"You can't introduce me and say I was your student," I mumbled sternly, arms folded as I stared out the window. The car bumping over the road as Billie drove.
My arms were bare and cold in the summer dress I chose to wear. I guess I didn't wanna look bad or like the kid in school I use to be: a trouble maker.
Billie huffed, in a frustrated mood I wasn't helping. "So you want me to lie?"
"What?" I darted my eyes back to him with a fake laugh. "You wanna tell your mom you date one of your old students?"
"What's so wrong with that? I don't think you've got a leg to stand on seeming as your that old student,"
"Because that's not how I want your mom knowing me,"
Billie and I had gone from sneaking around in detentions to arguing like a married couple about his moms opinion. I guess I hadn't realised how much the both of us had changed until now.
"Fine, you think of a lie then Mallory," He sighed.
My eyes rolled landing back to the car window. The streets around here were different to Billie and I's street. All the houses along the road had a homely looking appearance, painted fences, large front gardens decorated with flowers, posters on lampposts and pot holes in the road.
"Billie I'm nervous." I admitted finally, to him and myself uncrossing my arms and un tensing my shoulders.
His eyes were in front but they flickered over at me for a second before he broke a small smile. "Is that why you're so agitated?"
"Yes, it is. I mean- what if she doesn't like me?"
"Why would she not like you? What's not to like,"
I snorted. "A lot of people could tell you a lot of things,"
"Well I wouldn't believe any of them,"
"Your mom might,"
He breathed out, I felt the car beginning to pull to the side of the road as I looked out the window to the house we were in front. A small little home, bed of flowers planted under neath the widow with a line of gnomes to match. "Are we here?"
He un did his seat belt as I followed, grabbing the car door handle assuming we was until the car door clicked locked.
I turned back around to him. "What are you doing?"
"That's not my moms house,"
"So... whose is it?" I squinted.
"I don't know, I pulled up on the side of the road to speak to you,"
I took in another breath breathing out. This reminded me too much of the time Billie locked me in his car asking for me to scream to him to get it out my system. Guess he knew me well.
"To speak about what?"
He sighed, pivoting his body more to face me. "What's wrong?"
"I'm nervous Billie Joe. You go on about how much I'm like you when you were a teenager and now you come telling me your mom and teenage you didn't get along?"
"Well... I didn't come and tell you anything you found out,"
"Not my point,"
"Right. Course- not mine either,"
"Your not understanding are you Armstrong,"
"No, I'm not,"
"Are you even trying to understand?"
"Am I even trying? I've just pulled over to the side of the road so I can understand. So explain to me,"
"I'm shitting myself. You've acted weary about your own mom since being back into contact with her and now we've gone from kissing in detentions to you driving me to meet your mom. My mom hates the both of us, I don't want your mom hating me too,"
"She's not gonna hate you. You're thinking too much again,"
"You think?" I asked honestly. Maybe I was over worrying. I guess just through mine and Billies relationship I thought meeting his mom would be the last thing to ever happen.
"You're gonna be fine. We don't have to do any lying. I'm not worried about it. So you shouldn't be," he gave me a small smile. "Got it?"
I knew he was right, I rolled my eyes playfully. "Got it,"
"Now be good and put your seat belt back on, we've still got a ten minute drive,"
I did as said as we continued the journey that felt never ending to his moms house. I felt myself more loose and less tensed after the small talk with Billie. I guess he really did know me too well.
When he did pull into what actually was his moms house, it wasn't much different. Beautiful flowers planted along the walk way of the front garden, flower baskets hanging beside the door, net curtains in all windows.
We climbed out the car, I noticed Billie shaking slightly but decided best to ignore as we walked down the gardens path.
"Fuck me I'm nervous too," He paused outside the front door glancing over at me.
"Not so tough now are you?"
"Be quiet,"
"Okay," I smiled slightly, looking back away from him.
Although not asking, I did wonder how long it would take for Billie to collect himself and actually have the balls to knock on his own moms front door. So much I thought about just knocking myself. But I'd hear no end to it when we'd get back home.
