30 | Falling Like Midnight Rain
Her long red curls flowed over me as she rested her head over my chest, her hands wrapped around my torso while mine placed down on the soft bedsheet.
I felt like I was sinning by allowing some other girl to even so much as touch me. That some other girl is my fiancée.
What a fucked up situation I was in.
"You should sleep now, Camila." I said with a slight hesitancy in my voice.
I had to admit the damage they'd done to her was bad. I wonder how she's going to come out of that trauma. Did I do the wrong thing? Did I hurt her more? But we could've been able to hide the truth forever. I know what happens when you push the truth only to amplify the destruction when it all comes out in the open.
"Please stay with me, Rafael. I'm scared to sleep alone." She gripped my arm, her tears falling over the ring on my finger which felt a foreign object to me.
I couldn't find the courage to deny that to her. She visibly relaxed at the small gesture making me feel a little less guilty. But this– I can't. I can't spend an entire night with her even though I won't be touching her like that. Vittoria would be so hurt if she got to know about it.
"Camila-"
"Please." She cried and my heart melted.
I nodded brusquely, pushing the door of her room open. No matter what, my bed won't have any other woman sleeping on it.
A despondency swerved through her emerald eyes as she understood the subtle meaning of my action but didn't protest.
I stayed there until she felt asleep. Sleep wouldn't come to me. My mind kept thinking about Vittoria and my heart kept burning with that pain she was feeling.
Getting up ever so slowly, I headed downstairs making sure I don't wake her up. A few guards snapped their eyes up at me, quickly training them back down.
The piercing cold prickled my skin as I settled down across a lounge chair, the expensive Bourbon entrapped inside the glass bottle reminding me of a certain pair of eyes.
"It's too cold out here, Mr Grayson." A voice called me from behind, her flip flops padding against the cold tiles of the pool area.
"What keeps you up at this hour, Miss Tanner?" My gaze followed her as she took a seat on the lounge chair next to mine.
"This is an uncomfortable bitch." She simply gestured at her broken hand. "So?" She dragged out, a playful glint appearing in her sapphire eyes. "How was your little kidnap trip? I need the details!"
An abrupt chuckle fell from my lips. "What am I, your high school girlfriend?"
"If you're dying to be one, I won't devoid you of the privilege."
"Wow, I feel so honored." I held a hand over my chest. "I thought you hated me."
"I hated the old you."
"The old me?"
"Yep!" She said popping the p. "The cold ruthless, arrogant bitch. This version of you is way more likable."
The Vittoria version of me.
"Tell me the truth. How much sex did you two have?" She teased, lightly kicking my foot.
"This is a trap. You're gonna tell Mason." I laughed.
"Nah! I just declared to him openly that I'm team Rattoria." She held her arm up.
"Rattoria!" I scoffed. "I'm doubtful that exists now."
"She's very stubborn." She cringed. "Being good is bad at times. You gotta learn to be a little selfish." She said, voicing my thoughts. "I really thought you'd find a way to convince her."
"I did, actually. She was going to say yes but then-"
"All hell broke lose." She frowned, the displeasure clearly shows on her face. "You should've married her right then."
"And then what? I don't want her to feel guilty for loving me. That was the entire idea. I want her. But more than that, I want her to be happy." I stared at the still blue water, wondering if that's even possible. Maybe Mason was right. She'll never be happy with me.
"Love!" Allegra sighed, looking far away. "What a funny way to invite pain for yourself."
I studied her intently, trying to figure out the meaning of her words.
"Nikolai?" I asked, hoping I don't cross my limits.
"Naah!" She waved a hand dismissively. "I never loved that bastard."
We form our opinions about people so easily, without knowing their entire story. A few months ago Allegra Tanner was just an enemy worth nothing but my hate. Little did I know there was a good friend hidden within her.
What was her story? It intrigued me to no end. But I had no right to know until she wanted me to.
"I don't understand what you're waiting for, Rafael. Go and fuck some sense into your girl."
I was slightly taken aback by her straightforward approach. But then again she's best friends with Mason. She ought not to have a filter on her mouth.
"I think it's best if I leave her alone for a while."
