You look at the clock on your nightstand and groan as you see that it's 4am. You have been tossing and turning in your bed, unable to sleep after the events of the last two days. You let out a frustrated sigh as you untangle the sheets from your legs and throw off the covers.
Trusting Loki might have been your biggest mistake yet. Everyone warned you about the God of Mischief and his lies, but you ignored them and followed your instinct instead.
Stupid instinct.
Your instinct barely ever let you down in the past. Less than a handful of times in the last thousand years, so it has been pretty reliable. Just not this time.
Thinking to have bonded over some literature, the realization hits that you might have just trusted Loki way too soon. He is a criminal after all. He wouldn't care about leaving anyone behind. And he is not afraid to torture or kill.
The team had told you about the events in Stuttgart. How he used a torturous device to get a man's eye and did so with a smile. He forced all those German people to kneel in the middle of the road but not before blasting one of their local police vehicles with his scepter. Those poor police officers barely got away with their lives.
Kneel before me.
I said... KNEEL!
Is not this simpler?
Is this not your natural state?
It's the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation.
The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life's joy in a mad scramble for power.
For identity.
You were made to be ruled.
In the end, you will always kneel.
Nat told you about his dictator speech. Loki believed he could just show up somewhere and demand people to obey his every word. Then, a brave old man had the audacity to stand up to him and compared him to Hitler. Loki almost killed the poor man if it weren't for Steve, who jumped in front of him, right on time.
The New York attack, well you were there and saw firsthand all the damage that was done by Loki and his army. A lot of people died then and countless people were injured, let alone the massive costs to the entirety of Manhattan.
You just don't understand how they're exact same person. There's only been about a year difference between New York and now. How does he go from a mass murdering maniac to an introvert, reading English literature with you in the living room of the Avengers Compound.
They really sound like two completely different men. But you know it was him. Loki admitted to all these crimes, you saw that in Asgard. Even when you and Thor picked him up to take him to Earth, he seemed like a different person. More cocky, more sure of himself. Here on Earth, he's much more tame. You're not sure who the real Loki is at this point. Which one is real? And which one is an act?
You do however remember the bright blue hue in his cold, rage-filled eyes when you encased him and Thor in ice. A color that seems to be completely missing in his emerald eyes. You saw him in Asgard, they weren't blue there either. Perhaps you were right about magic playing a role. Maybe, when you and Loki are on better terms, you might actually ask him about it. But that's for some other day.
Now that you think about it, you've never seen that type of magic before. Well, it's not like you've seen a lot of magic in your 1000 years of life. Hilda had her healing magic, but other than that, nothing. Until very recently, you thought you were the only one on Earth. That's until you met Thor and Loki.
You once again groan in frustration at your tossing and turning and decide to get up to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. In order to not disturb the others who are sleeping, you step carefully and quietly through the hallway. Closer to the kitchen, you notice the light is on and you can hear movement.
You tiptoe along the wall, and peek around the corner to see Loki seemingly stirring into a metal bowl, his back turned to you.
"What is he doing?"
Loki stops stirring for a moment and looks up. A few seconds later, he looks back down at his bowl and continues stirring. You can hear a gentle chuckle.
"There's not many people who can sneak up on me." Loki says. He grabs the egg carton on his right and takes out three large eggs. He gently breaks them into the bowl and discards the eggshells into the trashcan beside him.
"Loki? What are you doing up this time of night?" You rub your eyes as they adjust to the bright lights.
"I am baking." Loki says, simply.
"Baking? You bake?" You say a little too surprised.
"I do not."
"That's ... weird, I guess?" You frown, confused. "Well, don't mind me. I'm just grabbing a glass of water and I will be out of your hair."
You reach into the cupboard next to the fridge and take a glass which you set down on the counter. You open the fridge and take the water pitcher to fill the glass. When the glass is filled, you place the pitcher back into the fridge and close the fridge door.
"Nova ..." Loki turns around and faces you while leaning against the counter, his hands holding onto the edge.
"Hmm?" You hum in an uninterested tone.
"I just wanted to let you know how truly sorry I am. You are right, I should have come back for you."
"Loki ... I really don't want to talk about this right now." You say, sipping from your glass and waving your hand dismissively.
"Please, I beg of you. Just, let me explain what happened?"
