Chapter 15-
"So I can pick you up this afternoon?" Chris asked a bit warily. I held my phone against my ear with my shoulder and sat down on my bed. I'm a bit in shock myself that I said yes to him and stuck to my plan to go to the carnival with him even though I had a panic attack yesterday. I feel like I have to prove to him, to myself, maybe to the world, that I could do this.
That nothing is going to hurt me.
That I can go out with a guy and nothing will happen to me by the end of the day.
Not that anyone would know anyways.
Truthfully when I got home after Calvin drove me home last night I was thinking to cancel the event with Chris. I was tired, I felt dead inside after my breakdowns and it gets worse and worse every single time.
Like my body was slowly shutting down. But something came over me this morning and I was determine to not let my breakdown stop me.
I just hope that I can get back to working at Starbucks as soon as possible as well since I was taking so many personal days off.
But who else is going to pay for food and rent if I didn't work?
"Yeah maybe around two if that's fine with you," I said, playing with the hem of my hoodie silently trying to not change my mind the last second. I bite my tongue just in case I accidently slipped and cancelled right there and then.
"Okay no problem. Are your friends coming or just us two? I'm fine with your friends tagging along if it works for you. I don't want it to be awkward with you like I mentioned before. Maybe you can invite Calvin," he said and I raised my eyebrows. He seemed to set on me inviting Calvin for some reason.
I gulped nervously.
Truthfully I wished I did now that he pointed it out. But it was too bad Megan is probably outside with Andy right now on one of her dates. Joshua was probably outside playing basketball or babysitting since it's the weekend. Calvin is most likely sleeping even though it's almost noon, and London is at Church with Grace and the other children. I was actually going to invite one of them to come but I decided not to because I don't want to bother them today.
Maybe I should have.
Why didn't I think this out a bit more?
"No just me and you," I managed to say, now a bit nervous about how this would play out. I can hear the joy in his voice as he planned out the day. I never would have thought he would be so happy about something like this. When we're done, I hanged up and sighed.
He was going to pick me up at my house later on today so I have time to get ready but I still thought of bailing at the last second.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
Maybe I should tell someone else to go in my place.
I took a quick shower before picking out skinny jeans and a plaid red shirt and then a hoodie over it. I don't consider it a date or anything so I don't dress fancy to impress him. This is just a friend hanging out with friend.
Right?
I'm done in about an hour so I sat on the couch, turning on the TV and then checking my phone.
One text: Calvin.
'Morning. What are you doing? How you feeling?'
I don't know how or why but that simple text makes my heart speed up. And no, it's not because it's from Calvin or the fact that he decided to check up on me. It's was because that text was from a couple of hours ago. He actually texted me, and I checked it just now in the afternoon.
I was actually surprise he was up that early today considering it was Sunday.
There was a few more text afterwards from him asking if I was up yet, why aren't I replying and so forth followed by two missed calls from him.
I take a deep breath and type back:
'Nothing about to-'
I stopped writing and quietly took a debate what I should type. Should I tell Calvin I'm going out to the carnival with Christian? Would he say something mean about him and tell me to just stay home?
Would I listen?
I shook my head, why do I care?
I quickly typed "I'm going out tonight with a friend. Why are you up so early? And I'm fine, thanks" and then locked my Iphone, deciding to do something productive like start my homework a bit before he comes. I took out my textbook and start writing my argument for history class on Tuesday.
I'm just about done when I hear someone knocking on my door. I quickly make a beeline for the door and saw Chris smiling through the peephole. In his hands are flowers, and he's wearing a black jacket with jeans and a red shirt. I quickly opened the door.
"Hey. I got you these," he said after a moment of me just staring at the flowers as if they're some new species I don't know about. There's a bunch of tulips of different colors, and they look really pretty, so full of life.
Unlike me.
"Thanks," I mumbled not really sure what else to say. I mean what do you say to someone who gives you flowers unexpectedly? 'Thank you'? 'How nice of you'? 'You shouldn't have'? I don't know. Someone has to tell me because I have never received flowers from people before today besides from Paul but that was different since we were dating during that time.
"No problem, it's just a gift since I never actually got to hang out with you before. It's like a friendship gift you can say, and my mom wanted me to get them for you as well," he explained, speaking quickly, a bit nervous now. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Yeah I got it. Let me put these in a vase, and then we can go."
He nodded, and I go to the kitchen in hopes of finding a vase. My mom used to always spend her free time in the garden during the weekends but with the divorce and the jobs, she just stopped all together. The garden outside is dead like the house itself after the incident. We never really talk about it anymore.
