"what you doing? looking for someone to shag?"
louis turns to zayn who laughs at his own comment, then back to the front door. he clenches harder on to the can in his hands, then nods.
"you're back to that?" zayn asks, "what about harry?"
"i'm over that." louis mutters, "i don't give a shit about him."
"louis, that's—"
"mean? yeah no shit, zayn."
"what's going on?" zayn questions, and louis clenches his teeth down, looking away.
"i just always said i would do it, you know? get full revenge by making him suffer but all he's done has made me weak. i hate it."
"love is a weakness."
"piss off, who said i was in love?"
"you act it."
"love ain't real... plus i hate him, you know? we're talking about the guy that left me to die 'cause he's scared of a bit of water."
"you're scared of a bit of water."
louis scoffs. "i have a reason to be... and i don't fucking invite his reason over for wine and cheese."
"what?" zayn squints his eyes, confused.
"i dunno. i'm drunk and still pissed off because he made me go to his house knowing liam would show up."
"oh, for wine and cheese?" zayn laughs.
"just to sort things out." louis squints his eyes now too, "i just thought that's what friends do you know, have wine and cheese together?"
"louis have you and anyone else ever had wine and cheese together?" zayn asks, amused.
"no, it's what my mum's friends do though. plus you're my only friend, so how would i know?"
zayn is about to speak but is interrupted by a loud, light-hearted protest. "hey, am i not your mate?" niall grins widely with his teeth, then wraps am arm around louis' shoulder, who turns to him smiling.
"of course, niall. want to go for some wine and cheese?"
"oh that sounds wonderful darling, and some champagne?" niall jokes in an awful posh accent that's slurred by the alcohol. it makes zayn laugh to himself, trying to hide his big grin by looking down.
"by the look of this house there should be some in the cupboard." louis jokes, "who the fuck owns this place?"
"this person katie knows. they went to a load of people's secondary schools, they're loaded apparently."
"i heard my name." katie shows up at niall's side, grabbing his arm. he smiles at her, then presses his lips to hers in a kiss. she blushes when they pull away.
"finally came to your senses, then?" zayn asks, and niall nods, grinning like an idiot.
"what were you guys talking about?" katie asks.
"you know the person that owns this house?" louis questions, "it's massive."
"yeah, there were always rumours that their parents were like big, crazy drug lords or something. i dunno, we were kids and found it funny because all our houses were shit and then there this person was, with a massive house and a fucking pool. they're probably just doctors or something." katie takes a sip of her drink through a straw, and niall is still watching her, smiling so wide because of her rambling.
"they better be drug lords." louis says, "i need something in me."
"that was forward." niall comments, which makes katie and zayn laugh. louis' eyes widen before he hits him on the stomach.
"not like that, you twat!" he laughs, then licks his lips. he shakes his head, then leans in to whisper. "do you know anyone who does mean it like that though?" he jokes, and niall laughs.
"harry's probably around."
louis scoffs, "that prick isn't my whole personality, alright?"
"you seem pretty obsessed."
louis leans back, thinking about it and realising niall is right. he's been so caught up with harry that he hasn't really had a moment to just breathe and focus on anything else. but despite it all, he still shakes his head.
"i'm not." he says, "the opposite actually. i want nothing to do with him."
"trouble in paradise?"
"there never was a paradise." louis responds, talking a gulp from his drink.
"want to smoke to forget about that trouble in paradise?"
"i said there isn't a paradise!" louis pauses for a moment, expression blank. "but yes." he finally says, rolling his eyes.
"smoke outside if you can," a voice says nonchalantly as they're moving chairs. "there's a small hill outside that's pretty good for it."
the group turn to face the owner of the voice. "yeah no problem, thanks." niall says, then double takes. "wait... this is your house?"
"yeah." they laugh, putting the final chair in the corner.
"i like your shirt." zayn says quietly, almost nervous. louis looks to him, laughing.
"thanks," they grin back, looking down to it. "they're um... keith haring figures."
"yeah, i love his work."
louis laughs, "right are you done being art nerds or can we go smoke?"
"we can go smoke." zayn laughs, before turning back to them. "you want to come?"
"yeah, why not." they shrug, "i've just been worrying over the state of the house for an hour so i could do with some relaxing. i'm corey, by the way."
niall leans closer towards them as they walk along side one another. "so corey..." he squints his eyes, overdramatising it all. "where are your parents exactly?"
"niall!" katie laughs, but it seems corey does too.
"they're out working right now." corey says, "both work night shifts so i'm usually alone at night."
niall nods, slowing to be next to louis, who he wraps an arm around again. "definitely drug lords." he whispers, and louis bursts out laughing: he can't help it.
the group are walking though the giant house to get to the back garden, but it's pretty fucking obvious where it is when louis spots the big glass doors edged across the whole of the back of the house, giving a perfect view to the lit up grass (or field, louis should think).
they walk across the large garden all carrying their drinks, louis observing the people around the outside seating and near the shed. there's some drunkenly jumping on a trampoline, laughing as they tumble on to it at every bounce.
