listen to wait by M83 while reading you won't regret it
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The next few weeks had been a complete blur of fear and worry for Harry's health. After the next few days that Harry and I ended up crashing on my couch, I had thought Harry was well doing well. I thought he was slowly recovering because he would often eat more than he regularly did and I thought I saw a change in him when he would smile a bit brighter and hold me a bit longer whenever he held me tightly to his chest.
But I was proven wrong, completely wrong. My heart would sink even deeper into the pit of my chest every time I caught a single glimpse at him. As the days slowly rolled by I had noticed that he seemed to talk a little less, sleep a little longer, smoke a little more. His skin was also no longer as warm and tan as it was before, his hands were always shaking a bit and his skin always seemed ghostly pale. And as the time passed, his bright green eyes turned into the dullest shade of emerald. His soft lips that had always seemed to land on mine were surely chapped and dry even though he ran his tongue over them an unbelievable amount of times. He had become more distant, he wouldn't hold my hand or hug me in public anymore. We would not be together as often. That beautiful dimpled smile of his that had gotten me through terrible times was a bit smaller now, not as bright. What had worried me the most was that every week he would seem to look a bit thinner. His cheek bones were even more prominent and his body was practically skin on bones at this point. When I asked him what was wrong, he would ignore me or swear that nothing was wrong; but that was far from the truth.
All these wonderful little things that had made up Harry were slowly slipping away and fading. And no part of me could have ever denied it. He was no longer that adorable, sweet and humble man that I had first met. It was as if he had shut off all of his emotions and decided to feel nothing. His constant mood swings came back too, he would be happy one second but lash out on me and turn into a complete jerk. I was desperate to know what was bothering him, I was desperate for him to open up to me, I was desperate to have my old Harry back. My real Harry.
There was a constant longing in the pit of my chest to be with him again, to have my old Harry back. But I completely understood what he was going through even if he refused to tell me. I had began to look for some professional therapist for Harry to talk to just so he could recover sooner but whenever I would mention it to Harry, he would shout at me and I had to spend the night at my own apartment for the night instead of his.
As much as I wanted to help him, Harry wanted none of it. It was as if he believed that his mentality can just fade and disappear over night. The closer I tried to get to him, the farther he would go to stay away from me. I had even began to think that Harry did not want me around any longer, that he did not love me as much as I love him.
But all these negative thoughts were ripped out of my mind as the bell to my last class had rang, indicating that class was officially over for the day. I watched everyone as they shuffled around and practically sprinted out the door, ready to head home. I had taken my time to gather my things and stuff them into my bag that had slung over my shoulder. I was relieved that the day was finally over and I could finally see Harry because I have not seen him in a few days, which killed me because I had gotten so used to his presence that whenever I was parted from him I had the sudden urge to find him because I needed him.
"Have a nice day, Ms Grande." The male professor said as I began to head for the exit of his classroom. "We will hopefully be seeing you tomorrow."
"Hopefully," I repeated, a smile spread across my face as he laughed light-heartedly. "Have a nice day Mr Sanders, I'll try not to daydream through your class tomorrow." I teased and he laughed even harder. Mr Sanders has always been one of those teachers that could take a joke and actually made their classes fun. He was definitely one of the most liked teachers on campus because he was not always on our backs about anything, which I highly admired.
As I exited his class, with my bag slung over my shoulder and a typical hazelnut iced coffee in the other, I felt my phone buzz in my bra where I usually kept my phone when I had no pockets. I sighed and quickly peeked around me before digging my hand into my top to retrieve my phone. When I had peeked at it, I had realized that it was my mother calling me. I usually would have rejected it but this time I just let my thumb accept the call.
"What?" I snapped into the speaker as I sipped on my iced coffee.
"Ariana we have not spoke in ages and you're already being disrespectful, I am your mother! I don't appreciate your tone." My mother scolded me on the other line. I was actually not angry at her but I was surely not in the mood to talk to anyone at the moment, so I just had to let it out with my mother when she did not deserve it.
