In the nicest way possible, I've honestly lost the love of writing on here, especially fanfiction? I just cant leave this story alone because I have so many ideas for it that I want to write and I've put so much thought and planning into this that I haven't even gotten through yet. I really only come back here because I still love writing, but this is the only place I can do it without it being put somewhere nobody will ever read it. I've been working on this story for years and I still haven't gotten to anything interesting :')
I love all of you guys though and I still read every comment <3 thank you for reading this wack attempt at having fun. I apologize for struggling to write anything anymore
Ethan's POV
"You think you have a heart problem?" Andrew's stare made me not so sure about myself anymore. I broke eye contact and stared in front of me as we walked to our next class.
"Um, yeah?" I replied. "I mean, it's either that or-"
"You like her."
"That's not what I was exactly gonna say, but-"
Andrew interrupted me again. "What you just told me- your heart speeding up when you're around her, at any touch from her. You like her."
I wasn't sure what to say next. I didn't quite believe him. I couldn't like Y/n. Not that there is anything wrong with her- she makes me smile without even trying, I always want to hang out with her, and she somehow manages to look pretty even when she feels terrible. I would choose time with her over anyone, maybe even over Andrew. But I think those things in a friend way.
People say those things about their close friends all the time.
Andrew let out an airy laugh and pushed me into the door of our classroom. "You're hopeless."
Kyle is already in his seat with the other guys crowding him and sitting in seats around him that aren't theirs. Griffin spotted Andrew and me first, waving at us.
"We were wondering when you two would show up!" Kyle groaned.
"Why is it so important that we come straight here? Maybe we like taking our time." Andrew retorted, but made it seem like a joke. Like a friendly way of telling someone to shut up.
Kyle was one of the people we questioned being friends with. We were close when we were younger, this whole group was, but he changed the most since then, and not in the best ways. Andrew and I constantly went back and forth between being okay with him and not wanting to be around him. Lately though I've only been in the please-stop-talking side. There was no going back and forth anymore, just going further into the blood boiling state of being around him.
He's never liked Y/n, for whatever reason. Even before she was diagnosed he never liked her. Theres no real reason. Just "I don't like looking at her" or "she's annoying." I heard those comments all throughout growing up with him, but they never bothered me this much. He does so much as give her a look and I'm already feeling hot. I think if his comments had always annoyed me this much then I never would have liked him. His unwarranted feelings towards Y/n is sticking out to me more than ever now since I got to know her and now it's all I associate him with. Every comment he makes brings me deeper into hating him.
"My little sister had friends over last night." Evan stated, bags under his eyes. "I don't understand how they can stay up so late. It doesn't help that her room is next to mine."
They laughed and made fun of how tired he looked and compared him to Disney villains.
"You should have scared them. Payback for keeping you awake." Griffin shrugged, straying away from making fun of Evan.
Griffin was the kinder one of the group. He always has been. He's never been one to make fun of people or their circumstances, even if it's a minor situation. He's a great person, but he'll allow himself to get pushed around. To no surprise, Kyle would boss him around and make him do the dirty work for the group because he knew Griffin wouldn't say anything. It bothered me he never stood up for himself, that he just let Kyle control him like he does, but even after mine and the other guys' words and encouragement he doesn't do anything to tell Kyle off.
Evan laughed. "Could you imagine if I just locked them in there and turned the power off?"
"Shit, your sister would lose her mind!" Kyle cackled.
They continued on with ideas and things he should have done in order to shut them up. The conversation wasn't too entertaining, but it was for them. The endless ideas and quiet giggled showed that.
"Oh, we were thinking of doing something together after school. You guys in?" Evan asked kindly, after their payback plans came to an end.
Andrew shrugged. "What are you doing?"
Griffin opened his mouth to answer but was beat to it by Kyle, who was smirking. "Why does it matter? We're gonna have fun in whatever we're doing."
I doubt that.
"I guess so." Andrew looked over to me. "You in Ethan?"
No, I did not want to. I don't want to be around Kyle any longer than I have to. I'd much rather do something with Y/n, maybe play a few games at my house. I wanted to make up an excuse to get out of it. Blame it on something my mom was making me do, say I'm grounded, anything.
"Um," I looked around the room for anything to get me out of this conversation. Quickly, I checked behind me to see if Y/n was there yet, to see the universe was on my side today. There she was, sitting in her seat on her phone. I smiled at the sight of her white hair with black highlights. "I'll see you guys later."
And with a snarky smile to the group, I left getting away with never giving them an answer and turned towards Y/n with butterflies in my stomach.
"There he goes, retrieving his Dalmatian."
That made me stop in my tracks, two steps into it. The smallest comment made me irate. The room suddenly felt hot and my muscles tensed. I turned around, only looking at Kyle and his blank expression staring back at me.
