Tommy's POV:
Since it had been announced to the whole world that we were officially going to be on tour with Ozzy in a couple of months, Doc and Elektra saw us as a fucking money train and we were booked out every single night, we even had a waiting list of clubs and festivals that wanted to book us in case others cancelled. Nikki loved that - in fact we all did. We thought we had been treated like royalty since our stint with KISS but we didn't have a fucking clue. The drugs and alcohol were now endless and the chicks that threw themselves at us were on a whole new level to what we were used too - not like I did anything with them though. Mick made sure of that.
I'm sure you're probably sat there thinking "Tommy you asshole, what about Vanessa!?". Well, the truth is, since the show me and Vanessa had found ourselves on a downward spiral.
I thought we were in a good spot, you know. But, Vanessa became closed off, she completely shut down on me.
She wasn't all to blame though. My problem was, I found myself struggling to find a balance between being Tommy Lee and Thomas Lee Bass. Tommy Lee was the side of me who was the teenage drummer, an entertainer, someone who would do all this crazy ass shit and make people feel fucking awesome about themselves. He was the life and soul of the party, but Thomas was the dad that gave his little girl pony rides around the back yard and spent his Saturday mornings watching cartoons and sharing ice cream with her for breakfast. He was the husband who lived just to see his wife smile, but I hadn't seen that smile in a long time, in fact I'd hardly seen Vanessa at all.
Like I say, since the show, everything switched. Our whole family dynamic, the way we spoke to each other, even the way we looked at each other and our conversation about growing our family felt like it was between two completely different people a whole ass lifetime ago.
These days, I'd wake up around 5pm, I'd throw myself in the shower to freshen up and get myself ready for the night. Vanessa was always out with Sharise and the girls or she'd be over at Micks place with Shelly, course she never told me that, I'd have to find out from Mick or Vince. I'd leave around 6pm and head over to whatever club or arena we were playing at and down as much vodka and beer as I could handle. I'd head out on stage around 9:30pm and smash the fuck out of my drum kit. 10:30pm drum solo. 11:15pm the show ends, head back stage and sniff whatever the fuck I had handed to me. The groupies would come in and I'd have a girl on each arm, sometimes two but with Mick there I was always being watched so the chances of me doing anything with them was always zero.
Around 1:30am - The four of us would always head back to the strip if we wasn't already there and we'd meet up with Roxy and drink, snort and smoke until closing when we'd head back to Nikki's place and Mick would head off home. I'd usually pass out on the couch and get home around 11am and by that point, Vanessa was either already out running errands and doing mom stuff or glaring at me as I stumbled through the house to bed. On the days I got to spend a few minutes with Sophia, all she did was cry when I went near her so Vanessa would take over and I'd head to bed. We were in a really rough place and I didn't know how the fuck I was going to fix it or if I even could anymore.
***
I took a deep breath as I jumped out of my sleep. I rubbed my eyes and squinted as I looked over at the clock. 17:03pm. I rolled onto my back and stretched myself out, I was a little sore and stiff... in more ways than one hahaha.
I moved my tongue around my mouth trying to create some saliva to dampen my dry mouth and I thought back to last night. I couldn't remember a single fucking thing, but I knew Mick wouldn't shy away from telling me when I saw him later on tonight.
I lit up a cigarette, rolled over and looked at Vanessa's side of the bed, all neatly made up and empty... so fucking empty. I hated how cold and empty everything felt without her, man.
Before I could get too deep into my feelings, I got up and threw my ass in the shower to wash off the smell of last nights stale beer and sweat and got ready for the night.
