Marinette's POV
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
While my head had returned, my heart had not. I was just a corpse of knowledge, wondering what it felt like to have something beating in my empty chest cavity.
I had all the memories from the life I lived before: the girl I used to be. But was that girl still me? Was I different now? Did those things actually happen to me, or a different version of myself? Did Felix expect me to harbor the same feelings I did back then?
While I "knew" everything that happened to me, I didn't "feel" it. I knew I loved Felix, but why hadn't that loved returned to me? Where was my heart?
It was as if I was seeing clearly for the first time - when I loved him, I saw him through a lense fogged with my emotions. Now that there was literal space and time between me and him, I truly saw him and our relationship for what it was: me being disappointed over and over. Why would I want to inflict that on myself in this world? I hated that! I hated him!
I shivered in the cold, drawing my clear umbrella closer to my head. The snowflakes danced from the sky, powdering the ground with what reminded me of a thin icing on a vanilla cake. It was only October, yet it was snowing. I blankly stared out at the frozen canal beneath me. Felix and I once came to this spot when he asked me if I wanted to go to the gala with him. We sat on a bench overlooking this beauty. That was a lifetime ago.
I sighed.
My mind was a much lonelier place now.
Felix and my mental bond had finally broken - it had been fading this entire time. Right before it disappeared completely, I saw something in his mind. It was the same thing I'd seen right after I died. Something that would change everything. Something that would fix every problem Paris ever had. Finally, I knew how to stop Hawk Moth, Natalie, and the Eel all at once. But I didn't think I was ready for it.
If I did it, would my feelings for Felix return? Either way, that wasn't important. Nor was this a decision about me. It was for Mom, Dad, friends, and everyone whose lives were endangered by the threat of akumas. It was my obligation as a hero.
This was sad. And dreary.
"God, I don't want to do this," I said, trying to hold back tears. If I cried, they'd freeze down my face like an ice sickle.
A grey sky and silence.
"Please let there be another way," I whispered.
More silence.
"I can't. I won't! Not unless I see him. If he walks right by me, then I'd listen. If not..."
I cautiously surveyed my surroundings - dim buildings lit with yellow lights, trees, icy walkways, and strangers carrying umbrellas and dressed in thick jackets. No sign of him. Now I was praying my prayer was unheard.
Relief.
"Thank you," I whispered, about to return home, satisfied with God's response - or rather, lack of response.
No!
I made eye contact with him. Felix was striding below on the walkway. He wore a black jacket, and a blue scarf. Wait a second - I had made him a blue scarf in the previous world. That was not the one I made. Unless, he went out and bought himself one that looked just like it. Should I be creeped out or flattered?
There was a certain tension in the frigid air - almost like a strange sort of electricity that was only magnified by the cold. His blonde hair was ruffled from the wind - and also wet from the snow. He didn't have an umbrella.
I wanted to run! To hide! No! I didn't want to do it! But I promised myself I would.
The slightest nod was enough of a welcome for Felix to join me on the bridge. His presence brought with it a certain warmth. I could feel myself standing under his frame. I raised my umbrella, and gave a nod that asked a question. He rejected my offer without saying a single word.
Did he hate me that much now? Just because I told him I hated him last week? Did he despise me so much that he'd rather freeze in the cold instead of being close to me under an umbrella? Oh well. It couldn't be helped. And it didn't matter anyway. How could I consider it a loss, when I didn't even remember the feeling of love I'd be losing?
"It's broken," I whispered.
He nodded.
"It is," he said. His voice sounded raspy. Perhaps he was coming down with a cold.
"Now you can't spy on me in my own brain," I said, my fingers tightening on the umbrella.
He didn't say a word. He knew he was guilty and took advantage of that bond.
"I've resigned my position at Agreste Inc.," I said.
There was a tense pause. For a moment, I wondered if he was going to unclench his jaw and respond. Unless, he was trying to swallow angry words.
"I know," He finally said, with a large huff. His breath puffed like a cloud of cigarette smoke.
"I just feel like I need ...," I paused, unsure of what I was trying to say, "to be away. To think clearly."
He met me with a sad gaze.
"I mean, I lived and died. I died. I remember it. I remember that I was pulled from my body. And it wasn't dark. It was ...I was going somewhere, and then it stopped. Then I ...I guess my life started again," I said, "And I saw the answer. I know. And I know you know."
Felix's lips parted, and I saw the slightest glimmer of hope in those jade eyes. He knew I could free him from the Eel. He also knew that it was my decision to make. And only mine. After all, I was the guardian and the fate of the Miraculous rest in my hands.
"This is our final bond. Once I release this, I will have no ties to you," I said.
"Do what you will," he muttered.
"I will," I said, slowly reaching out my hands towards his. I removed his gloves and rest them on the bridge's stone railing. His hands were ice. For a moment, I allowed my fingers to trail over his palms, and with it memories followed.
That time we baked cookies in the bakery. Playing around and smearing frosting on each other. Then we kissed, or rather, I licked frosting off of his lips. I frowned at the memory. I shouldn't be thinking of moments like that. Not when I was trying to free myself from him.