"And I do not appreciate how you are interrupting my learning time in class. You have just interrupted a very important lesson, I don't think you understand how much this means to me." I lied dryly, sarcasm evident in my tone. "I don't want you to scold me for being a bitch because you did not even check the time before you called me."
"Well what are you doing now?" My mom sighed, tired with my attitude and I did not blame her.
"Transitioning to my next class, I will speak to you later." I said before I hung up the phone and slipped it back into my pocket.
I finished off my iced coffee before throwing it into the trash and walking back home, already feeling the excitement growing in me to see Harry. I have not seen him in a few days and I have missed his presence. After a few minute of walking and scrolling through my phone, I had arrived at our building and slipped through the elevator doors. I was met with a large group of people of all different ages and families. I was slightly relieved that it was not one of those awkward elevator rides because the family crammed in here were a bit loud, not caring if anyone heard their conversations.
I pushed the button to my floor and waited for the doors to slide shut. Then, I pulled out my phone and dialed Harry's number before pressing the phone to my ear and waiting for him to answer. I heard it ring twice before it sent me directly to voicemail. I sighed and decided to leave him a quick message.
"Hi Harry! When you hear this please call me back, I miss you. I love you, babe."
After the left the quiet message, I hung up and slipped my phone back into my top, thankful no one had watched me do that. The elevator doors slid open and I had slipped out to walk back to Harry's apartment where I silently prayed he was there.
After knocking lightly on his door and waiting a few seconds for him to open it, nothing but silence was heard. Hmm. I knocked again but with a bit more force, hoping he would hear it. Just as I was about to give up and walk back into my apartment, I decided to call Harry again to ask him where he was.
After pressing the phone to my ear and hearing it ring an endless amount of times, it sent me directly to voicemail. With a heavy sigh I rejected the call and began pacing in the hallway, thinking of all the places Harry could possibly be. I just wanted to be with Harry again, spend a day with him and not have any interruptions. I was definitely not being obsessive, I just missed him. In between classes and random times he just disappears, we haven't been able to communicate as much as we did before, and that scared me. I had feared that Harry was beginning to lose interest in me, stop loving me. I had thought that he only kept me around because he was afraid of what to tell me if he wanted me to leave.
The only times I got to see him was in my first class and our way to our second class, but we would quickly part ways after that. He had stopped taking me to class with him, he had stopped holding my hand in public, he had stopped kissing me unexpectedly, he had merely stopped everything at once. And it was killing me. I needed him. I needed him to hold my hand, kiss me, hug me, love me, to fill the void in my chest. I needed him, but the closer clung to him, he seemed more distant.
I made the final decision of waiting in front of Harry's door until he arrived. He could be arriving any second and I did not want him to walk past my apartment like he usually would. I did not want to be creepy just by sitting in front of his door but I couldn't help it, I needed him in every way possible right now. So I took a seat by his door, my back pressed firmly against it as my legs crossed beneath me, not caring if I looked like a complete freak.
The first few minutes of waiting for his arrival were long and painstaking. My mind was coming up with the worst case scenarios of what could have happened to him.
What if his car broke down? What if he was kidnapped on his way back home? What if a crazy carnivorous monster ate him alive on his way home?
I shook my head at these stupid thoughts. There was no way he could've been eaten by an animal... Right? If he had gotten kidnapped I would have known by now. If his car broke down I knew that I would be the first person he would call for help. I started to feel the palms of my hands begin to sweat as well as my forehead as I kept on waiting for his arrival. All of my thoughts were ridiculous, but I couldn't blame myself because I have not seen him or heard a word from him in days.
All I wanted was to reunite with him. I wanted to be with him every day like we had been before, talking, cuddling, kissing, laughing. I wanted to be as happy as we usually were together, I wanted to watch another movie with him, I wanted all these beautiful things again but I could not have them until he told me what was bothering him and I tried to help him.
