-Aiden
I spent the rest of the school day looking around to see if Ryan and I had any more classes together, and we did. I already knew we had geography together from the little incident in first period. We also had maths and science together. Coincidentally I had my three favorite subjects with my new favorite friend. Yes. He is my friend. Or maybe my acquaintance. Details aren't important.
He was annoying. When I didn't see him, I couldn't concentrate because I spent the whole time thinking about what he's doing. When I did see him, again, I couldn't concentrate because I was staring at his back the whole time. I hope it wasn't too obvious. I already get bullied enough for allegedly being gay when I don't even know for myself. Although, I'm starting to think they might be correct.
The school day went by surprisingly very quick. I practically bolted out of the classroom as the last bell rang. Part of me really wanted to see him in the hallway and the other part of me wanted to rush out of the school grounds so I wouldn't have to see him at all.
This shit was seriously messing with my head. I have no idea how I could be this attracted to him. I don't even know him. I know his name, and I know that he's absolutely gorgeous. I know that he has a perfect smile and perfect teeth. It's also perfectly normal for one guy to admit that another is attractive. Except I didn't want it to be a normal occurrence. Whenever I see him I just want him to notice me and smile at me with those kind eyes.
I made my way through the crowded hallways of the school. My eyes were absentmindedly searching for a slightly tall, brown-haired boy. I don't want to talk to him, but I just want to see him.
I'm not scared to admit that I might have a little crush on him, but this happens all the time with men. Men want to kiss other men all the time and be their boyfriend. Right? I'm not gay. I'm not gay? I can't be gay. I'd get disowned.
Despite my mind going on a rant, I was still searching for Ryan. When I realized what I was doing I quickly stopped myself. This isn't good for me. I kept my eyes glued to the ground and hastily started walking towards the exit of the building so I could just finally relax. My hands were gripping at the straps of my backpack.
I need to get home and come up with a plan. Any plan that will make me focus on something other than this Ryan guy. Apart from the fact that he's a boy, I'm also not used to someone taking up so much space in my mind. This can't be healthy for the soul.
It's settled then. I hold my head high as I walk through the halls of the school feeling satisfied with my new plan of action. Good things are coming, oh yes they are.
With the exit in view, I thought I finally made it. I stood still in front of the doors for a second to pat down my shirt. I will walk out of here with pride. I made my way towards the bright outdoors. No Ryan, no problem.
As I opened the door to leave, I could feel a weight at the other end. When I forcefully pushed the door open all the way, the only thing I saw were arms and legs fighting to grab the railings while the body of said person was rolling down the stairs.
I quickly rushed to the person to see if they were okay. When I got closer, I could feel all of the blood draining from my face. I stood frozen just staring at him and watching him get up. "R-Ryan!! I'm so sorry! I was just leaving and I-I didn't see you! I promise! I'm so so sorry."
He looked at me with annoyance etched into his features. I could feel my heart beating in my stomach. "You know, you should really watch where you're going next time." He scoffed and turned around before picking up his backpack and walking out of sight.
The small crowd of people that witnessed the whole event were looking at me now. Some were laughing, some were looking at me with pity. I just stormed off in embarrassment and spent the whole walk home thinking about how Ryan was probably going to hate me now.
Whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. I just need to make a plan and stick to it.
My house was never very far from the school. My parents decided that it would be better for me to walk to school a long time ago. I'm not complaining, I kind of like being alone. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Taylen, but being alone always gives me time to let my mind go.
After walking for what seemed like two seconds, my house was in sight. I slowly walked up the pathway leading to the front door. I could feel my body getting more tense with every step. This place just brings out the worst in everything.
I entered the house and went straight to my room like I usually do. As soon as I closed the door to my bedroom I felt like I could breathe normally again. Even then, I still couldn't let my guard down just yet. Seth could be home any minute.
It was about two in the afternoon, but that didn't stop me from putting on a pair of pajamas. I don't care what time it is, they are way too comfortable to pass up. Fight me.
