(I know I've been lost in the sauce lately, a lot has happened in my life and I'm currently in a new relationship........anyway I'll post when I can)
Follow my Instagram Hessatextstories for More
I failed him, but more importantly I failed myself......and my mother......and my father. But the part that hurts the most is that I can never have a child with the man that has impacted my life so greatly, the man that I love more than anyone has ever loved anyone. He said he wanted kids but I thought he didn't, I guess that's why I feel like I failed him. Other women can give him kids, but I can't. And having kids with him was my dream, it was what I wanted more than anything. For us to create something together that was only ours, and now I'll never be able to have that....and neither will he. My mother will never have grandchildren......I'm her only child and I can't give her grandchildren. But why, why must the universe be this unkind to me, I feel like I'm always fighting some battle. First I lose both my grandparents then Nick raped me, the man I'm madly in love with broke my heart several times and betrayed my trust and humiliated me......I lost my dog....now this. I'm not sure I can fight this battle, I'm too tired to keep myself above the water.
Much too tired of merely living to be everyone's punching bag.
...
The door creeks open and I hear his heavy foot steps walk up to the bed, I feel the sheets move as her climbs underneath and wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my back to his chest. I slowly turn to face him, I place my forehead on his chest and wrap my arms around him. I inhale his sent and quietly exhale, he gives me comfort and relief.
I still feel liked I failed him.
...
"Tessa?" His voice is delicate and soft.
I was about to fall asleep, his voice didn't startle me but it did wake me up a bit.
I keep my eyes shut.
"Yes?"
I feel him run his hands up and down my back.
"I love you." Is all he says.
"I love you Hardin."
...
One week later
...
The Christmas season just feels a bit off this year, it's been a rough week but work is good. Sam is gone and I miss her like crazy, I can't believe her dad let her live with her grandparents...but then again it wasn't like he was much of a father anyway. She writes us letters and texts me selfie's everyday, I still haven't told her we are moving......I just don't know how.
Hardin and I had been fine, neither one of us asking too much from the other. We haven't really mentioned Paris or the fact that I can't have kids, we haven't had sex either. It's just a bit of a touchy topic, I don't know why but it is. He doesn't initiate anything and neither do I, I guess we just needed a break. Who knows, it doesn't matter.
I haven't talked to my mom in a week and Christmas is right around the corner, I thought about having a Christmas party and inviting over Kim and everyone but I don't know how Hardin would feel about it.
...
I lean over the counter and slowly sip on my coffee, I look out at the falling snow. I hear his footsteps walk into the kitchen, I look up at him as he walks in shirtless with just some loose grey sweatpants hanging at his waist. I smile to myself, he pours himself a mug of coffee before he leans against the wall and stares at me.
"You should put on a hoodie, it's cold." He says.
"I'm not cold." I say defensively.
He looks me up and down and smiles before he takes a sip of his coffee.
I scrunch my eye brows.
"What? Why are you smiling?" I ask annoyed.
He laughs before his head falls back.
"I can see that you're cold, your nipples are basically popping out of your shirt." He teases.
I gasp, I look down and quickly wrap my arms around myself, his laugher fills the kitchen which makes me start laughing. I grab the kitchen towel and throw it at him, he ducks and the towel hits the wall. He puts his mug down and walks up to me, he wraps his arms around me and starts kissing me. He lifts me up and my feet don't reach the floor.
"HARDIN!" I shriek with bursts of giggles.
He sits me on the counter and rests his hands on my thighs, I rest my hands on his face and pull him in for a kiss. He smiles against my lips which makes me smile, I slowly open my mouth and incase his lips. I pull away and kiss his nose before I kiss each cheek and his forehead, I place one last kiss on his lips before I giggle at him.
"You're absolutely lovely Tess." He says.
He kisses my collarbone before he looks up at me and smiles, I run my fingers through his hair.
"So? What are we gonna do today?" He asks.
I shrug my shoulders.
"Well, school is closed for the holidays and Steve gave us all off work......and Christmas is in 7 days and we've yet to get a tree or decorate." He adds.
"You wanna get a tree?" I ask him.
He smiles.
"Yes, I've never had one before........and plus where am I meant to put your gifts?"
I roll my eyes.
"You don't need to get me anything." I insist.
"Here we go again Theresa, I am buying you as many gifts as I want. And you can't do anything to stop me."
I shake my head.
"Yeah, we should probably get a tree." I say softly.
He brushes the hair out of my face.
"What's wrong? You can tell me anything."
"I know, I'm just not feeling the holiday spirit this year. Just a bit under the weather." I admit.
I chew on the inside of my mouth.
I watch as he examines my face, it's as if he's trying to read my mind.
"Have you talked to your mom?" He asks.
I gently pull away from him and jump down from the counter, I start washing the dishes in the sink.
"Uh.....no. I haven't talked to her since..........since my birthday."
The silence speaks loud.
