Kabanata 31
"Sorry, I was late." hinihingal kong saad bago sumalampak sa passenger's seat.
"You're just in time," sabi ni Caer bago paandarin ang makina ng kotse. "Nakatulog naman si Leice habang hinihintay ka namin kaya okay lang."
I laughed. "Mabait ka pa rin hanggang ngayon."
I fixed my pearl earrings while looking in the rear mirror. Nakita ko ang nanglalaking mata ni Leice habang nakatingin siya sa akin. She was drooling and her tiny frame made me smile.
"Okay lang ba na ma-late tayo? Medyo naninibago pa kasi ako sa hospital kaya pinipilit ko rin na makisalamuha sa iba," sabi ko.
It's not like the other doctors and nurses are bad, pero siyempre bago lang ako roon kaya naman kailangan ko silang kilalanin kahit papaano. It is the first time that my surname doesn't scare anyone. Wala na rin rason upang di ako pansinin ng mga tao dahil sa takot.
"Dadaan lang naman tayo," Caer said. Napalingon siya kay Leice na mukhang iiyak dahil mag-isa lang sa likod. My eyebrows furrowed and I immediately volunteered.
"Puntahan ko lang si Leice sa likod ha?" paalam ko kay Caer. Lumipat ako sa likuran upang samahan ang bunso namin.
Kinandong ko si Leice upang i-hele. She draped her arms around me and lightly nibbled on my shoulders. Akala yata ay pacifier ako.
"Love you, sweetcheeks." bulong ko kay Leice.
"Mamah," Leice giggled. "Mamah! Mamah!"
Leice was turning two this year. Hindi pa namin siya maiwan ni Caer sa iba dahil masyadong maselan si Leice sa mga kasama n'ya.
Nagulat ako dahil pilit akong hinuhubaran ni Leice. She probably wanted to drink milk. Agad akong nagkulay kamatis dahil hindi rin makatingin sa direksyon namin si CL. He's obviously shy too.
"Sa bottle ka muna, sweetcheeks." Pinisil ko nang bahagya ang pisngi ni Leice.
Umiyak si Leice kaya medyo nag-panic ako. I looked at her bag and saw that the formula milk was there. Agad ko naman siyang tinimplahan. I gave her the milk to pacify her hunger. Muli ko siyang kinarga habang palalim nang palalim ang gabi.
"Is this the first time that they'll see Leice?" tanong ko kay Caer. "Di mo ba pinakita sa kanila nang wala ako?"
CL bobbed his head. "Yes, ayoko rin talagang masyadong makiusisa ang iba pagdating kay Leice. She's still young and you know how they can be so cruel at times."
Hindi ko masisisi si CL sa naging desisyon n'ya. Leice is precious and she has the same features as her father. Mas malambing nga lang tingnan si Leice. Sa buong biyahe ay pinanood ko itong matulog sa aking mga bisig. Humihilik pa nga ito kaya naman napapansin ko ang pagngiti ni CL sa harapan.
I unconsciously smiled.
He's a good father. I never knew CL could be like this when it comes to Leice. Noon ay sanay akong sobrang bait ni CL pero pakiramdam ko ay mawawala ang kabaitan n'ya kapag may nangyaring masama kay Leice.
Nakarating na kami sa may parking lot. Cl helped me unbuckle my seatbelt and proceeded to get Leice's bag. Napalingon pa ako sa likuran ko dahil napansin ko ang mga naliligaw na titig sa aming dalawa.
"Don't mind them," Caer whispered in my ears. "Matagal na rin kasi no'ng huli ka nilang nakita."
I nodded because that makes sense. It was almost seven years ago when Etienne and I broke up. Mula noon ay hindi na ako uma-attend ng mga party ng mga Soteiros. I even avoided some socialite parties even if I was a Reverio. Hindi ko alam kung bakit big deal na nandito ulit ako. I'm sure the news about me and Caer has already got into them.
Umakyat na kami patungo sa event area at di ko nalamayan ang pagtatahip ng puso ko sa kaba. It's not like it's going to be my first time, pero kinakabahan ako dahil matagal na no'ng huli ko siyang nakita. Our last meeting wasn't even that good. The note even if the ink has already faded left a detrimental damage to me.
Hindi ko lang inakala na kaya n'ya rin pala akong sukuan.
I smiled bitterly to myself.
Move on, Lav. You have a family now.
"You okay?" Caer held me on my shoulder to shake me for a bit.
Agad naman akong lumingon at ngumiti sa kan'ya. "Of course, okay lang ako."
What we had already ended. And some endings, despite saying the final words and bidding the hardest goodbyes — are still open. Tapos na ngunit iniiyakan mo pa rin. I hate how hope is both good and destructive. A tiny chance we could have fixed what we had made me feel like shit because we didn't.
