"What happened here?"
Somebody was talking somewhere at the edge of my awareness. I wished they would stop. I was having the best rest; I couldn't remember the last time I had slept this well...
Susie inhaled under me and I rose slowly into the air... then she exhaled, and I sunk lower. The rhythm felt a little off - maybe the dog was having a bad dream? - but it was still so relaxing. So familiar. I had missed it for... for some reason. But now it was back. It was so nice to finally have it once again.
"He was pitching a fit. I'll clean all the splinters up later. Um. Would you be okay with a chair from the dining room? I don't want to move. I've never seen him look this relaxed."
The voices kept tickling at me, distracting me from my rest. I didn't want to get up... there was something bothering me, and if I woke up I'd just have to face it again... but if they weren't going to stop...
I felt Susie start to lick over my back. Her tongue felt different. Larger. Dry. But it didn't matter. It was still warm and soft, relaxing and comforting. That part was the same.
I clutched tighter to the soft tufts of Susie's fur that I had gathered in my hands and drifted back into a deeper sleep.
I gradually woke up sometime later. I felt... rested. More rested than I had felt in months. More rested than I had ever managed to be since...
Since Susie had died.
The surface under me lifted slowly.
I opened my eyes.
I was laying on Minna's stomach. One of her hands was in a half-cupped position near me. It must have settled there when she fell asleep.
The surface underneath me lowered slowly as she exhaled in her sleep.
My hands were clutching at her shirt, and I slowly relaxed them. What time was it? Had I missed the sunrise? And was somebody else here? I thought I remembered somebody speaking at some point...
Why had Minna stayed out here on the couch, instead of going to sleep in her room? The bed would have been more comfortable for her. Hopefully her back wouldn't hurt when she woke up.
I shook my head. I wasn't ready to start thinking about if I cared about her wellbeing or not, or if I should care.
I carefully moved to the back of the couch and climbed up the back of it. She didn't stir. Either I had moved carefully enough, or she was just too tired.
Splinters and chunks of wood still covered the carpet. I aimed for a spot that looked fairly clear and jumped down from the back of the couch. It was farther than I normally would have tried jumping, and a jolt of discomfort ran through my wings at the landing, but I hadn't wanted to hop back onto the cushion and risk waking Minna up.
I couldn't be sure if that was because I wanted to avoid her, or because I wanted her to get the rest she needed.
The trip to the window took longer than usual due to having to avoid pieces of the log I had demolished, but I finally hopped up on the small ledge. The sky was still dark outside... but it was raining. The storm was still going. Heavy clouds stretched as far as I could see.
It must be a spin off storm from a hurricane. It's the right time of year for them. Hopefully it doesn't last too much longer...
"You missed it. It's almost noon."
I sagged a little on the windowsill. Another day without the Morning Song.
Lightning flashed somewhere in the distance and I thought I saw movement flickering near the street. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dim light of the nearby buildings and squinted.
Ivy flew in slow circles above the street. Her scales gleamed with the raindrops hitting her, but the storm didn't seem to be bothering her too much. That must have been how she knew I was awake - she had a good view of the window from there.
"Is Minna awake? We stepped out when she started to fall asleep; Trenil's not that happy with the rain, if she's up now."
"No. She's asleep on the couch."
The green dragonet looped through the air and rose higher, then banked towards me. She came to a landing on the opposite side of the window from me and perched on the tiny windowsill there.
She shook off and caused a soft pattering sound as water flew off her and hit the window... and was immediately drenched again as the storm dropped more water on her. Tiny rivulets of water trickled over her scales just like they trickled down the window.
I watched her for a moment as she settled down. The sight of another dragonet was still strange.
She was pretty.
"Didn't your parents ever tell you not to play in the rain?" I put a little bit of dry sarcasm in my tone, but I wasn't feeling that playful. I felt stupid as soon as I said it - I probably just came across as grumpy.
She just smiled and spread her wings out. "All the time. I almost never listened to them, though. This isn't that bad, so long as the wind stays calm; it just seems worse because of all the clouds. Why? Haven't you ever flown in the rain?"
"Some." I had to admit that it had been fun to fly during a light rain. It took more work from my wings, but it was still an interesting experience. I glanced past her. "Is Trenil worried you'll catch a cold?"
"Some." Ivy echoed my non-answer back at me. She watched me quietly for a moment, then looked down at the street behind her. "Trenil talked to her. He wasn't happy. She shouldn't have kept food from you like that. That wasn't right."
I stared blankly out at the rain and didn't answer.
"She got excited... she said you had tried to cheer her up when she was sad, and she thought that meant you were accepting her. That you wanted to work with her and just needed a little push to figure out the tricks. Sometimes when they want to teach us things they'll wait until it's close to dinner, so we're getting hungry and are more interested in trying to get the berry. Before they learn that we're not just animals, I mean. The notes Minna has talk about that. But even then they'll never actually withhold a meal, it's just to get our interest. Trenil was furious that she put you in that situation." Ivy was quiet for a few more seconds. "She was really scared when your behavior changed. Said that it reminded her of when you were fighting the harness, and that your spirit had just gone limp. She didn't realize you hadn't actually come to accept her, and had only been trying to be nice. She's very worried she hurt you."
I stared out at the sky. More lightning flickered out in the distance.
I wasn't sure she hadn't hurt me.
I wasn't sure I hadn't come to accept her.
