My life had changed ever since I met Katerina Hayes. Everything changed. Things about me, the way I saw life, the way I felt about who I was. All of it changed the day I met her. I lived my entire life in the dark, with no intention of stepping into the light. Until her.
It was fucking strange to think of our lives, and everything that happened to us in the space of a few months. It was crazy to think that I loved someone so much. That it was actually humanly possible to love another human being more than you ever thought you could.
My life is dangerous. It's filled with things that make it abnormal. It's filled with all the things that you'd would want to run away from. But not Katerina. She knew it all. And even if she wanted to run, I wouldn't let her. Because I need her more than she needs me.
She could ask me for anything. In that soft, sweet voice of hers. I'll do anything for her. She asks me to build her a castle? How high? Buy a shopping mall? How many? I didn't know a man like me could be controlled. Rather, tamed. But she made it happen.
I was certain when I met her, that I'd do whatever necessary to make her mine. It was a burning desire that I had for her. One that would put the brightest star in the constellation to shame. It was an urge for her that I couldn't explain. And generally, once you satisfy your need for something, the hunger for it dissipates. But this was the exact and polar opposite, because even after sleeping with her, I craved her more than I ever thought fucking possible.
I had grown into her routine. The way she'd welcome me every night when I came back from work in a different colored silk night dress, and the way it'd always end up thrown on the kitchen floor. On the weekends, how she'd made sure we did something new. Last week she took me to a painting class. A Don, sitting in a fucking painting class.
I grew accustomed to looking at her in the mornings as she slept. As the peacefulness took over her body. The way that she radiated it and made sure that everywhere she went, she filled every inch of the room with her welcoming presence. She made everyone feel welcome in our home. Even the fucking gardener was using our downstairs bathroom.
Her hair falls a lot. And I found strands of her long, dark black wisps all over the seats in my car. I remember seeing a strand of her hair on my shirt sleeve when I rammed my fist into someone's face at the bar. It stopped me dead in my tracks, stilled me. Even that, I'd gotten used to. I don't think I can go another day in my life without smelling the perfume she wears on my clothes, in my cars. I've gotten so addicted to her, and to every little thing about her.
Slowly, little by little, Katerina infiltrated my life. She intertwined them, unknowingly of course. And she made it impossible for me to imagine a world that she's not in. A life that she's not in. And anything that she's not part of, isn't something I want to be a part of. Because Katerina became my everything the day I realized I loved her. And whether or not she felt it back, I knew I loved her enough for the both of us.
I always think about the night I told her about my past. What I'd done. And I always assumed that once I told her, that would be it for us. Because I always felt beyond redemption. And if she knew the things I'd done over the years, I was sure it would be even harder to love me. But for whatever reason, what she knew about me didn't change anything. And she still loved me. She's my salvation.
I learned how to fire a gun when I was just nine years old. I know how to paralyze a man with nothing but my fists. I have about 70 different ways to kill a person, and how to cover it up. I've built an empire of billions which would be impossible to collapse. But the things I've learned from Katerina, how to love, how to care, patience, kindness and everything in between is still indispensable to me. She taught me how to love her, and that's all I'll ever need now.
It was only because of her I made peace with my mother. I was able to look at a photo of her taken the day I was born. I put her to rest, all the demons she'd left me with weren't there anymore. She was beautiful, and Aly looks just like her. I looked at the photograph, and thought to myself how much I changed. I was now able to look at this picture and not hate myself as deeply as before. My head didn't begin to burn and I didn't feel that horrid fucking feeling in my chest like I did a thousand times before. No, this time I felt nothing but acceptance. And it was all because of Katerina.
She loved me with all the cracks in my heart. She filled them in. It was fucking ridiculous that I felt this way over a girl. I was supposed to be tough, to run over people and not feel anything. To be able to yell at someone and not feel like an ass. But I couldn't do that anymore. Because I was in love. And I fell for her, I fell hard. Even though I never thought it would be possible because of the way I hated myself. But because of her, everything seemed possible. I was fine with the world knowing how much power she had over a man like me. I wanted it known that the only person who could ever bring me to my knees, was my wife.
All this time, she was the cure to my broken heart. She put me back together, piece by piece. She replaced all the bad memories. She made me whole. My revival.
Marrying Katerina was probably the greatest fucking thing I could ever do with my life. She was the best decision a man could make. She was all mine. Every inch, every word, every look, every moan was mine. All of her belonged to me.
