EPILOGUE PART 1
¡ TW: mention of suicide and death !
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"Hana jumped at the edge of the cliff. They haven't found her body but it's been months so they almost declared her dead. Oh Eunbin made them continue the investigation so up until now, she is still declared as missing."
Heeseung couldn't believe what he was hearing. Hana can't be gone, she can't be. He had so many plans for them, so many words to tell her. He refused to believe that the woman he loved so much was now gone.
"She left a letter, you should go visit Haneul at their family home. You can ask him for the letter."
The last news Heeseung heard about Haneul was when Hana had just ran away from their home. Jake said his mother sent the little kid to Australia to get him away from their father. He didn't know Haneul was back in the country.
Parking in front of the huge house, he knocked on the gate multiple times before a guard opened it for him.
"Do you have any business here, young man?" The guard asked.
Heeseung nods. "I need to see Jung Haneul. Is he there?" The guard seemed confused as to how he knew the child but he was left with no other option but to ask the maid to call for Haneul.
"What's your name?"
"Heeseung."
And then he waited for a short while before the gate was fully opened for him. A child suddenly ran to Heeseung and hugged him on the waist, although he grew a bit taller he could immediately tell it was Haneul.
"Heeseung! You're back!" Haneul cheerfully says.
He hugged him back. "It's good to see you kiddo." He says, ruffling his hair.
"What are you doing here?" Haneul asked.
"Your cousin told me about Hana's letter. Can I read it?"
Haneul's smile vanished when he heard the name of his sister. "Of course. Follow me, it's in her old room." The kid walked towards the house.
This was actually the very first time he stepped foot inside Hana's home. Hana never liked their family home so when she first entered college, she immediately moved out. He respected her decision plus it wasn't like he wanted to see the place she hated so much.
It was a lot bigger than what he used to hear. In the living room there was a huge family portrait and he could see how Hana forced a smile for that shot. Then his eyes fall to her father who made her life a living hell. Even after three years, the hatred Heeseung felt for him never changed especially now that he knows Hana's missing.
"Dad is in a mental institute now. Aunt Dahee put him there after he went crazy when we found out Hana was missing." Haneul tells him the moment he noticed the older was staring at their family portrait.
Heeseung's eyes widened. "H-He went crazy?"
"Yeah, aunt Dahee and aunt Eunbin refused to tell me the details but I know it's because of his guilt." Haneul smiled sadly.
Heeseung followed him upstairs and he saw a bunch of paintings hanging on the wall. It must be the paintings their mother made that Hana used to praise so much. It really was as beautiful as Hana said it to be. They stopped in front of a room, Haneul twisted the doorknob revealing a room colored with warm colors. None of the furnitures seemed like Hana's choice so he could immediately tell the room was decorated by someone else.
He slowly walked inside watching Haneul rummaged inside a box. He looked at the bedside table and saw a picture of Hana holding Haneul as a baby. His heart shattered when he sees the picture frame next to it was the photo they took during their high school graduation. It was just after he had confessed to her.
He missed her so much and to think there was a possibility he may never see her again.
"Here. This was her journal." Haneul handed him a notebook. "At the very last page there's a letter written."
He opened the journals and every page had at least one sentence to it. All of them contained the deep emotions Jung Hana was feeling. And then he got to the very last page where a long letter was written.
He took a sharp breath first before reading.
Dear Anyone,
If you're reading this right now, there's a high chance I'm gone.
You know why I know so? Because there is no way anyone would get a hold of this journal while I'm still alive.
Three years ago I ran away from my father, hoping that I would finally be free from his hold. Free to choose my path, free to love whoever I wanted. And for quite some time I thought I did it. I was studying veterinary and I enjoyed it. Plus my jobs were paying well.
Aunt Eunbin and Jake would send me money but I never used it. All my life I have been treated like a princess, everything was handed to me in a silver platter but in exchange for all those luxury, I had no free will.
I thought I finally had it but things happened.
A friend of mine from Australia showed up in one of the restaurants I was working at. She invited me to a get-together which I declined at first but she talked me into it. I really thought she was doing it out of the bond we shared in Australia but turns out I was wrong.
Throughout the get-together they asked me so many times why was I working. Why was I making myself work when I could just return to my father and worry about nothing? They said my future was already so good, why did I have to give it up? Why don't I just withstand his abusive nature?
Turns out those so called friends of mine were just people who befriended me to be on a good side with my family. All they ever cared about was status and money, not me.
And you know the worst thing? I actually considered it. They made me think and question my decisions.
Then I thought, was I ever out of the cage he entrapped me in? Would I ever escape from here and live my life as I want to?
I remembered all of a sudden, mom escaped. I just have to do what she did. It's fine right? Is it fine to choose myself just for now?
I'm sorry for calling you selfish mom. I now understand what you did and what you had to undergo. You named me Hana because you wanted me to be my number one priority, so I'll live up to my name and choose myself.
I'm sorry Aunt Eunbin for not living as you asked me to. You didn't have to become a mother to me and Haneul but you did. And I will forever be thankful to you for taking care of my brother and me.
I'm sorry Miyoung. You helped me stand up on my own two feet. I'm sorry I can't be the maid of honor in your wedding someday like I promised. Be happy like you deserve, that's all I wish for for you.
I'm sorry Jake. You never once stopped taking care of me even back then when we were still children. If only I could repay you back for everything, I could but it looks like I wouldn't be able to. I'm sorry you have to lose me. I'm sorry I'm going to make you go through what you did back then. I love you, I may not say it often but I do. You are the best cousin anyone could ever ask for.
I'm sorry Haneul. I'm sorry you have to lose me the same way we lost mom. I hope you never understand why mom and I chose to do this. I hope you never suffer the same way we did. I trust Aunt Eunbin, I know she'll take care of you. Be yourself always, choose what you love and live the life you want. Not the one made for you by dad.
