"Hey Sofia, wait up" my brother yelled after me as I was already walking towards the door. We had somehow managed to get through the dinner both me and my mum sitting in the table. I wasn't ready to face her just yet and I didn't really want to, the way she had spoken everything and everyone I loved had been too much for me.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I just wanted to check up on you and talk to you before you leave" he seemed a bit bothered.
"Yeah, okay" I nodded and we grabbed out coats stepping outside in the cold air.
"Look, I know you think that I am team mum all the way" he sighed. "But I really am not, I know where she is coming from but I don't agree with her. She loves you but she doesn't understand you. I do. I think it's awesome that you did that test and if it was up to me you would do so many more. I had always admired you, you were so talented and even though mum might have thought that you weren't good enough or would say that karting was waste of money and time, we would always sneak out with dad to see you race." Viktor looked sad but I could tell he had some good memories.
"She didn't let you watch me racing? But I she always said that you had watched every race together when I came to visit" It really did sting a bit.
"Yeah, racing was a very much forbidden subject in the house, she didn't want to lose anyone else to it I guess. She loved Mick, but hated the Schumacher family because you always talked about them so highly, still do and yeah, it was hard on her, but the way she treated you today was too much. I just wanted you to know that I'm really proud of you and have always been" he smiled to me sadly.
"Thanks, I know that" I said pulling him into a hug.
"So Italy huh?"
"Yeah, you need to come and visit, you would love it there" I smiled to my older brother.
"I will, so when are you leaving?" he looked a bit more worried and I think he had a hunch that I wouldn't be sticking around much longer.
"In two days, I'm gonna visit Mick and his family for sometime and then I'm off to Dubai with Lando and his friends and I think I'm going to fly straight to Italy from there after all that" I nodded with a sad smile. "I'm sorry"
"Hey don't be, I think it's a good for you two keep some distance for a while and it's not like we've been seeing each other that much before, so I think we're gonna be just fine"
"Yeah, okay, I love you" I told him before I left and he went back inside. I found Lando who was freezing next to our car as I had the keys.
"I hate cold" he mumbled as I opened the doors and we got in.
"I don't" I pointed out.
"Yeah, but you're crazy" he pointed out and I let our a little laugh. Then he got more serious. "Are you okay?" he asked me as I was starting the steering wheel in front of me.
I wasn't really sure how I was feeling after the brutally honest chat with my mum. Lando had no idea what she had said to me but I was guessing he had gotten the fact that it wasn't too pleasant out of my body language. But to my surprise I felt okay, I felt free.
"I think I am" I finally nodded my head. "I mean it was a bit hurtful, but I feel like finally there is no fake smiles and all that between us, I know how she feels about the way I have lived my life and I finally know that she really does hate everything motorsport related including me. But finally she admitted it and I'm finally aware of that" I tried to come up with something smart to say, but didn't really make much sense after all.
"I'm just happy that there is no secrets between us and that she was finally honest about how she feels" I summarised my thoughts.
"Okay" Lando smiled at me. "If you say so"
"Yeah and I really mean it" I smiled at him. "You wanna go do something fun?" I asked him my eyes shining.
"You I'd never say no to that" he smirked.
"Oh my god, not like that" I screamed and bunched him on the arm.
"I know, I'm just messing with ya" he laughed, I shook my head to the guy.
"I mean I don't mind if we end the day there, but let's make a little detour" I grinned shutting the guy up and drove towards the ocean. I had been minus degrees already over a month so I hoped that the place I thought was there would be there.
"Wait what are you doing?" I could hear the small panic on Lando's voice as he watched me drove to the ocean. Except it was frozen so there was no need to panic.
"You'll see, wait here" I told the guy and got up from the car running to the little switch on the tree. I pressed it and the part of the ice lighted up. We had brought and installed the lights here on our own with couple of friends of mine back in the day, so we would see the track we had build on the ice every winter. And just like I had thought it was up once again.
I jumped back into the car and met really surprised face of Lando.
"So how do you feel about driving on ice?" I asked making some changes on the car setup before launching forwards towards the track. It was just about a kilometre long and part of it was in the dark, but it was the best time always. I knew it like a back of my hand as we always built it the same, so we had been able to see the changes in our times. Also the way the car slide and drifted on the ice was the best fun.
"I haven't really ever done it so I don't know" the guy next to me told me while hanging on the handle above the window. I knew how unpleasant it was to sit in a car when someone else was behind the wheel but he had done it to me, in a much faster car in a real track so this was just fair. I brought the car to stop before turning to look the guy next to me.
"You have never driven on ice?" I looked at him in disbelieve. In Finland there was no point of having a driver's licence if you didn't know how to drive on ice as the roads were covered by the snow or ice half of the year.
"Nope"
"Okay, come on we're changing places" I told the guy jumping out of the car as we switched so Lando was the one behind the wheel now.
After messing around on the track for a while we were dying on laughter. "You were right when you said this would be fun" Lando admitted with a huge smile on his face.
"I know" I said cocky and grinned to the guy. I was happy.
"Come on" I said once again getting up from the car. I walked little further on the snow and Lando followed me. I was really late and the sky was clear and full of stars. It was something you didn't see in those big cities we traveled a lot during the year. I stopped after a little while and just stared up.
"It's pretty" I told Lando when he finally got next to me.
"Yeah, very pretty" he sighed and I turned to look at him just to find him already looking at me.
"Lando"
"Sof"
"I love you"
"I love you too"
.
I had just gotten back from my trip to the airport and it was already dark as I made my way through the little paths on the cemetery. I came here as often as I could. I always placed a candle first to my grandma's grave and stayed there a while before moving on to my uncle's grave.
"Hey Unc" I smiled to the stone and lighted up the second candle on my hands. "So I did it, I drove a F1 car. You should've seen it, it was awesome and even if that didn't end up to be my job, even that one experience in that thing was more than enough to make me smile for the rest of my days, and I owe it all to you."
"My parents weren't too happy about it though, but I don't really care cause I know how it would've made you smile to stand there next to the track cheering as I would've been flying past you. Other than that there is not much anything new to tell you, except that I'm starting a new job with Ferrari, the Ferrari that Michael basically gave his all and I'm just so excited to be able to keep his legacy alive in a way too. I just wished you were here to see it, both of you"
"Well, anyways merry Christmas and I love you"
I slowly walked away from the grave. I didn't feel sad coming here anymore. I just felt closer to him and it was all that mattered.
There was on more stop to make before I would be heading back to home.
I stopped in front of the ocean of candles and lighted one more putting it among the others that were for those who were buried somewhere else or were far away from us some other ways.
"Long time no see, A" I smiled as I quietly spoke to my candle. "It did work by the way, Pierre for sure thought that I would've been a dude, and yes you heard it right I met your precious Pierre. But most of all I just wanted you to know that I did it"
"I got back on track"