Amo
The summer brought in shitty weather to the city. It was a constant humid, raining smog of misery. From above, though, in the clouds. The dark weather cleared out of frame to allow me to gaze upon what was mine. An unobstructed view of my reigning land. New York City. "Sir? We still have the upstairs to go over..." I held up my hand silencing him. "I'm taking in the view, Ron, give me a moment." I was standing in the rubble that was my soon to be apartment. It was an apartment built for a Capo, built for a man who deserved that title. It was in the highest most exclusive high-rises, at least three blocks away from my family. Thank god. At sixteen I was initiated in with the lowest rung of soldiers. My father had told me I had to earn my spot in the Famiglia, earn respect for my destined title. I had to work my way up to my birthright. That apparently meant sleeping in a tiny dorm with two other snoring guys. All those sleepless nights, all I could think about was this place. Having a place that was mine. Not my family's, not renting from anybody, a place that was truly my own. I started moving up the ranks, I started earning more respect and trust to hold my own weight. To be a true strong representation of the name Vitiello. I was ready to take over. But another thing a Capo needed in this traditional reign was a wife, which meant marriage, which meant roadblock. I somehow forgot that little fact every time I went into a design review, the fact someone else would be living with me in this space at some point. I had designed the whole apartment to my needs. It was a bachelor's pad, no woman would ever want to live here. My phone rang ruining my inner monolog. The building manager strained his face so as to not roll his eyes. "What is it, Marco? You're ruining a moment." I answered the phone. "Ah, of course, I just wanted to let you know we're scheduled to have dinner with Kurik at eight tonight, the usual place." Robinson Kurik, not only would I have to go on my courteous date with one of my prospective future wives tomorrow but also endure a dinner with the previous mayor. Both were very strenuous events that included me getting into a suit and trying not to fuck anything up. After having some disagreements with the new mayor, who had no trouble taking us up on our offer of getting him into office. Now that he was in he thought he could drop us and go on his merry way. I smiled at his naivety in that statement, like he was the first guy to think of that. He would have a short fall to the reality of the inner workings of New York. We'd been in this city longer than any politician. Robinson was a pain in the ass but at least he took commands easily and left us alone. I forgot why we got rid of him in the first place besides his ever present cheerful nature. Not that I detested happy people. I didn't like fake happy people who Robinson definitely was; he had no trouble smiling to cameras and talking about injustices. But the man had a dark past that was neatly tucked away. I respected people who held their true nature proudly, not hide behind it in fear of retaliation. People in this city always had secrets hidden in the dark shadows, but we lived in the shadows and were the gatekeepers of secrets. Deciding which ones would be let free into the light and which ones to keep hidden for our own power. People were forever indebted to us for this reason but only we knew that we were only looking out for ourselves. For the plan to work we needed a backup to take over after the fall. That's when Kurik comes in. Easy enough except Kurik has already been running his mouth too much giving me second thoughts about his candidacy. Lucky for him everyone else seemed just as detestable, we were choosing the lesser evil. That was never much fun in my experience. "Is that all?" I asked, noticing something in the ceiling that wasn't right. "Still nothing from Las Vegas since our last attack, quite suspicious if you ask me, do you think they're planning something big?" The Camorra had the attention span of a golden retriever. I didn't think the bunch was capable of thinking long term. Especially with Remo calling the shots. "There has to be something else going on. Keep our defenses up though, I can't deal with the casualties of another of their temper tantrums." Nevio Falcone was young, reckless and thought he was the greatest on earth. The only direction to go from that point was a steep shot down. Nevio searched to provoke anybody in his path out of boredom. It would be his downfall and I would have front row seats to witness it. Through all his big talk Nevio was still a boy. He and his father had the same disposition but Nevio didn't climb through the grit to earn his title. He was entitled and knew it. In his youth his reputation was shaky, few in the Camorra saw him fit for the role as a future Capo. His throne to the West coast was cemented when he went from a pestering hot tempered boy to a loyal proud mafia man at twelve. He gained recognition and approval when he killed his first man at gunpoint, saving his twin sister in the killing. It earned him his respect back. It was seen as heroic and selfless for the first killing being protecting someone he was meant to protect. Loyalty he held to his family. Since then his twin sister vanished, never to show her face again. I ended the call with Marco, checking my calendar on my phone. "Ron the ceiling light to the right is two inches off." It was the most minute of things but an eyesore from the carefully laid out floor plans I'd reviewed too many times. This was much more than an apartment for me, it was a cresting of a dream coming into fruition. A dream I have been planning since I was ten. Everything was coming into place and there would be no slip ups along the way. "We have already finished electrical up there, it's gonna be expensive to move it and it'll delay the floor installation..." "Well since I never entailed the light being there I expect it to be pro bono.'' I looked up from my phone seeing utter annoyance on the man's face. "I can't make the time today for upstairs, let's reschedule that for tomorrow and you can have the light relocation plan set up by then." "I didn't take you for being quite the perfectionist Mr. Vitiello." "Not only a perfectionist but an impatient one, get the plan into motion, Ron." I walked out of the building into the humid polluted air of the inner city. The word on the street was that Greta Falcone was shipped off to a boarding school in England. Although Remo created an obnoxiously large presence for himself in the media, his family was shrouded in secrecy. That included no information about his only daughter except that from her youth. Unlike the Famiglia and the Outfit, whose family presence was a social obligation for events and media. The Camorra did not comply with those standards. The Falcones were a weird bunch but it was my job to know the enemy.
