A/N: I'm back! Thank you for your patience. Things have changed since I uploaded last, but I hope the wait was worth it.
Enjoy.
Song inspo this chap: When I Look at You by Miley Cyrus. It fits RivaHisu so well 😭
I gaze absentmindedly out the window of my carriage, butterflies flapping around my stomach.
I will get to see Levi again in person.
We're heading to Trost to discuss the developments of the new rail system. My old friends in the 104th have been constructing it for months, and they must be tired. I wish I could be out there with them helping to develop our island, but I have other duties to attend to as Queen of the Walls.
I will be there seated next to Darius, facing the scouts and the other military regiments, and it's going to be so hard not to look directly at Levi. Nothing wrong with our eyes meeting across the room, but we will have to act as if nothing is going on between us. We're just a pair of chums who built an orphanage together after all...
I still think back to the time Levi sat kitty-corner to me at the table with the top brass while we were discussing our ideas about the orphanage, and it was me and him against the military...
Of course, back then I was still hung up on Ymir and didn't see Levi in a romantic way, but I remember being very thankful. I thanked him a lot at the time, but he just gave me his typical reply of, "Tch."
In fact, Levi's attitude towards me changed from the day I punched him in the corridor. It was as if he was grateful that I was the one who made him smile for the first time again in years.
I always like to think that it was his way of apologising for being so brutal with me once, but I know it's because my cause was one that mattered deeply to him.
The man can't stand to see children suffer any more than I do, and we really do make a great team.
And we're going to make fantastic parents. I saw it through Levi after all (and we're going to be a badass power couple too when we're old).
Holy walls, when we're old.
I still can't believe we're going to have that many years together. Well, unless something happens between now and then. Something that stops me from having to inherit Zeke Jaeger's titan and relying on a small-scale Rumbling.
I close my eyes, breathing in through my nose as the air whips against my cheeks.
No, I can't afford to think that way. Our future will come. Levi and I will have greater problems one day concerning ice-burst stone, while we're stuck babysitting our whiny grandchild Frieda.
The carriage stops and I startle, looking around.
We've arrived.
I inhale once again, stepping out of the carriage. A footman helps me down the step, and I refrain from rolling my eyes.
I don't wear my royal robes for military meetings. I just come in a standard green coat, nothing more. So why do I need servants?
I suppose the military's just worried that I will fall and crack my head open on the pavement, and how kind of them.
The last thing they want is me dying before I can inherit the Beast Titan.
As I let go of the hand of the footman, two more carriages arrive, and my heart picks up.
It's the scouts.
I try to maintain some professionalism as Hange steps out of a carriage, offering me an eager wave. Armin, Mikasa, and Eren step out behind her, but no Levi.
Before my spirits drop, the door to the next carriage opens, and there's my broody knight in all his shining glory.
There's a permanent scowl etched onto his face as he casts his bored gaze on the military building before us, but when his eyes find me, they light up, and he almost appears ten years younger.
"Hello, Your Majesty..."
He speaks internally and I almost smirk. Of course, how could I have forgotten? We have our internal mind speak, and this meeting will surely be fun...
Darius Zackly will be none the wiser as Levi and I have some inner monologue.
Sasha, Jean, and Connie move out after him, and the three smile when I see me.
"Historia!" Sasha calls, and that's my cue to go over.
I am only seeing my old friends, of course. Not a certain, grumpy captain. Though I may say hello to Levi too.
I rush forth, throwing my arms around Sasha, and she lifts me off my feet. She's getting strong. Looks like all that seafood Niccolo has been feeding her has done her wonders.
"So, how's the railroad coming along?" I ask as Jean and Connie join us. Mikasa and Armin join too, as Hange and Eren hold back. Levi stands a little way to the left, folding his arms in his broody manner.
"Excellent, apart from all the water Sasha keeps stealing," Jean gripes, glowering at the girl in question. "We have to keep taking turns to make sure she doesn't sneak off and drink it all."
Armin makes a small sound in agreement. "Yeah, it's getting tiring. At least Mikasa managed to stop her that one time."
Mikasa narrows her eyes. "You're all too soft with her. It takes a woman to stop a woman after all..."
I stifle a snort. I doubt that. Mikasa's just the strongest in the whole group, and Sasha would be wise not to cross her.
Sasha shrugs, spreading her arms out. "What can I say? That pail of water looked fresh and it had my name it."
Connie steps closer to Sasha, almost level with her height now. "Yeah, well you better not think about stealing any water when it gets hot. Summer's around the corner, after all. We will die out there if you keep hogging all the water, Sasha."
She spreads her arms even further, smirking. "So drink your spit, idiot."
The two start bickering and that's when Levi interrupts. "Cut it out! We're about to head into a state meeting. So act like adults, not your shoe sizes."