Before he could even find the courage to do so, the both of us flinched when the door seemed to open by itself. Only to realise a women standing on the inside.
Her face was carved with friendly smile lines as she grinned over at us. The skin under her eyes creasing along with her beam as she spoke up. "How long do you both want to stand outside for?"
Billie breathed in sharply, before his chest dropped. "Hi mom,"
She wasn't having any of his awkwardness, she'd pulled him straight into a hug tightly. "Oh Billie Joe, haven't you changed since I last saw you," She laughed, her arms wrapping around him.
He hugged her back. "Well, I'm not a teenager anymore," he chuckled nervously.
Once she released him, her eyes fell on to me. Up and down with a large smile. "You must be my boys special lady,"
I looked at Billie, stuttering for words. "Yep- that's- er... that's me,"
"Well come in both of you!" She laughed, walking away back inside. "You can't stand out side all day,"
Billie Joe glanced over at me, but tried not to before the both of us actually made our way in shutting the door behind us.
I followed Billie walking into what I could only guess was her living room, where she sat herself down on an arm chair still smiling. "So? What's been going on with you lately Billie Joe?"
The both of us sat on a small sofa awkwardly. "I've already told you over the phone mom," He laughed anxiously.
"Well tell me again! You were a teacher for a bit, right? Tell me about that,"
The subject brought a large lump in my throat, a burning sensation in the back.
"Well..." He rubbed the back of his neck for some comfort. "It was alright? It was only a temporary job,"
"Temporary or not tell me! How was it? How was your class? Have any trouble makers?"
The lump dragged further down. Feeling more stubborn now.
"A few- but they weren't much of trouble," He answered. Seeming more confident now. "What about what you've been up to mom?"
"Oh come on this isn't about me," She smiled waving his question off as she sat further back in her chair. "How about how you two met? Tell me about that,"
"Mom," Billie whined.
"Oh Billie Joe I've not seen you in ages, give me something,"
His moms comment left a guilty look on Billies face. He looked over at me preparing to answer her question but I didn't know myself if I was alright with him telling the truth or still wanting him to lie.
I shrugged at him so he sighed looking back at him mom. "She was my student,"
Oh for fuck sake.
I could've died from embarrassment. How could he straight up just say it so easily? There was nothing more I wanted now to just have the floor devour me and not hear what his mom would reply with.
She looked over at me, mouth gaping open slightly. I hadn't wished harder ever that I'd just turn into vapour and disappear.
"Well..." she finally mumbled. "You didn't tell me that part,"
I couldn't find any words to say. So I looked at Billie who seemed like he had plenty. "It's not how it seems," He quickly added. "She's nearly twenty- I mean we weren't even officially together until I quit my job,"
Billies mom shook her head, my heart felt still until she let out a small chuckle. "Don't loose your breath there Billie,"
"I'm just saying,"
"Well," She sat up smiling. Over at me. "I don't see no problem here," she winked.
I laughed, out of nerves but I hope she didn't realise.
I heard Billie let out a sigh of relief as I did too silently.
"Why don't you go take her up to your room Billie Joe? Show her what a mess it use to be." She tapped his shoulder teasingly as she sat up.
I let out a chuckle, but Billie fumbled. "It wasn't- well it wasn't always a mess," He tried to excuse as his mom left the room. He looked over at me shoving me playfully as a reply to my laughing. "This'll be your glimpse into teenage Billie Joes life." He told me standing up.
"You make it sound very dramatic." I replied as he gave me a hand up.
We began to leave the room again as he lead me to the stairs as we continued to talk. "May I remind you I was an idiot as a teenager,"
"Oh no, I think your room might speak for itself,"
"Keep it up and I'm not taking you in there,"
"Why? Because my attitude or is it a mess?" I teased.