Greta
After the curtain drop there was a feeling of elysian, a collective feeling of release as all the previous nerves and doubts rushed off and you're left feeling fuzzy and warm with your performance. The whole atmosphere backstage was ecstatic, everybody gathered in congratulation. Antina was the one who had convinced me to try out for the upcoming Monte Artiste audition of one of my favorite renditions of Swan Lake. Having her support I felt like I could at least try. To my astonishment the director chose me and ten other girls to be in the performance this weekend. Monte Artists performances were crafted for ballet students to try the professional theater. It was located in a smaller theater attached to the main New York Ballet Performance Theater. The hallway was lined with famous ballet dancers who started their own careers here, just like us. It was a way for students to see themselves with this company, all the while, holding it from a string only few would actually reach in the end. I walked backstage like I was walking on clouds, my tutu swaying with the motion as I tried not to brush into anyone in the busy backstage. I was still smiling ear to ear from the whole experience. When I got to the dressing room I couldn't help overhear the excited voices planning their night out in the city to celebrate. My ears perked up to their conversation, while another part of me tried to block it out. "How about you, Greta? Can you join us?" Alissa asked. I already had my thorough excuse at my disposal, all about how I was too busy to go anywhere, that I would love to but couldn't. "I'll see," I said instead, surprising myself. "Really? That would be great! Stephan is bringing some of his friends as well, so it'll be a lot of fun." "Stephan's coming?" I asked, a little too excited about that prospect. I had forgotten for a split second about Simone and Mauro wandering somewhere in the theater, I had forgotten about the impending trip home and all the heavy thoughts I held onto. It seemed so simple in that second just to go out into town with new friends and not have a worry in the world. That seemed like a different reality from where I lived most of the time.
Alissa texted me where they were meeting that night as I sat in the back of the car, driving "home" for the evening. The hotel suite still seemed unfamiliar to me despite my lengthy stay and my belongings strewn out around the room. The place still felt cold. When we arrived back to the hotel room, I took a shower and put on a robe. I told the two outside my bedroom that I was going to go ahead and retire for the night. Not that they ever seemed to care or say anything in return. I locked my door and sat in bed with my phone on my lap, thinking of how my sentence would bring a world of difference to my night. "I'll be there." I replied
I thought I'd be a nervous wreck sneaking out. But surprisingly I was just all eagerness. It was like my body had been waiting for me to do this for so long now. If anything it was cheering me on. I had been eyeing the tree two windows beside mine recently, how it was ever so perfectly placed and how if I ever would imagine myself sneaking out I would use that tree. While I had snuck out with Nevio from time to time, this was different. I was allowed to be with Nevio, just never alone. How was I supposed to know myself when I could never be truly alone? To rely solely on myself in a situation? I had a whole counter of beauty products for ballet recitals but I always put on the minimal. Always trying to please. I was allowed these things because I was always obedient to the rules that nobody would ever question if I could do anything bad. I'd never minded that till now. After dressing I put on whatever makeup I found appealing for the night, adding my signature of a pink blush on top. I slowly maneuvered out of my window with my sneakers on. The window seals were narrow and slightly slanted downward, if I was only a tiny bit bigger I probably wouldn't be able to balance on them. My foot slipped an inch and I plastered myself to the glass plane of the window, I breathed a quick intake of air and winched at the small sound I had made. My heart started to speed up. What if I fell? Broke my ankle? Endangering the trust I had with my family and not being able to dance for a good while. Using my ballet