Ivy looked back at me after a moment of staring out at the city. "Trenil's going to talk to her more later, whenever she wakes up. We didn't want to disturb you. We weren't sure what kind of state you were in."
My ear tufts fell a little. "I don't know." I gathered up all my feelings - the confusion, the betrayal, the concern, the attachment, the hurt, the worry, the fear - and sent it to her through the mindspeech.
The green dragonet pulled her wings in against her back and lowered her head to press it against the glass. It took me a second to realize what she was doing - she was nudging her head against the glass, since she couldn't do it to me. It was meant to be a comforting gesture.
I lowered my head and nudged at the glass in reply, then glanced back out at the sky. We were both quiet as the rain fell against the window.
Finally I looked down at the street. "Why do you trust him so much? Why do you like him?"
Ivy frowned. "I just... do. I know he'll never hurt me. He's always there for me. He took care of me when I was sick. It feels good to make him happy. We do important work together. I know he loves me. He's kind." She gave a little shrug of her wings. "He's my friend."
"What if he did?" I looked back at the other dragonet, thinking I already knew the answer. "Would you still want to be with him?"
Ivy looked at me in confusion. "Did what?"
"If he hurt you."
"Oh..." Ivy trailed off, and I saw a mixture of denial and growing understanding of what I was really asking. "He wouldn't though. Never on purpose."
"But he might by accident. Maybe even badly." I glanced back at my Kymari, still fast asleep on the couch. "Would you still love him even if he did? Still want to stay with him?"
Ivy was quiet for several seconds, then answered softly. "...yes."
I looked down at the floor. I didn't want to know that I could become so helplessly devoted to somebody in such a way. Especially not one who kept hurting me.
"Nate?" Ivy's voice sounded different somehow. I got the strange impression of an reverberation, as if her words were being sent to me and somewhere else. Someone else.
I glanced back at the window nervously. "Yes?"
"Can I show you what Trenil means to me?" The same odd sensation was in her thoughts, and I realized why she had asked. We had never asked before we sent feelings or images to each other; we had just done it. She wasn't getting my permission - she had started talking to Trenil, too, and was letting him know she was about to send the feelings to him.
I nodded slowly, not wanting to reply. I wasn't sure how much Trenil would hear if I responded.
Feelings cascaded through my thoughts as Ivy sent them to me. Happiness was underneath everything, sometimes bright and specific, sometimes just gentle pleasure at the knowledge Ivy's handler was with her. A sense of safety wove through the impression, too, the steady certainty that nothing would ever be able to truly harm her as long as Trenil was there. There was a sense of esteem, and the quiet knowledge that he enjoyed her company. There was loyalty and gratitude, wrapped in a desire to please Trenil because doing that legitimately made her feel better about herself. There was a bright excitement at all the fun they would have together, and a quiet peacefulness at knowing he would help her with any troubles. There was all that and so, so much more in the simple, pure emotion that Ivy sent me.
Ivy loved her handler.
I closed my eyes again and pressed my head against the window. I recognized tiny glimmers of what I had been starting to feel hidden inside of Ivy's emotion. The confusing feelings that were tangled up and scaring me had all been there in Ivy's love, woven together to form something beautiful. The desire to comfort and please Minna, and the small happiness I felt when I did. The mild concern when she was upset. The gentle sense of safety I felt when she held or pet me. The tiny bit of trust that I hadn't even known was there until it had been broken and reduced to a stinging betrayal. The simple feeling of peace, buried deep beneath all the other turmoil, when I had rested on her chest and let the rhythm of her breathing lull me to sleep.
I was starting to become attached to Minna in the same way that Ivy had become attached to Trenil. In the same way the other dragonets Ivy had mentioned must have become attached to their handlers.
...and I couldn't do a thing about it.
"I'm scared."
A sad trill came from the other side of the window. "I think we were all scared when we realized it was happening to us."
"What do I do?... I don't want this. I feel so... helpless."
"You aren't, Nate." The extra presence faded from Ivy's voice. She was just talking to me again. "In just a few more days you'll be able to leave. The feelings will start to fade then, if you truly want them to." She hesitated, and I felt the sense of some buried hurt in Ivy's next words. "It will hurt... but... the feelings can fade once you're away from her."
She was quiet for another second, and the sense of buried hurt was gone when she continued. "And you aren't helpless before that point, either. If Minna does something that upsets you again, tell me. She's young and still doesn't quite understand everything that she needs to, so... she might make mistakes, or need help. But she will get there one day, if you do decide to stay with her. We'll all help her. And we'll help you. You aren't on your own anymore."
The darkness brightened slightly with distant lightning. I opened my eyes.
"Same if you ever just need to talk."
I nodded slowly. "Thank you."
She smiled back at me and spread her wings. "I should go back to Trenil - there's supposed to be stuff in the city that redirects lightning strikes, but he still gets worried about me flying around in a storm. I'll just be over there if you need anything though?" She motioned towards one of the nearby buildings with her hand. "Trenil wasn't sure how long Minna will be asleep for, so he left some food out for you. It's in the kitchen if she sleeps too long, or if you just want to eat on your own again. Though I know it would make Minna feel a little better if you let her feed you when she wakes up."
"Oh; thank you for that." It would be nice to eat on my own... though... as I thought about it, I found myself realizing that even having the option was a huge relief. It was my decision if I ate that food or not. It was something I was in control of.
I took another glance out the window as Ivy dropped from the ledge and glided away, then I hopped down to the floor.