You sigh and put your half-empty glass down on the counter behind you. You approach him, leaning against the counter across from him.
"I'm listening?" You cross your arms in front of you.
"Look, Nova, I — I betrayed everyone who ever loved me. I betrayed my father, my brother, my home. I know what I did. And I know why I did it." He starts.
"If you are trying to justify – " You push yourself from the counter but Loki holds up his hand.
"Just ... Please, allow me to finish what I was trying to say."
You let out a defeated sigh and nod, gesturing for him to continue.
"That is not who I am anymore." Loki sighs. You raise an eyebrow as it seems hard for him to explain what he is trying to say. He must be really bothered by it.
"It took me four hours to find them in that maze of a building. And about another three hours to get them out. The two of them were in the basement with at least two dozen other captured mortals."
"Yes, twenty-six to be exact."
"They all pleaded with me to let them out, but I couldn't take them and still sneak out. My plan was to return for you first, and then when you were safe here at the Compound, I would return for the others."
"You were planning on releasing them all?"
"Yes." He nods. "When we finally got out, I teleported three of us to the Compound. I was about to leave to come and fetch you when both the scientist and Lady Virginia came running outside. Apparently, they were searching for you when dinner time came around, but when they didn't find you nor myself, they called Stark."
"The mission they were on was several hours away by Quinjet."
"Exactly. I explained to Lady Virginia what had happened, and I planned on returning for you immediately after, but she insisted that I should stay here at the Compound. She reminded me that I am on house arrest, and still a prisoner in technicality so I shouldn't go back."
"Oh, that's right, whatever happened to that brace that you had around your wrist? You know, the one that was supposed to prevent you from stepping outside of the perimeter?"
"I took it off. You see, Stark did not account for the fact that I can phase through these. Since it wasn't opened and it stayed here at the Compound, he wasn't any wiser." Loki smirks.
"Yeah, none of us thought about that."
"So, in order to avoid being confined to cell in the deepest depths of the basement, I listened to Lady Virginia's instructions."
"The scientist took the man and his son inside to make sure they weren't hurt and Lady Virginia made us all something to eat. I requested for her to call Stark and let him know that I was here and staying here, to prevent further repercussions, and I was told they had finally secured you."
"Hmm, I see." You hum.
"Darling, it really wasn't my intention to make you feel like I had abandoned you."
"So ... you were going to come back for me?" Loki nods and you raise your eyebrow in confusion. Is he playing another one of his games?
"I worried for your safety the entire time I was here. Unfortunately, I was too far away from my duplicate to be able to communicate with you, not that I didn't attempt to."
"I was trying to communicate with you as well. Though I desperately wanted you to hear me, you didn't respond once. As far as I was concerned, you were ignoring me."
"It would never be my intention to ignore you. You are the only person here on Midgard who listens to me, why would I ignore you?" You shrug and Loki shakes his head.
"I would never. It took quite a bit of energy for me to keep the duplicate active and I was constantly trying to reach out but eventually I pulled my energy back and erased my duplicate when I was told the team was near."
"So that's why it flickered and faded so suddenly."
"Yes. I truly regret leaving you there on your own. That fiend would never have been able to lay his hands on you, if I would have just been there to protect you." Loki gestures at the wound on your cheek, now uncovered as you found the bandage to be way too itchy and you couldn't stop yourself from scratching at the edges.
Your hand reaches up to your cheek, and you carefully run your fingers along the side of the wound, hissing as the skin is still really sore.
"Could have been worse, I guess." You sigh.
"I am truly sorry, dear Nova."
"I know."
"Do you think you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"
You nod and smile softly, "Yes, I think I can. You're forgiven. But don't you ever dare do that again." You wag your finger at him and he chuckles.
"I wouldn't dare think of it."
Now staring at the mixing bowl, you push yourself from the counter and walk over to see what Loki was stirring. Curiously peering into the bowl and grab the spoon to lightly stir, pulling up the runny batter as you inspect it.
"What is it that you are trying to make?"
"I believe it is called a chocolate muffin?" Loki smilingly approaches you.
"A chocolate muffin?" A smile creeps onto your lips as you understand what he was trying to do.
"I assumed that the only way you might possibly forgive me, would be if I came bearing a peace offering."
Loki smiles at you as he grabs the spoon but you don't let go. He wraps his hand around yours.
