The day started like all the others had. I woke up, was dressed and attended to by the maids, ate breakfast and then began my studies.
I have no class today but I must always study to improve. What would I do if May came back, strong and powerful and I was exactly the same old Lillian? She might never wish to associate with me again...scary.
Speaking of May, her letters have been coming more and more downcast. It seems as if her mood is deteriorating. I really hope that she is enjoying my letters...what of my letters are the reason she's so upset?? Should I stop writing? No but that would be rude...
Hm, it's better to not think about these things and fully immerse myself into my studies. My moods have been spiralling these days, I wonder why I'm so on edge?
I went back to my books, now being able to fully focus again, until I heard the fumbling of the window latch.
I turned around just in time to see May, tumbling through the window in an inelegant manner, but sticking the landing.
I felt my heart leap in my chest as I looked upon the face I hadn't seen in far too long. I could immediately smell the sweet scent of grass and the room felt a few degrees warmer. She looked up and gave me a toothy grin, her eyes scrunching in the cutest way, freckles flexing over the bridge of her nose. The light shone in from the window behind her and I swore for a moment I mistook her for an angel.
I haven't felt this elated in a long time. I almost ran over to her in joy, but before I vaulted myself into her arms I managed to control myself. If I'm too forward and she rejects me I think my heart would shatter irreparably.
The greatest smile found its way onto my face, "May, you're back."
"Of course," she took a gallant step forward and then dropped to one knee, "how am I supposed to protect my lady if I'm always so far away from you?"
She took my hand in hers, and as my heart attempted to escape the confines of my chest, she placed a tender kiss on my hand. It was short and sweet and as she lifted her face away I continued to feel the warmth lingering on my knuckles.
I hastily asked a question to disguise my embarrassment, "But why are you back so soon? Shouldn't you be training right now?"
"Ah, don't worry, I won't skimp out on my training, I'll get strong. I just had something more important to do today."
May covered her face coolly, as if in contemplation.
"I was wondering if you'd maybe uh...wanna spend the day with me?"
A shock ran through my body, every nerve on end. This is...a date right. Two young women spending the day together, alone, one having feelings for the others.
Unable to control myself this time I grabbed both her hands in mine.
"YES,"
While her hands were similar in size to my own, they had an attractive sturdiness and they radiated a comforting warmth, no doubt calloused from hard work. I could hold hands like these forever.
May had a stunned look on her face and I quickly realised I'd been too enthusiastic, "...ahem I mean yes, that sounds wonderful."
She seemed to collect herself, "AH, well, ahem that's great. I'll make sure this is a day to remember."
I stood for a moment, utterly absorbed with her.
"I'll uh...get the horse then."
I quickly turned away, noticing that I'd been staring, "Ah, right yes, I'll meet you outside," I stammered, then with as much elegance as I could muster, I walked out the door.
With may no longer in sight I brought my hands up to my quickly reddening face and rushed to the nearest mirror to tidy my appearance. What would happen if I was too scruffy looking for an out date?? Ahem, sorry, outing.
Now satisfied with my appearance I flew down the stairs, almost hurtling down them in the process, and around the corner to the front door. When on arrival I was faced with a blockade, my brother.
"Ah Lillian, I've been looking for you." he held a large, worn book up to my face, "Look what i just received from overseas!"
Within the pages were detailed depictions of foreign flora, many of which I'd heard of but have never had the chance to study in detail.
"I was wondering if you'd maybe want to read it together..." he hid his face behind the book a little, embarrassed. On any other day I'd say yes in an instant, but today is different.
"I'm sorry Phil, I've already made plans with my lov- ahem...my friend. How about we read it tomorrow."
Phillip gave me a suspicious look, "But Lilli, you don't have any friends."
"I do too, I've got May haven't I?" I gave him a playful kick.
"Aha! So you're meeting that knight wannabe, aren't you! I thought i'd gotten rid of her for good." he clicked his tongue.
