+ Joe's P.O.V
When I got home, I immediately felt as if I was going to have a breakdown. My chest felt tight, I was trying to hold back tears, and my lungs felt as if they were being squeezed in an iron tight grip.
Not even telling my dad how my day went, and ignoring Zoe trying to come into my room, I darted upstairs and locked myself up. Once I was inside, I sat on the bed and put my bookbag on my lap before pulling out my homework.
I didn't participate at all in class today, and now I had to make it up. Slamming my math homework on my desk, I tried to ignore the jittery feeling that overwhelmed me, and how my eyes were slightly blurry.
I started to feel angry at myself: angry about how I threatened Caspar. Angry over how I was so pathetic I couldn't get any friends. Angry over everything.
But I couldn't deal with that now. I had to do my homework.
As I grabbed my pencil and eraser out of my bookbag, I felt like crying and screaming until my throat and eyes went raw. I felt cold, even if my fan was off and my room was warm. Leaning back in my chair, the eraser and pencil clenched in both my fists, I let out a pathetic sob.
Ever since I was little, I hated to cry. I would get myself worked up over the littlest of things until I couldn't take it anymore, and broke. My dad has told me more than once that I should really cope with it by distracting myself, but I never knew how until I started getting obsessed with trying to be the best student I could be.
I don't know why I'm like this. I'm just this guy who's really sad and doesn't enjoy socializing with other people, and who does things like threaten their Science partner, and who always does his homework and who just doesn't fit in anywhere.
As I looked up at my ceiling, I started to feel horrible for threatening Caspar. He didn't deserve all of that, I just...I don't even know why I said it. Maybe it's because I'm jealous of people like him, and don't want him near me.
He has that stupid naturally good hair, great eyes, funny...but he's also a giant dick - pardon my French - according to some of the things that Zoe has told me.
I mean, she told me about how he always feels good when he has power over others, and how he brags about how he can get anyone to do what he wants, and what would happen if he does that to me? What if he does make me do the project by beating me up, or something? I don't want to get beat up.
But then again, I don't know Caspar personally. I don't know anything about him, so why am I judging him based off of what other people are telling me? That's sort of a dick move for me, honestly.
He could total change himself if I just sit him down and politely ask him to do the best he can for his side of the project, and if he needs any help I could help him myself.
But he did say to me; "Do I have to do a whole lot of work?" So maybe he won't be like that!
I groaned and held my index fingers up to my temples, rubbing them. I have to get my priorities straight.
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After finishing all my homework other than looking up ideas for the Science Project, Zoe called me down for dinner at 7:30.
"Joe, it's time for dinner!" She called from downstairs.
I opened my mouth, filling out my last math equation before answering back, eyes still on my paper and hand still scribbling away. "Y-yeah...okay, I'll b-be there in a minute!" I yelled back.
Not hearing what Zoe replied, I finished the rest of the equation as fast as I could before putting my pencil down and sighing.
The need to cry wasn't there anymore; I managed to calm myself down after taking a couple breathing technique's I had learned from the internet.
Grabbing my homework and carefully putting it in the binder of it's subject, I shoved it all in my book-bag and then took off my jeans before quickly pulling on some sweatpants I pulled out of my dresser.
"JOE, GET DOWN HERE, THE CHICKEN WILL TURN COLD!" I heard my dad yell just as I opened my bedroom.
I rolled my eyes. Parents.
Jogging slightly to the kitchen, I saw Zoe and dad sitting at the dinner table. There were mashed potato in a yellow bowl with a wooden spoon stuck into it, a bowl next to it full of chicken, and there were plates set at each seat; forks and spoons with knives sitting around them.
I sat at the seat next to my dad and from across Zoe, before looking at the food. I haven't realized how hungry I was since I skipped lunch today. That reminds me that I should take my lunch out of my bookbag before I go to bed.
"Where's the ketchup?" I asked, looking up at my dad.
He rolled his eyes. "You and your ketchup." he said, shaking his head. "Who even puts ketchup on their chicken?"
I snorted and raised my hand. "I do. It tastes good."
Zoe rolled her eyes at me, also. "It's in the cabinet, Joe. You can go get up because we normal people do not like ketchup on chicken."
I sucked in a deep breath and stood up to get the ketchup. My dad laughed at what Zoe said as I went into the kitchen.
Dad liked Zoe more then me, I know that for a fact. She's smart, and has friends and doesn't lock herself up in her room every day and only come out for food. She's the total opposite of me. And even though I knew those comments were jokes, I couldn't help but feel as if I were a burden and should just go back up to my bedroom.
Once I got the ketchup and walked back to the table, I sat down and immediately grabbed the giant spoon thing - I forgot what's I called. Mental note: Google it later - and slapped two giant mountains of mashed potatoes on my plate and then put a lot of chicken on it before putting ketchup on the side.