I guided his bare hands to my ears. He responded by pressing his forehead against mine and narrowing the space between us, until there was none. I was in his embrace and he was holding me. His fingers traced my earlobes, and I could feel his breath growing heavier - it flowed down my nose and neck - warming me in the slightest.
"Don't get distracted," I scolded.
"Right," he said, slowing his breath.
To the world, we looked like two lovers having a tender moment, but really we were two heroes, giving all to save all.
"I release you," I said, a tremble creeping through my body.
"And I you," Felix whispered, the words sounded as if they burned his throat.
"I wish for freedom," I said, "Return to that which you came."
The wish.
Just like that, two bodies of light burst forth from our Miraculouses in a swirling mix of black and red. Slowly the lights separated.
The first spirit was made of pure red rays - she wore a flowing gown that blended into her hair. She smiled at me, giving me a thankful nod, before disappearing. The black spirit, merely stared at Felix, before trailing into the sky. That actually kind of hurt.
Here these spirits who had lived with us for five years, seemed to have no connection to us. Leaving us was easy. Then again, they were our prisoners in a sense - we beckoned their power when we needed it and did what we wanted with their abilities as we saw fit. Many times, probably against their will. No wonder they had no allegiance. That didn't take away the stinging in my chest.
Goodbye to Ladybug and Chat Noir - now that we'd broken them from their prison of a Miraculous, they were free to return to Heaven. Or at least that's what I believed had just happened.
I could never be her again. That girl with all the power - that hero who saved the day - the girl who I envied and compared myself to. Even though I was the same girl, I'd miss the confidence I felt when hiding behind a mask and powers. There was also a certain terror in knowing that everything that happened from now on was permanent. I couldn't Miraculous Ladybug a broken city or a hurt body.
What if Luka died again? What if our bakery got destroyed? What if I was ever in a position where I couldn't defend myself with human strength? Who would be the hero now? Was this a mistake? Maybe I shouldn't have destroyed everything.
Felix suddenly pulled away from me, bending over, and clasping his heart.
"Get out," he mumbled to the Eel.
This is my body! This is my body! It hissed, loud enough for both of us to hear.
"Never again will you control another human," Felix said, "Now, get out!"
Please! Don't make me go! You are my Fallen! You are the only worthy! Please let me stay.
Felix began to cough, as a black steam poured from his mouth, eyes, and ears. He gasped for air and choked at the same time. He sounded like he was dying. He looked like death itself.
"Felix!" I exclaimed.
"I'm fine," he gagged, holding up a hand as if to telling me to stay back.
Finally, the navy spirit sprung from his body. Unlike the Ladybug and Chat Spirits, the Eel's snakelike form was pulled beneath the earth, disappearing into the pure white snow. Not a single stain was left.
"You're free," I said, dropping to my knees and placing a hand on Felix's back.
"Everyone is," He muttered, catching his breath. His entire face was flushed a deep red.
That was true. All the Miraculous spirits had been released from their gemstone prisons. Never again, would a zodiac's powers be available for use of a human. I would never again be Ladybug and Felix would never be Chat Noir. Mr. Agreste would never be able to akumatize people and Natalie would never be subjected to the sickness of the broken Peacock Miraculous. Everyone was free. That was the wish - the combination of the Ladybug and the Chat - it was like a self destruct button.
For years, it was believed that the combination of the Miraculouses would give anyone the power to wish for anything they wanted. It was limitless greed. However, God knew that if anyone ever got to that point, the powers would need to be destroyed. The powers were gifts given to humanity and if used improperly would be taken away and returned.
And now...five years of my life as Ladybug were over. My time as a hero was finished. Now I was just Marinette, a normal girl with a normal life. Was it really all over? No. No. It couldn't be! It couldn't be!
"Felix!" I cried.
His eyes sharpened on me.
"Felix," it turned into a weep, as I fell to my knees and crawled over to him. He instinctively wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his embrace, allowing me to bury my face into his chest.
"What have I done?" I sobbed.
He kissed the side of my ear.
"What was right," he said. I could feel his voice rattling in my chest.
"What will I do now?" I asked, squeezing my fingers into the back of his wet hair. I could feel his neck muscles tighten.
"You'll live your life. A very good life," he said, his voice softening.
My crying slowed, and for a moment - just a moment - perhaps I understood a fraction of the love I once had for this man. He was loyal. Always loyal. He kept his word and honored his promises.
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to enjoy his touch. His hand freely moved from my nape to my back. If I could actually feel his hand against my skin, I think I'd melt into a puddle. Thankfully, my jacket was very thick and was probably the only thing holding my structure together.
Somehow our faces grew closer, and it was the most natural thing in the world for me to kiss him. He guided his lips towards mine, and I felt one of my arms curl around his nape, as my fingers trailed his jaw, inviting him. Never in my life had I felt so eager to kiss someone. My heart was racing, pounding, drumming. I think I was even shaking. Unless, it was Felix. I take that back...we were both shaking.
Despite the raging longings, I gave him the slightest nudge, and he snapped out of the trance, staring at me with puzzled eyes. We were both breathless, our faces burning, and we hadn't even kissed. How could we be this intoxicated simply by being close?
"Love is patient," I said quickly, "You once told me."