We reached the top of the stairs as I followed Billie to the door furthest to the end of the hallway. "Just please remember how beautifully tidy our room is back at home before you see this. Or the room I had before. So nice, tidy and boring,"
"It can't be that bad Billie Joe,"
"I hope it's not as bad as I remember." He mumbled to himself, before preparing as he turned the door handle down pushing the door open.
Behind the old wooden bedroom door was lead to a room that almost scarily represented what was my room. Apart from more clean.
"Oh, mom cleaned it." He muttered as we walked in.
I looked around. Posters filling one wall, another, all four. Even on the ceiling. An old dusty bean bag in the corner, desk with cds stacked on each other. Dirty wrecked up shoes poking out from underneath the bed. I walked over to his bed side table, pulling open the top draw. Packets of condoms inside before he sniggered behind me.
"Hey, would you look at that," he flustered slightly.
"Some things don't change huh Bill?"
"Actually," he muttered, shoving past me slightly as he grabbed one of them, looking at it. Before scooping the rest of them up into his hand and shoving them in his pocket. "These will be useful,"
"Did you ever actually use any of those?"
"I'll have you know there use to be a lot in there!"
"Looks like there still is,"
"That's because I had to refill it,"
"How flattering. I'm dating an ex man whore,"
"Nice way to word being popular," He shrugged, hands deep in his pockets as he looked away from me around at his room. Like even he was taking in the kid he use to be.
I bet it was weird for him. I wonder why his mom never did anything with his room when he left. It still kinda looked like a teenage boy was living in here.
"This is really different to how your old room use to be," I commented, staring up in the eyes of some random person on Billies poster. Before looking back at Billie Joe. "Considering how boring your old room was,"
"It's called maturing," he shrugged.
"It's called becoming boring, I like this kinda room. Kinda looks like..." I tried to think. Why did this room bring me an odd feeling of comfort? Like I'd been here time and time again. A place that was familiar to me but this was my first time stood here. Am I having deja vu?
"Looks like your old room?" He finished off, standing closer beside me as he followed what I was doing staring around.
"Oh." I guess I missed my room a little? Because this odd, cluttered and poster filled room made me feel some type of comfort. "It does... doesn't it?"
"Should've believed me when I said we weren't so far different,"
"I know now Billie. But I mean with the way you were I would never of believed,"
He looked at me oddly. Before replying. "I don't know wether to take that as an insult or a compliment,"
"Take it as any," I shrugged looking away, continuing gaze around his room.
Billie himself did a little searching back into his old past. Looking on shelves and through draws. Before he pulled out a massive stack of crumpled and old paper. "There you are." He mumbled placing it on what was his desk. Having to shove some things out of the way.
I wandered over to him looking past his shoulder down at the papers, age had certainly gotten the better of them. Sort of discoloured and dust building up on the top. But ignoring that, the page at the top and the ones poking out of the stack I could tell they were all filled with writing. Sloppy writing.
"What an earth are those?" I questioned.
"They were when I use to write songs as a teen." He replied, picking up a few at the top and dusting them off before he began to read vaguely through them. "Some of these are shit though, I don't know what I was thinking,"
"Oh come on, they can't be that bad." I assured, attempting to take a look at the rest of the pages left on the desk. But he snatched them instantly, clutching them in his hand as crinkling the pages as he hid them to his chest. "Hey!"
"There's no way you're looking,"
"Oh come on. I won't judge,"
"Nope,"
"I don't get to look at any?"
He sighed, looking down at the pages as he began to shuffle through them, dust flying off. He handed me few from the stack as I read them.
"Hey wait." I paused. Looking at he first one he'd handed me. "You've published this one?"
I turned the page around as he smiled. "I know,"
It was the song he'd made me write about, stuck with me from the insomniac album. When I looked at the other couple he'd passed over I recognised most of these had been released all varying of different albums. "Don't I get to see any you hadn't released?"
"I don't think so,"
I handed him the pages back un impressed, before he made it clear he wanted to take these. I guess even if he thought they were shit they had some sort of value to him. Everyone starts from somewhere though?