I grabbed my bag that had my stage clothes and drumsticks in and I started walking downstairs. I knew I could get someone to look after my outfit and my sticks like the other guys did but I guess it was my way of trying to keep myself grounded and humble. As I got closer to the bottom of the stairs I could hear the TV blasting, it was The Smurfs, Sofia was crazy about them - they always made her laugh and she'd babble to herself. I frowned as I peered around the wall, hoping to see her little face, but I heard the dishwasher clatter. My stomach dropped and for a brief moment it was filled with butterflies and excitement that I'd see my family but then it quickly turned to dread as I thought about the hostility Vanessa always greeted me with now. I walked into the kitchen and I saw Vanessa cleaning the kitchen and Sophia eating her dinner.
"You're here!?" I smiled as I placed my bag down in the doorway and walked over to Sophia's high chair.
"Mhm" Vanessa mumbled. She didn't even look at me.
I kissed the top of Sophia's head. "How you doing? I haven't seen you for a few days" I asked.
She didn't answer. She carried on slamming the pots and pans around. I knew she heard me but she was ignoring me.
"V?"
She turned around slowly and looked up at me blankly as she dried some pots. "I asked how you're doing. We haven't spoke properly for a while" I sighed but still tried to stay cheery.
I could feel myself start to get a little emotional but I tried to toughen up and stick it out. She hadn't said anything to make me upset but that was the problem, she hadn't said anything at all. We were only standing a few feet away from each other but the distance between us emotionally? We couldn't have been further apart.
"It's been a month" she sneered. She started slamming the pots and pans around as she put them away. I stood and watched her, I could tell all I did was annoy her by being there.
I sighed and looked down at Sofia who was making a mess out of her food "And how is my little lady!?" I said, trying to sound happy for her. "Avgolemono?" I asked as I looked at her bowl.
"She has the flu and she's started growing her teeth so your mom and Shelly said we should try and wean her. The frozen carrot sticks you keep eating when you're drunk are supposed to help with her teething too" she huffed.
I frowned a little and looked at Sofia properly. I bent down and looked at her mouth and she had the cutest little teeth coming through. She was growing so quickly. I reached down and picked Sofia up to give her a cuddle, but as I did she started crying.
Vanessa slammed the cupboard door shut. "Oh for fuck sake Tommy! Can't you see she's trying to eat!?" She yelled.
She started pacing towards me and snatched Sofia from my arms. I was so taken aback, I was still standing with my arms out in the same position.
Sofia's cries were more like a scream and her face was so red. She sounded like she was in pain and I just wanted to help. I caught a glimpse of Vanessa's face properly and she looked exhausted. She bounced Sofia in her arms to try and settle her but she just got louder and louder. I reached my arms out a little further. "Do you want me to-"
"Just go Tommy! She always cries when you leave so just go so I can get her settled!" Vanessa snapped.
Vanessa turned her back to me and I could see Sofia looking at me. Seeing her cry like that made me feel like complete shit. I couldn't hack it. I quickly grabbed my bag and headed for the door.
"Dada!"
I stopped in my tracks. The first time my daughter called out for me I was turning my back on her? What kind of fucking dad was I?
For a brief moment, I was ready to go in there and take over but I knew the guys needed me and Vanessa didn't want me there. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and tilted my head back, trying to get rid of the tears that were burning my eyes. I unlocked the door and headed out.
***
The show was great, we killed it like always, but when we got to the whiskey I kinda isolated myself from Nikki and Vince. I sat at the edge of the booth with a bottle of beer that lasted me 3 hours. Girls came over and tried to link their arms with mine but I'd push them away. People came over with all kinds of drugs and I didn't want any. My mind was already racing, I didn't need anything else to fuel that.
There were a tonne of girls trying to get to Nikki so I left the booth we were in and walked over to the bar. I really just needed to get things right in my mind before I went home. What happened at the show for all of this to go wrong? Was she that jealous of Roxy? Or was she just getting sick and tired of the lifestyle we have? Or has she just fallen out of love with me? If she has, I don't know what the fuck I'd do. We all knew Vanessa was the love of my life and she always would be, it would kill me if I lost her.
Before I could overthink anymore, Vince stood next to me at the bar.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing dude, I'm all good" I shrugged.
