Author's Note!
Hello reader! There is reference to suicide in this chapter. If you are sensitive to this topic, please don't read this chapter. I love each and everyone of you, who ever out there feels alone in the world... you are very important and valued, even if it feels like the contrary.
Happy reading !
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"Mom cheated?" I whisper.
"Yes..." Jason sighs. "It's why they'd argue so much. Dad couldn't live with the thought of you not being really his. So he left."
I feel a knot form in my stomach. I feel sick. All this time I thought it was him who left. He was the bad guy. But now... now it's me. I'm the reason. And no one told me. They let me believe he was my dad, my hero. The one male figure in my life I loved the most, isn't even my blood. Who's my father then? Where could he be? Why did mom cheat? From my memory, he was everything a woman could ever want. I know he wasn't perfect, but he made it work. And mom just didn't see it. She... she broke us. Or maybe, she started it but I finished it...?
"I'm sorry, Lea." Jason speaks again. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Nothing is your fault."
Now that the truth was set free, he realizes how much isn't my fault.
"I'm so sorry. I think I was just looking for someone to yell at. I couldn't do it with Alexander or Christian. You're the only one here." He continues. "Lea... my gosh."
He covers his face with his hands. Out of the two of us that should be falling apart is me. I should be the one covering my face in embarrassment, in pain, in frustration.
"Now you're sorry?" I can feel tears falling down my cheeks faster than ever. "I don't want your sorry. I don't want any of this. I want nothing to do with you.. or-or- this family."
"Lea-"
"Everything I do crumbles in front of me. Maybe that was how I was meant to be. I'm a bastard daughter." I let the truth sink into my heart and mind.
I don't know what I feel anymore. It's not numb because I imagine I wouldn't be crying this much. I can't catch my breath. There isn't much to say anymore. There isn't more to do. Maybe if I just disappear, take myself out of the equation, everything would be better. I quickly run to the front door, ignoring my half-brothers screams. I run every which way to lose him. I just want to be gone. Alone won't fix what's happened.
As I keep running, I feel something vibrate on my thigh. I forgot I have my phone with me. I don't bother pulling it out to see who it is. It has to be Jason calling me to come back. But I won't. I can't. Everything has happened because of me. That's all that there is to it.
Instinctively, I arrive at James's treehouse. Thankfully, he's not here. But do I want to be here? They'll surely find me here. With stopping, I realize how out of breath I am. I place my hand onto the tree and lean forward. A good rest will do.
"This can't be true." I tell myself out loud. "W-why would the universe do this to me?"
I search through my mind and try to find an explanation. Is this karma coming back to bite me? Everything I've done in life was for the better. Was moving here the curse? Was just simply my life doomed??
"I-I don't get it." I fall to the ground and begin to sob so loud, I can't hear myself think anymore.
I have never been this lost. I place my hands onto the green, itchy, grass. I let my shoulders bob up and down, up and down. With each breath, I can't seem to let go of this pressure. My mom cheated on dad and then made me. God, so many questions but they all form into one. Who is he? But I don't think I want to stay and find out.
With one swift breath, I sit up. I move my hands onto my thighs and breathe. Theres no use in crying anymore. Everything I do just makes things worse. I've tried so hard to make things better. This stupid investigation will lead no where, I'm sure. It costed me my brother, another in the hospital. You know what, it'll cost me too.
Now... now this is what it's like to feel numb.
~~~~~~
Jason's POV
"Pick up, pick up, pick up." The rings go but no one answers. "Damn it!"
I fight the urge not to throw my phone. What the hell is wrong with me? She is my sister no matter what events happened. How could I tell her she's not my real sister?! I run my hands through my hair, frustrated. I need to call anyone but mom. She'd freak.
I quickly look through my contacts and try to find anyone of use. I have to find her. Mom is not an option. Neither is any of my brothers. I don't need anyone else making it worse. I'd rather deal with everything once I know Lea is safe. Oh Gosh where could she be??
My finger instantly stops at the name "James." What other choice do I have?
Ring..... ring..... ring..... ri-
"Hello?" James answers.
I close my eyes and instantly regret calling. This is so awkward. He probably thinks I want round two with him.
"Why are you calling me?" He questions.
I've stayed silent too long.
"Hey... uh..." I search for the right words. "Lea's gone."