"And make her think you don't give a damn about her now that Camila is here?" She retorted.
"She'd never think like that."
"Here's a tip, Mr Grayson. Insecurity doesn't leave any girl, no matter how high the level of trust is." A tinge of jealousy dashed through her voice.
So this is a been there, done that situation. This meant it was a verified fact. There's no way I'm going to let that thing come between us.
Determined, I stood up and just then, light crystals of snow began cascading down from the dark sky like a signal to go and make a move.
"Thanks, Allegra." I smiled.
"No problem." She returned the gesture.
"Rafael!" She stopped me, her face twisted and eyes glaring at the ring on my finger. "Make sure you take that meaningless thing off."
Oh no! She's going to have the wrong idea.
"It was... It was just to make Camila feel a little better. Vittoria had already said no. I.. I didn't-"
"I know." She placed a friendly hand over my shoulder, stopping my frantic rant. "Just making sure you don't fuck up like pretty much everytime when it comes to Vittoria."
As much as I hate to admit, she was right. I don't know why I do that everytime. I'm an idiot!
"You..." I cupped her shoulders after handing her the bottle in my hand. "You're a rock star."
If it wasn't for her, I'd be sitting here drinking the Bourbon like a defeated dramatic lover.
"Now you're speaking facts." She smirked.
"Don't stay out here for too long. You'll catch cold, then you'll kiss Oliver, then he'll catch cold... You know what I mean?"
"Stop brewing bloody pointless stories." She sneered, I laughed at that face she made and quickly ran inside to escape a hit.
"Oh and by the way, a lot!" I answered over my shoulder.
"A lot?" She repeated, confused.
"We had a lot of sex." I winked, gesturing a finger over my lips.
•••••
Her bed dipped from my weight as I crawled next to her, secretly smiling at the endearing innocence on her face.
I looked up at the feathery snow from the glass patch, falling down like a blessing, but not as pure as the one laying next to me.
"Senorita." I whispered, lightly shaking her shoulder.
Who was I kidding? When has she ever woken up so easily.
"Baby." I let my lips work over her jaw, smothering her with kisses all the way up to her cheeks and forehead. "Wake up, darling."
A low and rather comical grumble erupted from her as she turned the other way.
"VITTORIA!" I screamed in her ears.
"Help!" She jolted up in a sitting position with whiskey brown eyes wide in horror.
"Calm down, it's me." I pressed my hand over her mouth, afraid to catch attention of the guards and more than them, her scary brothers. Eek!
Her breathing went back to normal and she let out a relieved sigh. "You!" She whisper yelled, shoving me in the arm.
"Hi." I smiled goofily, only to stop it when I pictured how much of an idiot I must look.
"The fuck are you doing here at this hour?" Her momentarily frantic eyes moved the the locked door which then shifted to the secret door. "You can't keep doing this."
"I can do whatever the hell I want. See?" I pecked her lips and did that again until she punched me in the gut.
"Ouch!" I clutched my stomach, pretending to be hurt.
"Seriously Rafael, go! It's 3:05."
I clicked my tongue and instead pulled her down, pinning her below me. "I didn't get my goodnight kiss. How am I supposed to sleep without it, huh? Now I can't sleep and who's responsible for it? You!"
"Rafael!"
"Yes baby, scream for me."
"Stop it Rafael." She pushed me away forcefully, scurrying far away from me.
All the playfulness evaporated into the air, a heavy tension replacing it. The familar fear encroached my mind, rendering me unable to think straight.
She can strictly follow it if she's made up her mind. But I can't.
She has successfully maintained all kinds of distance from me. But hell, I couldn't.
"Don't do this, Vittoria." I grabbed her hand but she backed it away like I was some disease.
"You said you'd respect my decision." She stated bluntly, looking away.
I said. Yes, I did. But... But what? I have no answer.
"I even said I'd cheat." I stared dead into her eyes.
"That won't get you anything." She held my challenge gaze.
"You don't know that."
"I think I do."
"I beg to differ."
Her gaze faltered. A frivolous victory smirk formed over my face.
"I'm going to say this for the last fucking time, Rafael. I can't do this to my sister. This isn't right." She announced with a finality that tore my heart apart.
