Bits of Chemistry | ✓

Kabanata 39

Kabanata 39

"No," Caer gradually shook his head and gave a weak smile at me. "If you think that I can't be blamed for her death, mas lalo ka na. You don't have to marry me out of pity. You don't have to do this, Solstice."

The guilt didn't vanish immediately. It was still there and it was still suffocating me. I gasped for air as I tried my best to contain the tears. I should have told Caer about it while I still had the chance. Pero may parte sa akin na may tiwala ako sa desisyon ni Kaiaria. Whatever route she went through; I knew that it made her happy.

"She told me that everything was fine. Her pregnancy was normal. I was careless. I love her so much that I gave everything that she wanted. Kahit a-alam kong makakasama sa kan'ya, I should have never. . ." Napasabunot si Caer sa sarili n'yang buhok habang patuloy ang paghihinagpis. "When she told me she was pregnant. . . I always thought that maybe miracles do exist. I mean, for the past years, she was doing well. Isang beses na lang ang check-up n'ya kada buwan kaya akala ko. . ."

"Caer. . ."

"Doctor ako p-pero wala akong nagawa para maligtas siya," he said in a low voice. Sinisinok na siya sa kakaiyak n'ya. Napaupo siya sa gilid at yumuko. He probably blames himself for Kaiaria's decision.

"You can't give up now," I reminded him. "You have Leice. Hindi ka na nabubuhay para sa sarili mo na lang, kailangan ka ni Leice ngayon at kailangan n'ya ng isang taong tutulong sa kan'ya habang lumalaki siya."

He has to be strong. Kapag siya mismo ang sumuko ngayon, sino na lang ang magiging nandiyan para kay Leice? The child deserves to be taken care of. I'm willing to compromise a lot just to make sure that Leice will grow as lovely as her mother.

"D-do you think I can do it? Buong akala ko ay kasama ko si Kaiaria rito. B-bakit naman kasi kailangan pang mangyari ito? Ikakasal na kami ni Kaia sa susunod na taon. . . Bubuo kami ng pamilya t-tapos. . ." nanginginig ang boses ni Caer. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang sakit sa bawat bitaw n'ya ng mga salita.

I crouched to match his level and patted his back. "You'll be a great father, Caer. Sa mga panahon na pinanghihinaan ka, isipin mo lang na nagtiwala si Kaia sa 'yo. She knew that you can take good care of Leice, kahit wala na siya sa piling n'yo. She will always be in our hearts. . ."

I can't assure that it will be an easy road. Leice will ask for her mother when she grows up and I didn't want her to feel the same way that my son feels every day. The longing for your parent's touch. The constant setbacks because of the situation. I want to be Leice's mother, habang wala pang gagabayan sa kan'ya na kasama ni Caer.

She will grow as loved as Kaiaria. I'm making sure of that.

It took months before Caer was able to compose himself back. May mga araw noon na hindi n'ya mahawakan si Leice dahil naaalala n'ya si Kaia. I wanted to help him as much as how they helped me before. I would be there for Leice and I would teach Caer how to fulfill the duties of being a caretaker. And it was actually heartwarming because I saw how awkward Caer was during the process yet I also witnessed his great love for children. The way his eyes glistened when he discovered something new about Leice.

"She likes apples!" maligayang sabi ni Caer saka binuhat si Leice. "See? Naubos n'ya agad 'yong applesauce!"

I only laughed at his reaction as he fed her in their kitchen. Tinuturuan ko si Caer kung paano magpakain dahil natatakot siyang baka raw mabulunan ang anak n'ya. Nag-e-enjoy si Caer sa pagsubo ng pagkain kay Leice nang tumunog ang cellphone ko. I lifted my phone and Caer briefly nodded, not taking his glance at his daughter. I had to excuse myself because it was rare for me to have phone calls. Kahit sa labas ng bahay ay wala naman akong pinagbibigyan ng number ko. Agad ko itong sinagot nang makarating ako sa balkonahe.