When Billie had finally stopped reminiscing about his past by searching through his teenage room, we'd met back down stairs where his mom was sat with a mug in her hand. She'd smile at me as we re-entered the room and sat down.
"So how are Mike and Tre doing?" She asked Billie.
"Still annoying,"
"Some things don't change," She joked. Before looking to me. "Surely you've met Mike and Tre?"
"Quite a few brief times,"
"Y'know I remember when the three of them use to have band practice down in the basement," She began telling me. But looked over at Billie first knowing she was embarrassing him slightly. "You could hear them all even from up here,"
"Really?" I sniggered slightly.
It was so weird to of had that cocky teacher not telling me anything about his past to being sat in his moms living room having her spill it all out.
"Oh gosh yeah. I remember this one particular time Billie Joe had a voice crack singing. And the boys wouldn't let go off it for months,"
Billie placed his face in his hands. Muffling. "Mom," through his fingers.
"He came up from the basement all grumpy and the boys kept following him mocking it,"
But his face was fast to shoot up to defend his side of the story. "I wasn't grumpy!"
"You sent Mike and Tre home," She laughed as I couldn't help but join in.
Billie shot one look at me before continuing. "That's because they were annoying,"
"And then when they left you went straight to your room?"
"Because you kept mocking it too!"
She couldn't help but smile. Looking back over at me. "You would've mocked it too if you'd of heard it,"
I grinned over at Billie. "I have no doubt,"
"Oh c'mon- I didn't bring us up here to have you embarrass me mom," He whined slightly.
"I've got other stories if you like? How about when-"
"-No! No, nope that's quite alright mom,"
"Are you sure sweetie?"
He pulled his lips tight before nodding. "Positive,"
Billies mom had still carried on and Billie used the excuse to look back at his room to get away from embarrassment. She told me all about his teenage years more than he was willing.
Like all the times he'd came home smashed off his face, the few times he'd been in trouble with the police, when he'd get sent home from school for making a scene, getting caught fighting in school halls or smoking around the back of the building. She really made sure to leave out no detail. So when Billie had finally brought himself back down, he was ready to leave.
"It was nice seeing you again mom," he told her honestly, pulling her into a hug as we stood half outside half in.
"It was nice to have you around again," She patted his back before pulling away looking over at me. "And it was lovely to meet you,"
A lot of people would tell you how unlovely my company is. So I smiled complimented. "It was nice to meet you too,"
"She's a keeper," His mom mumbled, elbowing him in the arm.
"You're telling me,"
~
"How are you feeling?" I asked Billie as he looked in front driving. Referring to how he'd been so nervous previously with the whole idea of being back in contact with his mom.
He'd understood what I meant shrugging, taking one hand of the steering wheel and pushing his hair out of the way of his eyes. "I think closure is a good word,"
"Closure?"
"Not that I needed closure from her. But it was nice to get the closure things have changed, looking through my old room. Seeing all the old stuff I use to write and hearing my mom bring up so many memories. It's like that part of my life is finally out the way with that I'd been guilty for for so long,"
Billie liked to very often compare how he was to me. I wondered a lot about what he was saying, before thinking. "You don't think it'll get to a time where I'll be guilty about my mom... do you?"
"Well... would you want to?"
"No way,"
He chucked shaking his head. "Then you'll be fine,"
I think I could safely say myself that part of my life was over. The whole parents thing, I wasn't interested in ever reconnecting. Not that I'd ever want or even need to.
"And," he spoke back up. As we turned the corner returning back to our street. "I told you it'd be fine to introduce you as my previous student,"
"You love being right, don't you?"
"More than anything," He smiled.
"Well, I didn't know how'd she'd react," I mumbled sheepishly, embarrassed of causing such a scene over it earlier on in the car.
"To be honest- I didn't either," He confessed, turning the car into the drive way parking it. "I'm just glad she didn't question it."
The both of us undid our safety belts, it felt nice to get out the car and stretch my legs again after the longish journey to his moms house.
