Before we start I know not all counsellors are like this but mine was so I'm projecting yet again :)
UA Staff Chat
Evil Rat Genius: I have an announcement!
Cockatoo: yes Nezu?
Evil Rat Genius: 1-As trip is being pushed back a week, as we will be having a mental health week. I'll go over more details in our next meeting!
Handjob: damn, we ain't even need to break in. They're just handing us the information on a silver platter
Crispy: they aren't the smartest
Mysterious: I know where your base is, don't test me crusty
Handjob: you fucking wouldn't
Mysterious: anyways- how are you doing your villain shit without Kurogiri?
Handjob: backup plans are always necessary
Mysterious: if you attack I'm not going to hold back on your ass
Handjob: bring it, you little shit
Kinky~: what great friendly rivalry!
Floof: midnight is like that one teacher in middle school who ignored all bullying and passed it off as kids joking around
Todoroki Shoto: frfr
Kinky~: well damn, that hurted
Denki Kaminari: uh- hi
Yee-haw: oh, I forgot the kid was here. What's up?
Denki Kaminari: I'm just wondering why I'm still here even though I already told everyone?
Dadzawa: do you want to leave
Denki Kaminari: no- I didn't say that
Dadzawa: good, because you're not
Cockatoo: protective Sho protective Sho
Vape Cloud: he cares so much about the students it's adorable
Better #1: he secretly cares about everyone but he won't show if because of t r a u m a
Dadzawa: Todoroki Enji I swear to fucking god-
Better #1: ooh- the legal name, scary
Dadzawa: don't say I'm traumatised, if you say it like that I'll have to go to that therapy shit again
Denki Kaminari: speaking of therapy, I really don't think that it's necessary for me to go
Evil Rat Genius: Humans confuse me. Even when they're so clearly in pain they don't ask for help
Denki Kaminari: wow- okay then
Mysterious: I feel very called out
Todoroki Shoto: ^
Dadzawa: ^
Floof: Denks, you should join us in our therapy session
Problem Solver: uh- you know what I'm not sure that's the greatest idea
Denki Kaminari: really? Yeah sounds fun!
Problem Solver: damnit.
Denki Kaminari: oh- if it's a problem I don't have to
Problem Solver: no it's fine, I'm just worried that being in their therapy session will traumatise you more
Mysterious: aren't you a therapist? You aren't supposed to say that shit
Problem Solver: I'm a counsellor- I say what I want. Got a problem?
Floof: nosir
Todoroki Shoto: damn, he's scarier than my mother
Better #1: Shoto no
Todoroki Shoto: Shoto yes
Problem Solver: Todoroki, you really need to stop with the trauma jokes
Todoroki Shoto: my mother didn't stop when pouring boiling water on me so no, I won't
Floof: stop it or I'm getting the kettle
Todoroki Shoto: you wouldn't
Mysterious: he wouldn't, but I would
Denki Kaminari: well, this looks like a healthy relationship
Problem Solver: Yall get your asses to my office, we should get this over with
Todoroki Shoto: wow, what a great therapist
Problem Solver: counsellor*
Todoroki Shoto: sheesh. Okay we're on the way
When they arrived, and after they got comfortable
(Izuku is in between Shoto and Hitoshi, with Denki next to Hitoshi)
"Okay, who wants to start this time?"
Izuku raised their hand
"Me. I would like to talk about my unhealthy obsession with men who are older than me."
Hitoshi chocked back a laugh.
"You make it sound like you're into 70 year olds"
"Shut up Toshi, I'm talking."
Hound dog looked so done with this shit, but alas he pushed through.
"Elaborate?"
"Right- so can we talk about Hawks?"
Shoto jumped into the conversation.
"Yes we can. Absolutely. Of course."
And then Hitoshi jumped in.
"Honestly, he could stab me with his feathers and I'd die happily"
Denki struggled to hold back a laugh and hound dog slammed his head on the desk before speaking.
"Alright. I don't think this is a problem- I think this is more just you three being simps."
Hound dog looked at Denki with an 'I told you so' look, but Denki just smirk and adjusted his position slightly before coughing to catch their attention.
"Okay- Hawks is fucking attractive. But have you three seen Miruko?"
"Yeah- but Hawks is way hotter"
And the rest of that session was spent simping, and arguing.
Normally Hound Dog would have interrupted that and guided them to a better conversation topic, but Denki looked so happy he didn't have to heart to.
