back on track

46. the one with me being a shitty friend

"Did you have fun today?" Lando asked as we laid on the couch of his room watching Friends.

"I did yeah" I smiled softly to the memories. "Thanks for taking me" I turned to look at the guy.

"My pleasure" he grinned.

We had said byes to everyone on the track and decided to hang out just alone while we had time. And there wasn't that much time usually, so we needed to take any chance we got if we wanted to spend time together. For example, this week this would probably be the last time I would see him before the driver's press conferences on Thursday and even that wasn't certain. It was a bit bummer, especially now that we had decided to see where this whole thing was going, but that wasn't possible if we couldn't spend anytime together. In paddock I could talk to him but if we wanted to keep this away from the media there needed to be a good meter between us so any photographer or journalist wouldn't get the wrong idea. Besides that, I was usually always stuck with someone from Ferrari, mostly the drivers and we didn't really want to make our thing even that public yet either, so it left us with these nights that we were both off work. I was fine with it knowing that soon enough I was going to be done with my internship and had no idea if my future even was in F1 or something else which left me once again wondering the whole Lando situation.

"What are you thinking?" Lando pulled me out of my thoughts. He was looking me curiously.

"Just what happens when I leave" I told him.

"So, sad stuff" he stated making me shook my head amused.

"I guess. I'm just wondering if I ever end up back here" I said leaning my head back.

"Well, there is months to think about that still, right?" Lando asked starting to sound a little doubtful of everything.

"Not really" I sighed and sat up so I would see the guy properly. "I've meant to talk to you guys about this but haven't really remembered or wanted to" I began looking down. "There is only three races left of my internship" I said slowly.

"What?!" Lando looked at me shocked. "Three, after this weekend?" his eyes were round as he stared at me like he waited me to tell I was joking.

"No, three all together, so this weekend plus Italy and Russia" I said quietly and Lando dropped back staring the ceiling instead of me now.

"So what are we gonna do then?" he sounded heartbroken and it made it hard for me to even breath knowing it was my fault.

"I need to be in school til the end of November, and after that I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life to be honest" I sighed. "I don't even know if there is any jobs open in the paddock, but at least after that I'm free to do whatever I want and go where ever I want" I shrugged knowing it didn't really help either of us or how we were feeling.

"But I just got you? And now you're leaving?" Lando buried his face on his hands and that broke me.

"I know" I almost whispered not finding power to speak.

"Sof, that's not fair" he said and this was the first time I had seen him sad. Like really sad, which made it hard for me not to cry right now. I didn't know what to say so I just cuddled closer to him wrapping my hands around him and whispered sorry to his ear.

"Do you think we should end this?" was the question that made my tears broke out. Not this again. This would be already a second time this would happen to us. I was finally happy.

"If you want to" I said with a shake voice.

"You know I don't want to" he said and I sighed.

"But?" I asked knowing there was something he left out.