I had been staring at my phone for plenty of time now, waiting for his call or text to pop up on the screen. My eyes had also been wandering around the halls in search of his tall and lean body. I checked the time and noticed that it had been an hour that I have been sitting here, alone may I add.
I had even began to feel skeptical about this whole situation. What if Harry was inside his apartment but he refused to open it because he was avoiding me? Once again, I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Harry would never do that to me, he opens the door to anyone who decides to visit.
As soon as I began to feel that Harry was not coming back, an thought popped in my mind. What if Harry got after school detention? Harry would be back in no time!
With my heart racing a bit faster than usual, a smile stretched across my face at the thought of him arriving soon. But then my heart sank back into the pit of my chest as it occurred to me that Harry would have been back home by now.
Stop spreading false hope, Ariana. My subconscious told me, practically shaking me by my shoulders to slap some reality back into me. A deep and shaky sigh pushed past my lips, my chest falling as I exhaled with great force.
With a final glance at my phone to see if Harry had called, I shook my head and began collecting my things. I stood to my feet and swung my bag over my shoulder, ready to give up on waiting for Harry and relax at my apartment.
Just as I was picking my phone up from the ground and stuffing it back into my top, the sound of heavy footsteps made my breath catch in my throat. I had looked up and surprisingly saw Harry approaching his apartment with his eyes glued to his feet, not noticing that I had been there. I psychically felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders as I dropped everything in my hands and ran towards Harry, immediately wrapping my arms around his neck as well as my legs that had wound around his waist.
He was caught off guard and frightened at first but once he realized who was holding him so tightly, he visibly relaxed his shoulders and wrapped an arm around my back as the other gripped the back of my thigh. My face had nuzzled in the crook of his neck as I took in his scent, he smelled like himself. He did not have any kind of spray on himself and he smelled so natural, so lovely. A breath blew past my lips as I contently exhaled against the skin of his neck, my brain and body buzzing so beautifully at the feeling of being with him again. There was no doubt that I missed him, I missed him a lot more than he missed me.
Once I felt his lips delicately press to the skin of my neck, my stomach tightened and I had came to the conclusion that all this waiting had been worth it. Although we were standing in the middle of the hallway where we could be easily seen, I couldn't stop myself from bringing my hand to the side of his face before pressing my lips to his, missing the familiar warmth and softness of them.
When his lips pressed so delicately to mine, I felt as if I were melting away in his arms again. It felt so beautiful to kiss him again after so long, to hug him, to love him. As soon as I felt his tongue swipe along my bottom lip, I groaned loudly. He pulled away enough to shush me before diving back in to kiss me, still carrying me in the middle of the hallway.
"God, I missed you so much." Harry spoke lowly, his voice raspy as if he hasn't spoke in days.
"I missed you too, Harry, so much." I said in between kisses. With one last lingering kiss against my lips, Harry gently released me and let my feet fall back onto the floor. "Where have you been? I've been calling you ever since I got out of class."
"I was at work, baby." Harry chuckled as he held tightly onto my hand as he walked me towards his door. He picked up my things from the floor before he pushed open his door and dropped them onto the floor beside his coat hanger.
I followed behind him and watched him carefully, inspecting his every movement. I had noticed that his back hunched even further and his head always seemed to drop down as he walked around his apartment as his hands grabbed onto the mess that was spread throughout his living room. His apartment was also a lot messier than it usually was, probably from his lack of rest and carelessness. When he had finished cleaning the small mess around us he stood back up and flickered his eyes to mine.
I practically felt my heart break into bits and pieces as I took in the dull shade of emerald and the dark bags beneath his eyes. His cheek bones were even more prominent and his hair was just as messy as it usually was, or even messier. His skin, which was usually so tan, was slightly pale as if he hadn't eaten in days; his lips were also chapped and a light shade of pink. He was incredibly beautiful but he looked awful. I even felt my eyes water at his state, I have never seen him like this before and it was breaking me into two.