Maybe that wasn't the right choice of words.
"What do you mean she's gone?!" I can hear him start to panic.
I sigh. "I said some things I shouldn't have and she ran off."
"I'm on my way." He says.
~~~~~~~~
We decided to walk around the neighborhood together. I thought we should've split up to cover more ground but then I remembered I never took the time to walk around here like Lea did. James is my only hope to finding her. He knows the place more than I do. I would've gotten lost on my own. Though, that's really hard to admit.
"What did you say to her?" James asks for the millionth time.
"I'm really starting to regret calling you." I answer.
Why can't he just stay quiet and walk? That's the only reason why I called him. It was definitely not to talk.
"Why did you?" He asks.
"You're the only other person who knows the neighborhood." I say. "Trust me, I wish I knew someone else."
"If we can't find her, we're going to have to call the cops." He says. "This isn't like her."
"The cops are not an option. Toby is with my mom and I'm sure he'd get the call that she's missing. I don't want anyone else involved." I answer. "Now can you please, shut up and look for her."
We stay silent and look away from eachother. This is too uncomfortable. More uncomfortable than when I was stuck in the Uber with Lea. I really wanted to talk to her then. We shared a sibling look when we realized who our Uber driver was. I felt so at peace... only for a moment. For a moment, it was normal. And then my stubborn ass ruined it. I should've talked to her like a normal person. This wasn't any of her fault. Especially Christian. Why would I think to say that?!
"What did you say to her for her to run off?" James stops on his tracks. "I'm not taking another step with you until you tell me. I'll be more than happy to look for her myself."
I turn around and give him a tired look. Maybe a mix of annoyance as well. How could Lea like someone like this? He's too persistent.
"She found out she's my half sister." I confess.
His mouth falls open. It's not worth keeping it from him because I'm sure Lea will tell him everything once we find her. I hope that was enough to satisfy his needs for information.
"Are you serious?" He questions.
"Was that enough for you to keep walking and shut up?"
He scoffs and shakes his head. Okay, I know. Asshole move. I was in the heat of the moment. I don't know why, but I just wanted to hurt someone. I felt (still feel) so angry and in pain. I couldn't find another way to relieve this pressure. But it wasn't even worth it. It did nothing for me other than make the feeling worse. Now I'm stuck with this idiot and I lost my sister. I wonder how mom will feel about this. I'm sure she'll know soon enough.
"I think I might know where she could be." James says.
That fills me with some hope.
~~~~~~~~
Lea's POV
I take a deep breath and get up from the ground. This is my fault. Jason was right. He is right. I was destined to be this mess. How could I not be? I wipe my knees from any dirt and walk farther from the tree house. As I grow closer to the edge of the other side of the hill, my heart begins to race.
I never thought to do anything like this before. I've had my fair share of bad days. But this? This isn't a bad day. This is a realization of a bad life. I can't do it anymore. I can't live this life anymore.
Maybe in the next one, I'll be happier.
I'll make my way back to James. I know I will. Anything has to be better than this. Everyone should understand. I don't think I write leave a letter... should I?
No. Why should I?
This life never treated me fairly. Why should I leave everyone else here a sense of satisfaction?
Fortunately, I find a small lake. It's so beautiful. I quickly make my way down the hill and get to the lake. It's not far. This might be the only luck I have to finding something, anything, to help me. I throw my phone on the ground, along with my necklace that my mom gave me and a ring on my index finger that I bought a while back. If they want anything that's apart of me, they have that.
~~~~
Jason's POV
"What the hell is this?" I question. "Your sister's treehouse? Why would she be here?"
"It's mine, actually." James says. "We... we had our first kiss here. I told her how I'd come here when I needed time away from everything. Maybe she'll be here."
He runs up to the latter and quickly climbs up. I stay down at the bottom. First kiss? I don't have time to play big brother now.
"Lea?" I can hear him call. "Lea? Hello?"
She's not here. Damn it. Damn it, damn it.
"She's not here." He confirms.
Now I'm getting worried. She couldn't have gone far. If she's not here, then where?
"This is bad." James says. "This isn't like her."
"Can you stop saying that? I know!" I scream, frustrated.
Think. Think. Think. I wish I knew this place. I wish I knew more about Lea. Since we've gotten here, she's been alone. Since everything happened, she's been alone. I should've helped her. This isn't how this was supposed to be.
