Dustin follows me into the bedroom and shuts the door quietly. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest, the painful anxiety settling in. I frown to myself.
I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to feel scared or nervous. I want to enjoy the rest of my time here in peace, in the utmost happiness with Dustin. I don't want to think about Wesley's voice on the other line when I spoke to him. The slurred, drawn out angry tone he took with me.
I walk over to the bed, sitting down and staring at the floor in a stupefy. Dustin goes to his side of the bed, removing his clothes and slipping a pair of plaid sleep pants onto his bare body. I don't even bother to look up. I'm not in the mood.
"Nova, come to bed baby." He whispers, sitting on the bed behind me. Pulling me into his embrace, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and moves the hair away from my neck, planting several small kisses against the nape of my neck.
"I think I'm going to take a shower." I mutter, pulling myself away from him.
"Do you want me to join you?" He asks. I turn around, force a smile, and shake my head no.
"I need to be by myself for a bit. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, beautiful. I'll be right here when you come back." I scoot off the bed and walk towards the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
I turn the water on boiling hot, strip my clothes down, and climb into the shower. The water bounces off of my skin, hitting me like a thousand little needles all at once. But this is just what I need. I need something to take my mind off of everything.
I don't know what to do anymore. The press already has several pictures of me and Dustin, so our secret/not so secret relationship is out of the bag. Everyone knows that Dustin was with some 'mystery woman' and the press is going to do everything in their power to find out who I am.
It's already bad enough that Wesley found out. The sound of his voice when I spoke to him just sent shivers down my spine. He sounded so hateful, so upset. I can't blame him though. He probably just opened his phone to be bombarded with news articles, saying his wife was with a guy at a restaurant in New York. I don't know how happy I would be either.
I'm just scared for when I return home. I can't have the life I obtain with Dustin. I wont be with him every second of the day like I have been these past two days. Everything will go back to normal, sneaking around like some forbidden 16 year old lovers.
I can't imagine my life without Dustin now, and the anxiety builds in my chest when I think about not having Dustin. He is my safe place, my rock. He holds me down when I feel like running. He keeps me steady when I feel off center. He loves me when I don't feel loved.
I just want to keep that. Forever and ever until I leave this earth. I cannot be without him from these days forward. I love him. I honestly love him with everything about me, and it hurts me to think that I could have been with him my entire life.
I could have said no to rehab and made a life with him. I wouldn't have to meet Wesley, or I wouldn't have to fall in love and marry him. I wouldn't have become so deep with every single part of his abusive mindset.
Then I start to think of what would have happened if I stayed with Dustin. I honestly don't think we would have lasted, and for some reason, these past few months, they've changed my life meeting him again. I wouldn't have Elijah, my beautiful, beaming son. I wouldn't have my life with him, and I don't know if I could live with that.
I turn around, opening my eyes and looking up at the tiled ceiling. I love him. I love Dustin so much. It is real and we are the best at whatever this relationship is. I need him, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I turn off the shower, quickly stepping out of it. I wrap a robe around my body and tie it closed, shielding my body. I look at myself in the mirror, staring at my swollen eyes. I shake my hair, trying to fluff it out. I don't even worry about brushing it. I just need him.
I walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, looking around me. Dustin is nowhere to be found. Did he go to another room to sleep? Does he not want to sleep in the bed with me? Fuck, was I too standoffish with him?
I turn again to notice that the balcony door is open. I instantly calm down. He's outside, he's just sitting outside. He didn't leave me.
I walk over to the door, looking outside. He straddles a stool beside the ledge, looking down. His hands are on the back of his neck, his elbows on his knees. He looks upset, and I bet it's because of me.
"Dus?" I open my mouth, my voice barely a whisper. He turns around and his entire stance instantly becomes calmer. He smiles and stands up.
"Dustin I'm sorry. I just panicked. I'm so scared about this. I just want you to be happy and I want you to know how happy you make me. I want you to enjoy your time with me and I don't know if you can because I'm married. I cant promise you any future with each other and I'm terrified because I want a life with you. I just want you to be happy with me. I don't want to be a burden and-" Dustin walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my body. I didn't even realize I was rambling that much.
"Nova, baby, calm down. Breathe, okay?" I listen to him and take a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
"Now-" I cut him off, urgent to speak.
"I love you. I love you so fucking much and I can't live without you anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I can't live like this anymore. I can't live in fear of Wesley. I don't love him, I love you. I don't want to be with him anymore. I want to wake up next to you every morning and fuck you every night. I'm going to figure something out, I promise. I just need some time. Just give me some time, Dus. I'll make it right for us." I don't even notice that I'm crying until Dustin presses his thumb to my cheek, wiping away a tear. .
Looking up, I see him smiling down at me. His grin makes my heart flutter and my stomach tighten. Those big beautiful eyes roam my face, looking for any sign of hesitation.
"I love you so much." I whisper again, standing on my tippy toes to kiss his lips. I feel a couple of droplets of water on my head and I look towards the sky, the rain starting to fall harder on us. I contemplate moving, but when I turn my eyes back to Dustin, he's staring down at me with nothing but love. I can't help myself as I lean up and smash my lips into his.
The rain falls harder, seeping into the earth and into our skins as we are chilled by the cold water. Dustin's hands wrap in my hair, kissing my lips with effortless devotion. Our tongues slowly graze each other as we open our mouths, allowing each other in.