"Excuse me?" Was all that could come out of my mouth. I couldn't think of anything else besides what he called Y/n.
He smiled innocently, showing all his teeth. "Nothing." He said softly, his smile remaining as big as ever.
Just looking at him made me angrier. His smile, claiming that he didn't do anything, being brave enough to even say something like that about her. I would never try to fight Kyle (or anyone), but god did he make me question that "never."
Ignoring the urge to argue, I turn back around and resume my way to Y/n. I was still burning in anger, which I didn't want her to see, but how could I just stop being angry? I was too mad to even hide it.
I sat down next to Y/n, acting before thinking of anything. "Lets do something today." My mind clouded with vexation made that come out more as a demand. I kinda felt bad about it.
She looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Okay?" She sat up straight and put her phone down. "What were you thinking?"
I stopped, thinking of what we could do. "Lets do something on the list." I smiled at the thought, the anger going away the more I talked to her.
She smiled. Her smile was sweet.
"Yeah! Can we go to yours after school and figure it out from there?" She looked at me sweetly.
I started to get more excited. "That sounds good."
The day went by slower than normal. It was terrible. I could only think about what was going to come with the day with Y/n. But as my initial excitement wore off, I started to worry a bit. I didn't think it through fully. My house? I haven't even asked my parents. I never did before, but what if I can't just sneak her in this time? I'll get an earful if they see me with a girl they never knew about in my room (well, besides my dad, having met Y/n already). Slowly, my excitement was replaced with anxiety. I wanted her to come, but I wasn't sure how.
Eventually the time came. Y/n drove us to my house, but I made up an excuse about the driveway not having enough room for my parents' car and hers to make her park somewhere else. To see neither of their cars at the house relieved me a little. So quickly as we walked in, we went downstairs and into the game room, safe from either of my parents' sight.
She immediately fell onto the bed, looking at me with a smile. "Nice, still as messy as last time I saw it."
I rolled my eyes, giving her the same smile. "Shut up."
I sat down in the beanbag in front of the bed, getting comfortable.
She looks down at me. "So you wanted to do something on the list?"
I nodded, looking up at her. She pulled the list out of her pocket and unfolded it. I watched her as she scanned the list, mumbling each thing quietly to herself. Her lips barely moved when she did it, just partially parted with her teeth poking out behind them. Her lips looked so soft. They looked perfect. And her eyes. They were fast to skim down the page. There may not be much light in the room, but the small amount of light that managed to shine through the small window somehow made her eyes look even better. The light made them look even more shiny and maybe even beautiful.
"Oh!" Y/n shouted in excitement, scaring me out of my trance. She smiled down at me. "We're making our own firework show."
I had to think for a moment. A firework show? "Right now?"
She slapped me on my shoulder. "No, dummy. Tonight!"
I blinked, my eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean by-"
"I meann, we're going to get a bunch of fireworks and light them tonight."
When I was trying to hide her a firework show wasn't the most discreet thing to do. "Where?" I asked, hoping she might have another place in mind.
She thought for a moment. "The abandoned house? I think it'd be cool there. And no one is around there so we won't get any complaints." She smiled at the thought.
I nodded, happy with the plan. "Lets do it!"
We left immediately, she was too excited to stay and wait for night to come. While this did help the problem with hiding her, it brought up a new problem with me being gone. I hoped my parents just wouldn't need me for anything while I was out.
"Look! These explode into the shape of a heart!" She exclaimed while looking through the boxes of fireworks. She had a huge smile on her face.
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the box and put them in the basket hanging from my arm. The basket was starting to feel heavy from all of the fireworks stacking inside of it.
Y/n looked at me as I did it. "I didn't mean I wanted it."
Putting my hand back on the box, I sent her a knowing look. "Then do you want me to put it back?"
A smile slowly fought itself to show proudly on her face as she turned around to hide it. "No." She mumbled.
She went on to look at more and more fireworks, pointing and smiling at each one she found interesting or exciting. I didn't want to say no to her when she looked so excited, but this basket was getting heavy and hurting my elbow. We were weren't going to get through them all if she kept adding to the pile like this.
"Y/n," I got her attention at her before she could see another explosive she thought was interesting. "I think this is enough."
She grinned bigger than ever. "You think that! And when have we ever agreed on how to do things?"
I kept my stern look pointed at her, hoping it'd get through to her and we could leave. Her eyes darted between the basket and me every couple seconds, her smile turning into a lopsided one and her eyebrows knitting together.
To my relief, she sent me a nod. "Maybe you're right. Let's go."
She took the basket from my arm, finally allowing me to relax my arm. She slid the heavy basket to hang on her elbow like it was nothing and began her way to checkout. I followed her, rubbing where the basket once hung from my arm.