It was 6 weeks after Alys wedding. Aly would have the baby soon. Valerie and Hayes were engaged. And Katerina and I were getting married. Today.
As I stood in front of the pink mirror in our room, all the stars had aligned for us. I looked around and took in all the bright walls and furnishings. So much changed in so little time.
That's the funny thing about life. You never know who you're going to meet. You never know how one person can change everything you thought about life. You never know what's possible until you meet that one person. And I met that person, and now I'm going to marry her.
This tiny girl with the pretty smile and dark hair, she saved me. In every way a person can be saved. I would've gone back through hell to find her. I've taken 3 bullets in my life, and that pain is incomparable to imagining a life without Katerina Hayes in it. Her and her flowers, her yellow outfits and those sky high heels.
She always told me to be more tolerant to other people. She always told me to be careful with words and whatever I have to say, I should say in my head first, then think if it's something she would say. If it's a no, which it mostly is, I'm not allowed to say it. So far her method has proven successful.
Katerina Hayes will forever be the person who made me who I am now. The woman who changed me for the better and allowed me to feel what love really is. She made me want to change, and become a better man for her.
All the gray walls turned white. All the black bed sheets turned yellow and blue. She brought all the color back into my life and she didn't even know it.
And as I walked downstairs to the decorated ballroom of our home, I only thought of her. I thought of her smile and how it motivated me. I thought of her voice and how it stilled me, quelled all my rage. I thought of the trace of her fingers on my skin and how it soothed me. I was nothing without her.
I want an irrevocable tie to her. Beyond husband and wife. I want to carve my name into her skin. Not even a tattoo, something she can't remove. Just like how I'd never be able to remove the part of her that lives in me. The hold she has on my life is un diamante, we say in Italian. A diamond. The strongest material on earth. She's etched in me. On me. Everywhere. Body and soul. If I have a soul, it's hers.
And today, I'll make her my wife. And I'll love her, until my last breath on this earth, which became more bearable since the day she walked into my life. Highs and the after effects of a drug always fade after a while. It's not meant to last. The way Katerina Hayes makes me feel surpassed the feeling of any narcotic. She's something else. Because the feeling of her will last multiple lifetimes. I'll bet it all on that. She's got me bewitched. Nothing compares to her. Her beauty, her charm, her prima donna behavior. All of it.
I was sure of one thing as I married the love of my life. I was a terrible man. Impulsive. Reckless. But this woman before me, she was even worse. Now, she'll rule the night by my side. And become queen of the ashes of anyone who'd dare touch her. This world will fear her and breathing the same air she does. Even though I didn't really believe in a God, she was made for me. And now, she was all mine. Forever.
I expected a lot more nerves today. Ones that would tell me not to do this. To call Matteo and tell him to help me run. But none of that happened. Today, I felt more relaxed and ready. Ready to marry the love of my life.
If I was being honest, every time I had premarital sex with him, I felt the fires of hell burn through my body. But it was worth it.
Last night was the first night we'd spent a part in months. It felt like an eternity, but I guess that's what helped me realize that the best possible thing to do, was marry this man that had so much consuming power over me.
When he called me last night, we spoke about everything. Everything that we should've spoken about a long time ago, but the night before our wedding, we talked about our future. How many kids we'd have, and where we should plan to go for a family vacation. All of it, and it went perfectly.
I lay in my old bed, next to Valerie and Alyssa. The two of them were beyond excited for me, and the newly engaged Valerie was planning for her own wedding day.
But the focus was on me today. Me and him. I couldn't think of a single other thing, except the ballroom. And I hoped it came out exactly the way I wanted it to.
I woke up at the crack of dawn, it was a warmer New York day for a change. We initially planned the ceremony outside in our home, in the yard but I wanted it inside. In the ballroom with everyone close to us.
As I rose in my bed, I felt the weight of Valerie's arm over my head and Alys foot over mine.
I immediately woke up with a massive smile on my face. Today was my wedding day. And I was marrying the man of my dreams.
The ceremony was starting at 2. It was 6am. This was sufficient time for me to get ready, considering my time management skills were very poor.
I shook Valerie and Aly awake.
Even though my Bachelorette party mainly consisted of me doing wedding planning, I still got uncontrollably drunk and got us banned from Oak. For life.
"today's the day." I said, and Val and Aly looked up at me with bright smiles.
