He looked pure Italian. His hair was brown, he was tall and had a buff body. He was dressed in a plain white shirt and jeans. He looked as if he was in the wrong place.
Then his eyes met Alyssa's. And everything clicked in my head.
The music continued to play, but people's eyes followed this man as he made his way to Alyssa.
Axle stepped closer, and the ballroom started to clear out. It was just a few of my uncles, Lo, my papa, Jax, Axle Carter, Aly and I.
The air in the room was thickening and no one said a single word until everyone had left.
"Brendan?" Aly spoke, and looked as if she saw a ghost.
"Alyssa. My God you look stunning." his voice spoke, and he sounded Italian through and through.
Lo looked as if he were about to throw a heavy punch, but Axle inched closer to them.
"Brendan, what the fuck are you doing here?" Axle said, as calmly as possible but I knew he would snap any second. I could see it in his posture, the set of his jaw, the way the veins bulged over his hands. He was uncomfortable, flush with anger.
"I'm here to speak to Alyssa, not you" he said, this boy was either very brave, or just very stupid. And I believe it was the latter.
"the fuck you are. What are you doing in New York? Who even let you in here? Get the fuck out, now." Axle said, his voice was the worst I've ever heard it. He was slowly releasing his anger with every word.
Brendan backed away, but he wasn't leaving. I think he moved because he realised he was too close to Axle, which probably wasn't a good idea.
"I love her, Axle. You know I love her." he said. I nearly fell over, my father just looked at his watch and all I could see was Axle's jaw tightening.
I walked over and took Aly away. Things were about to get very, very ugly.
"come, we'll handle this in the boardroom. Like proper gentlemen." my papa said and my uncles began to walk over to the boardroom, my father behind them. Lo looked over at me, then at Alyssa. He looked broken.
Jaxon took Brendan by his shoulder and began to walk. I could hear the rain hitting against the windows.
I walked over to him. I could see his blood bubbling under his skin. He was about to lose his mind. I could tell. This was going to ruin everything. The vein in his forehead was becoming more and more prominent.
"Axle, you need to handle this properly" I said, and I could tell he didn't want to listen to me.
He glanced at the window and saw it was pouring outside. He removed his coat and draped it over my arms.
"take her, get out of here. And text me when you're home safe, yeah?" he said, but he didn't look at me, and his hands were now clenched into fists.
I grabbed onto it. Knowing full well I shouldn't be doing this.
He finally looked at me.
"please, please don't kill him" I said, so softly it sounded like a whisper.
He shook his head in disbelief.
"you're fucking joking, right? He's going to ruin everything, she's going to get her mind fucking warped. There's no other way to handle this Katerina." he said and rubbed his hand on his locked jaw.
"I know, I know that's how it works. But he loves her, or he wouldn't be here. Please, don't kill him." I said, for one last time.
He looked at me, intensely. Then his eyes shot down to his hands.
"I can't spare him Kat, I just can't. I'm sorry." he said, and I shook my head.
"you can, please just, give them a chance. Promise me you won't kill him." I asked, my voice pleading with him. He gave me a soft look.
"fuck. How do you manage to do this?" He says, in an exasperated breath. " I'll have to see how it goes, angel. But I will try my best for you. That, I can promise." he said and rubbed his thumb over my hand.
"thank you. Please take care of Lo for me." I said, and he lifted his eyes to meet mine.
"don't stress, we'll be fine." he looked at me like he wanted nothing more than to be in the moment with me, but his eyes were so bloodshot that I knew the Don of Cosa Nostra was about to take over his body.
I let go of his hand and walked outside.
Carter was waiting for me. I completely forgot about him.
"hey, sorry I was just talking with Axle. Are you going in with them?" I asked, unsure how my voice was flowing.
"Kat, we need to talk." he said, and walked closer to me. I swallowed and nodded.
"what is it?" I asked.
"I can't do this." he said, his voice constricted.
"do what?"
"this, us. It's never going to work."
"what do you mean? I had a great time with you tonight, I thought you wanted to make this work Carter." I said, and I was hit with so many emotions. But over everything, I was just confused. This was already a ridiculously crazy night.
"I know I said that, but can you honestly look at me now and tell me you'd ever be able to love me?"
I felt like the world stopped turning for one second. My ears had a ringing sound. I could feel every nerve in my body.
I couldn't answer him. My heart was aching. I felt like I should just lay on a train track. I was hurting him.
"you see? Kat, I saw the way you looked at him tonight. The way you clutched onto his hand. It's always been him." he said, and I broke eye contact with him and lowered my head. I wish he was wrong, I think to myself. But why should I be ashamed of loving him? Axle isn't perfect, but he's perfect for me.
"listen, for what it's worth, you have as much power over him as he does over you. I wish you'd look at me like that, Katerina. But I'm sorry, I won't love a woman who loves someone else."
I couldn't believe I had nothing to say to him.
"Carter, it's not like that. We're becoming family. Him and I are friends." I said and he shook his head.
"come on Kat, even you don't believe that, do you?" he said and put both his hands on my shoulders.
"I wish this could've worked. Really, but we both know I was playing for seconds from the very beginning. You're even wearing his jacket." he said, and I looked up at him.
He was right.
"I'm sorry, Carter. I really am sorry." I said and sniffled.
"don't be. Don't ever be sorry for loving him. Just, don't get hurt. Don't let him hurt you. All I want is for you to be happy, Kat. You deserve it." he said, and I wanted to burst out into tears.
He placed a kiss on my forehead.
"you're a good guy Carter. You deserve so much better." I said and he smiled.
"I really do. I hope it goes well Kat, you and him. Take care of yourself." he said and let go of my arms.