"May is not a 'knight wannabe', she's a knight in training, that's pretty much halfway to being a knight." I folded my arms to try and hold back my evolving temper.
"Oh right, speaking of training, shouldn't she be at the training grounds right now? What's she doing all the way out here?"
"Ah well," I hesitated, coming up with an excuse, "she said something about hunting monsters in the forest nearby and thought we could see each other when she was finished."
"Hm? To have finished so early in the day is pretty impressive." He raised his eyebrow at me, "Definitely doesn't sound like something that knight obsessed freak could handle."
"Of course May could handle that much," I began inching towards the door, I'd left May waiting for too long now, "anyway, just tell mother that I went to the library if she asks for me." and with that I unceremoniously opened the door and darted outside, missing a dramatic eye roll from Phillip.
As I rounded the corner I caught sight of May attempting to fight off the horse chewing on her hair. I've never been so jealous of a horse in my life... Ah that's not to say i want to chew on her hair, even if i did there's no way I'd want to risk hurting her cute head.
I laughed a little at her misfortune as she spotted me, her freckled cheeks reddening from embarrassment.
Gosh she's adorable.
May, much to my disappointment, quickly composed herself and extended her hand.
"Ahem, so, where shall we go my lady?"
I apprehensively placed my hand in hers, awkwardly fiddling with my hair, "Going anywhere with you would be a dream."
As I spoke, May easily lifted me onto the back of the horse, dashingly jumping on behind me. I could feel the heat from her chest radiate onto my back, strangely creeping up my neck and reddening my face. I could feel May's hot breath on my cheek as she leaned in.
"Hold on tight milady."
And we were off.
I tried to stay as still as possible, doing everything in my power not to squirm away. But every time the horse moved I would be jostled into her, constantly being reminded of how close we were sitting. Unlike me, May was seated comfortably, hardly moving an inch. She must have done a lot of training to temper her body to such a state. Makes me wonder what she looks like under-
"We're coming up on our first destination, my lady." May leaned over my shoulder, catching me off guard. I jolted away from my train of shameful thoughts, I felt my face instantly become scorching hot. I had to turn my face away to protect my dignity.
"Oh right, yes of course," I stuttered back quickly.
As I looked up I caught sight of a building I was very familiar with, the city's museum. If i wasn't squirming already I definitely was now. It's the 5th largest museum on the entire continent, holding some of the oldest artefacts ever recorded. I've probably been here over a hundred times. I could probably walk it blindfolded, pointing out every exhibit.
I hardly give May enough time to look after the horse before I'm dragging her into the building by her sleeves, excited to share all of my favourite things with my favourite person.
May always seems to know everything about me. I mean how else would she know to take me here. I'd be a little unsettled if I wasn't so thrilled right now.
May followed me around, considerately listening to all of my rambling with a smile on her face. Everything else seemed to melt away into the background. It was just me, May and the exhibits. I didn't even realise I was holding her hand until we'd been through the entire museum and found ourselves in the gift shop.
I decided to buy a few replica books from the ones in the exhibits, hoping to show May a close up of what's inside. May bought something as well, but whatever it was she seemed too embarrassed to show me.
It can't be a gift for a crush right? Though I guess that's none of my business. This train of thought is really dampening my mood...
When we left the museum it was already getting dark. The sun was setting into vibrant colours of orange and red.
"Lillian."
As I turned to May I almost gasped. Her entire being was dyed by the sun, shining with a golden lustre. I thought this often but she truly was breath-taking. The fact that such a perfect person exists feels so wrong. Such a person should belong to everyone and not just me, no matter how much I long for it.
May looked at me with a serious look in her eyes, one I had never seen before. I could feel her gaze pierce through me. I was too mesmerised to look away.
They seemed to hold the power of raging suns, the brilliance of liquid gold.
How precious.
They remind me of the kind of treasure I'd like to keep in an ornate jewellery box. Then only I would be able to look at them, hold them, own them.