He leaves, showing us all his back. I know he doesn't mean to ignore me but it still stings. I watch the Wings of Freedom on the back of his coat as he vanishes into the building with Hange and Eren, but I still throw in the last word.
"See you in inside, Daddy..."
...
My eyes glaze as Darius' boring voice drones on and on, and it really is hard to look alive in these meetings. Everyone else manages just fine, but I do feel a small bit of relief when I spot Sasha dozing off. Connie nudges her with his elbow, and she startles.
At least I'm not the only one who's getting tired. The premier just has that kind of voice that makes you want to fall asleep. I think I even spy old Pixis looking a little jaded on the Garrison side of the room as he sneaks a hand into his pocket, stealing a nip of whiskey from his flask.
I wish I had some whiskey right about now, even though the stuff burns my throat.
The Military Police look as poised as ever, their eyes never leaving Darius as he discusses the railroad.
The only ones absent are the Volunteers and the Marleyan engineers who helped us plan and construct the rail system, and it's pretty sad. Without them, we never would have even evolved to this point, yet they're not allowed to be in these military meetings. I wonder if they will even be allowed to come to the celebration party once it's all finished.
It only seems fair. Say what you want about Yelena, but she's efficient and knows how to get things done. She set the wheels in motion for our island's gradual development, so we should be a little more thankful. Even though she's freakishly devoted to Zeke, we wouldn't be here right now discussing trains and railroads if it weren't for her meddling.
A shiver runs through my body when I think about Zeke, and at once my eyes scan the room.
Everyone here wants to turn me titan. They're prepared to sacrifice me, so long as it ensures our island's safety. Sure, they weren't too happy about it at first, but they eventually came to terms with it.
I eventually came to terms with it.
Let's just hope they don't act too hasty now and go against Zeke's wishes before he can enact his plan. Whatever the man has in store for us, it involves his making contact with Eren so they can activate the Founder's power. That way we can perform a small-scale Rumbling. Also, Zeke can carry out whatever secret plan he has, too, in the process.
I just hope he's trustworthy and sticks to his word. He seems to have Eldia's best interest at heart, so we should give him a chance before his term ends.
My eyes find Levi's, and quickly, I glance away, a blush forming over my cheeks.
Why did I have to call him Daddy?
"Don't think I won't get you back for that, Historia."
I don't smirk since all eyes are on me, and everyone will wonder why I'm just smiling all creepily to myself, but I still give him a retort. "Why... can't handle being called Daddy?"
His eyes flash, yet he keeps his expression neutral, and there's no cracking that hardened countenance of his.
"Oh, you just wait..."
"What will you do? Throw me over your knees and spank me?"
He falls silent, and carefully I peer at him from the corner of my eye. He's as still as a statue, yet I know I got to him.
My words got to me, too. I'm getting hot between the legs, and let's just hope the premier doesn't notice something's off with me.
Hange, however, seems to notice our internal exchange, glancing quickly between me and Levi, but not enough to draw attention to us. A knowing expression befalls her bespectacled features, and then she concentrates on the meeting at hand again, piling her report together before she gives her sermon.
At least Hange's voice is nice to listen to.
I focus on Levi again as Commander Hange addresses the room.
He's not looking at me anymore. It's clear he's pissed, yet I don't miss the sweat gathering above his brow.
Looks as if he's trying to resist the urge to pound me right in the middle of the meeting room, and he really does have a lot of resolve.
Maybe when we get a moment alone together later...
...
The meeting finally comes to an end two hours later, and now we all pour out the doors, grateful for the reprieve.
Even Nile looked as if he wanted to escape after a while.
I leave through the door, yet a hand touches my shoulder, and I turn around and meet the brown eye of Commander Hange Zoe. A smile forms over her face.
"A word please, Your Majesty? It shouldn't take long."
I look up and down the corridor. One of Zackley's men waits to one side. He inclines his head, allowing me to leave with the commander of the Survey Corps, and then we vanish up the opposite end of the corridor to find a quiet place to talk.
Hange finds us a room. She peers around, looking for any vents on the walls so we're not overheard, and it seems we're safe. It's just a small meeting room with a desk and a few chairs, so we should be good.
Hopefully, Zackley's man didn't follow us. I think his name is Hans, and he's the most accommodating of his soldiers, always giving me space when I need it.
He will never replace my old bodyguard, but beggars can't be choosers. At least my new guard seems to be kind, even though he doesn't speak much.
I turn to Hange now, expectantly. "So, what did you want to talk to me about, Commander?"
A silly smile appears over her face, and quickly, she glances towards the window. Someone steps out from behind the velvet drapes, and a gasp leaves my lips.
"Levi..?"
I didn't even see him sneak out the meeting room. He really is stealthy.
He nods his head in greeting. "Your Grace."