I thank the Lord that I managed to find a nice looking vase that we didn't bother throwing out. I quickly filled it with cold water and put the flowers in it. It looked really nice, somewhat brightening the room up. Maybe it is just because I miss having flowers in the house.
"So what's the plan?"
"Just going to the carnival to have fun. Maybe eat before coming home if you're up for it."
"Okay but I'm paying for my own bill," I pointed out.
"No, I have to pay. I am the one who invited you to go to the carnival. It's only fair," he argued.
"No. Its either we split or I'm staying home today."
I don't want him paying because that would mean that I owe him. I don't like owing people anything. It worries me that I might not be able to repay the person so I try my best not to put myself in that situation so I don't ask for help or accept any offers. I don't want to be a burden. I rather do it myself and achieve or fail on my own. But Megan and Joshua don't count because we (as they say it) "use" each other. That meant that owing each other doesn't apply. Either you help or you don't.
Chris crossed his arms but nodded with a pout on his face.
"Fine then now let's go," he said, leading the way out my house.
I nodded and followed silently. I locked the door before getting into his car. The car ride isn't that awkward since we were talking a lot on the way to outdoor carnival. Turns out that we have many things in common like our interest in writing and poetries.
"So how did you and Calvin meet?" he suddenly asked curiously.
Once he asked that, I stop talking all together. What am I supposed to tell him?
'Oh I've been friends with him through Joshua, but we didn't actually talk until this year. You see, it is because I saw him about to jump off the school's roof. Why was he trying to kill himself? Do you know since you guys seem to go way back or something?'
Yeah, right.
"We met through Joshua. Joshua's my friend since we were in middle school," I said after a moment of silence.
"He's awfully comfortable around you," he pointed out.
I nodded, "I guess. How did you and Calvin meet if you don't mind me asking?"
I'm a bit curious myself about how someone like Christian became friends with someone like Calvin. They're total opposites, and Calvin doesn't seem fond of him.
"Oh my father was his counselor in middle school, something like that back when both of us lived in San Francisco. Calvin was a trouble maker, always cursing out the teachers and staying away from other people. My dad wanted me to befriend him, and try to get him to talk about his family a bit more. Apparently he was having some trouble at home that made him act that way. I got to know him better after a while. Believe me it took a while. See, at first, I didn't like him. I thought he just wanted attention. But after a while I realized he's a person with deep scars and pain. He would come covered in cuts and bruises. My father and many teachers and students started to question him and what was happening at home. But he transferred to a different school right after I believe. Moved to another house. Moved to a new school. It's was as if he was never there. You must have noticed how shock I was to see him again, especially with a friend. I couldn't believe it. I'm happy for him, but a bit worried. I never got to ask him about where he went all these years."
"Are you...allowed to tell me this stuff?"
"Technically no, but I know that you're close so I figure I can tell you that much. I want to help Calvin as well wince I wish to one day become a counselor as well in the future."
"Oh," I weakly said, not knowing what else to say.
"How much do you know about his home situation?" he said without batting a eyelash.
My eyes widened and I gulped.
How much did I know about his home situation?
How much did he know about his home situation?
"And how much do you know?" I shot back.
"As much as you know if I can guess," he replied. We both didn't look at each other. I was trying to analyzed how much he thought I knew versus how much I thought he knew. Did he know about Erik? If so...how long did Calvin put up with his abuse then? How long did he suffer with his older sister and when did her brain injury happened?
I let the information sink in for a second. I was learning so much things about Calvin that I didn't know before. Like the fact that Calvin was a trouble maker in middle school. He didn't have any friends. Erik, who is his step dad, beats him, and he was covered in bruises. But he wouldn't reach for help, not even Christian knew.
And just as Christian was getting suspicious, he would quickly transferred to another school away from him.
Why?
Because he doesn't want to be a burden to others.
Like myself.
Suddenly I realize that Calvin and I have more in common then we know.
But still, why does Calvin tell me about it? About his sister? About his abusive step dad, Erik? About his pain?
What does that make me?
"He probably told you because he knows you can't tell anyone. He's still black mailing you with that pregnancy test he has somewhere in the house."
I tried to push away the voices telling me these things but I couldn't help these ugly truth popping up in my head.
"Tell me Reina, does Calvin ever talk about his past? Does he say how much he doesn't trust me because my dad and I tried to help? So did he tell you any of this?"
