⚠️ Trigger warning: sexual assault/rape ⚠️
-Aiden
It's been a few days now since my parents found out about my sexuality. Seth has been acting extremely weird, as he should. Tay is helping me sell my belongings. I could be out of here in two days if I'm lucky.
I took a break and sat on my bed while I thought about my parents. They haven't said a word to me ever since that weekend. It really hurt me, but it made me feel better knowing that they would regret it someday, because I won't be forgiving them anytime soon.
It looks like I can't have one moment of peace in this hellhole as Seth comes barging into the room like an animal. What scared me was he was coming straight at me.
Before I knew it he pinned me down to the bed and I couldn't move. "Seth, please let me go. I'm not in the mood for this."
"Yeah? I can help with that. Just lay still." He started kissing and biting at my neck. I still couldn't move under his strong grip and his bodyweight. I was left with no other option than to struggle, and he wasn't having it.
This was escalating too quickly. I wondered how far he wanted to go and that worried me. It didn't exactly look like he had my best interest at heart.
"Please. Seth please let me go. I don't want this."
"I said fucking lay still. And while you're at it, shut that pretty little mouth of yours." He ripped my shirt wide open. He started kissing my chest, going lower and lower while I struggled underneath him. I'm going to keep fighting. "Seth, if you don't let me go right now, I swear to god I'll scream as hard as I can. My parents will hear me."
"Well then, I guess we should improvise." Before I could try to scream his hand was over my mouth, the other one around my neck. I desperately tried to catch my breath while still being trapped under his weight.
He took my ripped shirt and tied both pieces tightly around my mouth, making my screams pointless. In a split second he pinned my hands back down again. In this moment I could feel something inside of me break. I knew what was about to happen to me.
I could feel him ripping off the rest of my clothes, leaving me bare. I closed my legs and tried to move away from him. He grabbed my thighs and moved my body right back in front of him. He forced my legs apart and in an instant I could feel him inside me.
My body felt completely lifeless. My soul shattered. With every motion I could feel a part of me die.
In this moment I tried my best to take my mind someplace else. To a happy place.
He pulled out of me as he finished onto my stomach, every drop burning my skin like acid. He pulled his pants back up and started to leave. "Your body is fucking disgusting, mutt." He left me in the room just like that.
I haven't moved a muscle. Stuck inside the moment. A tear escaped from my eye, and soon more followed. This didn't just happen. My mind was reacting while my body couldn't.
My whole body shook as my phone started ringing. A reaction I couldn't control. I slowly untied the fabric around my mouth. Just then I realized how much my hands were shaking. I couldn't get them to stop.
I used the fabric to clean up his mess.
My knees were instinctively brought up to my chest as I couldn't stand leaving my body out in the open. Not ever again.
I put on my pajamas and made my way to the bathroom. Every movement I made seemed to highlight the pain where he forced himself into me. My body was retaliating. My ears went numb and my brain was left empty.
I locked the bathroom door behind me and then I climbed into the shower. I didn't dare take off my clothes as I began scrubbing my body.
My skin was itching to be clean from his touch. My mind was screaming at me to scrub my body until I bleed.
I kept scrubbing and scrubbing to no end, discarding my clothes in the process. I couldn't stand to look at myself.
After sitting in the water for what felt like years, I decided to get up. I just wanted to waste away in my bed.
I walked down the hallway in my wet pajamas to find my mother holding new folded curtains. I looked at her as she blocked the doorway to my room. She gave me a stern look before speaking up. "I just got some new curtains. Seth wanted black ones. I'll hang them up once you leave."
I couldn't look her in the eyes and moved past her with no warning. Not caring if she was in the way or not. I instantly picked up my phone to call Tay.
"Finally! I've only been trying to reach you like a thousand times!"
"Tay, come pick me up? P-please." My voice cracked as I tried to hold myself together.
"Yeah of course! My dad gets off work in about an hour and then I'll have the car. I'll come pick you up then. Is everything okay?"
"I'll see you in a few minutes. Bye." I couldn't wait that long. It was getting harder to breathe while I got all of my bags together.
I made it to the front door when my mother stopped me. "What are you doing?"
"What I should've done already. I'm leaving." I didn't spare her a glance. She doesn't deserve to be that important anymore.
I started walking faster until I was eventually running. Even then, it didn't feel fast enough.
My body pushed my burning legs forward until I made it to Tay's without any idea how long I was running for. However long it was, it still wasn't enough.
I barely made it to the front door before collapsing onto the floor. I couldn't even bring myself to ring the doorbell as I fell apart right on the porch.
I looked up to find a worried Taylen standing at the door. "Aiden, what happened?!" She slowly made her way over to me before helping me to my feet.
She took me to the living room where her mother was worriedly waiting to help. Tay sat me down on the couch, rubbing my back. "Tell us what happened. We can help you, Addie. You can trust us. If not my mother then you can still trust me."
I looked up at Taylen and then her mother. Both of their faces were filled with concern.
I struggled to find the words to explain what happened. I didn't even know where to start, or if I should even tell them at all.
I looked back at my best friend. It was getting harder to breathe. "Aiden, talk to me."
I looked down at my feet while I contemplated my next move. I had a big decision to make. There was no way of knowing what could happen if I told them the truth. Would anybody even believe me? I know my parents wouldn't.
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Hi everyone.
This was very hard to write. I have a lot to say about this chapter, but if you'd rather skip to the next chapter, then please do.
This chapter is very personal to me and a lot went through my head as I was writing it. I wrote this chapter because I am a survivor of sexual assault and I think that it is crucial that we spread awareness. Especially for men who get sexually assaulted. Based off of my experience, my parents believe that it's easier for me because I'm not a girl. They assume that it's easier for me to work through my trauma. This only makes it harder for me to tell my story, and I believe it's exactly this kind of mindset that keeps a lot of men and even women from telling their story.
The point is, this affects everyone regardless of their gender identity. We need to be there for each other.
Please keep in mind that this chapter was only roughly based on my experience. Sexual assault can happen in a lot of different ways and everyone has a different way of coping with it.
On average, there are 463,634 victims of rape and sexual assault each year, and this is only in the US. 1 in every 3 women, and 1 in every 6 men. I personally don't live in the US, but those were the statistics that came up.
It is so so important that we look out for our family and friends and check in on them regularly, because you never know what could've happened in their life. Being there for someone even when they say they don't need it could make a huge difference. It could even be the reason that someone decides to keep fighting.
If anyone reading this feels like they don't have anybody to talk to, I will always be here. My messages are open for you anytime.
Thank you for reading my book. I hope it means as much to at least one of you as it does to me.
National sexual assault hotline: 800 656 4673