As always, I arrived an hour early to the dance studio before class started. The floors were shiny, the sun rays were beaming through the windows, the room quite. It was perfect. I started doing my usual warm up with my headphones on. Thirty minutes later the door burst open and Mari came running in screaming, "Congratulations!" she ran into me, hugging me tightly. I stood there in shock for a second then remembered she was probably talking about my summer intensive. I didn't want everyone to get their hopes up that I got accepted into the American Ballet Institute before I knew for sure if I was going. Jenny came running in behind Mari and I hugged her tightly as well. "Oh, it's no big deal guys," I said, "I'm not even sure if I'll go." I tried to downplay it, maybe for my own sake as well so I wouldn't be too disappointed when the verdict came back. "No big deal? Greta, this is major you've been wanting this for so long!" "And nobody deserves it like you, you practiced like crazy for this!" Jenny said. I felt a bit uncomfortable with all the attention. I was always grateful to be a twin so all the attention wouldn't be on me during birthday parties. Nevio took the spotlight like a champ. "Thanks girls, that means a lot but I'm still nervous. I mean I've never even been away from my family." "Everybody will love you there, you will create a new family of support." Jenny said. I was getting excited and butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. I didn't want to get too high hopes in case they would be dashed in a second. I needed to know soon, although unknowns were better than no's, I had to know. Afterwards in the dressing room the girls were talking about any problems anybody had. Penelope was complaining about her boyfriend but I could never really relate to the inner workings of heartbreak or even the base urge of lust for someone. So I just stuck to encouraging words from the sideline. A lot of the girls had part time jobs, long time boyfriends and everybody had their drivers license. They were all so much more adult than me and I was the one somehow moving across the country, so far from the people who kept me safe and cared for. I didn't know myself truly yet and still I was moving away from everything I knew. It was so unlike me yet at the same time I had this dream since I could remember, for the sake of ballet I had the courage to do things out of my comfort zone. After changing I went to look for our teacher so I could pester her for anything that I could do to improve my turns.
When I walked out of the studio ten minutes later there were only a few people left and some kids huddled in the front of the studio from a class below mine. I started walking to the spot where Matt always parked, dread settled over me when his car wasn't there. It was such a fixture in this parking lot that it was weird not seeing it. My worry was interrupted when a loud engine roared. My eyes shot with horror to the bright neon sports car. I stepped back for a second wondering if I could still run inside without anybody noticing. Embarrassment colored my face as I started walking over to the car. Why did he have to bring his most annoying car? I didn't want to get into that thing! The kids in the group were looking over annoyed at the loud engine and smell of gasoline. I quickly slid into the car with my head down hoping nobody saw me. "Nevio!" I whispered, "Can't you turn this thing down? You're embarrassing me!'' Matt never caused me this much trouble. "I can't, it is as wild as it is free," he said affectionately patting the steering wheel. "I can't believe your ballet kids aren't impressed by this beast of a car" He admonished me. "People with taste aren't attracted to things like this." "I can't believe you're embarrassed to see me, I'm the coolest person to know in this town." "Really, I was unaware, was there a citywide tally I didn't know about?" "Yep, I came in the star of everybody's list." He stormed away from the curbside and I hid my face again as he cut off oncoming traffic, accompanied by a flurry of honking and yelling. Nevio seemed blissfully unaware of the riot he was creating behind him. He continued to weave through the small streets till we found our way onto the highway then he accelerated to a speed that was way above any legal speed limit. The way Nevio drove in this city came so naturally, every turn was known like the back of his hand, he was a local through and through. All the hell he caused Las Vegas over the years, at the end of the day this place wouldn't be the same without him. This city screamed his name. While I felt like a trespasser on foreign land. We got off on our exit and Nevio flew past a traffic light. "Nevio! You totally just ran that light!" "It was yellow." "Yellow as the devil himself." I muttered. "Who says things like that? Your hanging way too much with those ballet freaks." As long as I wasn't like my family I was fine. "Do you think I can handle New York? What if I break?" I said more seriously, "The only thing you can break is this fake shell of delicacy you hide behind, the more you break the more authentic you become." "But I really rather prefer not breaking anything to get to that point." "That's the only way I've found."
Since Nevio drove, I was early for once to the gym. The place was deserted, it was just me and Nevio. "You can't drop me Nevio!" I warned, "I won't! When have I ever?" He asked offended. "Like five times but I'll let that go for now.'' We'd been over the move before but never off the ground, Nevio refused to watch the instructional video stating that he "got it" after my first explanation. He said his boxing strength was superior to any ballet dancers. I didn't have a ballet partner since there weren't many advanced male ballet dancer at my company and even if there were I'd have a hard time convincing my parents of someone, as they stated "pawing" at me. They were blind to the art and delicacy of ballet and storytelling. I started to take off on two steps then stopped abruptly, "are you sure?" "Positive, one hundred percent," Nevio said. I breathed deeply. "Ok. One, two.." I started my steps arching into his grasp and leaning back, I felt myself being lifted up surprisingly. "Nevio, that's actually really good!" I was arched back in Angel pose. I felt Nevio falter a bit underneath me, hah boxing strength my ass. "Ok, now what?!" He asked, a bit panicky. "Stay there, no Nevio! Don't do that!" He was trying to put me down on a wrong angle that I couldn't grasp. I purchased a small bit of ground and Nevio tilted me over, resulting in me either spraining my ankle or falling on my ass. So I fell on my ass. "Nevio! I told you to wait!" "Yeah, fuck whatever I said you're really heavy," "Oh come on, you're always bragging about lifting way more than my weight." "Yeah, well, if I had more than your waist to grasp!" He gave me his hand to get back up again. "Are we fighting or are we fighting?" Dad shouted from the entrance of the gym, walking in that annoying way like he owned the place. He did own it, it was still annoying though. My family didn't know what humility was. "Huh?" I asked Nevio. He grinned at me and did a high kick toward me, I saw it coming though and grabbed his leg and bit him on his ankle. As I said, animals. Boxing with Nevio was much easier because I could always see through his poker face and I wasn't surprised by his next hit. I mean really, who did this for fun? Being hit just hurt my soul.
