"So let me get this straight. We're flying to Saudi Arabia next weekend and then next week to Abu Dhabi?" I raised my brows looking to the back seat of our car where all three drivers was trying to find space to breath. Gladly they were racing drivers so they weren't that big, but it was still a small space for two grown sized man and Lando.
"Yeah, and you can take Emma with you, we have an extra seat" Carlos nodded and I could see Emma's eyes light up, but she didn't say anything. I knew she was feeling little out of place in the car with three people she had spent so much time looking at on TV.
Driving through the streets of cold city, I was little bumped that the guys would see Finland like this. It was almost December and it was just grey and cold, not too beautiful at least. I parked the car outside the building I was living and told the guys that they could leave most of their stuff in the car and that we would drive to my hometown first thing in the morning. We just needed to survive one night in my small apartment. The guys had of course offered to stay at hotel, but I had insisted that they would stay at my place. I would probably crash at Emma's just so everyone would have enough space to sleep.
"So welcome to my home" I said clicking the lights on as it was already dark outside as the clock was almost five. Yes, you heard me, it was dark already and it was only five. Way to go Finland. My apartment was very close to what it had been in Maranello, the style of it and size of it were same and this one was filled with photos as well. I watched as the guys looked around while I jumped on the couch with Emma so I was laying with my head on her lap.
"What do you think? You have time for a little vacation?"
"You really need to ask?" She laughed and I was happy to give her this opportunity.
"When have you taken these?" I could hear Carlos asking standing next to my table. There was a pile of photos that I just had taken to developed couple days ago. They were the once I had taken in Monaco in the yacht and there were couple others from the nine months too, but most of them were already on my walls.
"Monaco" Lando beat me to it as he walked next to his friend.
"Yeah, the day before you got there" I added getting up from the couch. I could see small smile playing on Lando's lips as he picked up the photo of two of us where I was about to be dumped in the ocean.
"I took that" he then said dropping the photo he was holding in the moment and picked up one with only me in it. I was laughing at something and hadn't noticed the camera pointing at me. I actually liked the photo and maybe even more now that I knew who had taken it. I left the guys going through the photos and jumped back to the couch with Emma.
"So uhm not too over the thing between you two huh?" she smirked me in Finnish knowing that the guys wouldn't have any idea what we were talking about.
"Yeah, dunno" I nervously laughed. "I mean, it never felt good to let it go, but it felt smart, but now I just wanna yeet the smart out the fucking window" I sighed making the girl next to me chuckle. I really needed to talk to Lando, I needed to know if he still felt something and what and his opinion to the whole mess.
"Can I crash at your place by the way?"
"Yeah sure" Emma shrugged his shoulders. "But only if you fill me in with everything, I know you've been leaving parts of the story out" I laughed to her blackmail attempt but agreed anyway.
.
"I'm home" I yelled as we walked into my childhood home. "And I brought some guests" I added knowing that I hadn't exactly mentioned that I would be bringing four other people with me.
"Oh okay" I could hear my mum shouting and soon enough she appeared to us. "So you've met Emma and Carlos, and I'm sure you –"I was cut off and completely ignored as my mum went past me pulling Mick into a hug. "Mick, I'm sure you remember Mick" I mumbled under my breath looking the two. "Ladies and gents meet the only thing my mum ever liked about me racing." I rolled my eyes smiling and received couple laughs from my audience.
While my mum was busy catching up with Mick rest off us moved on to the living room finally gaining my dad's attention. He was a bit taken back by the amount of people in his house all the sudden but he knew Carlos, which made it easier for him to work with it and in no time he was talking to him leaving Lando, Emma and I standing in the middle off the room. My parents had never yet to meet Lando, but they didn't seem to notice that he was here or that he was someone they didn't know.
"Hey where's Vik?" I asked knowing that he would be thrilled to see Lando at least. "I thought he would be home this week?" I asked. I hadn't seen him either in a good amount of time so I had been kind of excited to see him.
"Oh he went to the store" my mum told me as she walked to us with Mick who was smiling as I whispered sorry to him.