Billie made his way to the door unlocking it as both of us walked in, turning the lights on around the house. I know it sounds stupid, and you'd think I'd be use to it by now. But living with Billie Joe? Living with my ex former teacher and the guy whose just published a whole ass album and has many more? It was unbelievable.
"You good there?" Billie questioned, furrowing his eyebrows down confused at me when he'd realised I paused in the hallway.
I shook my head and the thoughts away. "Just thinking,"
"I could tell." He smiled slightly, walking into the living room and turning its light on. "What ya thinking about?" He shouted from the room.
With out a thought processing through my brain, for the strangest reason. I told the honest truth. "You,"
There was a shuffle heard before he popped his head out the door way. Eyebrows drawn on confused. One up one down as his mouth gaped slightly. "Huh?"
"What? Oh- nothing I was just-"
His confused look turned to a smirk. "-You said me,"
"I didn't mean to I-"
He cut me off again. "-Y'know. You look really nice in that dress," He told me, his eyes following down.
"Shut up,"
"C'mon I'm serious,"
"So am I," I tried hard not to smile. "Stop it,"
He sighed. "You're so stubborn." He mumbled walking back into the living room.
"Oh Billie c'mon!" I giggled following behind. "I was only playing!"
I ran into the living room where I found him sat on the sofa looking down at his phone. His arm up resting on the top of the sofa as I sat beside him with it resting behind me.
He looked over at me trying not to smile, before moving his arm and pushing me playfully.
"Alright alright! If I take the compliment will you be happy?"
"Hey-" He turned his phone off giving me his full attention. "Who says I'm giving the compliment out anymore?"
I gasped before shoving him back, teasefully of course but harder than he'd have expected. He chuckled taken back before trying to shove me again.
But I grabbed his arm as his phone fell to the floor pushing him further.
We must've play fought like idiots on his sofa for a few minutes before with no surprise Billie had won. He'd pinned me down to the sofa resting on top of me laughing.
"Billie!" I whined, but smiling. "Get off!"
"You should've known better than to push me," He smiled back.
"You were asking for it!"
"I wasn't asking for anything,"
"You so were,"
"And this is precisely why you've been pinned down,"
I rolled my eyes before breathing in. "Alright. I'm sorry. You win, let me go!" I tried to wriggle under neath him at an attempt to move still in a laughing fit, but it was doing most literally nothing.
He shrugged before climbing off and standing up beside the sofa. I didn't expect it to be that easy for him to let me go but I mean-
"Right, c'mon." Billie shrugged, bending towards me before he placed his hands around my waist.
I paused for a second waiting to see what he was doing, until he began to pick me up.
"Wait! Billie Joe!" I squealed as he managed to pick me up from the sofa. Tossing me over his shoulder like I wasn't a whole ass person.
His hand stayed around my waist as I was backwards on his shoulder. My legs resting in front of his chest as I watched from behind as he began to leave the room with me on him. "What are you doing!?"
"We're going to bed," He replied, turning the livingroom light off on his way past.
"To bed!?" I asked surprised, as we passed through the hallway and began raking me up the stairs slowly. Cautious not to kill us both. "Like to bed bed or just to bed?"
"To bed bed,"
"Alright, got it,"
"I didn't take those condoms for nothing,"
"Y'know Bill," I began as we got to the top of the landing. "Those condoms are probably out of date,"
"Psh- what?"
"They go out a date y'know,"
"Give me a second." He mumbled as we walked through our room. He turned the bedroom light on as he made his way over to the bed tossing me on to it.
I made an 'umph' sound as the springs in the mattress creaked as Billie looked away from me diving a hand into his pocket.
He pulled out two packets in his hand staring down at them. Before looking closely at the back.
I watched him smiling when he furrowed up his face. "What the fuck- since when?"
"Are they out of date?"
He smiled sarcastically at me knowing I was right before tossing them over to the empty metal trash can. One managing to make it in but the other missed before he walked closer to empty his pockets of them. "This feels like grieving," He mumbled, throwing the condoms in the trash can.