I plopped down onto my bed and decided to let my mind wander back to Ryan. This was probably not a good time right now but I didn't care. I don't understand what's supposed to be so different about him. His best friends are part of the group that bullies me everyday at school. I'm supposed to be repulsed by him, or at least repulsed by the fact that he hangs out with them.
It just wasn't that easy. I couldn't let go of the idea that maybe he wasn't anything like the pricks he hung out with.
Just when I thought I had some alone time, Seth stormed into the room. He lived with us since I was little. I never really knew the reason why. Although, I do wish he was never here.
He just stared at me like I was supposed to know what he was thinking. "Could you fuck off of the bed?" He asked me in a very annoyed tone. Just like I had bullies at school, I also had a bully at home. It was him. Seth didn't care about anybody but himself, and he thought he had control over me just because he was older than me. I guess he really did have control over me because I never stick up for myself.
"Why should I? I sleep here too." Yes, that is right. We have to share a stupid bed. I knew my reply was going to cause me a lot of trouble with him. He is the most short tempered person I know.
I was about to get up and leave the room when I saw him rushing towards me. Before I could even blink, he had both of his fists locked onto my shirt. He grabbed me and threw me off of the bed. I hit the ground with a loud thump, my head bouncing off of the floor. I could already feel a huge headache rising to the surface.
I'd say that it really hurt, but I was used to it by now. At this point it just feels normal, a headache and a bruised body feels normal. I stood up slowly and made my way to the door. "Maybe next time you'll learn to listen when I'm talking to you. Get out." I just nodded and closed the door behind me. I can't seem to find the strength to argue with him anymore.
As I walked into the kitchen, I made sure to take a pill for my head. It was pounding like it was about to explode. My mother works at a pharmacy, so we literally have every type of medicine you could think of. If you needed something, my mother would have it. Speaking of, I probably shouldn't mention what just happened to her. That's never a good idea.
I'm not even hungry. One could ask why I started walking deeper into the kitchen. Maybe I have a concussion. Maybe the blow to my head made me stupid. Being dumb is my worst fear.
I decided to sit in the living room and watch tv until my parents got home. At least then I could be in my room. I'd rather be in the room with Seth constantly breaking me down than be with my parents.
I don't know why Seth is like this. I never did anything to him. He's always had a great relationship with his parents so I don't know why he's here. He couldn't have been kicked out. If he just grew up everything would be so much easier. For someone who's a fair bit older than me, he really seems childish.
I tried continuously taking deep breaths so maybe I could relax my body. It worked for the most part, and I was able to turn off the tv and sit in silence.
I loved moments like these. Where everything was just silent and I'd get to stare off into space and just let my brain do its thing.
It wasn't long before Seth also chased me out of the living room. He might as well chase me out of the house at this point. I know my parents wouldn't care. They'd never choose me.
Having nowhere else to go, I decided to sit outside. I guess he did chase me out of the house. I wanted to cry so badly. Yet, the tears wouldn't fall. It was always like this. I could never cry anymore. Everything felt heavier this way. Everything was just bottled up inside me, and I had no idea what to make of it.
I looked up at the grey sky and wondered what it would be like to feel true happiness. So far I can't remember a single point in my life where I was truly happy. Not one. I wonder if I'll ever be able to come to that point in my life.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt a pebble hit my lower neck, and then another one hit my head.
My head snapped to the direction where the pebbles came from. Want to guess who it was? It was none other than Seth Garner.
I just ignored him and turned back around. Then another pebble hit me right on the back of my head. This time I wasn't going to put up with it.
I stood up and turned around slowly. As my eyes connected with Seth's, I could see nothing but red. I stomped over to him and grabbed a fist full of his shirt.
"Who the fuck do you think you are!?" I shook him around as he tried to stumble out of my grip. He looked surprised. A little scared even. "I don't know what your problem is, but I am done. Leave me. The fuck. Alone." I spoke in an eerily calm voice.
I let his shirt go and walked back into the house. I didn't spare him one glance as I closed the door behind me.
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Okay, yikes. Aiden finally stood up against Seth. Will it cause more trouble down the line?
I really hope that you are enjoying this book. 💕