the afternoon, they don't open for a few hours so I don't have to worry about other people being here. I do know they are here though since they practically live here and their cars are parked outside by mine.
Once I step inside, I walk into the club and make my way to the main area with my Doc Martens thudding on the ground each time I take a step. It always makes me feel powerful when you can hear my steps in the shoes I wear. Walking to the main floor to scope out where they could be, I hear their faded voices in the basement.
I walk down the hallway and into the closet that leads to the door of the basement and quietly walk down so they can't hear me.
Dear lord please don't let me walk in on them murdering someone.
Once they are in my vision from my spot on the stairs, my prayers were answered because they are just sitting at the table talking about random stuff. None of them have noticed I'm here yet.
Walking down the last step and hitting the floor, I clear my throat so they can finally see I'm here.
They all turn their heads and once they realize it's me their faces light up, "Lilah! What are you doing here?!" Niall stands up and greets me with a hug. I smile and hug him back, "Just wanted to pop in and say hi, see how you all are doing."
Zayn stands up as well and goes in for a hug after I step away from Niall, "Missed you kid, how are you doing." He returns the question.
I pull away so we're face to face and nod, "I'm good, yeah."
We pull away from each other so I can see the other guys and Louis nods at me with a smile while Liam sends a half wave. Harry looks me up and down then meets my face with his lips in a grin.
"Come on, have a seat." Zayn pulls a chair up at the table for me and pats it. I oblige and take a seat in between him and Harry.
"What have you been up to?" Liam asks while taking his credit card and gathering some coke on the table and putting it in a line. No biggie.
I shrug, "Not much, I've just been working and met with Luca today."
He nods while pinching one side of his nostril and leaning down but pauses and looks at me again, "Wait, you met with Luca?"
"Yeah, I had to sign papers and we just discussed some things." He furrows his eyebrows but brings his nose down and sniffs the coke instead of replying.
"What did you talk about?" Louis butts in.
"Not much. Just the necessities that I had to know and then me signing some shit. It was pretty quick." I explain. It really was boring so there's not much for me to say, I'm sure they have done the same thing that I did.
Harry clears his throat making my head turn to him, "So, how are you f-feeling about all of this?"
I look away from him and down at the ground, "I don't know yet. I'm sure I'll have a mental breakdown soon but what's the point? I'm stuck no matter what so I might as well accept it and do what I have to do, ya know?" I meet his eyes again.
He squints his eyes, "It's okay to be sad or mad. Hell, I punched so many walls after I joined that my knuckles were so bad to the point I couldn't feel them for weeks."
I laugh lightly, "Yeah well you saw my mirror so I'm sure I'll be doing the same." He lifts the corners of his lips trying to cover up a smile.
"What mirror?" Zayn chimes in.
"Oh, I punched my bathroom mirror a few weeks ago and Harry helped me clean up my hand. It was after I found out about you guys." I inform them. I forgot they knew nothing about that.
He nods while putting his lips in a line. I look at the rest of the guys to see them looking down with worried looks on their faces. "You know, you guys don't have to feel bad about this. I'm serious. I know you probably blame yourselves but I'll be fine I just need some time to process all of it." I reassure. I truly do mean that, just because they are apart of the reason I'm here doesn't mean they should put themselves down for it. I know at least some of them care for me and didn't want this to happen.
"We didn't want it to go this far. We just wanted it to be one and done but it obviously didn't turn out that way and now you're stuck like us." Niall speaks up.
I nod, "I know that, which means it's not your fault that it turned out this way. You guys aren't the ones to blame, so don't."
"Okay." He winks at me with a slight grin and I wink back. I just want things to be okay, I don't want any pity. The deed is done.
I smack my thighs and stand up from my chair, "Alright well I have to get out of here but before I do so, I'm stealing drinks from your bar so bye." I salute them and walk towards the stairs. I hear them chuckle at my exit but I continue on and go behind the bar to steal some Vodka and Tequila because why not?
I drive back to my apartment building and once I sit down on my couch after changing into comfortable clothes with Nicks by my side, I take the vodka that I put in my purse and take the cap off, throwing it somewhere on the ground and gulp it.