"They're only rubber," I laughed sitting up. "I'm sure it's not that sad,"
"Alright alright. Well, it's fine." He shrugged, walking over to his bed side table before he yanked open the top draw. "I got more anyway,"
Was it odd to say it was surreal still, even after all this time had passed of us being this way? I still remember first time coming into Billies room where he was so weird about that very draw. And now? Well- I mean I think now explains itself.
"Y'know," He began, the condom square in his hand. "I think my mom really likes you,"
"You think?"
"I do. She seemed really excited to meet you. Y'know? And she didn't even care about the whole student teacher thing which is a hugely dodged bullet,"
"I think my mom definitely cared about that part of things,"
He sighed, dropping the condom back into the draw before sitting down beside me. I wondered why the atmosphere had suddenly changed to being so serious, I looked over at Billie confused.
"Can I ask you something?"
His face seemed serious. I looked at him still not understanding. "Sure?"
"Are you happy?"
My face twitched. "Huh?"
"Are you happy?" He repeated.
"Happy... happy with you? Or-"
"-Just happy, y'know? Like happier than when you were living at home,"
There was no doubt about the fact that I was.
I'd grown up knowing myself I was a lot to deal with. Despite my mom always reminding me no one would put up with my attitude I'd some how acquired Billie Joe.
There's been times where he's pissed me off and upset me sure? But he'd never really given up on me. He always knew how I worked, he understood me.
And at first I really did hate that. I couldn't stand it, I didn't like how this guy could just stroll into my classroom and act all 'I know your game and I can play it too'. How he knew my every move before I did it, I didn't like anything about it.
But- it did save me a lot. Didn't it?
I chuckled slightly. "Of course I'm happier. I'm doing well. I have you,"
It'd gone to 'I'm not putting up with any of your bullshit' to him putting up with me. Tables turn, the weather changes, time speeds by, but I couldn't complain where I was now.
Because, I was happy,
"I just wanted to check," He shook it off, looking away from me now.
"Are you happy Billie?"
"Of course I'm happy." He chuckled. "I mean- I'm not a teacher,"
"Wow thanks!" I joked pushing him.
But he quickly wrapped me into a hug from the side. "I'm joking! I'm kidding!" He laughed into my neck hugging me close as we swayed a little. "I'm happy because I have you, you idiot,"
I guess it was good he understood me. I guess he saved me from myself in many ways.
My anger, my violence, my rage, my profanity, my deception, my dishonesty, my unreliability. Most literally myself.
But it felt nice to be saved. Even though I didn't want to me, it was nice.
I might not have been the same girl I started off as. I'd definitely softened down the line.
"I love you," Billie randomly told me, still hugging me as I rested my arms over his.
But I couldn't say he hadn't softened up too.
Before he added. "Even though you're an enormously stubborn pain in my ass,"
"You're lucky I love you enough to ignore that comment,"
A/N: and there you guys have it. THE VERY END OF BE QUIET. oh my gosh I feel like I've been writing this book for so long- ITS FINALLY OVER AND I DONT KNOW IF IM RELIEVED OR SAD
If the ending of this book even somewhat upsets you: DONT WORRY I HAVE A NEW BOOK ON ITS WAY,
With every chapter over 3000+ words and some reaching to 6000+ I already have twenty six chapters written,
I was waiting to end be quiet to begin posting the chapters. So a new book is on its way soon!!
Here's some insights the new book 'second boys will be first choice':
-a best friend trope book
-love triangles (because we love to hate them :'))
-ARGUMENTSSSS AND
-a whole lot of lying.
So anyway!! Thank you guys for joining me along with this book and reading so much of it, gold star for sticking through to the end!!
I hope you all enjoyed to read this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It truly is amazing to see your guys comments and opinions on it.
Make sure to leave a comment letting me know how you felt about this book!! And as always with lots of love stay safe !!
- Rae <3 (did I just drop my real name? Yes I did.)