training I took a calming breath to recenter and distributed my weight by lifting my shoulders. Just one night, just to see what I'm missing and then I'll go back to being the rule abiding girl I knew. I'd probably never get a chance like this again! The sound of a door opening below me caught my attention. Why was everything going wrong? I peeked down to see a man throwing something in the small trash can, then going back inside. It was dark where I was so hopefully he didn't see me. Taking one step. Two steps. I reached my leg carefully to the other ledge. Once I landed safely on the first one I grew more confident and quickly reached to the other ledge. The oak tree was just a couple inches from my face here. I squatted down carefully and hesitantly reached out my leg to purchase anything stable. The oak tree branch was thankfully sturdy so I could lean my weight on it. It felt like a monumental moment as I had one leg on the hotel's perch and another on the oak tree. A decision I had to make, if I was really going to do this? Leave everything I knew of myself to venture into the unknown. It took less than a second to decide and put my full weight onto the tree branch. The leaves rustled and the branch swayed with my weight. I held on tightly till the movement stopped. I silently thanked the oak tree and creeped down, still not quite believing what I just did. I walked across the garden into the hotel's hallway. The guys back in the hotel room had a rotating monitor of the security cameras, each one lasting five seconds. Then two permanent monitors of the hotel entrance and our hallway. When I checked on them ten minutes ago they were very much into a Raiders game so I wasn't too concerned with them at the moment. Following the signs to the fire exit, I took two steps at a time down the stairs. Once I got outside to the main walkway I felt a ton of weight relieved from my shoulders. I'd escaped again to the real world and it felt too good to be true. Knowing this city was beyond my fathers grip just excited me to a new level. I was safe when I was in a crowd, I was safe when I was Greta Alessandra. Half running with excitement I followed the map to the small cafe we agreed to meet at. I didn't use my phone this time, learning from my other incident. I had picked up a tourist map from the hotel lobby the first day we arrived. I used it to navigate the two streets over to the cafe that was located between our school and my hotel. Alissa and Hannah both stayed in the dorms at the ballet school. The white brick cafe sat tightly between two other buildings. I was starting to love the small quaintness of New York, the hidden corners of mystery. I could already spot Alissa and Hannah inside, sitting at a table. I walked in and the barista behind the bar smiled at me in greeting. So normal it was weird. I wondered how different my life would be without my bodyguards. Just the tiny things like someone smiling at me, rather than reverting their eyes quickly from intimidation. I walked over to the table still feeling a little out of breath. "Hi," I said to the two while taking off my trench coat. "Wow, Greta, I've never seen you like this!" My cheeks heated slightly but I didn't feel shy about it. I had put on a favorite dress that I'd actually never worn out before. Always hanging in my closet, front and center. An ornament piece to be admired but never worn. I would dream of wearing it but never finding an occasion for it. I always felt like it was too much and cowered at the thought of what my family would say about it. Was it too short? Too eye-catching? Today I wore it, I didn't have anything to lose from it. It was a rose pink lace and embroidery dress, tailored in a collection of fabric that draped me perfectly. I knew that from the many times I'd put it on and spun around in my room with it. The other girls looked effortlessly refined in some black pants. As ballerinas we were always good at looking put together within a short time frame. I sat down and merged into the conversation, ordering a white jasmine tea. Then taking out my bucket bag to slip into my heels I had brought. Stephan came ten minutes later with two of his friends from the city. "You ladies look lovely," Stephan said in greeting and I felt like this whole ordeal was worth it, even if it was just for tonight.