I just can't face her, not after the news that our family tree would die with me.
I look down at the soapy dish water and sigh.
I feel him come behind me, he doesn't touch me nor does he say anything.........he leans his hands on the sides of the counter keeping me trapped in the little space he created between the sink and himself. He simply rests his chin on my shoulder.
"Are you afraid of her reaction to the news? Or are you afraid to tell her about Paris?" He asks softly.
Fuck, I haven't even thought Paris.
"Fuck................I forgot about Paris, great."
"Tess don't stress, you don't have to do this alone. I will be here every step of the way, but I think you should call her. With your father gone all month she must be going mad in that house all alone."
His hands slowly slide to my waist, he pulls my hips close to his crotch and my ass presses into his dick.
"I am gonna call her, I just need time. I'm not ready yet."
I scrub a plate.
"I understand babe, but maybe some motherly advice can help. Maybe you should invite her to come over earlier, I could get her plane ticket changed for tomorrow if you want."
I slowly put the plate down, I dry my hands on the dish towel before I slowly turn to face him. He tucks my hair behind my ears.
"You would do that? The ticket was expensive Har."
"I don't care, if you want her here earlier so you guys can.........bond? I don't know......anyway I'll change her ticket....if you want." He smiles.
"Gosh I love you."
He leans in and rubs his nose over mine which makes me giggle.
"I.......I don't know, I just feel like I let everyone down. How can I possibly tell her that I can't have kids, I'm a.................a disappointment." I spin around and continue to scrub the plates.
"Tess, baby please. You're not a disappointment, stop saying that. You are anything but a disappointment, you're the best thing this universe has ever created." He kisses my neck and squeezes my hips.
I grip the edge of the sink and try my best not to cry.
"I'll call her........later." I say not actually meaning it.
I feel him pull away.
"Not later...now." He says.
I turn and see him with my phone, he places it on the counter next to me.
"Please baby." He insists.
I sigh.
"Hardin I.."
"Tessa please, I hate seeing you like this."
I dry my hands with the towel, I look at the ground.
"Look, I know it's not my place to give advice about parents.........but I really think you should call her."
I chew on my bottom lip, I look up at him.
"Fine......I'll call her." I reach for the phone.
He leans in and kisses my forehead.
"I'm gonna go shower, we can figure out plans for the day when I'm done." He leaves the kitchen but stops before his body is fully out the doorway, he spins around and smiles. "If you're off the phone fast you could join me in the shower.....if you want."
I get flustered.
"Go shower Scott."
He sighs and rolls his eyes, he leaves the kitchen. I pick up my phone and hover my finger over my mothers name, I take a breath before I click her name. I put it on speaker, it rings once before she answers.
"Tessie?" My mothers phone brings me relief.
"Hi mommy."
"Oh honey I miss you, it's so nice to hear your voice. It's so quiet here." I can sense my mothers loneliness.
"That's actually why I'm calling mom, Hardin said he could change your plans ticket for tomorrow. He's worried about you being all alone there, it's really cute honestly."
Gosh this man.
"Aw, Hardin is such a cutie. It would be nice to be around some people, but I don't wanna impose."
"Mary please, Hardin adores you and you're my mother. We would love to have you here early, plus I miss you and I wanna.....talk. Hardin and I have something to tell you."
"Ahhhh, are you engaged?" She excitedly asks.
I stay silent for a moment.
"No, we haven't even been together for a full year."
"I'm sorry, I'm just excited that's all. But I would be so happy to get there early, I better go pack."
"Ok, I'll get Hardin to email you your ticket information. We'll pick you up at the airport tomorrow, pack warm because Hardin insists on taking you ice skating at Rockefeller Center." I giggle to myself.
I hear her laugh.
"Ok, ooo your fathers calling me, talk later sweetie. Love you."
"Love you."
She ends the call.
I turn my phone off and cover my face with my hands, I hear the shower running.
Maybe I should join him? It's been a week, which isn't a lot of time....well for us it is because apparently all we do is fuck but......eh, I just feel so weird about my body all the sudden.
I shake my head, no. Not ready yet.
I spin around and continue washing the dishes.
...
I sit on the couch and read some emails, I see one from the Chancellor of a university I applied to in Paris. I quickly open it.
Dear Ms. Tessa Lynn Young,
We are pleased to let you know that Pantheon- Sorbonne University has accepted you go there freshman class starting January 10th...
"YES!" I jump off the couch and my Mac book nearly flies through the air.
Hardin runs into the living room dripping wet with a towel low on his waist.
"Tess are you alright? I heard screaming."
I giggle.
"Sorry, I just got my acceptance letter to University in Paris."
"That's great baby."
"Wait, did you just get out of the shower? You're dripping wet." I try to hide my giggle.
He slicks his hair back with his fingers.
"Yeah, I was worried I thought you got hurt." Hw says innocently.
I blush.