I took a breath of relief as we left the isles of fireworks, only for that relief to be sucked right back out of me. Stopped just a few feet ahead of us were Evan, Griffin, Andrew, and Kyle. Of course we would run into them after I had dodged the day out with them. Of course they would run into me when I was with Y/n after she and I had become the end of Kyles "jokes" recently. Of course Kyle would be staring at us as we walked by with a smirk. One that a powerful villain would have when they trap their enemy into a corner.
Y/n didn't seem to notice the guys or their stares. She walked past them and continued her joyful stride to the checkout. I didn't stop her, there was no way I was going to let anyone ruin her mood on a good day. I slowed down to a stop when I came up next to the guys, keeping my eyes on Y/n to make sure she didn't notice I was no longer following her.
"Hey." Andrew smiled at me. He held a kind smile.
"Are you here with Y/n?" Griffin asked, a smirk on his face. "Were all of those fireworks she was holding? Can we join?" He seemed excited, like he really wanted to join us. Behind him was Evan who looked like he was waiting for an invitation as well.
"If you all go then I'm going home."
From Kyles words, Griffin and Evans smiles fell. Kyle looked disgusted.
Evan looked up to Kyle and lightly slapped his arm. "C'mon, it would be really fun!" His words weren't helping too much though, as they only earned an eye roll.
"You guys should do your own thing, I'm not sure tonight is good for what we're doing." It took everything in me to be civil. What is his issue?
While it would be good for them to meet Y/n, doing it so suddenly wouldn't be a good way to do it. Especially on a day she was feeling good and in a great mood, I couldn't risk Kyle coming near her and ruining that.
Griffin looked disappointed, but he understood. "We should do it another night then."
I nodded and forced a smile. I wasn't angry with him, but it was still difficult to genuinely smile when I could feel Kyle staring at me.
"We should." Kyle agreed, nodding. "But not with Ms. Rainbow at your hip."
At that, my heart fell and heat spread throughout my body. Ms. Rainbow? Why does he feel the need to use extra energy to hate and bully someone he doesn't even know? How does that make sense? Will this ever end?
The guys said their goodbyes, starting with a petty, sarcastic farewell from none other than Kyle. Evan and Griffin waved goodbye with apologetic looks on their faces and followed Kyle as he walked off. Andrew stopped in front of me, sending me another sorry expression.
I relaxed my shaking hands with a sigh. "God."
"He's been an ass all day." Andrew commented. "It was probably smart you didn't come. It hasn't been much fun."
"What makes him feel so entitled to act the way he does?" I angrily mumbled, trying not to be loud enough to attract attention from other customers around us. It was hard to do.
Andrew shrugged, looking at him and the other guys who were stopped and looking at something. "Some people are just like that."
It fell quiet between us, both of us staring at the three guys ahead of us. Kyle didn't look to be sharing many words, unlike the other two boys who were messing around with whatever they grabbed off of the shelf next to them.
"You better get back to Y/n before she thinks you got lost." Andrew chuckled at the thought. "Tell her I said hi though."
Andrew and I quickly said our goodbyes and separated in opposite directions to join back with the people we came with. My hands were still shaking with anger, but not enough that it was obvious. Still, I was hoping it would go away soon. I didn't want to have to explain what happened if Y/n had noticed.
As I approached Y/n, she was merrily sliding each box over the self checkout and placing each one into a plastic bag. She was almost done scanning them all.
"Where'd you go?" She asked when she noticed me rejoining her.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I took a deep breath to calm my anger some. "Sorry, I ran into Andrew." I didn't lie, but I also didn't tell the full truth. I wanted to avoid anything that would bring me to recount what happened just a few moments ago. It may not even be as big as a deal as I'm taking it to be, but it still isn't right. "He wants me to tell you hi for him."
"Really?" She grinned as she scanned another firework. "I didn't even see him. I would have stopped too if I did."
I shook my head, silently thankful she didn't. "It's fine, he didn't take any offense to it. You can tell him hi tomorrow at school." With a smile of my own, I lightly pushed my side into hers in a teasing way.
She nodded in agreement, a wide smile. "I will then."
She bought all of the fireworks without much thought to the price. Leaving the store, she was giddy and filled with excitement. If she could control the sky it would be dark within seconds.
We both got in her car and began our way to the abandoned house she loved going to so much. Going down roads I would have never known existed if I hadn't met her, singing songs I didn't know the lyrics to with her, my eyes somehow always returning to Y/n as she drove. The excitement grew inside of me the closer we got to the house, thoughts of earlier slowly fading out of my mind. Anger was replaced with joy in a matter of minutes. We haven't even gotten to sundown and I was having so much fun. It seemed time with her was always like this.