Suddenly, I'm being pushed backwards towards the door. With my eyes closed and his hands on my waist, I trust him with every ounce of me to take me wherever he wants to go. He presses my back against the door and slides his hand behind me to push it open.
I fall down onto the bed, him on top of me. His lips are moving sweetly against mine, tasting every ounce of me. I let out a soft moan as he departed from my lips and moved onto my neck, planting a trail of kisses along my jaw.
"Can I have a minute?" I whisper to him, pulling away. With a frown, he nods and moves off of me. I get up quickly and walk into the bathroom.
I don't understand why I am like this. I want him, I want him with every fiber of my being. But every time I get close to Dustin I think of Wesley, and I think of how much shit I'm going to deal with when I get home.
But I already promised Dustin I would do everything in my power to make everything right between us and I meant it. That doesn't mean it doesn't scare the shit out of me every time I think about it.
I rest my head in my hands as I finally calm myself. I lift myself off of the toilet seat and open the bathroom door quietly. I look into the room, looking at Dustin sitting on the bed. He scrolls on his phone, probably looking at all of the news articles from the press.
His head snapped up as I walked into the bedroom. I kept my eyes locked on his as I opened my robe and slipped it from my shoulders, exposing my body to him. There appeared to be a mix of desire and intensity in his eyes that made my insides quiver. The look in his eyes made me a bit frightened, but I was more excited than I was worried.
I took a shuddering breath as I dropped my robe to the floor, walking over to him. He gathered me into his embrace and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. He kisses my chest, cupping my breast in his hand.
"Baby, you're so beautiful." He murmurs. He pulls me into his lap and flips me over onto the bed, returning his lips to my bare body. Like an artist, my body is his canvas as he continues painting my body with warm kisses.
"Dustin, I need you. Please." I beg him, pressing my lips against him again. He kisses me hard, but tenderly at the same time.
"What do you want?" He asks me, testing my patience.
"You. For a really long time."
This sets him off. He begins unbuckling his jeans as he sucks on my nipple, stimulating my pleasure. Soon, his pants are off and on the floor. I lean forward and grab the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and running my hands down his stunning body.
He scoots me forward and spreads my legs, his lips locked on mine the entire time. He takes his member and presses it into me, the sudden contact making me gasp. Leaning down, he kisses my stomach. His hips start to move as he pumps himself inside of me, in and out.
A whimper escapes my lips as my clit brushes against him. His hands grip my waist, tight at first but then he eases up. I can tell that he is trying his hardest not to take control and make this rough. Instead, he leans forward and plants kisses across my collar bone, nibbling at my skin.
"God, Dus." I breathe out and turn my head towards him so my lips can capture his. He devours my mouth and keeps moving, sending spikes of pleasure coursing through me. We break apart for air but his eyes land on mine, lust evident in those beautiful ocean seas.
Looking at someone, especially him, is the best thing ever. It makes me happy, seeing him as pleasure washes over his face. I love knowing that I am making him feel this good.
I feel a trickle of water from my hair fall down the side of my face as I look up at Dustin, beads of sweat gathering at his brows. His skin is wet from the water and his grip tightens on me as he speeds up the rhythm.
By the moans and pants I am making, he starts to move faster as he knows I am close to finishing. He grabs my hips and guides his movements as my breaths start coming shorter and faster. He thrusts into me, kissing along the side of my face when I cry out in pleasure.
As I cum, he pushes himself into me several more times before he finds release himself. We're both breathing hard as he leans down beside me, his cheek resting on my shoulder.
We finally detach from each other, him falling onto the bed beside me. I constantly find myself wrapped up in his limbs, holding him close to me. I kiss his shoulder repeatedly as he brushes my hair out. We sit in silence, just our beating hearts and breathing able to be heard.
Finally, Dustin talks. "Did you really mean what you said?" He asks.
"Said what?"
"That you wanted to be with me, and that you're going to figure something out?" He asks with sadness in his voice. I tilt my head up and stare at him in the pale moonlight. His features are highlighted by the white glow of the moon, and his eyes are lighter now, almost like ice. He stares at the ceiling and not at me, which hurts my heart.
Hesitating, I say, "I meant it, Dus. I want to be with you. I just don't know how it's going to work out with Elijah. But I'm going to figure something out. I don't think I can live another day without being yours."
Now he looks down at me, a toothy grin plastered on his face, but it soon becomes a scowl.
"What's wrong?" I ask him, kissing the side of his jaw.
"What if you end up regretting it? What happens when I have to travel all of the time for work, gone months at a time? What happens when I'm not there to host your needs or to care for you or-" I lean forward, silencing him with my lips on his. He lets out a deep groan as my tongue fights battles with his.
"Nova, you can't distract me like that. I was being serious." He grumbles, staring down at me. I sit up, staring deeply into his eyes.
"Listen here, Dustin Clark. There will never be a day that I will regret you. There will never be a day that I don't want to give my everything to make you happy. After everything, Dus, I'd still pick you and only you. I love you so much, I can't imagine a life without you." I confess to him, feeling a weight being lifted off of me as I let out my feelings.
His eyes grow deep with passion and tenderness as he pushes me back onto the bed, taking me again.