"Oh, I don't think we have met" my mum then turned her attention to Lando standing next to me. He took a quick step introducing himself to my mum shaking her hand but was pulled into a hug quickly which did get him a bit off guard. I shook my head to my mum. She had a tendency to be a bit touchy with, well everyone.
The door opened just in time and I was greeted by very surprised Viktor.
"Uhm hello" he said slowly taking in the sight in front of him. My mum all over Lando, Carlos and my father and then there was Mick. Viktor and Mick used to be great friends but then I quit and Mick stopped visiting us and Viktor started to be so busy with all his own things. I was pretty sure that the two hadn't seen each other in good ten years.
It had been hour of catching up and chatting away before my mum announced that dinner was ready. She had had to make some extra food to be able to feed us all but gladly she loved to cook. Carlos and Lando had been little straddled by the fact how well my family knew Mick but at least so far they had kept all the questions to themselves. It was weird, to say at least, seeing all these people in my home. Mick had been here before but I never thought that he would be here again not to even think about the two other F1 drivers.
"So how did this happen?" My mum asked me as I helped her to set the table. The guys were doing something with Vik and I finally had time to talk with my mum alone.
"They just showed up" I let out a small laugh. I wasn't really sure myself how all this had happened. "I'm going to last two races with them, but I'll be back for Christmas" I told my mum who shook her head.
"To think that little more than year ago you wouldn't even talk about racing" she smiled. She never was one to love the sport, was it go-karting or single-seaters, but she had seen the change in me once I had given up that part of my life and I think she was happy seeing some parts of my younger self that had died with my racing career. I was too. I felt so much more free and myself again. I knew that quitting hadn't taken everything from me and I had learnt to love so many things after that, but it was still my first love.
I gave my mum a warm smile. There was a lot of things that we didn't agree and it had been a problem when I was younger. A big one, there was times that we just couldn't deal with each other, but we had learnt to respect those things and realized that we didn't have to be the same and it was okay not to see eye to eye in everything. And right now I felt like we were in a good place.
"So when are you leaving?"
"This weekend" I nodded. "I was thinking that the guys could stay in our cottage?" I asked approval to my master idea. They wouldn't have to pay anything and they would get a great nature experience here in Finland. Just kidding, our cottage was like ten kilometres from our home and modern, so it was like a second home to us.
"That's a good idea" she agreed. "But let's eat now" she then rushed me to get my friends.
Walking into Vik's room, I found all five of them laughing at something. Leaning on the door frame looking at them, I smiled a real smile. It was just perfect. Even Emma was there looking all relaxed and part of the group just like my brother as well, and it really made me happy.
"Hungry anyone?" I finally made myself known and soon enough we were all sitting around the table that was way too small to this many people but we made it work. The casual conversation carried through the dinner. We talked about the things we had done during my internship, leaving certain parts out for obvious reasons. Then there was, what at least it felt like a Q&A with Mick, just not with fans, only my family. Little by little the conversation took a turn to me and before I could prevent it Lando opened his mouth.
"Yeah we went karting and you should've seen the faces when we found out that Sof was actually amazing in a kart" he laughed but my whole family had stopped eating and was now staring at me and it went quiet.
"You're saying that you got her back in a kart?" my mum looked at Lando after a moment of silence. Lando nodded sensing the weird atmosphere around the table. "I never thought you would do that after breaking your back" she now turned to me and I could feel my stomach drop. She seemed a bit upset and her voice wasn't the warm and loving I had got used to.
"Or the rejection after that" Vik pointed out and just like that everything I had kept to myself was out on the table and now it really was quiet. I leaned my face into my hands.
"She hasn't told that to anyone" Mick said quietly.
"You raced against some of them, how did that stayed in secret?" my dad let out and I cursed inside. Please tell them even more details of my life that I didn't want to come out in the open. "Wasn't it your friends brother who was in the crash with you?" I guess there was more to let out.