I'm sorry Remi and Jihoon, I promise I'd attend your wedding but it looks like I wouldn't be able to make it. Thank you for not judging me like they did and thank you for always staying by my side. I wish the two of you a lifetime of happiness in each other's arms.
Dad, I never thought I'd be the one apologizing to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations. I'm sorry I never proved myself fit to be your heir. I'm sorry for constantly disappointing you. Despite everything you did to me, you will always be my father and even if I hate it, I know I owe you this apology. Maybe if I was a little bit better, you would have never been so violent. You would have never lost everyone in your life.
Heeseung. Even if I haven't seen you for three years, I can't find myself to replace you. I can't find myself to love anyone aside from you. You'll forgive me right love? I'm sorry that I can't wait anymore, I can't go home to you anymore. I don't know if you're still waiting for me or if you still even love me but just know nothing changed for me. Whenever I hear the word forever, the image in my head still remained with you. I wish the world has been a little kinder to us, maybe if it did, we would've never broken up.
I love you so much. I wish wherever you are, you're happy. And I wish you love someone more than you did with me, but make sure they love you more than I did.
Farewell everyone.
Farewell, my love.
Jung Hana.
Heeseung couldn't control his tears, it all fell down as he reads her farewell. He wished the world has been kinder to her beautiful soul, Hana never did anything wrong in the entirety of her life. She never deserved everything she went through.
She just wanted to be herself. Why can't the world give that to her?
"Hana doesn't deserve this." He cried and Haneul couldn't control his tears too as he watched his big brother cry about his big sister.
"S-She's not dead. I know my own sister, she'll never do what she did." Haneul said, wiping the tears from his face. "You know Hana used to tell me she never believed mom was dead. She said mom swam when she jumped from that cliff and she's now hiding somewhere, living happily."
Heeseung smiled sadly. If what Haneul was saying is true, if Hana really is alive, he wished she's finally happy.
If only he had known this would happen, he would've hugged her so tight before he left. He would've said the words he always wanted to say to her. So many possibilities ran around his head but the only thing he could do right now was dwell on it.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Heeseung looked up and saw Eunbin standing there with a small smile plastered on her face. "Heeseung, I didn't know you were here."
He wiped the tears out of his face. "I'm sorry, my visit was sudden."
"It's fine, I understand. Haneul, can you leave us for awhile? I just have to talk to Heeseung." Eunbin said, walking inside the room. Haneul being the obedient kid he was, said yes before he left the room. Eunbin sat next to Heeseung, looking at Hana's journal that he was holding. "It must've been tough, reading the love of your life's final letter."
He remained quiet because he had nothing to say. "Hana was an amazing kid. When she ran away from her father, I tried to support her but she refused. Even if she kept pushing me away, I kept wanting to help her. When I heard about what happened to her, I broke down. For the past three years, I treated her like a daughter. I also don't believe she's dead so I haven't stopped the investigation."
"As long as there's no body, I will never stop believing she's not dead."
"What happened to her father? I mean, weren't you with him? Wasn't he angry that you were supporting his daughter that ran away from him?" He asked.
She sighed. "After I found out about what he did to Hana, I couldn't stomach the fact he could do that to his own daughter so I broke up with him. He didn't react too much when I did, I think even he regrets what he did to Hana."
"Believe me Heeseung when I say Daejun really did love his daughter. He just didn't know how to show it. He grew up in the same household as Hana, his mother and father were also arranged so he never got to see what love is. His father hit him because he was strict and wanted Daejun to be perfect, his mother was too depressed to show affection to him."
"Daejun found love in me but his father didn't want him to marry me. I was born from a rich family but apparently not rich enough for his father's satisfaction." She smiled sadly. "In some ways, we're the same Heeseung. The world was never good to the person we love."
"Daejun wasn't a violent person before, he was affectionate. A complete opposite of who he is today but after his father set him up with Haemi, Hana's mother, he changed. Haemi actually had a choice but since she was blinded with love, she agreed not knowing she was stepping inside a lion's den."
That explained why Hana's father always hated her mother. It was all because of a one sided love.
"Since he grew up in a tough household and all his other relatives trying to steal their company from him, he pushed Hana to be strong because if she shows any weakness, everyone would eat her alive. He was afraid that Hana wouldn't be able to handle her future. He only wanted to protect her but he grew up witnessing affection as violence, and so he reflected it to Hana. I'm so glad Hana grew up into an amazing person despite the environment she was raised in, do you know how she came to be like that?"
"She reflected the traits she wished she received as a child." Heeseung concludes, a tear once again falling from his eye.
"When he heard the news about what she did, he lost it. He felt guilty and regretted pushing her away, I remember watchinh him cry in his room as he sobbed while holding a picture of their family. He was saying sorry not only to Hana but Haemi. He cried and cried until he totally lost it. I am taking care of Haneul as I promised Hana, I actually insisted he stay in Australia and continue his studies there but he couldn't leave this house. Not when this is the only remembrance he has that he once had a whole family."
"Why are you telling me this?" He asked.
"I know this does not in any way justify what he did to Hana or Haneul but I hope this gives light to you how he came to be like this." Eunbin smiled sadly. He could tell how much she still loved Hana's father but even the world wasn't kind to them. "If she really is still alive, I hope you don't repeat the cycle. I hope this time, love will finally triumph."
"Don't be like the people who came before you. This time, choose your hearts."
That was the last thing she said to him before she left him alone.
This time, choose your hearts.
Heeseung didn't think twice, he had to find Hana. As long as there is no body, there was still hope. He won't give up on her, not anymore. If he had the strength to let go of her once, he now had the strength to keep holding on.
Even if he have to scour the whole world just to find her, he will.
All for her.
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