I still couldn't feel my legs.
Somehow, I was awake even before Mom drew the curtains. I turned to her and watched her approach me in slow gentle strides like that could redo everything and anything.
"What is happening to me?" I asked her but she seemed more interested in squeezing my hands that morning.
"You're going to be fine, okay? Let's just focus on your surgery for midnight." She asked me.
"How did Gianna's surgery go?" I asked her and she nodded with a small smile.
"Successful, she's resting in. Anesthesia hasn't worn off." She replied me and I nodded in approval.
She then walked to the corridor and pushed the wheelchair towards the bed to help me into the restroom. I mentally shook my head as I settled in the chair.
I ended up on the damned wheelchair.
As mom finished up and draped the towel over me, there was a heavy silence since seeing the amount of hair that fell out during my bath. She returned me to the bed in same silence and fixed back the chemo medicine going through my port.
She then pecked my forehead and turned to go check on my sister.
I constantly checked on Ezra's message saying he was coming to me right now. My gaze then flickered to each of my friends. Naomi and Harper were arguing about a random topic, in a way to distract me from my thought while Cleo was curled up on the long sofa.
"What's wrong with Cleo?" I turned to Harper and Naomi.
"This one has been that way since the skydive," Naomi replied me waving Cleo's excesses off.
"She doesn't sleep at night anymore. She's like a baby." Harper added, playing with her car keys as she did.
I looked at each of their faces wondering if they were bluffing. But behind their playful mean glares at Cleo, I could sense the sincerity in their tones.
"What skydive?" I broke the silence in the room. Naomi only shook her head at me, completely ignoring me. Harper inched closer to me, opening my eyes wider like she knew what she was doing.
"Have you been drinking?" She asked me.
"I wish!" I pushed her away slightly as I tried to sit up.
My gaze returned to Mims whose brows were furrowed to a frown like she had been struck with classified information.
"I'm serious," I deadpanned, "y'all went skydiving without me?" I asked again and they only stared blankly at me, Cleo now awake to join our conversation.
"You don't remember it?" Naomi asked me, coming even more close to me.
"Funny, I'll remember if you took me along. You know how bad I've been saving at work." I responded.
"It's barely been two weeks since we went," Harper claimed as she stuffed her hand in her Jean jacket and pulled out her phone.
As she played a video which she had made, the sound of the gusty wind blurring out Cleo's screams, I found myself and Ezra in the helicopter.
It felt like my brain was warped. It was like a movie burned to a compact disc played with an old player. How some parts came out clear, while some others skipped while some didn't even play at all.
I let out a stifled laugh hoping to be able to control the situation.
"Of course I remember; I was pulling your legs."
By the time I'd said that, beads of sweat had formed on my forehead. Harper broke into a fit of laughter as well before she hit me slightly and walked away.
"You almost had me, for real."
Naomi didn't seem to buy my act as she eyed me suspiciously. But of course it was Naomi, she could always tell every single time I tried lying to her.
And I wondered if it was the metastasis.
My friends had gone out for dinner in the hospital cafeteria by evening time, while I was still bound to my bed, drowning in my destructive thoughts. My gaze was directed towards the door each time I tried distracting myself from the IV pole and the chemo medicine hung on it.
The door pulled open and I let the bad thoughts go away for a moment as Ezra walked in. He approached me and planted a soft kiss on my lips before dropping the flower on the drawer beside the bed. He then dragged the stool closer and sat on it.
"I got lost trying to find the ward," he says with a small smile as he settled in.
"Sorry, I changed wards. My surgery is late this night, they have to fly in a specialist from New Jersey." I informed him as he nodded and took my hands in his.
The tremor in my hand didn't stop, not even as Ezra held me.
"Are you scared?" He asked me.
My body tingled with vulnerability as my gaze drifted away from him for a moment before returning to his concerned eyes.
"I am losing bits of myself and that terrifies me," I answered him.
"Close your eyes and think of something else, the surgery would be over before you know it." He reassured me.
"It is going to be the longest night ever," I mentioned.
"After the longest nights, the dawn comes with a new beginning and I'll be right here waiting for you." He squeezed my hands gently and I nodded my head repeatedly.
It wasn't just a promise; it was one that made me look forward to the light of the Dawn. One that gave me hope.
Because in all honesty, maybe I wasn't ready to leave my life behind.
Dec 5th