The sidewalks were still wet from the afternoon rain. Now the skies were clear. A black abyss above me. "We're taking you ladies to Alegrato. It's the best place in town, super exclusive but I managed to get a reservation for us at the last minute." Hamish said. He seemed like the rich kid type and Stephan had an impressive portfolio so I guess they could get into places. On the way there the girls huddled together as the guys walked in front of us. Out of curiosity I asked the girls, "Do you think me and Stephan would have a chance?" "You and Stephan would be great!" Hannah beamed. "Yeah, we've all probably had a crush on him one time or another. But the two of you would be long term material," Alissa said. I smiled at the image of that. Stephan was so exuberant and knew how to talk to anybody, even fans! While I had a hard time holding eye contact with people during a conversation. Opposites attract, right? I always had a deep fear that if I didn't find anybody my family would arrange me off to someone in our circles. I'm sure they'd wait till I was thirty, but what if no one normal would love me? What if the darkness tainted me more than I knew? I huffed out. Let's just see, who knows where this night will lead.
We walked into a large restaurant, leaving the loud city outside for a deep muted jazz bass and the delicate sounds of clinking silverware. The high ceiling room was accented with burnt golden dim light that made it look intimate, not lofty. The space was separated by cubicles of booths that had overflowing bouquets on top of them, creating a sense of privacy. I was a little taken aback by the chosen location. I was secretly hoping we could've gone to a dingy underground night club, the ones Aurora would always go on about. I wanted to try something I would never get the chance to try again. Alissa and Hannah seemed impressed with the place, whispering quietly among each other. A flustered and distraught Hamish was arguing with the hostess who had told us that we would have to wait to be seated. Stephan and Miles talked together while we waited. We were just able to get in after waiting twenty minutes and with no help from Hamish threats of, "do you know who my parents are?" I didn't think people still used that line. Twenty minutes I was supposed to be rebelling and talking to Stephan but neither of those things were happening. The girls and I did go to the bar and got some sparkling tonics, not really rebellious. Maybe I just wasn't cut out for that kind of life. "Isn't it nice?" Hannah asked as we were shown to our seat at the back of the restaurant. "It's beautiful," I said, "I was just kind of craving more of the city, the real city." I said my opinion quietly as to not be rude. Hamish came over with a glass of red wine in his hand, looking like an old oil tycoon with his neck scarf. "You don't want to see any other parts of this city, not when you have access to this, trust me," he said dismissively.
Despite my earlier let down I was having a good time. I finally got a chance to talk to Stephan and although I didn't feel all the same emotions of the anticipation of being with Stephan the conversation was easy and everyone at the table got along. Let aside some off-taste comments from Hamish. It was nice being out with friends, and not to mention guy friends. I was having fun. I did love classical music and delicate entrees. I didn't have to have the fun that Aurora described. I thought hell would freeze over if I dared forbid did something bad. But the world went on, I was surprisingly relaxed. I felt more at home than I ever did behind two guards, knowing nobody was watching me and nobody was going to overreact by pulling out a gun. The conversation was filled with laughs and funny stories. Time flew by and before I knew it we were getting ready to head out. I was looking for my wallet to help leave a tip when the table went quiet. I looked up to see a darkly clad group walking into the restaurant with sour faces, an air of indifference and a product of people staring. My stomach clenched. This looked like my family but... different. Refined. Fear for the first time since I snuck out came in, I was always protected and monitored that the feeling became monotone. So normal. Now I felt naked in the face of fear. They swiftly left behind a screened off area behind our table. I tried to brush off the nagging feelings of worry. I'd return to my hotel after dinner, nobody knew me here. "Who was that?" someone whispered. Taking the words out of my mind. I guess I wasn't the only one entranced by the group's entrance. "That man is the son of a very powerful business man, they basically own half of New York," Miles said. "The bad half." Alissa scoffed. "And that's the last mayor of New York." Miles said pointing his glass to a man who was a bit round and charismatic as he stopped by a handful of booths as people called out to him and exchanged several good natured hugs. The man seemed very optimistic and bright for being with the people he was with. Hamish was flustered by all of this and announced gallantly, "I have to go say hello to Kurik, I didn't know he would be here! We're good friends, you know? He was the mayor." He stood there a second too long waiting for a reaction but then he just left, still flustered about the events and trying to fix his neck tie. He caught the smiling man right before he was about to walk into the private room. I was still deep in thought about the whole ordeal that I didn't notice that the