My dad whistled low as I began to eat. "Woah kid, you eating for two? Somethin' I should know about?"
Zoe laughed, causing a piece of chicken to fall from her mouth, but I stayed silent; shoveling mashed potatoes in my mouth.
"Yeah Joey, you a carrier?"
I raised an eyebrow at my sister, chewing on some chicken covered in ketchup. "What's a carrier?" I asked around the chicken loaded between my teeth.
She blushed and dad looked at her, also curious. "J-just something I read online. Males who can get pregnant- um.."
I looked at her oddly before returning to my food.
"Hey, Joe, why is your nose bruised?" Dad asked.
I sighed and crossed my arms in front of my plate, shrugging. "No bwig deal," I said with a mouthful of food.
"Ugh," Zoe scoffed. "Eat before you speak, Joesph. Also it is a "big deal" as he says it is. He could've gotten a concussion if he didn't fall the way he did."
Dad set his fork down on his plate, looking at me. He had some mashed potato on the side of his lip.
"Fall? Concussion? Joseph, what happened?"
I rolled my eyes. "I just tripped over someone and almost broke my nose. No big deal," I waved my fork in the air.
"Really? Wrinkle your nose." Dad replied.
Giving my dad a bewildered look, I wrinkled my nose. It hurt a little, but not very much.
"See?" I said. "All is cheery on my face."
All is cheery on my face? Amazing. Just...amazing.
"Why didn't the school call me?" I sighed deeply, looking down at my food. Maybe if I could try that Spanish thing?
(Okay, yup, I know exactly why I do not have friends. I try to pretend I don't speak English to the man who raised me. Yup. I should be nominated king of the losers).
"I told them not to. Dad, it's not even that bad, really! Just a little sore. Besides I already filled out my Accident Report so it's fine."
Zoe snorted. "I can't believe you know all that information about yourself when Dad could just do it."
I just stared at my plate.
Suddenly, I didn't want to eat much anymore. I wanted the safety of my room.
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After dinner, and watching an hour of T.V as a family, (The Big Bang Theory. Zoe doesn't like the show very much, especially since I went out of my way to order it from America, but Dad likes it a little, and he says it's the only way to get me out my room so she should stop complaining) I went up to my room and shut the door.
Grabbing my remote control from my desk, I turned on the T.V and then sat down at my desk, opening up my laptop.
After searching through pages and pages of Science Projects, I wrote down a few that may interest Caspar. Maybe if he thinks the project is cool, he'll participate and not hate me so much.
As I put it neatly in my Science folder, I couldn't help but think of what Zoe said.
Don't let Caspar walk all over you.
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Falling asleep at 1 in the morning after staying on the computer for most of the night is a habit of mine that I should really stop.
Every day after I wake up from doing that, I feel as if I got hit by an invisible train or had all the liquid drained from my eyes.
When I woke up to Zoe's yelling, I moaned and rolled over in my bed. "I don't wanna get up," I said into my pillow.
Zoe, being the terrible sister she is, grabbed a hold of my pillow and yanked; causing my face to collide with my mattress.
Pain shooting through my face, I felt tears well up at the corner of my eyes and sat up, holding onto my nose.
"Oh my god," Zoe said, laughing. "I forgot about your nose - are you alright, Joe?"
Rolling over on my back, I dropped my hands and looked up at Zoe, who's mouth was hanging open and not laughing anymore.
"What?" I asked, sitting up. "Is is bad?"
She just bit her lip and put my pillow on my bed. "Well...you may want to let me lend you come concealer if you don't want be called bruise boy,"
I moaned and touched my nose. It felt weird. Like sore but...not.
"Concealer?" I said, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "Really?"
Zoe just shrugged. "Hey, you may be tanner than me, but it'll cover up your bruise. Are you sure it doesn't hurt that bad? Because if it hurts as bad as it looks..."
Getting up, I jogged quickly into my bathroom and looked into the mirror. My nose went purple and had a light yellow spot mixed in it with a light red over night, and it looked so horrible I felt like I was going to die.
Zoe then walked into the bathroom, holding her make up pouch.
"Zoe," I moaned, still observing the bruise in the mirror. "Everyone will be looking at me and talking about me behind my back, oh my god this is horrid."
She sat her make up pouch on the sink, and I frowned at it. "Are you sure it'll help? It may just make me look like a vampire with how much lighter you are than me."
Zoe rolled her eyes and put the toilet seat down, leaning down and patting it.
"Just sit here, Broseph, and let your big sissy take care of ya face." she said.
I sat down on the toilet, looking over at her. She pulled a thin tube of beige liquid out of her pouch.
"Do you think this'll work?" I asked as she unscrewed the cap.
"I don't know," she replied. "It might make it look slightly better than it is, or make you look odd. Just don't pay attention to anyone if they try and tease you. They're just being jerks."