After sitting there for a couple hours watching tv and finishing the entire bottle of vodka by myself, my mind is fuzzy.
Then it happens.
Do it.
I lift my head up from my couch and widen my eyes, looking around my living room to make sure it's just me and nobody else said it.
Do it. You know you want to.
"No. No go away." I whisper, shaking my head. Please don't happen right now.
It will never go away. It's apart of you.
"No it's not. I left that part of me in the past after everything happened and promised myself not to again." I stand up from my couch and pace around my living room in front of my window that outlooks the city.
Distract yourself, Delilah. Don't let it get to you.
You think you can run away from it? It's always apart of you, just do it so the pain can go away.
"No! You go away!"
I'm not going away until you do it.
I find myself walking towards my bathroom and standing in front of my mirror. My makeup is running down my face because of my crying, which I didn't realize I was even doing.
"Come on, snap out of it." I mutter to myself while clinging to the bathroom counter.
You're one step closer, just pick it up and do it.
I smack my head and yell, "Get out of my damn head! I can't do it!"
It'll all be over soon, get it over with.
I look up at myself in the mirror again and sob. Through my tears I open my cabinet under the sink and pick up the blade. Just one time. Then it will be all over.
After it's all over I drop to the ground to lean on my bathroom door and put my head in my hands while still holding the cloth to my bloodied arm and I sob uncontrollably until it hurts.
I did it. The pain is gone.
Sitting there for longer than I should have, I manage to pull myself up and leave my bathroom. I grab my phone from my living room, put on my shoes and grab my car keys to leave.
I leave the lobby of my building and get into my car, no music this time.
I don't know where I'm going, I just need to drive.
After making random turns at stop signs and traffic lights, I find myself in front of a building.
Harry's building to be exact.
Why the fuck am I here? How did I manage to do that?
I wipe my face to rid my makeup and tears, and get out of my car. I walk into his building, go straight to his door and knock. I wait for a couple minutes until it finally opens.
He rubs his eyes as he opens his door and his shirt is off, leaving him in grey sweatpants. I take in all the tattoos showing on his body and the one that catches my eye the most is his butterfly tattoo. His eyes widen when he realizes it's me at his door but before either of us open our mouths to speak, I hear another voice.
"Harry? Who is it?" A female voice asks.
He rolls his eyes and I look behind him to be met with a blonde girl. Oh.
"I'm sorry I didn't know you had company over, I'll go." I turn around to leave but he stops me, "Wait, don't go. Violet was just leaving."
I turn back around to see him facing her and she furrows her eyebrows with her arms crossed, "Excuse me? No I wasn't." She makes clear.
"Yes you were. Get the fuck out of here." He waves his hand out the door.
She scoffs and turns around to grab her stuff, walking back to us with arms still crossed, she scoffs but doesn't say anything more and leaves. He opens the door further for me to come in, and I do.
"That was weird." I blurt out while walking through his door. I didn't mean to walk in on his booty call.
He chuckles, "Yeah sorry, why are you here though?"
"Um, I honestly couldn't tell you why. I just started driving and wound up here so, surprise!" I throw up jazz hands.
"At three in the morning?" He closes the door.
I widen my eyes, "Oh shit. I didn't know it was that late I'm sorry." I probably should've checked the time before I came but my mind was focused on other things.
"Are you drunk?" He squints his eyes at me as he steps closer.
I shrug, "A little tipsy, why?"
"So you're telling me you drove here intoxicated?" He asks for confirmation.
I put my lips in a line and nod.
He sighs, "Delilah, how stupid do you have to be? You could have fucking died."
I run my hands through my hair, "I know, but I needed to take a drive. Trust me."
"What was so urgent that you needed to take a drive at three in the morning whilst drunk?" He questions.
I look away from him and stare at the wall while picking at my nails and stay silent.
He walks up closer to me and grabs by chin to where I'm forced to meet eyes with him, "Have you been crying?"