mayor's gaze kept coming over to our table and before I knew it Hamish was motioning over Stephan. Stephan grabbed my arm as he got up, I shook my head hostilely to his attempts. "Come on, that's Kurik. He's a big supporter of the New York Ballet. He and his wife come to every opening number, including the one we're in." His smile was so enveloping like nothing could go wrong if I took his hand. This was the new me, the one who sneaks out and talks to Stephan! I didn't want to become that recluse girl Stephan knew me for. I got up hesitantly feeling better when Alissa got up to join us. We were the three in the most recent performance. As I walked closer to the entrance of the dark room, the chill just got stronger. I sneaked a quick peek inside to the group of men but I tried to focus on the smile of the friendly mayor. He warmly encompassed us all in greeting. I totally saw why he used to be a mayor. He really made you feel like you were special and belonged in a setting. We greeted back a little quieter to his exuberance. "My, I must say Stephan, that was the best performance yet, me and Mary were talking about it the whole way back home. I wanted to see it a second time. And Greta! The first performance I saw from you was a lasting one. I had to ask who this delightful young lady was. To my avail you came all the way from Las Vegas!" I choked a bit on that, dear lord, please don't say that in front of these people. I was a little shaken but pulled off an evangelical smile of grace. I didn't dare look at the other end of the table though. "Thank you, I love performing in New York. It is quite a magnificent city, you should be proud to have been a mayor of it." He beamed from the expected courtesy compliment, but a short scoff was what had my attention. "Yes, I do suppose New York is much nicer to perform in than the scene of Las Vegas,'' I had to look now. The man was staring right at me from across the table, his face full of disgust at the word Vegas. I couldn't see much from the dark room but his hatred somehow shone through the darkness. The little candle light in the middle of the round table did weird things to his face, casting shadows to his snarl. He looked so untouchable yet intriguing that you could get lost in that look. I opened my mouth to say something but the ignorant man changed his fire to the mayor. "Kurik, I didn't set up this meeting so you could try to distract your fuck up with these people who dress up in tights for a living. If I wanted that, I would have gone to one of our strip clubs," someone snickered beside him. Hatred overcame my hesitant fear. The sneer attitude, the high horse insolent behavior. I hated people who thought they could just walk over others! I felt like I was back with my family, I flew two thousand miles to just be confronted by the same thing I was longing to be rid of. That part of me that always wanted to scream back at their constant harassment to something that meant so much to me... all that pressure I'd built up for eighteen years just popped, like an expensive bottle of champagne. The man was talking to someone beside him so I grabbed the bottle sitting at the end of the drink table and slammed it down to get his attention. I really didn't think it would break. Blood red wine splashed down on the floor, droplets hitting my bare legs as the sound of glass shimmered down to the floor. "God dammit you insolent man, ballet is nothing like your cheap strippers. It is a decadent art of movement that has been refined for generations, it has more culture than an ounce of your inflated cocky attitude that even your hookers need to be paid extra to pretend it's hot. It's not. You may never understand the delicacy of ballet but do yourself a favor and stop embarrassing yourself with your complete lack of dignity. I may come from Las Vegas but I'm proud to call it home from anywhere filthy and vile as the place you came from. And while, yes, we do wear tights to work and you think you're arrogant enough to boss around the mayor. At least we have positions that we have worked towards, that we earned... instead of doing our daddies' biddings." The man stood up to his feet looking ready to attack. Nevio did this all the time too! Getting up in my face with petty threats that never attuned to anything. I smiled pettily at his juvenile boyish attempts at threats. His face turned more dangerous as a reaction to my condescending look but I turned around before it turned into anything else. Was I using this man that reminded me of Nevio to yell all the things I've been keeping bottled up for too many years? Yes. Did I feel euphoric to finally let that go? Yes, again. I turned to Kurik. "Thank you for being a fine patron and a lover of the arts. I look forward to meeting you again,'' I said calmly to a slacked faced Kurik. I realized I was somehow still holding the neck of the bottle of wine, that now looked like a barbaric weapon. I gently pried my hand from it only realizing how tightly I held onto it. I put it down and cleared my throat. I looked at Alissa who looked a bit shocked too. "We're leaving," I said, and I grabbed her elbow as we walked to the front door. I needed someone to support me after all that adrenaline. It felt amazing. I'd never felt that rush of not holding anything back. It felt amazing just to act without analyzing anything. Would I regret it? I didn't care at this moment. I would go back to my hotel room and hold this memory as a shield to my family's antics. I was strong.