Lumamlam ang mga mata ko at bumuntonghininga.
"Do you think he'll be there?"
"The last time I checked, he also doesn't attend these events. Nasa HQ lang naman 'yon ng EIJE pero hindi pa rin siya uma-attend."
Napalunok ako. "Baka busy lang."
May sasabihin pa sana si Caer nang biglang umiyak si Leice. She held onto me tightly so I hugged her back. Hinele-hele ko siya hanggang sa kumalma na siya.
"Kamusta pala ang clerkship?" tanong ni Caer sa akin. "Nagtatampo pa rin ako na nasa ibang hospital ka."
I laughed. "Baka ma-distract kasi ako kapag nasa iisang hospital lang tayo."
The side of his lips tugged up. "Really?" he teased.
The years with Caerlux made me know him more beyond what the surface offers. Caer is playful at times, madalas seryoso siya ngunit may mga awkward moments din dahil likas siyang mahiyain pagdating sa iba.
Pagpasok pa lang namin ay sinalubong kami ng mga dekorasyon na gawa sa ginto. The host for this event is probably the boastful one. Hinagilap ng mga mata ko sina Adren at ang iba pang Reverio, I'm not sure if they'll attend or not. Ang huling kausap ko sa kanila ay hindi rin naging maganda. I didn't like that Dayanara is using someone to seduce Adren to give up his shares since Alfos is still bedridden. Unti-unting nawawalan na rin ng amor si Lolo kay Dayanara, the ounce of respect he has for her is slowly fading away.
"Oh my gosh! The star couple!"
Nagulat kami nang pagkaguluhan kaming dalawa. Nagkatinginan pa kami ni Caer dahil sa biglaang paglapit sa amin. The women in their branded clothes and expensive jewelry took their time looking at us with bewilderment.
"Caer, sinosolo mo naman masyado ang asawa mo."
Isang ginang ang humagikhik. Sumunod naman ang mga kasama n'ya. Hindi ko inakala na may mga tsismosa rin pala sa mga mayayaman. Mas malala nga lang sila kung minsan dahil kinukuha na nila kahit ang private space mo.
"Hindi naman po sa gano'n," Caer lightly chuckled. Agad akong nilagay sa kan'yang likod upang di maabot ng mga kababaihan.
"Akala namin ay hindi ka na maga-asawa pa ulit dahil baka natakot ka na. Hindi rin biro ang nangyari kay Kaiaria ha. She died even before marrying you."
Agad naman kumunot ang noo ko at tumikhim. The old lady reared her head towards my direction and her smile slipped off. Agad siyang natauhan na nandito pa ako.
"Tahimik na po si Kaiaria, I would appreciate it if you didn't have to bring her up." saad ko at tinitigan siya nang malamig.
Caer glance at me, his stance making him look like he was uncomfortable. Naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit gano'n na lamang ang naging itsura n'ya. The sudden death of Kaiaria was blamed on him.
"Well, maybe it was also fate that even if you had your fair share of past lovers, kayo pa rin ang nanaig," ani ginang.
"I don't think fate would bring death just for us to happen," Caer politely disputed.
Oh. I brought a few strands behind my hair. He's still affected by her death. Sumikip ang puso ko dahil doon. I wish I could do something about it but I can't bring someone back to life. And besides, Kaiaria had a rough life fighting with her sickness. Hindi ko alam kung blessing ba na hindi na siya nahihirapan ngayon.
"I never liked Kaiaria anyway. The Alonzos are not even that rich. Sumikat lang ang anak nila dahil kilala sa larangan ngunit mga bagong salta naman!" mayabang na ani ng kasama ng ginang.
"The Alonzos are actually quite nice po despite not being that rich." Caer laughed, "Mas mabuti na po siguro 'yon kumpara sa mayaman nga ngunit di naman sa heaven mapupunta."
I chortled. "Joke lang po, no offense, to be honest, for real."
The ladies were in deep red. Nangamatis sila sa sobrang kahihiyan dahil sa aming dalawa. Naging seryoso ang mga mukha namin ni Caer bago kami nagpaalam na aalis na.
Caer puts his hands on his pockets. He does that to hide the clenching of his fists. Blangko n'yang tinitigan ang iilang mga bisita na nagbubulong habang papalapit kami sa event stage.
Leice was sleeping soundly on my shoulder. Mabuti na lang na tulog ang isang ito dahil ayoko rin mapansin n'ya ang tingin ng mga tao.
I feel bad for Caer because even if he didn't want to, kailangan n'yang puntahan ang event na ito dahil sa mga magulang n'ya. I could never imagine myself being controlled by these people. It makes me feel sick.