I didn't know what to say to him. I never knew Calvin had this kind of past even when he was younger. I didn't know whether to blame Christian or not for calling the police. Calvin doesn't trust him because Christian tried to help him as a friend would. But by doing so he might have gotten hurt more.
"He doesn't talk about it to me or anyone. I didn't know you knew anything about his past. I thought I was the only one who knew," I whispered not knowing how to respond to him.
"That's what I thought. I wanted to help him. Everyone did. But he doesn't trust me or my dad anymore because he knows that we're getting suspicious. He's scared that he might go through that happened again. I'm his friend. I care about him but damn," he chuckled, "he's as stubborn as a mule."
I continued to stare outside the car. I didn't want to talk, scared that I'll tell him everything I knew about Calvin. About his step dad. About his mom. About him trying to commit suicide. About his sister.
"That's why I'm glad you're in his life."
I turned to him quickly, confused and shocked. He gave me a small smile.
"Huh?"
"Calvin seems to trust you, a lot. Have you seen the way he looks at you? The way he gets so possessive over you? He values you a lot. That's why he doesn't like me near you. He doesn't want you to know about his past besides what you know. But I need you to because I believe you can save him from himself. I'm hoping that you can help him out with his problem."
Christian looked at me with hope.
Like he actually did care about his friend.
Holy crap, how can I not notice this before? Christian was actually his best friend before Joshua came into Calvin's life. Chris is telling me all these personal information because he believed in me that I can somehow save Calvin, much like how Becca believes in me.
"Have you ever met his stepdad, Reina?" Chris asked, serious.
I quietly debated if I should tell him.
"Have you?"
"Yes. I know how he looks like. I know the things he can do. I know he was the one who beat Calvin even though Calvin wouldn't admit it."
I sighed, "yes I have met him before."
I shuddered when I thought back of how he looked when I saw him. How much anger and power he had over his surroundings.
"Have you seen how he hits Calvin? That is what he has been going through since his mom remarried to him. Over ten years of physical abuse."
"Yes, I have seen it," I said as I placed my hands onto my lap.
I've seen just how he pushed Calvin to the very edge of his life. How Calvin wanted to end his life because of this abuse.
How he couldn't do anything because Erik probably is blackmailing him in every way possible.
"And the infliction and aftermath of what happened to Becca."
"You know about Becca?" I gasped with wide eyes.
"You know about her as well? Jesus how much has he told you?" he said in amazement.
Crap.
I leaned back into the carseat, cursing myself for slipping out like that. I didn't answer him and he took it as a sign that I knew more than I let on.
"I see," he said.
There was a thick awkward silence that hung over us, but we are both too lost in our own thoughts to care. So much has happened to Calvin that he didn't deserve at all. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to get involved with other people.
I remembered when Joshua and Calvin first met. It took Joshua forever and countless one-ended conversations before Calvin actually replied to him. That's how much Joshua wanted to be friends with him. I never know why Joshua would do something like that, but I'm glad he did. Because of him, I met Calvin.
When we finally arrived there, and Christian managed to find a parking spot I took a step out the car and stretched. I checked to see what time it is on my phone, and I see that Calvin had already text me back.
'Going out? Same. Megan is dragging me like a third wheel on her date. Don't know why. At the carnival and lost them already near the Ferris wheel. Great.'
Carnival? What are the chances of Calvin, Megan and Andy being at the same carnival we're going at? I check the time it was sent. About five minutes ago. That means if he was still there we could easily find him. Or someone.
"Hey Chris?" I said.
He shoved the car keys in his bag before looking at me, "What's up?"
"How badly do you want to be friends with Calvin again?"
I had to do this. Christian was only doing what a friend would do and he clearly valued his friendship. Calvin needed to clear this up in order to move on.
They needed to talk this out.
"Really badly. He was basically my brother. I wanted to help him but clearly he wouldn't let anyone else in but you. But that's okay. As long as he has you," he said with a sad looking smile.
That's when it hit me as well. He wasn't trying to get me alone all this time because he liked me or something. He wanted to tell me about Calvin's past so I can save him.
So something that he wasn't able to do back then.
"I need you to go meet me at the Ferris wheel then. And don't forget, if you want something, go after it. Okay?" I said quickly before taking off.
I heard Christian calling me, but I didn't stop running.
This needed to end.
Calvin needs to see that his life was worth it. That he had friends to lean on.
I just hope that Calvin will listen to him.
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Reasons to Live: 15."Life is not about finding yourself. It is about creating yourself."