I watch James walk away toward the other side of the hill. Probably to think. Maybe I'm making him nervous or stressed. I don't know how to contain this. I just lost Lea. Even when we find her, I still lost her. It will never be like before. Our family will never be like before. How did I lose my twin and my sister? My sister. My real sister. That's who she'll always be.
"LEA!" James runs.
He found her? Why did he just scream her name?! She's for sure going to run. Great going, James.
I run my fastest to catch up to James. Why is he so frantic?
"Wha-" once I catch up to him, I finally look forwards. My heart drops. I can feel tears rushing to the surface. She couldn't have possibly attempted this. "LEA!"
We both run as fast as we can, I'm sure with our hearts about to burst. I can't keep up with my breath but I don't care. I push down the nausea and the knot formed tight in my stomach.
The next thing I know, her head is deep into the lake.
"LEA! LEA NO!" James screams.
We both run into the lake and try our best to fight against the laky water. It stinks and it's so squishy. That's the least of my worries... how could she do this?!
The water goes down deep, fast. I quickly dive. Swimming is much quicker. We're losing time.
Lea's POV
Just breathe in the water.
Close your eyes, water is peace.
I'll be happy soon. It'll be okay.
"Yes you will, my sweet baby." The voice in my head rings.
"I love you, dad. I always will. Even if you never wanted me." I respond in my head.
I can feel the dirty water fill my lungs. It's not a good feeling... the water doesn't feel peaceful. It feels disturbed. I take quicker breaths. How could someone have found me so fast? That has to be the ripples around me, right? I'm not fighting against it so it's not me.
Don't pull me up.
Don't pull me up.
I take one deep breath... and it's all dark.
Jason's POV
"I can't see anything!" I scream to James.
This lake is pitch black. I can't find her.
"COME ON!" I scream and go back under water.
I'm moving my hands frantically to try and touch anything. Hair? A limb? God, please help me. Everytime I go under, it's harder to hold my breath. My heart rate isn't helping. It's skyrocketing.
Suddenly, I feel ripples next to me. That has to be James.
I can't breathe.
I swim back up for more air. I can't lose my sister.
This can't happen.
James's POV
I felt something. I swear I did. Im fighting the urge to swim back up for air. I have her. I quickly stretch my arms and hope to God it's her. I feel around and feel something. It's an arm. I move my hand closer and feel some hair.
ITS HER!
With little strength I have left because I can feel myself about to pass out, I drag her up to the surface.
"I got her!" I scream.
Jason swims towards me to help me out. I cough a little but that doesn't matter. Her limp body... she looks so empty.
"Oh, why would you do this?" I question, hoping she'd reply.
"Is she- is she breathing?" Jason yells.
"I don't know, get to the grass!" I scream.
I don't know how long we've been swimming but my arms ache. I haven't stopped to take a breath and I don't care. Lea needs to survive this.
Thankfully, we pull her to shore. I jump into action and start CPR.
"1...2..3" I count in a steady beat.
I do mouth to mouth, then start again "1...2..3.."
Come on, baby.
"1...2...3..."
You can't leave me like this.
"1...2.."
"She's not moving, James." Jason says, frantically.
I can see him pacing around with his hands on his head. "What do I do?! What do I do?!"
"I don't know!" I scream back. "She's not dead. She can't be dead. She just needs her heart started again. That's all.." I try to convince myself.
"Yeah.. that's all." I whisper.
"James." Jason says.
"1...2...3"
"James." Jason calls again.
He's insane if he thinks I'm stopping. I press my lips against hers and blow.
I can hear him scoff and walk a couple paces back. He must be calling someone, finally.
"Come on, Lea. Wake up." I say. "Baby, you can't do this. Why-w-"
I can feel my body start to feel the panic. How long has this adrenaline been pumping?
I stop compressions and cup her face. She's so cold. I lean my ear towards her chest to maybe hear a heart beat. Nothing. How long had she been under? How much water did she inhale?
"You have to wake up." I can feel tears falling down my cheeks. "I love you. And you have to wake up so I can hear you say it back. I love you. I love-I love you."
I cross my palms onto her chest, and start up compressions again.
"You're coming back." I say. "You don't have a choice."
She's coming back. She's coming back.
"1...2...3...."