Hange throws her arms up. "Oh, heavens above, you can greet her better than that, Levi. I'll look away while you old lovebirds have a moment. Then we can get Historia up to speed on our plans."
I perk up. Plans?
Before I can ponder further, Levi steps up beside me, and I give him my utmost attention. An awkward silence befalls the two of us, and how we still act like strangers at times. Especially after everything we've been through.
I guess it's different in the real world. It's even worse since we still have to act like acquaintances, and Hange is standing in the corner.
"I..." I begin.
I don't get to finish as Levi moves closer, stealing the breath from my lungs as he kisses me softly on the lips. His hand nestles against the small of my back as I melt beneath his touch, and at once I remember our dirty talk back in the meeting room.
Is he still going to spank me as he promised?
"Not just yet. At least while Four Eyes isn't watching. You don't want her getting all experimental on us now, Historia. She'll be taking notes again. Trust me..."
I glance at the commander. I don't see any pad or pen in her hands this time, but I don't miss the shaking of her ponytail as she's trying to keep her insanity in check for our sake.
I ponder how much she actually knows about us and our lineages, and again I wonder if Levi told her some things. I doubt it, but she's always been perceptive. She figures things out quickly.
I step away from Levi. He's right. It is a little weird kissing in the room when she's around.
When we're finished with our reunion, she turns, and her face is neutral and poised as she inclines her head towards the desk. "Well, shall we? There's much to discuss."
Levi and I do as she instructs, taking the two seats in front of the desk while Hange sits behind, and the three of us hold our secret discussion.
...
My eyes have grown twice their size as Hange's words echo back to me.
She... just suggested that Levi and I have a child. Not that we weren't already considering the possibility, especially after what we saw in the Path, yet still...
It's a lot to take in.
It seems she really is as perceptive as I thought. Apparently, she came to the conclusion all on her own, and I should feel angry that they made plans while I wasn't even in the room. But after everything Hange just told me... how can I not agree?
It makes sense. My child would never become a titan. So long as it has Levi's Ackerman genes, it will be safe, and my heart pounds in my skull.
I grip the leather pads of my chair, trying to get my wits about me. My entire body's shaking, and I start hyperventilating.
Sooner or later, I am going to be a mother. In one year's time, I will finally get to meet the daughter who refused to get out of bed to celebrate my 30th birthday.
Levi leans closer, distracting my thoughts. "Historia?"
Gulping several deep breaths, I meet Hange's lone brown eye and say with pure conviction, "I'll do it. I will have Levi's child..."
My voice slices the room in three halves, each of us having a very different reaction to my words. While I remain as determined and headstrong as ever in my choices, Levi wilts, and Hange has never looked so quilt-ridden.
I hope she understands that I don't resent her in any way after making this offer. No one should have to consider becoming pregnant under these circumstances. The idea of bringing a child into the world should be exciting and terrifying all at the same time, but... this is just terrifying.
This baby will, in essence, become a tool, an experiment, and I don't want to do that to another living person, but I vow to teach her as my old friend Ymir taught me.
She will never be someone's tool. She is free to make her own decisions. She will live for herself.
I want that for all three of my children...
But I will still do it. So long as my future children never have to sacrifice their lives, so be it. I will have my daughter.
I still can't believe it. Ackermans are a bi-product of titan science, and may lack the ability to shift. If Hange's hypothesis is correct, then... this is fantastic news!
I couldn't have picked a father with a better set of genes, and now I look around at the man in question, wearing a bright smile on my face. Yet it vanishes the moment I spot his defeated expression, and I reach out, taking his hand tentatively. "Levi?"
He hangs his head as shadows form over his features. After a while, he glances my way, and my heart shatters to pieces at the sight of his broken face.
I don't understand at first. This is excellent news, and confirms what we saw in the Path. We already knew I would get pregnant within the next few months, but he still looks dejected. In fact, I would say he's even more despondent than before.
He opens his mouth to speak, but then he jerks his head away, muttering a small, "Tch".
Confused by his reaction, I look up at Hange. The commander gives me her attention yet again, but I don't fail to see the same grief in her own eye.
"Commander, what's wrong? This is excellent news. We should rejoice. You're a genius! Mine and Levi's child will never have to become titan. But at the same time, they can maintain the Rumbling with the royal half of their blood. I could kiss you right now, but... that wouldn't be professional..."
Hange gives a dry laugh. "A handshake will do for now, Your Majesty, but... Historia? You do realise what this plan still entails?"
I think for a moment. While it ensures that mine and Levi's children will never have to become titan, it doesn't necessarily guarantee my safety. There's nothing stopping me from becoming the Beast Titan. Not just yet, anyhow. And I finally understand...
Life really isn't fair. When the time finally comes, I may still have to inherit the Beast, and a shaky breath leaves me. Now I let go of Levi's hand, trying to keep the tears at bay.