"Ang cute ng bata, kamukhang-kamukha ng ama." puri ng isang bisita.
I only smiled. Leice did inherit her father's features. Malakas yata ang dugo ng mga Soteiro.
"It must be nice to experience both of the branches of the Soteiros," aniya. She sounded condescending while stroking the hair of Leice.
Pumilig ang bata at umiyak. Nagkaroon ako ng karapatan na bigyan ito ng masamang tingin.
"Pakialis ang kamay, kapag di kailangan — huwag mo na lang sanang gawin." I smiled.
Napangiwi naman 'yong bisita. Dinadayo kami ngayon dahil matagal na no'ng huling punta rito ni Caer. I feel suffocated because of the lack of space so I decided to move a bit.
"Excuse me. . ." pinagsiksikan ko ang sarili ko palayo sa mga tao. Ang nangyari tuloy ay si Caer ang naiwan upang makausap nila.
I wrapped Leice in my arms as I moved along. I wanted to keep her safe from the judging stares. Alam ko naman na lahat sila ay curious kung sino si Leice. And I'm sure this will be the last time that they'll see her for a while. Caer won't let them disturb her peace. Pinagbigyan n'ya lang ang mga magulang n'ya sa ngayon.
"I'll feed you, sweetcheeks."
Umangat ang ulo ni Leice at bumungisngis sa akin. Her eyes darted towards a person on my back. Her eyes gleamed with joy. Agad naman akong nagtaka.
"Dada?" Leice muttered which surprised me. Malambing na bata si Leice, her words are mostly gibberish since she's still a toddler.
It felt cold. Agad kong tiningnan kung saan nakapukaw ang tingin ni Leice.
There he was, as vivid as he could be, in his black turtle and white coat. His head was a bit tilted as if he was trying to look at Leice thoroughly.
Etienne Soteiro coldly gazed at us. His glacial stare made me numb as I tried to avert my eyes.
"Leice, he's not your dada. . ." bulong ko.
Leice looked confused. Binalikan n'ya ng tingin si Etienne na ngayon ay papalapit sa amin. My heart lurched inside my chest. Something inside of me stirred as I heard his feet falls gradually closing the gap between us.
"Hi there," Etienne strokes Leice's hair.
"Dada!" Leice giggled, she was completely enamored of his presence.
"She looks like CL," Etienne said. Unti-unting binawi ang kamay. Leice flinched and cried after Etienne took his hand back.
"Tatay n'ya e," kabadong sabi ko. "Etienne. . ." Napalunok ako nang mapagtantuan na dalawa lang kami rito.
This wasn't the reunion that I anticipated. I know we will meet eventually but this is too calm. Hindi tuloy maalis ang pangamba sa loob ng dibdib ko ngayon. Naramdaman yata ito ni Leice dahil pinatong n'ya ang ulo n'ya sa aking balikat.
"It's nice seeing you, Solstice."
I winced after he mentioned my name. Of course, we're back at one. Umangat ang tingin ko sa kan'ya. A familiar set of gray eyes made me feel stoic.
"Too bad that I wasn't invited to the wedding, huh?" Etienne smiled and even raised a toast for me.
"S-sorry, hindi ka rin kasi ma-contact k-kaya. . ." nauutal kong saad. "I. . . Etienne. . ."
Hindi ko alam paano sisimulan. Etienne was gazing at me, full of contempt. I wanted to explain it to him but words couldn't come out of my mouth. Hindi natinag ang titig n'ya sa akin.
I gently spoke. "P'wede b-ba tayo magusap? After the party?"
Etienne smirked. "Why would we even talk? Tapos na tayo, Solstice. You have a family now, congrats."
His smirk and the way his hand was tracing the moist on his wine glass makes me feel like he won. Pakiramdam ko ay tingin n'ya tama ang naging mga hula n'ya sa mga mangyayari. And I couldn't do anything about it.
"I. . . I want to apologize." Napalunok ako. I wet my lower lips, sinusubukan na bumuo ng mga susunod kong sasabihin.
Etienne mildly shook his head. As if what happened before is trivial for him. And I don't know why it hurts that something big to me is nothing for him. Kung paano ako dinurog noon, doon naman n'ya nakita ang mga pirasong bubuo sa kan'ya.
Para akong tinaga sa dibdib sa simpling reaksyon n'ya. It shouldn't affect me, I know. . .
"You don't have to apologize for anything. Wala na rin naman sa akin 'yon. Don't dwell on it," malamig n'yang tugon.
"Dada. . ." Leice reared her head.
"Nakakaselos naman. You can call others as dada, pero sa akin ay chi yel?"