"Right" he smirked. He pulled up a chair next to me and ordered another drink. He cleared his throat while he waited. "Tommy, I have known you almost my entire life and I have only ever seen you like this twice. In Greece and when Vanessa left you. So, what's going on?" He said in a firm tone.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I needed to talk about it to someone, anyone that would listen. Vince was the best guy to talk to though. He and Sharise hadn't been great for months so I knew he could relate.
"I'm losing them, Vin" I said as my chin started to tremble and my words left my mouth like word vomit. "Vanessa hardly talks to me and when she does she's so cold. We're meant to be trying for another baby but we haven't slept in the same bed for a month, she looks at me like I'm shit and I-I can't even pick up my fucking daughter without her screaming and crying. I don't want to lose them, they're the reason I live but I have no idea how to fucking fix it" I broke down.
Vince got off his stool and gave me a hug. "I get what you're saying man, I hear you". He sat back down and I took a sip of my beer. "Me and Sharise are in the exact same spot. I get home and it's just constant bitching" he said as he opened and closed his hand like a crab, gesturing Sharise's moaning.
We both let out a big ass sigh. "The thing is, you can actually have a conversation with Vanessa, you know. Like she sits and listens and she's logical, and when she's pissed there's always a valid reason for it, but Sharise? She goes crazy over every little thing and she's so hot headed that you can't speak to her because every god damn thing is a personal attack to her"
I squinted and thought about what Vince was saying. "The problem is, we're at the stage where I don't know if I can talk to her anymore" I shrugged.
He rolled his eyes. "It's Vanessa, you can always talk to her. I mean let's be honest Tommy, if the roles were reversed and you were a stay at home parent that had to give up on your hopes and dreams to be there for Sophia and Vanessa who was never there and if she was she always came back wasted - you'd be pissed too" he smirked, shrugging his shoulders.
I cocked my head and thought about what he was saying. "It's not easy for 'em, man. Vanessa and Sharise. You know, they support us, they see us with other girls, they deal with our bullshit and they take it on the chin. They do have a right to be pissed from time to time. If Sharise was more like Vanessa then maybe I'd be able to tolerate her more" he smirked.
I threw my arm around his shoulder. "I'm gonna be honest, Vinnie. The problem with you and Sharise is that it was lust at first sight. Neither of you actually wanted a kid, you didn't even really want any kind of commitment to each other but now you have Skylar and you're both trying to make it fit but it's like... you know one of those toys that the girls have where you gotta get the shapes into the hole? At the minute you and Sharise are like a square trying to fit into a circle. If you keep trying you'll get the perfect fit one day" I shrugged.
"Fuck. That therapist Vanessa had you paying for really taught you some shit, huh?"
We both burst out laughing. "Hey, I had to get my moneys worth somehow".
"Ah fuck it, let's get a drink" Vince said. He lifted his hand and ordered his tequila shots.
As I knocked it back, I caught a glimpse of someone making their way over to me out the corner of my eye. I actually thought it was Nikki. I placed the glass down on the bar and turned to see Mick.
"The fuck are you doing here?" I asked, wincing from how strong the tequila was.
"Yeah isn't it bedtime?" Vince smirked.
My face dropped a little and my brows pinched together when I noticed what I can only describe as a look of fear in Mick's face. I'd never seen him look like that before. He wasn't here to scold me about not being at home, or for drinking excessively like he always did. Something was wrong... really wrong.
"Tommy, you need to come with me right now!" He said calmly.
I instantly stood up. "What? What is it!? What's wrong?"
He hesitated and took a deep breath. "It's Sophia, she's really sick. She's at the hospital with Vanessa and Michelle"
My chest ached and my body was instantly taken over with adrenaline. I didn't hear a single word after that. I ran out of that club leaving my keys, money, jacket - everything behind. All I cared about was getting to my wife and my daughter and that was it.