Almost two months passed. It was March now, nearly April, and Jared was worried about Isaac. It wasn’t that Isaac had said anything- he was quieter than ever, and so fucking elusive in school that Jared was lucky to catch sight of him once outside of their lessons together. His funny texts stopped. He’d reply (eventually) if Jared texted him, but only words and no stupid emojis. He didn’t come round anymore or God forbid ask Jared round to his, and when Jared asked if he was okay he’d say,
“Yeah, I’m good,” and smile that bland, meaningless smile that they both knew wasn’t real. Jared hated it. He wasn’t- he wasn’t panicked, exactly, but he didn’t know quite what to do. Willa, when they spoke about it earlier in March, thought Isaac might just be stressed about their A-levels, but today she phoned Jared and said,
“Okay, what the hell is wrong with Isaac? I’ve just come out of the library and I’m fucking worried.”
“It’s a Saturday,” said Jared stupidly. He was still in bed, staring at the ceiling as he held the phone to his ear.
“Easter holidays? Revision? Ringing any bells?” She was snappy- was always snappy when she was worried. “He’s not talking to me like he used to. It’s just fucking small talk, and he- Has he talked about it with you, at least, whatever it is?”
“No,” mumbled Jared, hating the word. “He’s avoiding me.”
It hurt. It hurt so fucking stupidly, this dark ache in his chest at Isaac not thinking he could trust him with this. Jared had thought they were beyond that, and he wanted to help (at the back of his mind there was that niggling worry that he’d fucked up, that somehow in one of their closer conversations he’d shown Isaac that he wasn’t equipped for this, wasn’t someone you’d ever go to for support. Wasn’t the best friend Isaac needed).
“Shit,” said Willa, interrupting his thoughts, and he could hear the Saturday morning market around her as she walked through town. “Can I come round? We need to talk about this.”
“Sure,” he said. When he’d hung up he scrolled down his contacts and pressed Isaac, dully unsurprised when it rung out to voicemail.
“Hey dude,” he began into the unresponsive phone. “I wanted- you doing okay? Erm. Come round if you want. We haven’t had a proper chat in a while.” He swallowed (fucking hell, could he sound any more like a fucking whiny girlfriend?). “Yeah, whatever. Erm. Call me back.”
He threw the phone down on his covers and went to go have a shower before Willa arrived, trying and failing to push Isaac out of his mind.
----------o----------
“So he’s not speaking to you?” Willa asked, sitting on Jared’s kitchen counter. Jared looked away.
“He is- I mean, he is. Just not properly.”
“Me neither. He’s not looking well, Jer.”
“I know.”
“D’you have any idea what it is?”
Jared thought about their conversation in France, about what Isaac had done in the summer and his low voice saying, ‘I was a mess.’ He couldn’t tell Willa that, though. It was private, Isaac’s choice whether to tell her or not.
So he shook his head, and Willa gave this frustrated noise before hopping off the counter.
“Call him,” she ordered. “Tell him you need his help, and can we go round.”
“Then what?"
She made a ‘duh’ face.
“I’ll come with you, we’ll find out what’s wrong. At least make sure he knows we’re here. Look, I know it seems invasive but we can’t just leave this, Jared. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. He’s been like this nearly two months, Jer. We’re his best friends.”
I’m his best friend, thought Jared stupidly, miserably, but he went upstairs to get his phone anyway and called it on the way down.
“He’s not gonna pick up,” he told Willa expressionlessly when he reached the kitchen. “He never picks up.”
Sure enough, the call went to voicemail.
“Hi, it’s Isaac. Sorry I can’t answer your call at the moment. Please text or leave a message! I- erm, okay, bye now!”
Jared almost knew the recording off by heart.
“Try again,” said Willa determinedly. He obeyed, looking at her pointedly when it just went to voicemail again. She huffed out an upset sigh then pulled out her own mobile. Jared shook his head as she pressed call on Isaac’s contact details.
“He never picks up,” he told her again, voice leaden. Willa rolled her eyes, phone pressed to her ear, and then-
“Oh, hey!”
Jared felt like his insides were threatening to strangle him.
“How you doing? Did you get the unit done?”
A pause. Willa had turned away from him.
“Yeah, I know. It’s so fucking long. I was just wondering- are you free now? I really need some help with my Spanish.” Pause. “C’mon Isaac, please. It’s really stressing me out. It won’t take long. Please.”
Another pause. Then,
“You’re a star, Isaac. Seriously. I’ll be round in a minute.”
Willa hung up and put her phone back in her jacket pocket. Jared swallowed, looking away from her because he couldn’t stand to have her here knowing what they now both knew.
“So I guess he just isn’t speaking to me,” he managed eventually, voice self-mocking.
“Jer-” began Willa, moving towards him. He shook his head.
“Let’s go and see him, then,” he said without thinking. She froze, her expression pained. He knew what she was saying with her silence. He doesn’t want you there, Jared. If he’d wanted you there he’d’ve answered the phone to you.
So,
“You’re right,” said Jared blankly. “I’ll- just tell me how it goes.”
“Jared-”
“Seriously, Wils, just go.”
She leant over and hugged him quickly, expression worried as she kissed him gently on the lips. He felt nothing.
“I’ll call you,” she said as she went through the door. Jared nodded, throwing her a shallow smile.
When she’d gone he turned and leaned over the counter, eyes squeezed shut. Where had he gone wrong? Where had he fucked up? Isaac was right, of course, he was shitty at feelings, he’d always known that. Of course he’d be a failure at friendship. Of course Isaac wanted Willa. The corners of his eyes prickled but he wasn’t such a fuck-up that he’d cry over this. Instead he turned and flung the nearest thing onto the floor (it was a mug, a stripy one from Tesco, and the smashing sound it made splintering out across the floor wasn’t near as satisfying as Jared had hoped it would be).