Looking down at your touching hands, he is about to pull away when you pull your thumb from underneath his and wrap it over his hand. Your thumb lightly caressing the skin on top of his hand.
Loki meets your gaze, staring into your eyes, swayed by the color of the endless oceans swirling within your irises. Oh, how he could drown in them. He reaches up and tucks a stray hair behind your ear. Your jaw tightens at his touch and he expects you to pull away but you instead, you rest your cheek in his palm.
Despite his hand feeling cold to the touch, you feel the same comforting warmth radiating from it as when you hugged him the other day.
You stare back into his eyes. His eyes, a shade of green that rivals the wild Amazon forest and his hair, darker than the moonless night sky. There is just something enchanting about the man who stands before you.
Your heart starts racing, feeling like it is about to pound out of your chest when he slowly leans in. Your breath shudders, his lips about to ghost yours.
*Ding*
Panicked by the sound of the elevator doors opening, you push yourself away from Loki as Bruce steps out.
"Bruce! Hi!" You exclaim nervously, your cheeks flushed.
"Uh — Hi?" His eyebrows narrow when he sees the two of you in the kitchen at this hour. "Why are you two still up so late?" He asks, taking off his glasses.
"Uh ... Loki is baking. He just, uh, needed my opinion on the batter. You know, cause I bake and he usually doesn't." Your gaze hovers between Loki and Bruce as you ramble nervously.
"At this time of night?" Bruce briefly stares at the two of you but then decides he doesn't want to know.
"You know, never mind, I don't want to know. Whatever you two are up to, please keep it down? I would like to get some sleep before Tony has another epiphany on the adjustment of Mark IX. Which will probably be in about –" Bruce looks at down at his watch, "– three or four hours, if I am lucky."
"Of course, you won't hear a peep from us!" You overact, nearly knock the bowl from the counter but you steady it before it spills.
Bruce narrows his eyes as he watches you fumble the bowl but then quickly turns to the hallway and heads to his suite. As he walks around the corner, you slap your hand on your forehead and groan softly.
"A peep? What the hell Nova?! That was fucking embarrassing."
"I, uh, I should probably head back to bed as well. I have an early training with Steve so I need my rest because the Captain never misses, and I am not about to let him beat my ass." You say as you point toward the hallway. "Good luck with the, uh – "
"Baking?"
"Baking ... That's the word." You chuckle again.
Loki's brow furrows in fascination at your sudden nervousness. His eyes, searching for yours as he lowers his head lightly. It almost feels as if his gaze is burning holes into your skin and you're starting to feeling antsy.
"I – I should go." You point to the hallway once more and slowly take a few steps back, smiling awkwardly at him. You turn around, about to turn the corner when his voice stops you.
"Nova, wait."
"Yes?"
"Your water. You need to stay hydrated." Loki walks over to you and hands you your glass, which you gingerly take.
Loki watches you as you take a small sip and glance up at him from under your lashes. His hand reaches for your cheek and he gently runs his thumb underneath the wound. He expects you to pull away but instead, you lean into his touch and close your eyes.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, concentrating as a green glow surrounds his fingers. The green glow envelops the wound and slowly but surely it fades. The green glow disappears from Loki's fingers, leaving your alabaster skin scratch-free and completely healed.
Loki smiles and runs his thumb over the spot where the wound once was, content that his healing magic is still working. With no scars visible, he slowly takes his hand from your cheek and scans your eyes for any discomfort.
"What did you do?" You trace your fingers across a wound that no longer exists.
"I healed you." He states matter-of-factly.
"I ... Thank you." You stammer, staring into his curious eyes and his perfect, thin lips curve into that signature mischievous smile. His entire face smiles and it makes you want to jump out of your skin. God, how he drives you crazy with that smile.
Even though you were so mad at him before, you've been wondering what those mischievous lips would taste like. What it would feel like to have a God's lips pressed against yours. After all, he's not a normal man, he is a God, as he keeps telling you so profusely.
"I'm in trouble."
Loki moves his hand down from your fully healed cheek and cups your chin, lifting it ever so slightly. A soft licking of his tongue catches your attention as his thumb gently strokes your cheek. He moves closer, the warmth of his breath warming your face and his lips barely ghosting yours.
"Kiss me." Your voice barely reaches a whisper.