I look up into his eyes and nod slowly, "Why?" He grills while looking in between both of my eyes.
I shrug, "Too many reasons to go into detail for."
"Well considering I don't sleep and neither do you, I have time."
I let out a slight laugh and pull away from his grab, "I'm serious, I don't want you to pity me or anything so can we just, I don't know sit and not talk about really anything for a little bit?"
He inspects my body language and face before answering, and eventually nods.
He leads the way to his bedroom and walks to his bed, pointing at the other side for me to sit on. Once we are both sat beside each other in the same position, with our knees facing up and hands together in between our legs, we just stare at the wall.
Silence. My mind is finally quiet.
I turn my head to look at his side profile and break the silence, "I'm sorry for coming here. You shouldn't have kicked that girl out."
He turns his head as well to face me and shrugs, "It's alright. She was really boring anyways so you technically saved me."
We both laugh in unison, "Well you're welcome then."
He nods and points at me as a thank you and we just sit there staring at each other. Even through the darkness in his bedroom I can see the green in his eyes.
"Your eyes are pretty." I blurt out.
He scans his eyes all around my face before answering, "So are yours."
"Mine are like a poop brown." I chuckle.
He shakes his head, "No they aren't, there's a tint of yellow in them. In the sunlight they glow too, makes you seem very warm."
I part my lips but he speaks before I can, "Sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about. Just blabbering."
I reach my hand out and lay it on his arm while saying softly, "Stop. I get what you're saying, thank you." He looks down at the contact then back up at me and nods.
I change positions by laying on my back on his bed and he mimics me by doing the same. He has a habit of mimicking me lately.
We stare up at the ceiling now, "Delilah." He gets my attention.
"Yeah?" I ask still staring at the ceiling.
"I'm sorry."
I turn my head to look at his side profile again and furrow my eyebrows, "For what?"
He faces me, "I'm just sorry." His face is relaxed and he looks sincere when saying it.
I nod, accepting it and face the ceiling again, still feeling his gaze still on me.
He eventually turns his head up at the ceiling and I can feel my eyes starting to get heavy so I welcome it and shut my eyes.
Harry Styles
Sitting here on my bed with her, just staring at my ceiling, my mind feels calm. That doesn't happen too often.
After sitting there in complete silence for a couple minutes, I shift my head to look at her and see that her eyes are shut, she's asleep.
She looks so peaceful. I could tell she was crying as soon as I opened my door and I tried to press her on it but she didn't want to talk about it so I respected that.
I sense her body moving from the right of me and then feel her hand come in contact with me. I flinch a little bit from the touch but she speaks up groggily, "Can you just hold me for tonight?"
I hesitantly nod even though she can't see me and put my arm around her waist and my other one on my stomach, her right arm around my waist and head on my chest.
As I'm laying there just inspecting her, I notice how long her eyelashes really are. She doesn't usually have a lot of makeup on but her lashes are always longer and darker than how they look right now so I'm sure she puts that lash makeup shit on them.
Her arm around my waist moves slightly in her sleep which makes her sleeve to her hoodie roll up and I notice something.
Furrowing my eyebrows, I sit up slightly to get a better look and grab her wrist carefully so she doesn't wake up.
That's when I see it clearly.
I sigh quietly and set her wrist back down on my stomach and push her hair back so it's out of her face, "What is going on in that head of yours, pretty girl?"
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Summary for if you skipped: Delilah met with Luca at the warehouse to sign some papers (to officiate her joining the mafia) and then went to Reign to meet with the boys. She reassured them that none of this is their fault since she could tell they felt guilty and then left Reign (before stealing alcohol from their bar) to go back to her apartment. She got drunk and drove to Harry's house bc of how sad she felt and once she got there, there was a girl there so Harry kicked her out and invited Delilah in. He could tell she was crying and asked her about it but she didn't wanna talk about it so they went and layed down in his bed together to just talk about random stuff and then she fell asleep clinging to Harry which caught him off guard but he held her back. He noticed her arm and asked "what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Then fell asleep.
LOL SHITTY SUMMARY BUT THATS THE JIST BYEEE