I don't want him seeing me crying. I don't want either of them to see me cry. I'm supposed to be a strong, resourceful queen, but it really is bittersweet.
While I'll be ensuring the safety of my children and the island, I will still have to sacrifice my own life, never truly living for myself, just like I once promised Ymir.
I can hear her old words echoing through my mind, "Is this you trying to be nice?"
It looks as if I will never be able to shed the sweet image of Krista Lenz after all, the persona of a character in a children's storybook I had to adopt once in order to keep my existence secret.
She will always be a part of me, that perfect good girl who could do no wrong. Eren told me once that he never liked her nauseating kindness, and quite frankly, I felt the same.
Hange continues, bringing me back to the present. "Of course, we will still do everything in our power to ensure you never have to inherit the Beast Titan, Historia. We have yet to hear from Hizuru. As the moment still stands, we have other options... and your pregnancy will only help to prolong any decision to turn you, thus giving us more time to find a solution. No one would dream of turning you while you're pregnant."
I nod, breathing in through my nostrils. "I hope you're right, Commander, but... when all is said and done, and we fail to find an alternative, then... at least I can make peace with the fact that my children will never be subjected to the same fate. That you all tried your best to help me..."
"Bullshit," Levi mumbles, and both Hange and I stare at him aghast. Hange sighs, palming her face.
Meanwhile, I clench my jaw, eyeing him evilly. "Excuse me?"
Levi glances up at last, shredding me to pieces with the cold steel of his eyes. "You know it's complete bullshit, Historia. That we can't save you but we can save your children..."
I purse my lips. "Our children, Levi. They have to be your children too. Otherwise, the plan won't work."
"Screw the plan..."
Hange is about to speak, but I shoot upright, towering above him now as he remains seated. Again, he doesn't budge from his chair. He doesn't even look at me.
"They are our children, Levi. That sweet little boy and girl we saw will be spared the same, gruesome fate as their mother while still being able to protect the island, and all you can say is screw it?"
It's Levi's turn to grip the armrests of his chair, his knuckles white as he resists the urge to snap at me. His eye twitches, and I've never seen him looking so conflicted.
I know he didn't mean a word he said. Of course he wants to guarantee the safety of our children, but he also doesn't want to lose me either, and I really am asking a lot of him.
One day, he will have to raise them alone once my thirteen years are up. And then he will have to be the one to pick up the pieces of their broken little hearts while his own shatters in the process.
It... really isn't fair...
The voice of Hange interrupts my sad ruminations next, bringing me out of my despair. "Excuse me? What... what little boy and girl? Am I missing something?"
My eyes expand when I realise the error of my ways, and now I fall down back onto my seat, gazing out the window.
Did Hange not know about the Path? I would have assumed Levi had told her, but judging by the daggers he sends my way, I guess he didn't.
Hange proceeds. "Have... you two seen something?"
I go to answer, but Levi cuts me off. "It's nothing, Four Eyes. Her Majesty's just getting a little ahead of herself."
I toss him a baleful look, but truth be told I don't have it in me anymore to be angry at him. His emotions are perfectly justified, and he's right. It is complete bullshit, and again I think of my old pal Ymir. I promised her I would live for myself and that all my decisions will be mine for the foreseeable future.
No one gets to dictate my fate after all, yet here I am, taking on the mantle of martyr once again while vowing to sacrifice myself.
I don't want to become a titan. I want to live to become an old lady, just like I saw in the Path, and I finally understand why Levi is so mad at me. I promised him after all I would die an old biddy, not unlike the time I promised Ymir I would forsake the name of Krista and just be myself.
It's hard. It truly is, and I wish I could just live in the Path from here on out and never leave.
But I have to hold on to some hope. The Path was trying to show me and Levi something, and I have to have faith in our bond.
After all, that world with all the poppies is a result of our union, and we can get through this. We have to.
Levi excuses himself, and it seems he wants to be alone for the moment. I do try to stop him at first, but Hange intervenes.
"Let him go, Historia. He just needs a moment. He will come around... eventually..."
Will he? I'm not so sure about that. He looked pretty defeated, and I hate making him look that way.
I hope he realises I haven't given up just yet. But at the same time, I cannot be selfish. The whole island depends on me. It's my home, and I don't want to see it destroyed.
We have to do all we can to protect ourselves from enemy nations. We are the most hated island in the world.
Eren's blazing green eyes flash up before me, and I chew my bottom lip. He always assured me we would find another way, and I always believed him, but just maybe... he does know something that we don't. I see it in his eyes after all. They harbour many secrets...
Just maybe one of those secrets can be our trump card. I have to believe it's possible.
Only time will tell.
Yeah, we all knew what that trump card was...
I'm not sure when I will next upload. I am looking at monthly. Possibly bi-monthly.
Thank you.