I nodded as she unscrewed the cap. It seemed more like a lip gloss tube, rather than concealer. I'm terrible at make up, though, so who am I to judge? It's a good thing I'm naturally good looking.
(Haha wow Joe you're so funny hahahahaha shut up).
I tilted my head back slightly as Zoe brought the stick covered in concealer to my nose and painted some on it before setting it on the back of the toilet.
"It's cold," I said as she put a folded up napkin on my lap and started to rub the concealer into my face.
I winced slightly, squishing my face together and whining. Zoe put her hand on my head to try and get me to stay still.
"Joe, do you want to look ugly for the rest of the day?"
I relaxed my face and pouted as she rubbed the concealer on my nose it before getting some more and repeating the cycle.
"This feels bad and weird all at the same time." I said as she took a napkin and wiped some that dropped on my cheek.
"Of course it'll feel bad, you did smash your face in." Zoe replied. "Also, your sister is doing your makeup. That's kind of odd."
I laughed and tried to look down at my nose, crossing my eyes. I didn't see anything but my sister's hand on it.
God this is weird.
"There," she said after 5 or so minutes. "I tried the best I could, and I think it came out...okay."
I got up and walked to the mirror, examining my nose. You couldn't see any of the purple, and it looked odd, but as long as people don't look at me closely and try to figure out if I'm wearing concealer, I'll be fine.
After saying thank you to Zoe, and brushing my hair and teeth since I was already in the restroom, I went to my room and changed out of last nights clothes.
I didn't really own much of anything; just some skinny jeans, hoodies, and shirts with only three pairs of converse. I could possibly be so simple compared to my sister who has dozens of different outfits. I have like..three and they're all the same pants with different color t-shirts.
I got my book-bag and slung it over my shoulder, and then walked out of my bedroom door; shutting it behind me. When I got into the kitchen, I poured myself some orange juice and got a protein bar which I pocketed.
I made my lunch quickly after throwing out my old lunch from yesterday, which I forgot to put up last night.
My dad walked in when I was tucking a water-bottle inside the side of my bad.
"Hey, buddy." He said as he walked over to the cupboard and took out a cereal box.
"Morning, dad." was all I said. I walked over to the fridge which I left open and closed it.
I was just about to walk out of the kitchen before my dad cleared his throat. "So, um, Zoe said you have a Science Experiment your working on?"
I just stood there, shuffling on my feet awkwardly. "Um, yeah. It's a partner project..I got paired up with one of her friends."
Everything in my dad's body language was screaming awkwardness. Mine probably was, too.
"I remember those Science experiments we used to do when I was a kid," He said, not even looking at me. He was looking at his cereal box. "They used to be pretty fun, yanno. Though I never took them very seriously. I let me and my friends just goof off, and what happened? Got a bunch of F's. Pretty fun, but it caused me to get bad marks."
I just continued to look at him as he walked over to the fridge, pulling the milk out. As he got his breakfast ready, I felt like I should tell him about Caspar. About how I was an asshole to him, and how I was scared that he would make me do most of the work, and if I told him to do his own work, that I'd be scared of him beating me up or saying I'm a jackass to everyone.
Luckily, I didn't have to because Zoe came bounding down the stairs, wearing a dress with boots and her hair braided down her back.
As she started to talk to dad I walked out into the living room, waiting for them to finish eating and get ready to go to school.
I pulled my phone out and plugged my headphones in before taking my book out and reading.
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The car ride to school was short, which I was grateful for.
Today when we got out and said goodbye to dad, Zoe didn't have time to say anything to me. Louise, a girl with blonde hair with pink dyed tips, came running up to us.
"Zoe - Alfie - wanted -" I couldn't understand anything else she was saying. She was bending over, hands on knees and breathing in deeply.
Zoe had her hand on her right shoulder, trying to calm her down. "Louise! Calm down, you're going to die!"
It took awhile before Louise was breathing normally but when she was, she stood up and started to speak. "Zoe, Alfie wanted to - oh, hello, Joe."
Zoe looked over at me, probably wondering why I was still standing there. I laughed with discomfort, waving slightly at Louise. "Hi, Louise."
She glanced at Zoe and then back to me, a worried or panicked look on her face. I couldn't tell which one it was.
"Um, Joe, would you mind if I talked to Zoe...alone?"
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. "Sorry - I'll just - yeah.." I walked past them, and started heading towards the library.
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When I got to the reading area in the library, just like the day before, Phil was sitting there with the same Graphic Novel in front of him.
He must have heard me walk up to him because he looked up and smiled at me. "Good morning, Joe!"
I smiled back. "Good morning," I replied as I sat down in front of him, looking over at the book he was reading. "What are you reading?" I asked.