He glanced past me, as if trying to recall his words.
"I don't know how long it will take me to return to my previous feelings. Honestly, I don't know if they will ever fully return," I said.
He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.
"Don't try to love who I was. I've had a year alone. Without you. I've done alot of thinking. And I want you to know me for who I am now," he said, his glance was almost frantic around my face. As if he was having a hard time suppressing his urge to kiss me. As a result, our gaze felt very, very tense and heavy. As if there was an invisible magnet begging us to unite.
"Hopefully you haven't changed too much," I said, shaking my free hand, trying to calm myself.
He took a deep breath and stared down at our mangled hands. With the broken eye contact, the tension weakened.
"But I thought you hated me?" He questioned, his voice carrying a hint of sarcasm. Yet, I knew his question was serious. What I'd said last week hurt him. But then again, wasn't this payback for all the many, many times he led me on and hurt me? I scolded myself for such an immature thought.
"Oh, I definitely do. But sometimes, just sometimes, I don't not hate you," I said.
"Oh, I see. Glad to hear it's only sometimes," he said with a smirk, "You should be happy to know that I'm still me. Just a little more well-rounded. I hope you can let me prove to you that I'm a better man now," he said.
I smiled, thinking of how cute he looked when he was sincere. I chuckled to myself.
"Just don't become too rounded. I sometimes like your edges," I said, playfully ruffling his hair and then pressing his nose.
"Sometimes," He smiled - a true smile that lit up those green eyes. I guess the Eel had forever left a mark on his body. It was okay. I quite liked them.
"Precisely," I smirked, "Only sometimes."
"Alright then," he said, "Only since you're asking for it."
Should I be afraid of that mischief in his eyes?
He was quick to pull me to himself, and ruffle my hair until it was completely fluffy. I laughed so hard I began to snort, as I begged him to stop.
"Hey!" I scolded, catching my breath and smoothing my head, "It took me a long time to straighten my hair."
"And mine didn't?" He said, flirtatiously running a hand over his hair as if he was a fashion model, "You heartlessly destroyed mine," he said with a smirk.
"I doubt that," I muttered, "It doesn't even look like you're trying," I said, pointing to some scruff that was starting to grow around his jaw line. Why did it feel so good to flirt with him again? Perhaps I did miss him. Perhaps my feelings would start to grow back the more time we had together.
"What are you trying to say?" He said, attempting to sound offended.
"Maybe I can fix it," I said, reaching for his head. I threw myself at him with too much eagerness and force, that I collided with him, knocking him to the ground.
He laid there, with me on top of him, staring up as the snow fluttered along side us. His face grew serious and all our laughter ceased. It was as if we were the only two people in the world. There was nothing besides our gaze. His eyes were a stilled ocean - his love and longing perfectly clear to see. And if I looked close enough, perhaps I'd see my own love reflecting back.
"Marry me," he said quickly. My body rose and fell with his diaphragm.
My chest stirred at the meaning of his words and I suddenly felt overwhelmed.
"No," I said, almost in defense of that deep stare. It was too much! Those eyes would destroy me or turn me into stone if I stared any longer.
He smirked, looking fully amused with my reactions. He didn't even seem bothered that I instinctively rejected him.
"Marry me someday. Okay?" He said, his eyes trailing to my lips.
I rolled off of him and sat up, feeling dizzy at the sudden motion.
"Maybe," I shrugged, wrapping my arms around myself in attempt to still the spinning world.
He pulled himself to a seated position, looking cute as ever with all that wild hair. He rose to his feet and offered a hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet and placed a supporting arm on my back.
"Wait. Was that a serious proposal?" I questioned, feeling myself flush.
He smirked.
"You look cold. It's time for you to go back home," he said, unraveling his scarf from his neck and wrapping it around me.
"Because I'm too young to get married now. Besides Dad and Mom need to know. You need to get their blessing first. And I don't want to ever elope. I want a proper wedding with friends and family there. And I want it to be in a church. Well, maybe a chapel. Something with a lot of stained glass. The brides maids dresses have to be pink and so do the groomsmen's outfits. And the reception needs to be somewhere that overlooks the Eiffel Tower. Plus, we'd need to make plans for our honeymoon. I've always wanted to go to either China, Japan, or Italy," I said, taking a deep breath.
Oops. Had I really just said all of that?
Felix raised a brow, "So, I take it you changed your 'Maybe' into a 'Delayed Yes.' Very good," he smirked.
"Wait! No! I wasn't saying yes. I don't know how I feel about you. I was just saying that IF ...that's a very big IF...I marry you, those are the conditions. But I'm not saying I want to marry you or anything. Because I only sometimes like you."
"Conditions granted," Felix said with a snap of his fingers, "See you tomorrow, Kitten."
Felix strode away without looking back.
Wait. What was tomorrow? And what just happened? Had I just agreed to marry Felix? Oh my gosh!!! Wait! Was I ready for this? I didn't know! And did that make me his fiancé? I wanted to scream in frustration but also with joy! What was happening to me?
So much change so quickly! No more Miraculouses and the acceptance of a fake proposal. My mind was swimming...actually no...it was drowning.