"Jokko, take the rubbish out, would you?"
"I can't, Ma."
"Why not?"
"I, uh...I have a cut on my pinkie."
"A cut on your pinkie? I hardly think that's much of a reason."
"Think about it, Ma. Rubbish is dirty, and the cut might get infected. Just like with Pa."
"Jokko, your pa got bitten by a rogue giant wombat. It doesn't really compare."
"Maybe not, but an infection's an infection. I might end up with some key bits of my anatomy chopped off. Or even worse. You don't want that on your conscience, do you?"
"Well, I suppose not. Fine, I'll do it myself.
****
"Jokko, fetch me in some eggs, there's a good lad."
"I can't, Ma."
"Why ever not?"
"I have, um...homework."
"Homework? But it's the holidays."
"Uh, yeah. I just thought I'd kind of get in early. You know, make a bit of a headstart. To really impress my teachers. You wouldn't want me to compromise my academic prospects, would you?"
"You have academic prospects? Well, I'll be. Fine, I'll get them myself."
****
"Jokko, have you picked those vegetables for supper, like I asked?"
"No, Ma."
"Why in the world not?"
"They weren't ripe."
"What are you talking about, boy? I was out in the garden just yesterday and the vines were practically sagging with ripe veggies."
"Um, yeah. See, it's like this—the, uh...the giant wombats got them. Yeah, that's it. You know, we really should do something about those bloody wombats. First Pa and now the veggies. They're a menace."
"Funny, I haven't seen a wombat about for months."
"Oh, they're sneaky buggers. How else do you suppose that one snuck up on Pa like it did?"
"Hmm, I guess you have a point. Fine, we'll just have to make do with the beans I picked yesterday."
****
"Jokko, have you milked the cow for our breakfast?"
"No, Ma."
"Why in heavens not?"
"It's gone."
"Gone? What do you mean, boy? Gone where?"
"Well, that's the amazing thing. It just vanished."
"Vanished?"
"Vanished, Ma. In a flash of green light."
"In a flash of...? Oh, what a load of hogwash."
"But, Ma—"
"Not another word, Jokko. I've had it up to here with you and your ridiculous excuses."
"But this time I'm telling the truth!"
"This time?"
"What? Ah, um, no, all the other times, too, of course. But this time I'm really, really telling the real truth! Honest."
"Ooh, you're such a fibber. I don't know why it took me so long to realise. Things vanishing in a flash of green light? What nonsense."
"But, Ma—"
"That's enough, Jokko. Now, as you're such an expert spinner of stories, it's high time you put your skills to good use."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean if you've somehow contrived to lose our only cow, then you can bloody well get us another one."
"But...but...how am I supposed to do that? We don't have the money for a cow."
"Not my problem, boy. I'm sure you and that silver tongue of yours can come up with something."
"But, Ma—"
"Tell you what—I'm feeling generous. Here, take what's left of the beans. Head down to the market and see if you can't talk some poor fool into trading their cow for them."
"But, Ma—"
"Off you go, boy."
"But...but...yes, Ma."
"Oh, and Jokko?"
"Yes, Ma?"
"Watch out for those wombats."