Bits of Chemistry | ✓

Kabanata 26

Kabanata 26

I laughed, sounding as fake as possible. Hinawakan ko pa ang tiyan ko at pumapalakpak pa ako para makumbinsi ang sarili ko na joke lang ang lahat ng ito. I refused to believe that after all the years that I denied his existence, he's here once again. I wanted to make myself believe that I was too drunk that I'm imagining that he's in front of me.

"I have a boyfriend," giit ko sa kan'ya.

"I know."

"Imagination lang kita," I said and pointed my finger at him. "Di ka totoo, lasing lang ako."

"Okay?" He sounded confused but he laughed later on. "C'Mon, Solstice. I'll call a cab so you can go home, Baka naga-alala na rin sila sa 'yo."

"Sige," I groggily agreed. Goodness, I should never drink again. Sa susunod ay hahayaan ko na lang ang sarili ko na ma-bored kaysa mauto ni Euan na uminom.

I strided my way to his car. Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagkunot ng noo n'ya, umupo na lamang ako sa shotgun seat ngunit tiningnan lang ako ni CL, imagination version.

"What?" mataray na tanong ko.

"You're supposed to ride in a different car," saad n'ya.

Umiling ako. "Ikaw na lang ang maghatid sa akin, imagination lang naman kita."

He lightly chuckled and entered his car. Binuksan na n'ya ang makina at narinig ko ang mahinang pagharurot nito kahit halos mga street lamps na lang ang naging gabay namin sa gabi.

"Please forgive me for assuming but do you have any problems, Solstice?" the driver asked. Everything was gradually becoming mosaic to me. It was even pixelated. I couldn't put the pieces together because they were becoming smaller.

"Why?" garagal na tanong ko.

"I never pegged you as the drinking type. I assume that you had a problem but feel free to correct my misunderstanding. . ." banayad n'yang sagot.

My sight went in his direction. Pinanood ko siyang magmaneho at unti-unting nanlalabo ang paningin ko. I don't know why, siguro ay antok lang ako o di kaya'y masyado na akong nalulunod sa kalasingan. Hindi napapawi ang mainit na likido sa aking lalamunan.

"I'm just. . ." I sighed exasperatedly.

"Hm?"

"I love Etienne."

". . ." the person didn't reply. I could feel his discomfort but I continued on.

"I can't leave him alone," I said, with a strained voice. "He has always been there for me. He saved my mother. He saved me. I can't let him know that my love for him isn't as deep as his love for me. It will break him. It will destroy him once again."

I swallowed the bile in my throat. Marahan kong pinunasan ang mga bumalisbis na luha. I laughed it off.

"Sorry, lasing lang talaga siguro ako. I don't even know why I'm opening to a complete stranger. . ." humikbi ako. I could feel my eyes being swollen tomorrow.

"It's okay," he said in his calm voice. "We are humans, we are all vulnerable — we often just forget that we are but in the end we're still capable of getting hurt. We don't always have to be strong all the time. Even superheroes have weaknesses, so why shouldn't we embrace our vulnerabilities as well?"

I broke down upon finally hearing someone who could make me feel that I could cry too.

"I don't deserve Etienne." I claimed, still sobbing. Pinipiga ang puso dahil sunud-sunod ang bira sa akin ng aking memorya. "Ang babaw ba ng problema ko? Pero pakiramdam ko tuwing magkasama kami, pakiramdam ko hindi dapat siya sa akin. I could fool myself that I'm a good match for him but in the end, I know that he needs someone who can love him as deep as he can."