I nodded, and watched him drive off. My heart had stopped for a second. It hurt, watching him leave like that. But everything he said was right. He couldn't hurt himself trying to love me. It would be just like my mother and father. He'd love me, but I wouldn't love him back. My heart would always belong to another man. No matter how hard I tried to move on, I'd always be his.
I saw Alyssa's shadow in the background, she had a bag in her hand and Axle's keys to his Audi A6.
"Everything okay Kat?" she asked. My blood raged at the thought of her hurting my brother, but I loved her too. I understand why she chose the way she did. In some way, I feel like I would make the same decision. So I nodded to her question.
She got in the car and drove to my house.
"are you feeling okay?" I asked her. The stress isn't good for the baby that isn't Lo's.
"I'm worried about him Kat, what if they kill him?" she asked.
"they won't. I talked to Axle."I replied.
She nodded, and remained silent.
"how far along are you?" I asked. Unable to think of my own situation and trying to diffuse tension. Aly and I aren't like this. Above everything, we're friends.
"maybe about 3 weeks. He came back into town early September. I slept with him when I saw him."she said.
A big part of me resents Alyssa for what she's done. For hurting my brother. For making a rash decision. But another part of me understands why she did it. She's in love. She made a decision based on her emotions. Her brother would never have taught her to do that, the world must have. I'm happy she listened to her heart. I would love to do the same. Make the irrational decision, go after what I want too without overthinking. It's a gift I don't have, I guess. Choosing to fall for Axle Kingston was an irrational decision, but it looks like I listened to my heart too.
So that's why she felt off when I saw her at the lunches, and whenever after that. That night she stayed over, she never told me anything about it. I guess that stung a bit but I also don't think she thought she'd get pregnant.
"I'm really sorry Kat, I don't want to hurt Lo. He's so amazing." she said, and my blood sizzled under my skin. I was angry with her for it, but it was impulse I guess, sleeping with Brendan.
"would you marry him? Brendan?" I asked and saw her smile.
"I would. If Axle doesn't murder him, I would love to marry him." she said.
"why did he leave?"
"well, Axle caught us kissing one day at the house and sent him to Atlantic city. It was no big deal, just Axle being himself." she said and I nodded.
My mind drifted to what Carter said about me loving Axle.
"hey Aly, I know you love Brendan. Can you tell me what that feels like?" I asked, very out of the blue and random.
"well, it feels like it's just the two of you. No matter where you are or whoever is around, all you can think of is his presence. He's constantly on my mind, and honestly I don't think he's ever left it since I met him." she said and I focused straight ahead.
We reached the house and I saw my Nonna standing outside and smoking a cigarette.
"Nonna, it's so late. Are you okay? What are you doing up?" I asked her as I approached the doorway. Aly was behind me, afraid my grandmother would say something awful.
"thinking, I wasted my trip here." she said and I smiled. Aly went inside and walked up to my room.
"they're dealing with it at Axle's house. They might come here to talk to her." I said and she blew out a breath of smoke.
"good, I'd love to look at Axle again. I like him. My word, he's a beauty. Men like him age to look like George Clooney." she said and I laughed.
"he's young for you nonna"
"but not for you. He's got fire in his eyes amore, and from what I could see, they burn for you." she said, and walked into the house leaving me dumbstruck.
If my nonna could see it, maybe other people could see it too.
I shook it off and walked into my room. Aly was in the bathroom. I took off Axle's coat and hung it in my closet. I slipped out of my dress and put on a silk sleepshirt with a pair of matching pants that came just below my knee. My shirt had straps and had a V with lace on it. It was my usual pajama choice.
Aly walked out of the bathroom and slumped on my bed. I put the light off because I could tell she was going to pass out soon.
I lay next to her and texted Axle that we were home. He never read it.
I wondered how this night would go. What would happen to Brendan. I prayed that my brother would keep it together.
My mind wandered off to Carter and everything he told me tonight. I also thought of what Aly said about being in love. I knew I loved Axle.
And now, as selfish as it was, I knew Aly and Lo wouldn't marry.
I threw that thought out of my head, seeing how insensitive it was.
Then I thought of Aly, and what she was going through. With no mother, to be pregnant, it must be difficult to deal with this alone.
So I made a mental promise. No matter what happened I'd be there for her. Through her entire pregnancy. All her doctors appointments, her baby shower and everything in between. I'd be there for her.
I wanted to fall asleep too, but my mind was in so many different places. I always feel like this, like I have too many thoughts to control. Sometimes I just want to put my brain off so I won't think so much.
But I thought of Axle. And what would become of us now.
Now that the agreement between him and my papa was somewhat breached, I had no idea what my father would ask of him. I wondered what would happen to their relationship now, but it was business. And nothing bad could happen. I could tell my father liked Axle. I think he reminded him of himself when he was young.
As the night went on, I wondered of Brendan's fate. I hoped he'd make it. I could tell he loved her. And even though I shouldn't be, I was rooting for them.
It was around 1am now, and I heard the driveway gate open.
And, showtime.
Author note
Hi guys, Emily here. I just wanted to share something with you guys. The part where I wrote about Katerina having too many thoughts is something I experience as well. And I believe that many people experience it too. It's true, sometimes I wish I could just put my brain off so I don't think of so many things. But I also feel that way because I don't really have many people to talk to. But if anyone else feels that way, that's about to change. Anyone who wants to talk to me, about anything, I'm always here. Please slide into my conversation section and we'll take it from there. I don't want anyone here to ever, ever feel alone. Just remember, that thinking and overthinking are two different things. Don't ever feel scared to talk to anyone. I love you all, and I'll always be around.
All my love, E