He shrugged, closing his book. It didn't have a dust jacket on it, so K tried to glance at the spine. "It's called Nightmares. Written by the guy from How I Met Your Mother. My aunt got it for me when she visited America 2 months ago. I was in the middle of reading a series, so I'm just starting it now."
I nodded. "I've never read a Graphic Novel. I usually read whatever I can get from the Library or book-store when my dad takes me."
"What type of Genres do you like most?"
I shrugged, bringing my hand up and rubbing the back of my neck. "Fantasy, Sc-Fi, Horror."
Phil nodded.
"What about you?" I asked quickly. I didn't really know how to keep a conversation going, so I decided to just try and ask questions.
Books can teach me a lot of things, but they can't teach me how to socalize. I think. Maybe there's a book called; 'How To Make Friends For Dummies'? Hmm...
"Graphic Novel and Fantasy. I don't really read anything other than that but Dystopian."
It started to feel awkward for a while, both of us not knowing what to say.
"Harry Potter is my favorite series," I said, looking at him. He was just looking at me. I had a feeling he didn't really want to speak to me, but was too polite to tell me to piss off.
I waited a moment before continuing. "What's yours?"
Phil shrugged. "I dunno.." He said.
Okay, everything about this conversation makes me want to slap myself. Why can't I ever keep a conversation going?
Looking down at my hands I started to fidle with them. I wanted to take my phone or book out, but that seemed rude.
I never actually had a serious conversation with anyone at this school other than Zoe, and she can't count since she's my sister, so that's really depressing.
"Hey, Joe? Why don't you have any friends?" Phil suddenly asked across the table. I looked up and he was staring at me.
"Um..." His eyes immediately widen and he slapped his right hand over his mouth.
"Oh my god," Phil said, his mouth muffling him. He took it down and face-palmed. "I'm so sorry, that was such a stupid thing to say-"
"It's okay," I said.
Phil looked at me in shock. "Y-You aren't angry at me?"
I just shrugged, as if I was saying 'What can you do?'
"Of course not. Why would I?"
He tilted his head. "But - I asked a rude question?"
I shrugged again. "It was a mistake. We aren't perfect, we all make mistakes."
Phil looked as if he was going to say something again, but at that moment and Dan walked in, a giant stain on his plain black t-shirt, some of it on his grey jacket.
"CAN YOU BELIEVE THOSE NEANDERTHALS?!" Dan exclaimed, grabbing his shirt and looking down at it with disgust. "Those fucking Stoners were walking in the hallway. With a bowl of soup in their hands!"
I smiled slightly as Phil laughed loudly, clutching his stomach. "A-A bowl of soup?" Phil said, still laughing with his fingers clawing into his green tee. "How does this stuff happen to you?"
Dan angrily shook his shirt and took off his bag, throwing it on the floor before sitting down next to Phil. He brushed his hair out of his eyes. "They're the Stoners, Phil. What else do you expect? It doesn't make me any more happier because the Fuckboys saw and decided to make some dumbass joke which I will not repeat."
"Fuckboys?" I asked, tilting my head.
Dan was about to say something but Phil cut him off before he could even get the first word out of his mouth. "Dan has a habit of, well, sorting people into 'Social Groups,' as he says."
I snorted. "Social Groups?" I asked. "Like Mean Girls?"
Phil laughed again and Dan shrugged again. "Pretty much, yeah."
"What are they?"
Dan sighed and Phil put his face in his palm again, groaning.
"Please, don't get him started, the list takes forever -"
"Well," Dan started. "There's the Stoners, and the Fuckboys, and the Loners, and the Readers, and the Gamers, and the Theatrical Nerds, and the Rich Kids, and the Ireland boyband -" I decided not to ask about that. "- and the Cool Cats, and the losers."
I tilted my head. "Which Social Group are you in?"
"Dan is in the Existential Crisis group."
Dan shoved Phil over, who was laughing again.
"Exit - Pencil - Crisis?" I asked. "What's that?"
Dan stared at me blankly. "Ex-is-tential crisis, Joe. Not Exit - Pencil - Crisis!" He shook his head at me. "Anyways, we shall not talk about that right now. All I'm saying is the people in this school travel by packs of their own kind, and I'm sort of a loner. Phil himself is just a pure Social butterfly. I'm not about that life."
Phil rolled his eyes. "Ever since you heard that random kid say 'I ain't about that life' that's all you've been saying!"
Dan ignored him, his turn to roll his eyes. "The point is, Joe, do not walk down the hallway while Stoners are running down the halls with soup in their hands. You will regret it."
Then, the bell rang, signaling first period.
Dan, Phil, and I stood up together and walked out.
"Also, Joe, you should come find us at lunch sometime." Phil said before I rounded the corner to Science.
"Yeah..I'll try." I replied.
Then they walked away, and the worries of next period filled my head.