"your house is massive." louis finds himself saying, because he's never seen anything quite like it.
"thanks?" corey responds with a laugh, leading the group up a small hill at the edge of the fence.
"i've never seen anyone with a hill in their house before." katie comments, and corey laughs again.
"yeah it's strange." they say, "good place to think though."
when they get to the top of the hill, everyone just stops, looking down to what's on it.
"why is there a table on my hill?"
"two tabled tyler." louis says unbothered, pushing the wood quickly with force and watching it tumble down the hill with crashing noises, which perks up some people's heads at the bottom. he exhales smiling, then sits down on to the grass, followed by everyone else, who laughs.
zayn gets out a metal tin from his back pocket, opening it with a clanking sound and letting everyone grab an already rolled spliff.
"we'll share." katie says, taking one for both her and niall.
zayn nods, before looking back down to the tin. "shit, anyone got a light?"
louis grabs out his lighter from his back pocket, flicking it near everyone's lips until they're all lit. he inhales the smoke, holding it in his chest to make him feel warm, then exhaling it into the sky, watching it in the dark.
"it's pretty fucking relaxing up here."
"yeah, except from everyone being so bloody loud." zayn laughs, and everyone looks down to the people all huddled in the garden and around the lit up pool, smoking or dancing to the shitty music from inside.
louis looks down to the pool, watching its blue ripples and the yellow lights that surround it. some people are brave enough to jump in with their clothes on, probably freezing. others just watch the people swim and splash about. louis looks closer. he squints.
skinny jeans. a red flannel rolled at the sleeves. a mess of curls and a full bottom lip that's being grazed at.
"is that harry styles?" louis leans closer, and everyone's eyes focus down to him.
"yeah, looks like it." katie says.
"who's he with?"
"lacey i think." she replies, and louis takes another long drag, watching the pair.
"he's quite close to the water." he comments, watching as they sit on the grass together. harry's legs are held up to his chest as lacey talks to him, but he can't seem to focus because he's staring at the pool.
"you think he'll go in?" zayn asks.
louis shakes his head. "not in a million years. that kid's a pussy."
"who is it?" corey questions, leaning forward.
"louis' boyfriend." niall says quickly, and louis scoffs.
"not my boyfriend." he corrects, "just a dick that's always in my business." louis takes another long drag, needing it to calm him down with the thought of harry.
"and who's the guy?"
"the guy?"
"yeah, next to him."
louis looks back, noticing liam in a black coat, who's shuffling himself on the grass next to harry, greeting lacey.
"he's even more of a dick." louis says, blowing more smoke into the sky.
"seems you've got a lot of enemies." corey laughs, doing the same.
"people dislike me."
"i can't see why." corey jokes sarcastically, and louis turns to them with a shocked expression, hitting their arm before they both start laughing.
"lacey likes you, i'm guessing?" corey asks.
"you know her?"
"yeah, seen her around. she's fit."
louis laughs, taking in another drag. "she seems like a bitch on the outside, but is actually an alright girl. i'm sure she'd get to know you if you just talked to her."
"wanna come down to talk to her with me?" corey asks, and louis laughs, shaking his head as he looks back down to the grass.
"rather stick needles in my eyes than be that close to harry and liam."
"didn't you fuck harry like last week?" zayn laughs, and louis rolls his eyes.
"shut up, the weed's talking."
"in that case, the weed is talking some fucking facts." zayn laughs, "you hate the guy, but want him on your dick."
"i want a lot of people on my dick, doesn't mean i gotta like 'em." louis blows out the smoke as zayn laughs, puffing out his own smoke as he does so.
louis turns to niall and katie, who are leant in, sharing their spliff like it's fucking popcorn.
"what?" niall questions when he stares at him, "this is some juicy shit."
louis stands, lifting the blunt to his lips. "yeah well movie's over. i need a new drink." he walks off, not wanting to think about harry anymore as he trudges down the hill.
he passes the people on the grass, stopping near to pool to stare at it, to smell that strong chlorine smell that reminds him of that day two years ago.
that reminds him of harry.
as if it were perfect timing, his eyes meet with harry's in that exact moment. he stares at him, harry trying to read his unreadable expression. louis' jaw clenches, and he takes one final, long drag before throwing the stubbed splint into the pool water. harry looks down to it as it floats on surface, then back to louis who looks away and walks back inside, blowing the smoke out.
louis is pouring himself a drink, (and a big one, too) as he avoids colliding with anyone else in the kitchen. there's people dancing about, some even sat on the floor high on god knows what. all louis wants to do is pour his drink. pour a strong drink into a shitty plastic cup and forget about everything.
"was liam that guy?"
louis' eyes squeeze shut. he turns to his right, eyes meeting with harry's, who's looking down to him searching for an answer.