"Yeah, but we really don't have to talk about that" I finally opened my mouth and the mood in the room had gone down real quick. No one dared to say anything, but I could feel all the eyes on me. My mum looked like she was about to tear up to the fact that I had been driving again, like I've said before she was not a big fan. My dad was just clueless, but Vik and Mick both knew that I wasn't okay.
"I need to" I said pointing away from the table and giving a small smile to everyone before getting up from the table and walking into my room. I never went to my room anymore. I slept in the guest room when I was here, but now the gates had been already opened so why not take it all in in once.
Opening the door I pressed on the lights. I was greeted by a lot of trophies and pictures of me: racing or on podium. When I had raced I had used different name, my mum's maiden name; the same my uncle used to have. I was happy about that now, cause no one really put the dots together, except of course those who knew my back then. This wasn't a secret, just something I didn't like to talk about. I could also see the bed. It was basically a hospital bed from the time, I wasn't really able to do anything. I had broke my back in a crash with Charles' brother Arthur. It hadn't been his fault or anything, just really bad luck. I was surprised that he hadn't put the pieces together yet but then again he hadn't met me on my time in Ferrari and it was a long time ago to be fair.
He had been always one of the nice guys and a friend to me. Not everyone was and it made it even more sad that the accident had really scared him. I think the crash infected him more than me after all. I think it was after Jules had already crashed and seeing me in hospital wasn't really helping. He thought I was blaming him so he didn't contact me, which I understood and I never did that either after everything.
The accident hadn't really been the part that had broke me, well my back yes, but my passion or anything no, but the stuff that came after it. I had rehabilitated better than expected and I wanted to get back to racing, but then my sponsors walked away and even my team told me that they wouldn't take me back. To them I was too old, risky and a girl, which was ridicules. We tried to find a new team for me but it seemed like everyone agreed with my old one, so no seat for me. I had known that to be a girl in this sport would be difficult and that there would always be guys saying that girl shouldn't drive but I never thought it would go that bad. Then my uncle passed away too, in a car crash, and I gave up trying. It all felt like a sign for me to quit so I did.
Now I didn't feel that angry or bitter about it anymore. I was sad and disappointed yes, but day by day the good memories did take over the bad ones. After all there was like eight years of good ones to compare with one year of bad ones.
"Hey, can I come in?" Lando knocked on the door. I was waiting someone to come check up on me but to be honest I kind of thought it would be someone of my family.
"Yeah" I told him and he opened the door. His eyes scanned the space. "Oh wow" he let out looking around.
"Yeah well, no point hiding them anymore" I chuckled nervously. They had every right to be mad at me for lying to them. So I was not really sure what to expect.
"I wish you wouldn't have in the first place, but I get why you did" he nodded and I sighed in relief. He didn't sound mad. He sounded more sad and very understanding to be honest.
"Yeah, I know, I just wanted to kind of see what I could be without all this" I told him. It was pretty much the first time I admitted the real reason hiding my past. When I had realized that racing wasn't a future for me it was a struggle to find something to get interested in, so when I finally did, I wanted to do my internship and everything else as well, because of that, not because I had been good at racing. It didn't make much sense but it did to me.
"You okay?" Lando sat next to me. He didn't shoot me with endless amount of questions and I was more than thankful for that.
"Yeah, just unlocked some memories I hadn't thought in a while" I nodded smiling to the guy.
"I don't blame you that sounded like a lot" he shook his head. "Makes you even more amazing to be honest" he mumbled but I could hear him loud and clear and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't know about that" I shook me head. "I came out from the whole episode pretty shaken, and the next couple years were pretty much waste of a good life"
"Yeah but look at you now" he pointed out. "Back on track, like literally, and I would say your life is back on track too" he grinned to his stupid word play.
"Yeah. I guess, you're right"
"When you're ready to tell us, I think there is couple curious ears wanting to hear your story, but take your time with that" Lando was being sweet again. This was the guy I had fell for. It's not like he never left but we had been stupid and for me there was no doubts that I wouldn't do my everything to be able to be with him.
"Yeah, well I think you know the biggest things already so no need to keep the rest from you either" There was a small smile playing on my lips. I wasn't dying to tell the story, but it could be good for me to get some closure.