I stand up and walk towards him, I gently run my hands over his wet abs and trace the indentations I between his muscles. I hear him inhale sharply, I look up at him.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
He opens his eyes.
"Nothing, you just haven't touched me like that in a while.........it felt nice." He admits.
"Har......I'm sorry. It's just been hard for me this past week......after finding out about.." He cuts me off.
"You don't have to apologize, I'd never force you.....you know that."
"I know, I just don't want you to think that I'm upset with you.....I'm upset with myself."
"Hey." He places his hands on my shoulders. "You have nothing to be upset about, this is just a little bump in the road. But I promise......promise you, when we get to Paris we will have a fresh start and we'll be less stressed. And hey maybe there are fertility clinics there with more options for us...........but this doesn't change anything for us baby, I will give you children. I don't care how long it takes or how hard or how many times in a day I have to fuck you.......sorry.....but you know what I mean."
I try to contain my laughs.
"Gosh I love you." I tell him.
He loops his arms around my waist.
"We will figure this out Tess."
I press my head into his chest.
"I hope."
I look up at him.
"I called my mom." I tell him.
"And?"
"She's coming tomorrow, can you change the ticket?"
He smiles.
"I changed it yesterday." He says cheekily.
"What? How did you know she would want to come early?"
He giggles.
"Tess have you met your mother, and plus I would have called her if you didn't. I want her here, plus in Paris we won't be able to see her as often. I want you to have time with her."
Awwwww.
I didn't think it was possible to love someone this much.
"So...what shall we do today? Snuggle up and watch our movie we made on your birthday?" He suggests.
I flush with embarrassments and hide my face in his chest.
"Come on bunny, don't be shy." He teases.
I look up at him.
"Bunny?" I scold.
"Mhmm, you're my bunny."
"Yeah yeah yeah." I roll my eyes.
"Stop changing the subject Tess, we have to talk about our movie eventually. Wouldn't want your mum wandering up there and finding it." He smiles but I shake my head in disgust.
"We could destroy it if it makes you uncomfortable."
My head shots up.
"NO......we're not destroying it.......we haven't even watched it yet." I know I'm probably red.
His hands slide down to my butt and he squeezes.
"Oh yeah, you wanna watch it?" He whispers in my ear.
I bite my bottom lip and nod my head slowly.
"Let's watch it now them." He mumbles while he inches his lips towards my neck.
Although it does sound tempting I know that when we watch that it will lead to us having sex which isn't something I'm up for at the moment.
"Uh.......why don't we watch it later, at night is better. We can crack open a bottle of wine.......and grapes?" He licks his lips and gazes at my tits.
"I like that idea........but what are we gonna do until then?"
I smile.
"We'll..........I wanna clean before my mom gets here...........and we should probably get a tree, and k haven't bought her a gift.....and we have to clean upstairs...." I start overthinking and worrying.
"Babe.......breathe."
I nod my head.
"Here, let's get dressed and go buy a tree and a gift for her. Then when we get home I'll help you clean and then we can watch our filthy movie and I'll fuck you on the balcony." He smirks.
I playfully smack his arm.
"Balcony........it's freezing out."
He chuckles.
"I know a few ways to keep you warm."
I inhale.
"I'm gonna............get dressed." I say in bursts of mumbles.
I quickly run into the room to hide my smile.
...
I walk into my closet and turn on the light, I look at my clothes and try to come up with something...........different. I feel like I look the same everyday, I hear Hardin rummaging through his closet.
"Something wrong?" His voice startles me.
"No, I just don't know what to wear."
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my shoulder.
"Want help?" He asks.
"Yes please."
He chuckles.
"Here we are." He lets me go and steps in front of me, I take this opportunity to plant a few kisses on his lower back.
"You're teasing." He scolds.
"Was I? Sorry I forgot." I giggle.
He reaches forward and pulls out a white collared shirt and brown trousers.
"Here you are darling, add your boots and your golden." He kisses the top of my head.
"Thanks babe."
He smiles before he disappears into the room.
...
I get dressed and decide against a bra, my boobs have been sore lately and a tight bra does not seem appealing.
I slip on my pants and button my shirt, I clip my hair up and slip on my boots before I grab my bag and put on my glasses. I slip on my brown jacket and button the middle button, I spin around and see Hardin watching me.
"What? What is it?"
"You're just adorable Tessa, you make me happy just looking at you."
I stick my tongue out at him and he smiles so bright, I run up to him and he takes me in house arms. I press my lips into his and shove my tongue in his mouth and he nips the tip lightly which makes me jump.
I look at his outfit.
"Babe you look great."
"Thanks.......I decided on something other than black.......does it look ok?" He asks nervously.
I wish he was more confident in his appearance as he is in his sex.
"You look so handsome, and your butt looks good in those pants. Now come on, it's supposed to snow later and I don't want us on the road." I grab his arm and pull him out the door.