I felt like I was being skinned alive. Only then did I realize how much control she had over me. My love for her had made me a puppet dancing to her strings. But that was fine with me. I was ready to surrender anything and everything to her. Even myself.
"You think your sister will be happy being married to a man who is madly in love with some other girl?"
"I'm not asking her to marry her, Rafael." She ran a hand through her messy hair before tucking them behind her ears. "Look Rafael I'm seriously not able to explain myself with words. I'm hoping you understand all these unsaid things like you do everytime. I don't expect others to understand me but you, I do."
"Then what do you want me to do, Vittoria. Because I'm not able to process the fucking meaning of your words."
The soft blanket crumpled mercilessly in her fist like she was doing to my heart while I was bearing the pain without any complain.
"Give Camila a chance." She said. The quiver in her voice didn't go unnoticed by me.
I was hurt. She thinks my love for her is so easy to break? Did I ever give her a reason to believe it was as fragile as she was putting it? But more than that, there was shock.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean."
"Vittoria." A dark chuckle escaped my lips. "I couldn't love her all these years. What makes you think that can happen now?"
"Right now all I know is that she needs you, Rafael." She pressed. "Don't you see her condition? She's so broken and no one apart from you can mend her. You should know that better than anyone. You've been through it."
"And what about you, Vittoria?" I pulled her closer to me. This time she didn't protest. "What do I do about you? Just watch you hurt?"
A numbing silence engulfed us. None of us know what to speak. We felt like strangers, like we barely know each other.
"You know what it means for a girl to sacrifice her respect?" She whispered after a long painful pause. "It's as good as dying. And she did that, Rafael. She did that just so that she could finally get to be with you. How can I take that away from her? She's my sister. Scratch that, how can I do that do any girl?"
"I'm really trying to look at it from her point of view, I really am."
"You won't understand that Rafael, no matter how hard you tried. Not you, not Oliver, no one."
She was right. No man would ever understand it.
"Liam let me go because he knew he can't love me as much as you do. I'm doing the same thing, Rafael. Camila loves you more than I do. If I was given that choice, I'd have chosen death."
She tried concealing the pain but she can't hide anything from me. Ever. Just saying it hurt her like her heart was being ripped out.
No fucking one can love me more than Vittoria does. She loved me enough to forgive my sins.
"And see?" She smiled, wiping her years with her sleeve. "Liam and I are still good. If anything, our love and respect for each other only increased. I'm not going anywhere, Rafael. I'll always be with you, always by your side."
Her words scared the fuck out of me. She was ready to leave me. It was like that was nothing.
"No!" I shook my head violently, my fear arresting my mind. "I don't accept this. You don't get to decide everything."
This is bullshit. I can't love her after loving Vittoria. I- I can't. I just fucking can't.
"Rafael, please go back and sleep. This is not the right time to discuss this matter." She walked towards the door to open it for me but I wrapped my fingers around her wrists, yanking her back to me.
"How long will you run away from it, huh?" Fear, now transformed into anger filled up the space around me. She tried wiggling away from my grip but it only caused me to hold her tighter.
"I'm not. I've been very clear with my decision. Please don't make it more difficult. Just leave."
"I won't let you do this to me, Vittoria."
"Rafael! You're hurting me." She twisted her wrists.
"No, you're hurting me, Vittoria." I placed a palm against her wet cheeks, however, not loosening my grip. She turned her face away to escape my touch.
"Did you forget everything? We were so happy. Don't fuck everything up." The desperation mixed with fury just kept heightening with every word that left my mouth.
"That was a fake world."
"But my feelings were fucking real." I spat, jerking her closer to me.
"R- Rafael please let go." Her attempts became more desperate. I became more livid.
Realizing the pressure if my fingers over her wrists, I let go of her and headed to the door but stopped and turned back, that one little ray of dying hope piercing through the rage in my heart.
"Is this your final decision, Vittoria?" I asked in an unintended threatening tone.
Her eyes didn't meet mine. Her gaze was projected to the floor but her face had that mastered stern look.
"This fairytale has ended, Rafael." She whispered.
"This fairytale will only end with me." Those were my final words before I shut the door behind me.
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