"I love you more than life Jasper Hale Whitlock".
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Jasper Hale felt glued to the floor as every emotion, every dark thought, everything that he had tried so hard to shove down for the sake of feeling guilty finally crashed down like a tidal wave, "come on Uncle Jazz... It's just a bedroom"... He had only ever been in there once and that was for Renesmee's sake... "It's like a tomb... Some ghost memory of her"...
"I know how you feel, Uncle Jazz... But the answers are in here... In that letter... They have to be"... Renesmee Cullen was desperate at this point she'd sell her soul to get her Auntie and Uncle back together... "Do you think this is how she felt? Wondering if any of it was worth the pain?"
Renesmee blew a puff of air through her nose as her arms crossed over her chest, "definitely but she still did it, she still read that stupid letter because she loves you, are you seriously going to let her down now?" those words were the harsh dose of reality her Uncle needed and his hand finally wrapped around the doorknob shoving the door open...
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Upon opening the door a cold and musty burst of air greeted him along with a tense silence and even after he moved through the door there was still a lingering sense of unease...
Renesmee unconsciously shivered as she stepped over the threshold into the empty feeling bedroom... It still looked the same but it just didn't feel the same which is exactly what crushed the little hybrid the most but above everything else she could sense a familiar feeling in the musty air...
Her Auntie Addie was still somewhere near, somewhere... Her spirit was near... She could feel it in her bones... It was so warm and inviting like the taste of cinnamon or sweet berries...
Renesmee touched the ice-cold bed with a heavy sigh, "it's so strange... despite being musty and dark it still kinda smells like her... like fresh strawberries and pure sunshine, it's like she's still here"... Renesmee flopped herself down on the bed inhaling a faint scent of perfume that welcomed her senses... "I miss you, Auntie Addie"...
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Jasper hated how depressing his bedroom looked without Addison around, she was like a ball of sunshine, she made everything look ten times brighter... Even the light gray walls looked black... He despised being without her...
The wooden bookshelf that was pushed against the wall and filled to the brim with different books from history to poetry was covered with a film of dust, and their old record player that rested on the dusty desk with classical and new records were covered in cobwebs...
And Jasper Hale felt like someone was punching him in the gut as he stared at the pictures hung carefully on the walls and the ones leaned on the bedside desks... His long pale finger carefully touched the old flowers that had been pressed in a book and the old ballet programs...
He was always so proud and supportive when Addison got the roles she wanted in the recitals... Hell even when she didn't get a big role he was still supportive... His fingers fell from the cut-out poems as he avoided the polaroid photos of when they were happy...
"Uncle Jazz? You okay?"
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"This window seat wasn't originally here ya know? I- I mean it wasn't in the original design... But Addison saw the big window and the gorgeous view as she put and she begged and begged me to help her make one, a place where she could read her books and drink her blood tea"...
"She drew up this design and the whole family helped us build it... She just looked so damn happy... Then one day she comes home from Seattle with all these bags, and when I came out of the shower, I saw her... She was placing all these plushy cream pillows and these white ones on the window seat and then she yanked out this big guy"...
He motioned towards the extremely fuzzy gray blanket with a nostalgic chuckle, "she looked like one of those circus clowns with those fabric scarfs"...
Renesmee sadly sighed as her brown eyes gazed out into the gloomy forest before switching to the balcony... She had so many good times on that balcony... She remembered all the times her Uncle Jazz and Auntie Addie would be relaxing on the hammock and she would run outside and jump on them...
Those sweet little moments happened way before Irina Denali, way before the Twisted Volturi... Way before her Auntie Addison disappeared... If she had to guess she'd say she was probably three... She remembered her Auntie Addie tickling her stomach with carefree laughter... She remembered her Uncle Jazz almost always falling off the hammock with a crash...
It was just them in their own perfect little world but now there were only two of them... "Uncle Jazz... I think it's time"...
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Dear Jasper... My Love, I know you're upset with me but honestly, you have no right to be or maybe you do, I don't really know... I'm gonna just go ahead and state the obvious here, you haven't been the best husband to me since Bella's pregnancy, you've been kinda awful to me...
You've called me delusional. You've accused me of wanting one of my best friends dead. And you've made me wonder if you've been unfaithful. And worse you've made me wonder if you've been unfaithful with my twin sister...
I didn't deserve an apology over a letter and neither do you... But I can't bring myself to say anything to you, not because I'm a coward or anything but because I just really didn't want to talk to you...
And it's all because you were such a horrible husband to me during Bella's pregnancy. You talked about me behind my back with Alice of all people... And then you made me wonder if it was her you truly wanted... That maybe you married the wrong Brandon Twin... I was never delusional, and I never wanted Bella dead, I was only trying to be a good friend. I am always trying to be a good friend...
And not only that, you broke my heart when all I wanted was a baby... all I wanted was a baby with you... The man I thought loved me more than anything, and you- you broke my heart... You told me to drop the topic, we'd get a dog instead... A dog Jasper... And we never did get the damn dog...
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June 16th, 1997... Do you remember that year? It was the year the whole family split up just for some space, Rosalie and Emmett went to Paris, Alice and Edward went to London, Carlisle and Esme went to Isle Esme and you and I went to our home in Houston? Everything was perfect... And then it wasn't... We got into an argument because I suggested adopting...