UA Staff Chat
Dadzawa: @Mysterious @Floof @Todoroki Shoto @Denki Kaminari how did it go
Denki Kaminari: I'm telling you- Midnight is hotter than Mt Lady
Mysterious: you're stupid. Midnight is sexy, but Mt Lady is hot
Floof: therefore, Midnight is hotter?
Todoroki Shoto: you're all wrong, Miruko is way better.
Better #1: Uh
Mysterious: ..shit
Denki Kaminari: ummm.... That was all autocorrect?
Floof: like they'll believe that
Kinky~: Kaminari and Hitoshi I'm giving you both an A, you're now my favourites
Hawks: @Todoroki Shoto you got good taste
Crispy: Y'all are all idiots, Hawks is clearly superior to all of the pro heroes
Hawks: I appreciate that, but no way am I the hottest when Aizawa is a hero?
Dadzawa: don't bring me into this
Handjob: I agree, Eraserhead is better then all of you npcs, both in looks and skill
Dadzawa: w h a t ?
Handjob: what?
Problem Solver: this. This is why we get nothing done in therapy.
Evil Rat Genius: I must say, I am curious as to who has the highest approval rating based on appearances
Dadzawa: Nezu I stg if you do something
Evil Rat Genius: well you're basically asking me to put up a school-wide poll aren't you?
Crispy: no need for a poll- Hawks literally has 7 fan clubs
Kinky~: I have 8!
Crispy: your fanclubs are full of 30 year old single unemployed men with foot fetishes
Kinky~: and Hawks' fanclubs are full of 13 year old girls!
Mysterious: I'm not a 13 year old girl
Todoroki Shoto: I- (;'༎ຶٹ༎ຶ')
Floof: fanclubs don't matter. All bitch has hundreds and he isn't even on the table for options of hottest hero
Mysterious: forget the table, fucker isn't even in the house
Cockatoo: do I need to remind you all that this is Shouta
Dadzawa: when did you- nevermind I don't want to know
Vape Cloud: Shouta wins. He's better than all of you losers
Kinky~: I hate to agree but you're right, I can't compete
Mysterious: Aizawa Supremacy
Denki Kaminari: damn sensei, is this what you look like under the sleeping bags? You should dress like that to school
Dadzawa: Yamada what have you started
Floof: no no he has a point, you're attractive there's no need to hide it
(Do not start shipping them, I beg. Just a son hyping his parent up.)
Mysterious: I think if they dressed like that to school I might just have to go jump off the nearest cliffout of anger for not being born 15 years earlier
Todoroki Shoto: ^ Seriously Hito, your lucky getting to see them like that everyday
Floof: baby that is my parent 😀
Cockatoo: sucks to suck
Vape Cloud: fr, I get to see them everyday and I get to date them.
System: Afo is online
Afo: who's the best? I'm the best. Who's the best? I'm the best
Crispy: what the fuck
Handjob: uh... sensei?
Crazy: YESSSS GET IT! WE LOVE THE SELF CONFIDENCE!
Afo: thank you Himiko! Well- you will never guess what quirk I just got.
Evil Rat Genius: sure you should be speaking about this infront of pro heroes?
Afo: what are you gonna do, stop me? Funny. Anyway, you know that kid overhaul has? It's a quirk like hers, but it only works on non living things
Mysterious: guys, were fucking screwed. Hero society is done for, become a villain before it's too late
Cockatoo: Izu? What do you mean?
Mysterious: @afo where the fuck did you even find one like that and how didn't the commission get a hold of it first?
Afo: oh- they did! I simply went in and stole it from the poor kid they were training in secret!
Hawks: ..wait they're still doing that? No.. they told me they'd stop if I became a hero.
Kinky~: Hawks???
Afo: you didn't know? Well, yeah they are. Pretty sure it got worse. I took the kids quirk though so they won't have to go through that anymore
Mysterious: like being quirkless is any better. Actually I take that back, I'd rather stay quirkless than be a commission toy
Evil Rat Genius: Izuku, could you please explain this quirk to us?
Mysterious: ..rewind. An incredibly dangerous quirk and extremely hard to control
Afo: @crispy @handjob @crazy @get in my balls @man magnet, literally @once @lizard, get in losers we're going celebratory looting
Dadzawa: lmao, sucks to be Yall I'm not on duty rn
Kinky~: it's times like this that I wish I was an underground hero.
Would y'all be interested in a discord for this fic or my books in general?