DIANE'S POV:
"You're basically distracting yourself and your girlfriend with sex, so you don't have to say a word about what's really going on in your life." Sarah scoffed, as if it was obvious.
Sarah and I had scheduled a manicure and pedicure afternoon for today, which was amazing because I really needed a moment away from my life, a moment to feel like a superficial asshole that worried about the color of her nails.
I shook my head, "I wanted to let her know, I want to. Really." I said, sighing. We were both surrounded by asian women that kept quiet and kept working on our fingers and toes.
"What did your mom say anyway?" Sarah asked.
I cracked my neck to both sides and watched Sarah cringe from the sound.
I sighed, "Andy contacted her, asked about me, asked if she knew why I wasn't replying their calls and all of that... which is funny because Andy hasn't called or texted since I told them to back off." I shrugged my shoulders and heard one of the petite women around me curse, as if I moved when I shouldn't have.
Sarah laughed out loud.
I rolled my eyes dramatically.
"Andy wins asshole of the century."
"I really don't wanna talk about anything regarding them." I said, closing my eyes, "I want to forget Andy exists and I want to forget how bad of a girlfriend I am."
I took a deep breath, thinking that would help me relax, that it would be the start of a silent break of my life, but no. Because my phone started ringing.
And I wanted nothing more but to commit suicide.
"It's mine," Sarah said.
What a relief.
Sarah turned off her phone. "Who was it?" I asked.
"Nicole." She sighed, as if she was annoyed.
I smiled, "What's up with Nicole?"
"I told her I might be in love with her." Sarah said. Her voice was numb.
My eyes opened wide, "What?!"
"It was a stupid mistake. I should have kept silent, I should have waited until I was sure she might feel the same way."
"What did she say?"
"She kept her mouth shut and then got out of our room. She basically ran down the corridor."
I couldn't help but laugh, "Sorry."
"This is a disaster, Diane." Sarah frowned, as if she was about to tear up in the middle of a nail salon.
I wanted to hug her, but if I moved just a fraction of my body I would probably get slapped by one of the many women surrounding me. And some looked very tough.
I looked at her, "Sarah, it'll be fine." I said, "Maybe tell her just that? That you're afraid of messing things up, or whatever it is that is haunting you right now. You know... maybe sit her down, take her somewhere special for you both and tell her what you feel."
Sarah nodded her head, "What if she gets upset or tells me she doesn't love me back?"
"God, S... Don't be so negative. Try to think positive, try to project the better outcome."
She scoffed, "We keep doing this thing, Dee. Advising each other but having horrible relationship problems."
"It's not like Nicole's your girlfriend yet, right?" I raised an eyebrow at her.
She shook her head, "No. She's just... special to me."
I smiled at her, because I knew that too well. I could remember when I started meeting Lou in secret, I could remember the excitement and also the fear of getting caught. I could picture all the bad things that could happen to us, and I could picture Lou being disgusted at me because I was falling in love with her... someone almost nine years older than her. It was terrifying then, and still terrifying now.
"Tell her that too."
*
TW: mentions of r4pe.
Lila agreed to meet me at a bar a few blocks away from my house. I was hoping I'd get her support to bring Andy down and finally stop checking twice if I locked my car or my front door.
I could finally stop looking both ways every time I walked alone on the street.
I could finally go to sleep or allow Lou to kiss me somewhere else than my mouth.
I could finally get to be free from my own curse.
Halfway down a martini and Lila was there. She was wearing sweatpants, grey ones, for a night out in the town.
"I thought we were getting drinks." I ran a hand through my hair, looked at Lila from head to toe.
Lila nodded and offered a kind smile, "I never said we weren't."
"Then what's with the outfit?"
"Oh, I don't wear lingerie everywhere, just the strip club." She winked an eye at me and sat next to me in the bar.
Lila made a gesture to the bar tender, who quickly approached and took her drink order.
I sipped my martini and checked my phone in case I had a missed call or text from Lou, who thought I was home correcting tests and probably drinking chamomile tea.
Lila touched my shoulder, "You ok?"
I looked her way and made eye contact with her, "I will be."
"Look, I think I'll help you out. Only if you agree to do shots with me."
I rolled my eyes and adjusted the collar of my blouse, "Oh shut up."
"You used to be fun, you know?" Lila giggled, "I remember that one time you got wasted and sang the national anthem to a whole bar."
I laughed out loud and covered my mouth with my hand, "Fuck, I remember that vividly."
Lila laughed hard, "Didn't you almost get tattooed once?"
I shook my head, "No, that was Andy actually..."
And the laughter died.
And the crowd around us was the loudest noise.
Lila drunk a sip from her beer and cleared her throat afterwards, "I'll testify, if there's a trial or whatever."
I felt like hugging her. Badly.
I smiled spontaneously, "Thank you so much."
"You're welcome. They deserve hell, I swear."
"I can't believe you're... well, alive after all that you went through." I said, staring as she drunk her beer in one large gulp and asked for another one in one motion.
"You say that because I got seriously beaten up, r4ped, tied and then kicked out of my house because I was 'asking for it'?" She said, sarcastically.
I looked down to my drink and bit my lower lip.
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine. It's past." Lila shrugged her shoulders.
I looked up again, to her, "I'm sorry nobody believed you. And I'm sorry I didn't say anything back then."
Lila rolled her eyes at me, "You had a r4pe baby on the way, Diane. I don't hate you for not reaching out. I didn't either, I was dealing with my own shit."
"Well, it's not like I was on the news like you were." I said.
"Yeah, my parents weren't so happy to see their daughter with a beaten face on screen. Even aunt Susan called me, and I had no idea I had an aunt Susan."
We laughed at that. It was almost like we were bonding over our shit.
"Was it too bad? Loosing a baby?" Lila asked after a few silent seconds.
I nodded my head, "It was probably the worst thing I ever had to go through in my life. And I'm sleeping with one of my students, so..."
Lila gasped, and raised her eyebrows, "You witch!"
"I wasn't supposed to say that." I drank the last of my drink in a gulp.
Lila laughed out loud, "God. You're a bad bitch, Diane. What's her name?"
"Laura. And she thinks I'm grading papers in the comfort of my living room, when I'm actually having drinks with a beautiful striper that shows her breasts for some bucks."
Lila giggled, "I assume she doesn't know about..."
"The situation? She knows. A bit. But she doesn't know I've been looking for you and trying to convince you to help me out with that bastard." I said.
Lila nodded her head, "So... how is it? Sleeping with a student, I mean."
"She's eighteen by the way, so... nothing illegal. She's amazing. She's smart, beautiful, a bit of a bitch when she wants to, but she's great. She takes my breath away." I said, feeling myself blush a little.
Lila smiled, "You're in love with her."
I nodded, "Very much."
I smiled, thinking of her. I wanted to come home quick and call Lou, ask how her day was, ask if she'd like to see me on the weekend. Ask if she'd like to hear what I'd like to do to her, where I'd like to take her soon.
I wanted to kiss her goodnight.
"So, shots?" Lila insisted.
I scoffed, "In your dreams."
*
Hi! I think I'll write around until chapter 80, just in case you wanted to know :)