* * *
Y/n, with her jacket pulled tightly around her, excitedly opened the box and handed me the firework. Her smile was as big as ever as she watched me light a flame and poorly attempt to light the firework. She ran back some safe spaces away from the explosive, waiting to see the different colors and shapes in the sky.
"Hurry up!" She yelled, laughing after.
I sighed, struggling to light the firework. Eventually, though, the spark slowly began sliding down the stick and nervousness dropped at the pit of my stomach. Quickly, I joined Y/n and stood slightly behind her. Just in case she wasn't far enough away.
"Come here!" Y/n cheered with joy, wanting me to come closer before it shot up. Hesitantly, I took a couple steps closer, Y/n linking arms with me to keep me from going any farther.
My heartbeat increased again, the same as it did when I grabbed her hand the other night. I felt lighter than normal and giddy all of a sudden. Could it be the anticipation to see the firework explode?
The sound of a high pitched whistle interrupted my thoughts. Y/n's hold on me tightened as she watched the string of light fly upwards before exploding into rings of blue and red with a loud pop for each one. Three or four rings covered the sky in a short time increment one after another before the area was brought back to a deafening silence.
Y/n clapped excitedly, staring at the sky where the bright colors once were. "C'mon, lets light more!"
She let go of my arm and returned to the pile of fireworks. My arm felt cold as she walked away and it left a feeling of disappointment in my chest. Ignoring it, I followed her to look through what next ones to light. Standing behind her, I looked over her shoulder to see her looking between two boxes in thought.
"You think we can each light two before we run out of time?" She questioned, staring at two boxes in her hands.
"Maybe."
She rummaged through the bags that sat in the trunk of her car, looking at each box to decide which ones should go next.
Crickets were loudly chirping all around us and the faint call of frogs were accompanying their songs. Nearing the end of March, it got considerably warmer, but it was still chilly at nights, and even freezing on some random days here and there. Coming with the warmer weather were the animals that hibernated and stayed silent all throughout winter, excited to finally see the ground again.
Tonight it wasn't cold enough to make our plans miserable, but just chilly enough to have jackets and long pants of some sort. If anything, this weather made tonight better. We weren't shivering and our fingers weren't going numb, but we also weren't having to fight off mosquitoes just yet. Besides, it gave me an excuse to stand closer to Y/n than usual.
"Okay," Y/n spoke, bringing me back to earth. She turned around, making me realize just how close behind her I was standing. It made me feel a bit hot in the face out of embarrassment.
She placed the back of her palm against my chest to give me the fireworks in her hand. I could only pray she didn't notice my how fast my heart was beating. "These are yours to light." She stated, keeping eye contact with me. She held up the two sticks in her other hand with a smile. "And I'll light these."
With nervous hands, I took the unboxed fireworks out of her hand and made my way to the area we decided to light them at. We sat the four bundles a safe distance apart, both holding a lighter. When we were ready, we lit them all in order and in a way to make sure they all didn't go off at the same time. It was frightening making sure we didn't mess up or run out of time, but soon we ran back to our watching spot with just a few seconds to spare.
She stared up into the sky in joyful expectation, but I couldn't help but look at her from the corner of my eye. I couldn't get the thought of stepping a little closer and linking arms again out of my head. The thought was screaming at me, but just thinking about doing it made me panic.
I turned my head to look at her fully. Her eyes were beautifully searching the sky for the color that would soon take over in just a matter of seconds. Her hands fidgeted with each other as she waited.
Looking at her, I decided to let the thoughts take over. I took a step closer to Y/n's side and threaded my arm around hers. She looked up at me with a kind smile, one that I loved seeing. The nervousness of rejection went away when she pulled my arm closer, returning her eyes back to the sky at the sound of a whistle.
No matter how many loud pops rang in my ears, I couldn't find any sight more interesting than the one next to me. The colors in the sky shined brightly, coloring her in the same shades. Her smile grew bigger as each one went off, even shining as bright as the temporary lights above us.
I wanted to always see her this happy. It was hard to look away. The sight made me feel giddy. When she looked at me with that same cheerful expression, it gave me butterflies. Staring into her glittery eyes I had to resist the urge to get even closer. Closer than a friend should get.
There was the issue. Friends didn't get as close as I wanted to be with her. Friends don't feel the desire to be even closer.
I didn't think of Y/n as a friend anymore, but wished to be even more.
Once again, my heart was pounding at my conclusion. Andrew was right. Y/n didn't seem to notice my change of mood or the panic that now took over my mind, but instead she turned her eyes back up onto the booming colors with that same joyful smile.
I soon copied her actions and forced my eyes up to see the show, only to see that in the sky was a firework that exploded in the shape of a big, pink heart.