I don't know what happened Jasper, I really don't... I guess I saw all the cute babies in their little strollers and I wanted to have that... I wanted a child of my own to love and raise, and you said it was impossible because no child should be around monsters...
I really don't know what happened to me... I'm not like Rosalie, I didn't spend all my human life wanting, wishing for a sweet little baby, I spent my human years being a mother, a sister, a father for my sister, and then I spent the rest of my life locked away in an asylum, slowly losing my sanity...
And then I met you, Jasper... And suddenly like a switch had been clicked I became one of those stupid cliche wives who wants nothing more than a sweet little baby who looks like her husband and acts like her... I wanted that so bad... And I have no idea why... I guess I'm always the idiot in the relationship...
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And Jasper I do remember when we first met in that dinner in Philadelphia. I remember everything down to the exact time and date. I remember waiting in the same bright red booth not knowing who the hell I was waiting for or why I was waiting for them. I had grown used to the constant stares and rather loud whispers from the humans, they were so annoying...
I remember Alice constantly trying to convince me that we would find some vegetarian vampire family and live happily ever after but I was losing hope... I remember staring out the window watching the drops of rain hit against the window. I've always found something beautiful about dancing in the rain and I've always loved that you danced with me whenever I asked...
I remember that annoying yet cheerful little bell that jingled every single time a customer came in and then left. I used to quickly look towards the door when that bell rang through the diner but that day I took my time knowing it would be a regular customer and not the person I was waiting for...
When I finally craned my neck to look something inside my stomach began to feel warm, it wasn't like the cliche butterflies swarming around in my belly... What I felt was different, it was this overwhelming sense of calm as I stared at you...
Your hair was longer than, it fell just above your collar... I loved your long hair, it was always so calming to run my hands through, I miss your long hair... I remember noticing your scars they were barely noticeable to the human eye, you looked so strong yet so broken... But I remember it being your eyes that somehow managed to make my breath catch in my throat like a bubble...
They were a rich burgundy color then but they weren't hunger-filled or savage like James' was... No, your eyes were filled with pain and scars, filled to the brim with regret and self-hatred but they were still so comforting... Your emotions were so strong... But there was still something
dull about you, like you were missing something or someone, you were just like me, missing a piece...
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I remember you walking closer to me, and your eyes never once tore away from mine like we were hypnotized... "You stared up at me through your long golden lashes with a bright smile on your lips that were- well they still are this perfect shade of pink" that's how you described me in your letter". But since we're being honest I thought you were beautiful...
I mean I know most women don't describe their husbands as beautiful but you were so... beautiful... Your lashes were longer than any man's I have ever met and they were this gorgeous honey-gold, your lips were so... plump and embarrassingly enough, I thought about kissing you when I first saw you... Guess love, at first sight, is a real thing...
"My apologies Ma'am". I remember you saying that and your accent always has and always will make me melt... I remember holding out my hand like a nonverable question on whether or not you wanted to go with me. I was so worried you'd leave. I was so scared that all this waiting would lead to nothing. I was so scared you wouldn't want to go anywhere with me...
But then you took my hand... Your hand was so much bigger than mine and I began to feel at ease like being with you was destiny... Like something out of a fairytale... The wounded soldier of a man, needing someone to love him and the crazy twin sister who needed someone to relate to...
And I also remember our very first kiss... You were under a blood lust spell and I didn't want to lose you... Because I knew you'd feel like a monster and I never wanted you to feel like something you weren't... I didn't even think, I just leaned up on my tippy toes and kissed you...
Your lips tasted like cinnamon spice and blood, and they always have. I felt warm and toasty kissing you, like the feeling of drinking hot chocolate on a cold winter's day, and my lips tingled when I pulled away. I was embarrassed over my actions but you muttered two words that made embarrassment vanish... "Don't Be"... And I completely fell for you...
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Your aura. Your presence. Your voice. Everything about you was- is like a bonfire, so inviting and warm, you made me feel human again, you made me feel like I wasn't crazy, you made me feel like I was normal, you saved me from insanity Jasper...
But I don't feel that way anymore Jasper... You made me feel crazy during Bella's pregnancy and then you left me alone- worse you left for months with my twin sister... You are not the same man I married and I am not the same woman you married, we have gone through changes, many changes and I think within all the drama we lost ourselves...
A wise woman named Emily told me that I need some time away from all the stress, time away from Alice, time away from you... And anyone else in the family... I need some time away to heal the broken pieces and need some time away to think about how I want to live my life. Some time away to think about our marriage and the boundaries we need to set...
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I honestly hope to come back to you as soon as possible... I hope to feel that overwhelming sense of calm again...And by the way, somewhere new, somewhere with just you and me with a hammock hung outside (that you can never gracefully lay down on) and a campfire and somewhere we can swim in the sunlight sounds like Heaven... Even though I am not with you, I am always thinking about you always...
I love you more than life Jasper Hale Whitlock...
Forever and Always Addison. <3
P.S. Tell Mae, I miss her so much... Tell her that Auntie Addie loves her...
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A/n~ Good Lord this was a long chapter but Jasper finally read the letter. I kinda wanted the letter to be like Jasper's but with a different perspective of course and I'm kinda proud of it.
Also, I really hope this post because my internet has been horrible with the snow and the rain ugh...
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please feel free to leave any comments or criticism. <3 Jade