That was all he needed to hear. A soft smile spreads across his lips as he gently presses them against yours. Your heart races from excitement and your breath catches as you feel a warm, tingling sensation spread throughout your chest.
Time seems to have stopped. It's only you and Loki, caught up in a moment you never expected to share.
Loki steals another few faint kisses before gradually pulling his lips from yours as he rests his forehead against yours. His nose brushes against yours and you sigh happily.
Loki slowly leans back and opens his eyes, scanning your face. You stare back at him, speechless. That kiss was unlike anything you've ever experienced. So gentle, yet so firm. Restrained, but full of desire.
"Fuck it."
You wrap your arms around his neck and pull his lips toward you once more, way more passionate this time. His tongue brushes your lips, begging for access as you part them to let him in, deepening the kiss. Embracing his desire, he presses his body against yours.
Loki grabs your thighs and lifts you onto the counter, eliminating the height difference. You instinctively wrap your legs around him, pulling him closer to you. While your fingers glide through his raven locks, your arms remain draped around his neck. Though he groans lightly, his lips never leave yours.
Loki loses his self-control and uses one hand to turn your hair to the other side. He moves from your lips, to your ear and down to your neck. Nibbling and kissing as he moves down your neck, you can't help but giggle a little. You throw your head back and surrender to his touch, feeling the warmth spread throughout your body.
A soft moan escapes your lips as chills run throughout your body, and your arousal begins to rise. As Loki keeps nibbling at your neck, you gasp lightly as you feel his growing bulge pressing against your leg.
When you realize what is happening and where this might lead, you reluctantly stop him.
"What's wrong, darling?" Loki looks up, breathless.
"Nothing is wrong. It's just ...It's probably not wise for us to ..." You pause, and Loki takes a step back.
"You're right. I apologize. I don't want to force you to do anything you might not be comfortable with."
"Don't apologize, I wasn't uncomfortable. I enjoyed it. Quite a bit, actually." You chuckle. "But, if we didn't stop this right now, I don't think I would have been able to stop what might have followed." Loki lowers his head and chuckles.
"I should get some rest and go back to bed. As I said, I have training with Steve tomorrow, and he won't take no for an answer because I decided to make out with the God of Mischief all night."
"Keeping you from getting adequate sleep would give the captain a considerable advantage, which is indeed not fair."
"Exactly. Thank you for understanding." As you wiggle toward the counter edge, you place your palm on his cheek and smile lovingly.
"Anytime." Loki says as he helps you off the counter.
Leaning in, you place a soft and lingering kiss on his cheek. Looking up at the handsome man in front of you, you take a step back.
"Promise me that if I ever make you uncomfortable, you'll tell me?"
"I promise." You beam. "Good night, Loki."
"Good night, darling." You turn to walk back to your room as he smiles at you.
In your room, you close the door behind you, resting your back against it, and let out a deep, but happy sigh.
He kissed you.
He kissed you!
And God, he is an amazing kisser. While he was gentle, he was also firm. In his mind, he knew exactly what he wanted, and he was not afraid to go after it. He took the first step, and you're so glad he did, because you probably wouldn't have done it yourself.
Part of you feels stupid for stopping him. You're curious how far you'd have taken it. To be honest, you probably could have used the relief if it came to it. It has been quite some time.
"No. No! I am not that easy. I am not planning to 'whore' myself out to the first man that gives me some attention. Not gonna happen. Nu-uh, no way."
Walking slowly to your bed, you collapse onto the covers, daydreaming about what just happened.
~~~~~~
A soft knock on the door wakes you up a few hours later. You throw the covers off your legs and go to your door, wondering who it might be this early in the morning.
When you open the door, there's no one there. As you prepare to close your door, you notice a small plate on the floor. Muffins. Half a dozen muffins accompanied by a small note. You bend through your knees and pick up the plate to inspect the note.
I'm sorry.
- Loki.
A smile spreads across your face as you grab a muffin and take a bite. A satisfied moan escapes your lips. Loki put in a lot of effort, and for someone who has never baked before, it turned out pretty well.
The fact that Loki could have magicked a plate of muffins but decided to make them by hand impresses you. This shows that he cares and is truly sorry for what he did.
After placing the plate on your bedside table, you crawl back into bed and sink into the mountain of soft pillows. Almost immediately, you drift off into a deep and dreamless sleep.