Napaigtad ako nang maramdaman ang presensya ni Caer sa likod ko. I looked at him and sighed in relief.
"Chi yel!" Leice giggled upon seeing her father.
"Etienne," Caer widened his eyes, huminto siya sa gitna naming dalawa. "Sakto, hinahanap ka ni Lavy."
Namilog ang nga mata ko at pasimpling kinurot sa tagiliran si Caer. Etienne saw that brief movement and his smirk tugged up. Hindi ko mawari kung naiinis o naiilang.
"I've been told," Etienne coldly stated. "Kamukha mo anak n'yo."
Hindi man halata, napansin ko ang bahagyang pagdaan ng pandidiri sa kan'yang mukha. Hinayaan ko na lang ito.
"I know right," Caer winked proudly. Namutla naman ako dahil isa sa mga nalaman ko tungkol kay Caer sa nakalipas na mga taon, he doesn't know when to accept compliments. Pakiramdam n'ya lahat ay good compliments.
Etienne coldly shrugged. Tinalikuran na n'ya kaming dalawa ni CL. Parang piniga ang puso ko dahil kahit pala magkita kami ay hindi n'ya ako hahayaan kausapin siya nang masinsinan.
"Did I interrupt your talk?" Caer asked, obviously concerned.
Umiling ako. "Ayaw n'ya. . ."
Lumamlam ang mga mata ni Caer. "Nagpaalam na ako kina Mama, tara na ba?"
I sighed before smiling. Ano pa nga ba? Hindi ko naman p'wedeng pilitin ang ayaw. Dumaan nga lang talaga kami rito. Tulad ng pagdaan ni Etienne sa buhay ko. He didn't mean to stay too.
Hinatid ako ni Caer papunta sa condo unit ko. The night was slowly consuming the sky. Agad kong nilingon si Caer.
"Tulog na si Leice," I said. "Are you sure you can do it on your own?"
"Yeah. Medyo hectic lang talaga ngayon. I appreciate you being here with me. But you have a life too," Caer smiled. "Don't worry about me too much. Leice and I will be okay."
I unbuckle my seatbelt. Bumuntonghininga naman ako bago hinalikan si Leice sa noon at nagpatiunang pumunta sa aking condo unit. I looked at the clock. Madaling araw na pala. Tulog na siguro 'yong dalawa. I bit my lower lip as my heart rattled inside my chest.
I opened the door slowly and was met with a pair of familiar gray eyes. Nakaupo siya sa harapan ng pintuan na tila ba kanina pa naghihintay. His chest heaved as he run towards me.
I gasped. Tumalon siya upang yakapin ako.
"Dala mo na si Papa?! Kinidnap mo raw si Papa sabi ni Daddy Snyder?" his gray eyes glistened in the dark while wearing a childish beam.
I smiled at my son and patted his head. "Sorry, Leven. Uh, wala kasi siya a-at di ko pa nabanggit na birthday mo n-na. Tapos mali ang kidnapping, bakit mo 'yon nabanggit?"
"Daddy Snyder and Euan told me that they'll do that po kapag pangit pa rin ugali ni Papa." Leven played with his pajamas as he spoke, unti-unting pinakawalan ako. "Mama, I prepared milk for you po."
"Daddy Snyder?" I retaliated.
"W-wala pa po kasi akong papa kaya siya muna daddy ko po. . ." Leven lowered down his gaze. My eyes softened as I kissed his forehead.
Napasapo ako sa aking noo bago bahagyang ngumiti nang malungkot. "Sorry. . ."
I can't cry infront of him.
"Pupunta naman po siya sa birthday ko 'di ba po. . . Kasi I am almost six na po. . ." Leven was carefully crafting his words.
"O-of course."
"Promise mo po?!" Leven widened his eyes that reminded me of his father. He reminds of the young Etienne. Leverett only got my cat liked eyes but the rest came from his father. Ang mga mata n'yang mala-abo ang nagpapatunay n'on.
"I promise." I smiled and hugged him. His warmth enveloped me too. humagikhik si Leven.
"May Papa na po ako!" Leven said, almost crying in joy. Naramdaman ko na basa ang aking balikat. He was waiting for him the whole night. At ngayon ay umiiyak pa siya. Sumasakit ang dibdib ko dahil pakiramdam ko wala na naman akong magagawa.
❛ ━━━━━━･❪♀❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜
Li's note: hi there po! thanks for reading. update schedule! every 3 days after the update :) (although it could be for KST and BOC) my next update will probably be on Jan 12 or Jan 15. Basta, every 3 days may update ako for KST or BOC. Also this could still change because your thoughts/comments motivates me to write faster so don't hesitate to let me hear them! Thank you! ᥫ᭡ Li