She was silent, and for a moment I was filled with an unfounded expectation.
Maybe our feelings were mutual. Perhaps I would be allowed to pollute her sincerity with my own ugly emotions.
I was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her. We were so close already, face to face. I'd only have to lean in a little closer.
But my fear of rejection was too strong.
May seemed to relax a little, coming to terms with her thoughts.
"Uh, you hungry?"
I tried my best to smile but deep down I felt a gut wrenching disappointment. I deserve it for getting my hopes up, for even considering for a second that I should dirty her purity with my messy feelings.
"Oh.....sure what did you have in mind?"
We continued the rest of our walk in moderate silence. I kept an extra step away from her out of guilt. I pretended to flip through the pages of my book trying to hide my teary eyes.
As the night sky cascaded over the city, May kindly left me home.
I entered the front door, only to be greeted with complete silence. Without the hustle and bustle of the staff or the constant chatter of my brother the house felt much colder, lonelier.
I ascended the moonlit stairs, attempting to ignore the deep ache in my chest, and eventually reached what was supposed to be my own safe haven but now only felt like a prison cell.
I shouldn't have said goodbye so quickly. I still want her here by my side.
I wandered over to the window hoping to catch a glimpse of her as she left and before I had even touched the windowsill i saw her, slowly walking away into the trees.
Without giving myself time to think, I quickly unlatched the window, hoping I wasn't going to regret what I was about to do.
I grabbed a mysteriously pre prepared sheet ladder, tied it to the bedpost and tossed it from the window.
I had never done something like this, sneaking a person into my room after dark so I urgently pressed a finger to my lips and hissed, "Everyone's gone to bed now so you can come in, but you better be quiet ok?"
May seemed to be revitalised with life as she cutely scurried up the wall like a small animal.
She gave me a dazzling smile as I took her hand and assisted her as she rose over the windowsill, mimicking the rising sun. My cold, dark room was suddenly filled with warmth and light as if she really was a magnificent sunrise.
I shyly smiled back before leading her to the bed as calmly as possible. Which, being honest, wasn't very calm. How am I supposed to regulate my breathing while laying next to the girl I like? In my own bed!
May, however, still looked as cool and unfazed as ever, "ahhh your bed is so soft, it must be a dream falling asleep here every night."
I felt my heart jump in my chest at the thought of me and May sharing a bed every night. That's practically the same as being married right?
"Hmm, must be much nicer than the ones you sleep in back in the academy.", I joked back at her, gently poking her side.
Her usually tensed muscles were soft and relaxed.
Cute.
Resisting the urge to knead her like a cat, I looked up at her face, only to find she was already staring at me.
I shifted a little, nervously.
"What are you doing?" I asked in mock defiance.
"Just looking." May eventually answered, looking a little proud of herself for eliciting a reaction from me.
I tried to stare back in retribution but her unwavering gaze made me nervous. I almost felt like prey in the maw of a predator. However, even if I were prey, I'm sure May would hold me gently.
Growing tired of this game of chicken I hid myself under the covers, a little bitter that I had lost.
"Hmph, whatever, I'm going to bed."
When I heard May get up to leave, my body worked faster than my mind did. I nabbed the corner of her sleeve in my thumb and forefinger, "Ahem...it's cold and all the maids are asleep so they're not here to light the fireplace...."
I kept my head under the covers, fearing that she would spot my beet red face even in the dim moonlight.
I pensively waited for her reaction since I couldn't see her expression. But my worries were quelled when she wordlessly made herself comfortable underneath my covers. She was just close enough so that I could feel the warmth radiating off her body.
I felt myself smile uncontrollably, hoping it was still too dark for her to see me, and then quickly fell asleep into a perfect, sunny dreamland.
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So turns out tomorrow is actually over half a year, who knew? :/
But anyways, lovely Lillian's lovely pov~<3