"harry, what are you on about?" louis continues to move, grabbing for another bottle from across the counter because the other ran out.
harry doesn't leave though, just steps back and follows louis' movements. "you know... you talked about that guy that you liked but he didn't like you back... was that liam? and is that why is you can't come to terms with your sexuality?"
louis' eyes go wide and he finally stops moving, turning back to him. "what?! oh my god harry, no! why are you asking me that?" he shakes his head with a groan, pouring more into his cup.
"is it what he said that night?" harry asks quietly, "about the football team?"
"harry."
"what did they do for you to nearly die?"
"shut the fuck up, alright?"
harry leans back, trying to keep their eyes met. "i'm just trying to understand."
"why do you care so much?"
"because i do." harry pauses, "i care... about you."
louis looks up to him, not wanting to blink as he slowly bites down on to his bottom lip. he doesn't even know what to say, so just takes a large gulp of his drink, placing it back onto the counter. "liam doesn't tell you anything, does he?"
"not a thing." harry responds, eyes flickering down to the cup and then back to louis' eyes.
louis takes back another bit of his drink, holding it in his mouth as he thinks. it stings his tongue, and then he takes a large gulp. "what do you want to do?"
"talk to you."
"what about?"
"whatever i've misunderstood, apparently."
louis shakes his head, "you don't get to be involved in every fucking aspect of my life, you know?"
"well i want to be."
"you don't get to make that decision." louis says firmly, and harry stills as he stays stood there.
"so that's it, yeah?" harry shrugs, "whatever this was between us... you don't want it?"
"harry what—"
"look i understand that you have fucking problems and shit, but you can't just ignore whatever this is because you're tired of trying."
"just because i want to fuck you doesn't mean i have to share everything that's going on in my life."
harry stops, eyes meeting with louis, who can tell how hurt he is by the way his bottom lip is slightly twitching. "so that's all this was, huh? you just wanted someone to shag?"
louis stops. he takes a gulp of his drink, looking down. his head is spinning. "you know that's not what i want."
"then why fucking say it, louis!" harry shouts, "you're so fucked in the head!"
"i'm not fucked in the head, you're fucked in the—"
"why do you do this?!" harry screams, fully frustrated. "you think you don't deserve something so ruin it! you ruin it by saying stupid shit you don't even mean to push me away!"
"yeah, like you've clarified five million fucking times before!" louis spits.
"that's because you don't listen to me! it's like you're too far gone for me to help you anymore."
louis' body relaxes, yet his chest is still rising up and then back down again as he stares at him. "i'm not a fucking charity case, harry."
harry's eyes go soft, and he quietens. "will you please just stop putting your defences up?" he steps forward, eyes soft as he lifts a hand to louis' cheek, grazing his thumb back and forth against the skin. "i'm not going to hurt you."
louis feels his soft touch for a moment, staring into his eyes. but then the green makes him remember everything and he pulls harry's arm down, pushing him away.
"you already have." he says.
harry observes him with aimless eyes, searching for an answer but he can't find one and louis can't bring himself to tell him. harry looks down, nodding shortly.
"just forget about it, then." he turns on his feet, walking off without looking back and louis regrets it immediately. of course he does, even if he doesn't agree with him.
after restraining for a bit, louis finally gives in. "harry, wait." he begins to chase after him, pushing past the people in the kitchen and eventually the living room, following the quick bobs of harry's head he can see further in the crowd.
"harry!" he continues to call after him. louis wants him to stop. he wants harry to stop and turn around and kiss the shit of him until they can't breathe and forget all their problems.
he's in the garden by now. "harry, stop!" louis pushes through and escapes through a big glass door, watching harry as he's pacing across the grass, not looking back once and oblivious louis is behind him. when louis catches up to him, he's still walking, searching the garden for someone.
"harry i said— " louis goes to grab him, maybe by the back of his t-shirt or his arm or something. but then he sees the water ripples next to both their feet and as if by instinct his hand flattens, and his grab turns more into a touch, which turns more into a jab, and then more into a push.
and the next thing louis remembers, is the sound of his screams. his terrified yells that louis could have sworn sounded exactly like his own that day.
there's a high-pitched ringing in louis' ears and his vision is blurring but he can't move, yet can't watch either. all he can do is just listen to the screams and feel the splashes of water that hit his skin as harry vigorously shakes his limbs about.
louis wipes a big splash of water that lands on his face off with his shaking fingers. he watches as everyone surrounding him shout in shock too, rushing to harry's aid.
he looks down to the water, wondering if maybe harry sees louis' eyes, louis' bright blue eyes, just above the surface of water, just like he had once seen harry's forest green ones.
harry's limbs are still shaking in every direction as he's being lifted up by others, and his screams haven't stopped even for a second. harry looks as if he can't breathe, but neither can louis because watching harry like that causes something in his body that brings aggressive tears to his eyes and makes his whole body tremble with fear and worry.
so he does what any rational person would do in that situation and he runs, runs far away, never looking back.