They both grabbed me and hugged me.
And so the day began.
'good morning Mr Kingston.' I said, in a text.
'good morning almost-Mrs-Kingston. How do you feel?'
'nervous. And excited. Mostly excited.'
'everything looks good here. You don't need to panic'
I smiled at my screen, thinking about how he knew that was exactly the reason I was nervous.
'did you get your bow tie?'
'yes. And it's very yellow.'
'good. It's bright yellow, right? It has to match all the flowers, especially the ones in my bouquet.'
'baby, relax. Everything looks perfect. Just get here already so I can marry you.'
'I love you.' I smiled as I sent it. I felt so much for him, but the fact that it could be summed up in three words was perfect.
'I love you too.'
I put my phone aside and began to get ready.
I stood in front of my old vanity, with my hair dripping wet from the shower and all my hair and make up products laying on the counter.
I took a look at myself and realized that for the first time ever, my mind was completely free. It wasn't consumed by millions of thoughts. Generally, on your wedding day, every single thing is a panic. But my dress was in sight, with my shoes. My wedding venue was decorated the way I wanted it to be done. And my groom was waiting for me.
I looked over at my dress, praying to God that I wouldn't nitpick at anything and find a fault. And as luck would have it, my beautiful dress from Paris was perfect. It was exactly the way it should be.
And today was the day. I was sitting here, watching the eager hair and make up team drying my hair to get it ready for my wedding. I do wish my mother was here. And Lo. But Matteo and Val were both here and I don't think I needed anyone else.
The sky remained clear and I was racing against the clock.
Aly and Val walked in, with their bright yellow gowns.
"Kat, your makeup. It's beautiful." Val said, with her calm, steady voice.
I smiled. "you both look so beautiful." I said, and hugged them.
"well, it's time for your dress. Are you ready?" Aly asked, and pulled the zipper of the bag the dress was in.
I nodded.
I shut my eyes and felt the dress fall at my feet, waiting for me to step into it.
The white gown enveloped my body, and I felt the curves take its place. The tulle sleeves were buttoned at the wrists by Val, as Aly worked on the back. They helped me fasten the clip of the stunning Cartier necklace that was loaned to me as a favour to Axle. It was the most expensive piece they ever made. He insisted I had nothing but the best today. I made certain I thanked God for how fortunate I was.
The flowers of the dress sparkled in the light from the window. I smiled, and felt the tears wanting to burst from my eyes like a broken fire hydrant.
"dear lord, Kat, you look stunning." Aly said, and I giggled.
"really? You guys think so?" I asked.
"I honestly have no words. You're gorgeous Kat. This dress really is worth the hundred and eighty thousand dollars your father spent on it." Val said. I laughed lightly. I think my father would've bought me that entire boutique had I asked for it. I slipped on my Jimmy Choo heels and took a look in the mirror.
I heard a knock at the room door and my papa peeked his head in.
"can I come in?" he asked.
"yes."
"do you two mind? May I have a word with the bride?" he asked.
Aly and Val left the room and shut the door behind them.
"I always knew you'd look your best on your wedding day, bella, but this, totally exceeded my expectations." he said, and I smiled so hard my cheeks began to hurt.
He set a box aside on the vanity.
"thank you papa. You look really good too."
He smiled.
"mija, today is the most important day of your life. I can't believe I'm giving you away but I want you to know that this will always be your home."
I nodded. I was fighting my tears hard today, and I knew I'd lose the battle at the wedding.
"I'm serious. You should know that no matter what happens, you'll always have your place here. And I love you so much. I can't imagine anyone better for you than Kingston."
"I love you too papa. And thank you. For everything."
He smiled, and pulled me in for a hug.
As we sniffed and pulled apart, he reached for the box on the vanity.
"I almost forgot. This is for you." he said and lifted the lid.
In the box I saw a crown. All the diamonds were shining brightly like little stars in the sky.
"it's beautiful." I said, and slowly pulled it out the box.
"it's your nonna's. It was custom made for her wedding. Now it's yours, and then it will be my granddaughter's, and hers after that." he said, and set it on my head.
It stood tall amidst the curls in my hair and it sparkled so beautifully.
"thank you, papa. I love it."
"You deserve nothing less, my princess. Come now. Let's go get you married."
I smiled and put all my things together.
I walked down the grand marble staircase in my home and said an official goodbye to my old life. My old home. Everything it represented. The past.