So with all the strength I had in my body, I swallowed the vile rising in my throat and blinked away the tears, staying as strong as I could for him. My hands, which were now cradled around the sides of his face, pulled him closer to me to connect our foreheads. I deeply exhaled and let my eyes flutter shut, blocking out my worries for just a minute. His hands rested firmly on my hips as he relaxed into my touch and let his breath fan across my face through his parted lips.
We were standing so close that our chest touched when we would deeply inhale and fall back down when we exhaled. I had been so worried for him these past few days and to see that he was in a much better mood made me so much happier.
"What's happening with us, Harry?" I asked so quietly, so softly my voice was a mere whisper. This was definitely one of the most emotional and encounters we have ever had again, and I could feel everything crashing down again. I could feel that from this moment our relationship will be changed and shaped in the near future, testing us to hold onto each other or let go. I could tell that Harry's condition was surely going to get the best of me, ever since I had began to notice these changes I could not get my mind off him.
"Only if I knew, baby." Harry whispered back just as softly. One of his hands from my hip came to rest on my cheek, cradling the side of my face as his thumb gently ran along the skin there. The gentle touch only made me want to break into tears. Although he was in mental pain, he still held me very gently and found every way to comfort me. And God, did I love him.
"What are we going to do?" I dropped both my hands from his face to wrap them around his back and fist his shirt in my hands at his back. Both of his hands rose to gently cradle the sides of my face and force me to look at him, but the thing was that whenever I looked at him I felt my heart breaking into pieces; and I hated it.
He didn't reply, though, mostly because he didn't know what to say or maybe because he didn't want to admit the agonizing truth. But I understood anyway and let my head shift to press a gentle kiss into the palm of his hand. He pulled me in and gently pressed his lips to mine, letting them linger there for moment before he finally began to mold them into mine. With my heart beating erratically in my chest, I kissed him back just as gently as he liked to kiss me.
When his lips captured my lower one and gently pulled it back, I let out a soft groan at the feeling. His tongue immediately slipped into my mouth when I parted my lips. Cautiously, his tongue swept along mine as his hands held me tightly to him. With a few more delicate laps of his soft lips against mine, he pulled away from me and pressed his forehead to mine, our intertwined hands resting beside our hips.
"I don't know what is going to happen from now, Harry, but I love you." I whispered against his lips. God, I love him so much I felt as if I could surely explode.
"Why do you keep on saying that? Nothing will happen, okay? I'm fine, we're fine." Harry assured me, thumbs gently running against my cheeks. I knew something behind Harry's tone told me that he wasn't even sure of it himself, but all he wanted to do was comfort me in every way possible, even if he was lying.
"You're my everything, Harry..." I said softly, not swallowing the vile rising in my throat as I let the tears freely roll down my cheeks. I was not sure why I was crying, but the only thing I felt was fear of losing this man that had become everything to me. "Please don't leave me." I cried out, my voice shaky and hoarse. When I saw a single tear roll down his cheek and drop onto his blue and black flannel, I knew I would not be able to stop the sobs from breaking through.
"I wouldn't dream of it, baby." Harry softly assured me. His hands now came to wrap around my back as I was pulled into an embrace, his hand flattening out the back of my hair as he held me tightly to his chest. I was not sure if Harry was sugarcoating it or lying to me, but I knew that somewhere in the depths of my heart that he would keep his promise.
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THIS CHAPTER WAS ACTUALLY REALLY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!
BUT ANYWAY ITS RIDICULOUSLY SHORT BC ITS SORTA AN IMPORTANT FILLER SO YEAH BUT THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO banginghxrry BECAUSE SHE IS THE CUTEST AND MOST FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD AND SHE COMMENTS SO SO SO SO SO MUCH ON EACH OF MY CHAPTERS AND MAKES ME SO HAPPY :D LOVE YOU!!!
btw guys I have decided that I will be updating every friday/Saturday instead of every four days due to school and finals and all that stuff :-(
hope you enjoyed this chapter. thank you for reading xx