Savio
Nevio, Remo and I were sitting in the back of the Sugar Trap. Nevio was still going on about the recent Famiglia attack. So far they had just been inconveniences but the small strikes were quickly escalating into attacks. The Camorra's natural disposition with the Famiglia has always been war. After years of denying the others existence in favor to focus on a mutual enemy. We were finally restoring to old ways of bloodshed, as we were always meant to. Despite Nevio and Amo meeting for an interval of five minutes over three meetings, the two future Capos were already at each other's throats. Nevio was pacing with anger in the office. Remo was sitting down at his desk, quiet and distant, two words I would never put together with his name. Nevio didn't seem to notice as he kept rambling, "we should send a message right away, if we wait they'll think they can get away with more." He looked expectantly towards Remo who usually was right there in supporting attack mode. Instead he came back with a voice of reason, "Greta might still be going to New York. As long as that is on the table there will be no attacks." Nevio went silent which was unusual in it of itself since he'd hyped himself up so much about this but when it came to Greta he could let things go. It was eerie seeing Remo like this, he hated few things as much as he hated the Famiglia. Seeing him restrained with this matter was like watching a caged tiger in a zoo. Not natural and slightly depressing. Remo was at his true self in unrestrained violence and free from repercussions. "Greta won't stay in New York for more than two days," I said. Greta had always been babbling about going to New York to continue her ballet studies. We always appeased her with false promises, entertaining her fantasy to keep her happy. Nobody actually thought she'd follow through on it. We all expected her to drop it when she got older, yet she never did, she just got more and more serious about it till we were all in the deep end with empty promises about New York. She wanted to experience something different. That was fine. She wasn't gonna stay though. She didn't belong in New York or anywhere away from Nevio and her family for that matter. My phone rang and Greta's number came up, we were almost done with the meeting anyway so I answered it. "Yes?" I said, "Hi Savio, I know your in a meeting so I'll make it quick, Nevio's phone is off and the thing on the toaster oven isn't working." Nevio heard what she said from the quiet room and yelled back, "You have to press the thing two times!" "I did do that but now it just looks like that thing where it doesn't work." "Then turn it around and then press the thing with the thing on it." ''Oh ok, I got it! Danke schön." "Wiedersehen," Nevio called back and Greta hung up. "You guys are weird," I said. The twins were impossible to play charades with since they definitely could read the other's mind. They had their own language at nine. I was always weary of their antics as they hid behind corners and mischievously giggled. The others thought they were cute but I was always on high alert to their innocent facade. I never underestimated their forces. I was sure they were going to overthrow the whole house at one point. When the two came together they were invincible, thank god that didn't happen often without them arguing.
Greta
"Are you ready for a fun night? I have five movies picked out and snacks and I made some sweet potato brownies!" Aurora laid down on the sofa unimpressed. It was Friday night and I couldn't think of anything better than spending the night with a movie, a friend and some good food. "This is such bullshit, why do we always have to stay in? How unfair is it that we all get caught and yet the boys are probably back at it and I'm stuck here!" "Well you are younger than them." I tried to reason. Although Aurora was two years younger than me she seemed so much wiser with the modern world, she had to explain to me things like when a barista was flirting with me. "Don't you want to know what the boys are doing?" "No not really, I mean it's nice to just have a relaxing night in with a movie," I said. "Yeah, after you've hit the town, go dancing and drink some beer. I mean that's probably what the boys are doing right now." She pouted. I liked to have fun. I just didn't like that kind of fun, yet I haven't really experienced either fun so how would I know? "How about this one?" I held up one of my favorite romantic comedies I'd seen about a dozen times. "Thats fine." Aurora said disinterested. Aurora liked the horror genre while I liked anything rated G that better have a happy ending. I sat down and got comfortable."You know I once saw the boys when I snuck out with Marietta." Aurora said. "What? How are you able to get out so often?"' I said the last part in a hush tone since Moretto was right outside the room. Probably snoozing or on his phone but still. "Easy peasy, once you have the determination and the intention of getting out nothing stands in my way," she sat back on the sofa opening the can of fizzy drink as if it was actually the alcoholic beverage she was reminiscing about. I can't believe I used to babysit her, she was so much cooler than me. I sat back on the sofa and snuggled up to the fluffy blankets eating my snacks. The movie was heartwarming and funny, I secretly shed a few tears when they were reunited in the end, it got me every time. "That was really good! Didn't you think?" I looked over to Aurora to see she had already passed out. She was sprawled over the armrest, her belly button piercing on display from her disheveled tank top. She said it was worth all the one piece swimsuits she had to wear around her family. A secret so foreboding it must feel comfortable at night to know you have something nobody else knows about you. Something that is worth keeping hidden. I didn't really have anything to be secretive about. I was an open book. The thing with books though was that they were flat. Everything I loved was written in plain sight. I achieved the things I did through constant practice, there were no mid miracles or redirections that left me breathless. I sometimes wondered where those things went or where to find them. I put my head back on the couch trying to think of what really brought me heart pounding breathless joy. It left me a bit empty that I couldn't pinpoint anything.