Matteo stood at the bottom of the stairs and stared at me in awe.
Once the car was packed, with everything I brought from last night and few last minute decorations I wanted, I sat inside. I smiled to myself, knowing that I was on my way to becoming a married woman.
As we arrived at the house, more of the nerves set in. A few cars pulled up, some of Axle's cousins were here. I took in a deep breath and heard the light piano music playing inside.
It was 2pm sharp and my papa had walked in to let them know we're here.
I got off the car and stood at the entrance. I shut my eyes and thanked God for bringing us here today.
The piano march began and I walked to him, arms linked with my papa. Axle actually had his yellow bow tie on, and a bright smile on his face. His dark hair was combed back, with a few strands on his face.
I smiled at him. Hard. Feeling my cheeks hurt. Looking at him like this felt like waking up from a bad dream. It felt like home. He felt like home and I knew that I never wanted to leave his side again.
And so the priest began to speak. It was a traditional Italian wedding, and therefore the entire ceremony was done in Italian. Including our vows. For the ceremony we followed the basic template, but we wrote our vows out to each other and would read it after the ceremony.
He gazed into my eyes and locked our hands as we listened to the priest talk about our love for each other as if he had a clue.
"Ti prometto il mio cuore, tutto il mio amore e il resto della mia vita. Per sempre." he said, and I repeated with our hands locked.
We said so much with our eyes and I could tell that in this moment, it was only the two of us. I could only feel him. And he was all I was thinking about.
And it was in this exact moment, with him looking at me as if we were the last two people on this earth, that I realized I was Axle Kingston's lifeline. I was the one saving him from the darkest parts of himself. The dark part of him that he couldn't control, the part of him I loved and he hated. The part of him he was when he wasn't with me. I loved him for everything he was and everything he would become going forward.
After repeating that we would honor each other, he slipped the platinum band on my finger, above my Harry Winston diamond.
As I slid the silver band down his finger, every moment leading to now flashed in my head. Meeting him at my welcome home party, confronting him in the kitchen and experiencing his intimidating, overwhelming presence for the first time, and growing to love it so much. All his random bouts of protection over me.
The way his eyes would burn holes in my body. How my room door repeatedly flew open and his presence announced itself. The first confession to feeling something for him, and asking him to let me go. That night, the night that changed everything. Alys birthday, and how we realized we could be together. To the attack, and how he took care of me. The way he looked at me as I slept across from him and how I knew for a fact, that he'd do whatever it took for us to be together. And everything in between that happened, it all came together for good.
All of it, led up to now. To us, as a married couple. Feeling the ring on my finger and everything it signified, all the time we'd have together, my heart was finally full.
"and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."
He had just said the words we'd been waiting to hear for months. He pressed his lips onto mine, in the most unholy way possible. His arms wrapped around me and he held me close to him, I felt his heart beating as he looked me in my eyes.
"I love you Mrs Kingston. Mia regina."
I smiled and felt the impact of his words.
"I love you, Mr Kingston. My husband."
Once everyone had left and it was just the two of us in the ballroom, we had our private first dance. He swept me off my feet and we swayed to until I found you.
"you look beautiful my angel" he said, and his silver wedding band glinted off his finger as he wrapped his hands around my body.
"I can't believe you actually wore the yellow bow tie" I said, and chuckled. I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked deeply into his eyes.
"anything for you." he said, and tucked my hair behind my ears.
"I love you." I said, and he smiled.
"I love you." he repeated.
"you have my heart Katerina. And I don't ever want it back." he said, with his breath hitching as he kissed his way down my neck and running his hands all over my wedding gown.
The words he'd written in his vows was something that should remain clandestine to the world. That was just for us.
I smiled, and Unchained Melody began to play softly in the background, just like the night we kissed for the very first time. I shut my eyes and felt his body around me. Memories flooding back, and thoughts of the new ones we'd make now. The room was filled with happiness. With a sense of belonging. This is exactly where we were meant to be. Together, promising each other forever.
I was his. All his darkness, and all the light in him, was now mine to share. He'd kill for me, and I'd die for him. As we walked hand in hand and celebrated the beginning of our new life together, I looked over at him, and his dark gaze all over my body.
He was the Don of the Cosa nostra, the king of the underworld, but most importantly, he was my husband. And he was all mine.
Forever.
The end.