Remus rolled out of bed on Friday morning with a soft migraine that rested behind his left eye with pinpointed rage.
He didn't want to get up; he wanted to succumb to the sharp discomfort and fall back into the sad excuse for sleep that he had come out of. But memories of the week would not stop flashing behind his closed eyelids, amplifying the pain every second.
Remus had spent the entirety of the week trying to rid himself of Valerie. He told her he wanted things to end on Monday during their walk - which failed, obviously; he tried again to explain his dislike for her on Tuesday, but she only laughed as though Remus were teasing her; he blatantly ignored her on Wednesday, but this only led to a shouting match on Thursday in which Valerie claimed she would 'fight for their love even if she was fighting for the both of them'.
Remus had no idea when he entered some sort of twisted romantic comedy, but whatever the case it had seemingly given him a very sharp and pointed migraine.
There was also the fact that the moon was slowly filling to a loud and bright circle, but Remus tried not to think about that.
"Morning, Moony," said Peter, who seemed only slightly more awake than Remus felt. He was dressed in his robes and quietly packing his books into his brown backpack.
"Morning," Remus answered, pulling a fresh set of robes from the trunk at the foot of his bed.
It appeared that Kingsley and James had already vacated the room, James surely hours prior, but Sirius was sound asleep in his bed with his blankets falling off the side and his pillow shoved over his face.
"James was a bit loud today," Peter explained, his round blue eyes glazing over sleeping Sirius. Remus nodded.
"He's probably nervous," Remus said, slipping on one red and one white sock. "They play Hufflepuff today."
"Prongs is never nervous for quidditch," Peter said. Remus scoffed.
"We both know that's not true," he argued. "And besides, it's his first match playing seeker."
"True," Peter nodded. "But he could play anywhere and be fine."
"Yeah, but he doesn't think that way," Remus said, rolling his eyes slightly.
A pillow flew from the opposite side of the room and slammed into Peter's shelf of potted plants, knocking down one particularly tall vase and shattering it completely.
"Shut it," Sirius, the pillow thrower, demanded tragically.
"Sorry, Padfoot," Pete laughed.
"Reparo," Remus said quietly, mending Peter's broken glass.
"Let's go now before he murders us," Peter whispered, picking the pillow up off the ground.
Remus nodded and motioned to the door. He took the pillow from Peter and, as Peter pulled the door open, Remus launched the pillow back at Sirius's head.
"Run!" He cheered, chasing Peter out of the dorm and slamming the door shut behind them before Sirius could muster the energy to rise from the dead.
"You're going to have us killed," Peter breathed in a laugh once the two boys had made it a safe distance from their room.
"Don't be such a scaredy mouse, Pete," answered Remus. "Sirius couldn't swat a fly."
"If I recall correctly he got a pretty good swat on you only a week ago."
"Yeah, well, love changes people."
Peter laughed again.
"It can't have been love if he's gay," he said.
"Wormtail, you can't keep saying that," laughed Remus. "Until Sirius says the words - actually speaks them - he can't know that we think he's gay."
"It's not thinking," declared Peter. "It's knowing based on solid fact."
Remus rolled his eyes but laughed a little as they turned into the Great Hall.
At the far end of the Gryffindor table Sydney sat alone, her arms folded on the table and her face hidden away in the crook of her elbows. She had on athletic leggings and a faded 'Gryffindor' jumper and her hair was pulled back into a low and messy knot so Remus could guess how she had spent her morning.
"Hi," Peter said as they sat down. Sydney lifted her head and propped it on one of her hands.
"Morning," Sydney said quietly, closing her eyes again.
"Training with James again?" Asked Remus. Sydney opened her eyes to look at him and then let her hands fall to the table. She pulled her jumper sleeves over her fingers and nodded.
"Yeah," she said. "Had me up at five again."
"Isn't that a bit counterproductive?" Remus asked. "You'll be tired for the match."
Sydney shrugged.
"I need the practice," she said.
"No you don't," Peter replied. "I've watched you play, you're far better than any of the other chasers."
"Thanks, Pete," Sydney said with a small smile. "But Cassidy and Walter are amazing. I'm only any good because I've been working with James."
"Squid being kind?!" James asked with enthusiastic surprise, dropping down beside Peter and across from Sydney, who rolled her eyes.
"Still not worth a five AM, Jimmy," she groaned. James grinned.
"You love waking up and spending time with me," he said. Sydney shook her head.
"Definitely not."
James's attention suddenly dropped to the table in front of Sydney, which was bare of any plates or cups. He instantly snatched up a plate of his own and shoved various piles of food onto it until there was hardly any glass left showing and then he pushed it in front of Sydney.
"Eat it," he ordered, filling a cup with water and pushing that over to her as well. Sydney rolled her eyes but did as she was instructed.
"How'd you do that?" Remus asked incredulously. "We can never get Syd to eat the school food!"
Sydney bumped Remus's shoulder with her own. "Shut up," she groaned through a bite of oatmeal.
"No, he's right," Peter nodded. "You hate oatmeal."
"I mean, yeah," Sydney said. "It looks like throw up."
She scooped up some of the meal and let it plop tragically back into its bowl. Peter pushed away his muffin.
"Hope throw up tastes good," James shrugged, biting into a bagel. "Because you're finishing that entire plate."
"The whole thing?!" Sydney cried, looking down at the mess of food in front of her. "How about just the eggs?"
James shook his head.
"Why?" She begged. "James, I'll even eat the oatmeal, but I can't finish the beans and the - what even is this?"
"Black pudding," Remus answered, looking at the round and dark pieces of sausage that Sydney was stabbing disgustedly with her fork.
"James," Sydney stated shortly. "You can't expect me to eat this."
"And finish three cups of water," James said, scooping another slice of black pudding onto Sydney's plate. She picked it back up and threw it at him.
"I hate you," she said. James blew her a kiss.
"Good morning," said Lily and Alice, who dropped into seats around James and Remus.
"Hi," Remus said to Lily, who had chosen the seat on his right. "Don't you think you're on the wrong side?" He made a pointed glance across the table at an unsuspecting James. Lily slammed her knee against his.
"How's Val?" She asked.
"Brilliant, actually," Remus replied. "Haven't spoken to her in two days."
"Aw," Lily cooed. "Trouble in paradise?"
"Thankfully so," Remus said.
Remus picked up his fork and looked down at his plate to find a brand new slice of black pudding resting on the edge of it. He looked to Sydney, who had miraculously finished one of her pieces and was now cutting into her second.
"Shame," Remus whispered. "Trying to get rid of this marvelous food?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sydney replied, refusing to make eye contact.
"No?" Remus asked. "Well, maybe James would." Sydney looked up with wide eyes and a laugh.
"Stop!" She whispered. "That's not funny. Don't tell him."
Remus pretended to heavily weigh his options.
"Fine," he said after a few moments. "But you have to eat that one."
Sydney looked down at her plate and scrunched up her face.
"Fine," she said, picking up one of the small pieces she had cut and lifting it to examine thoroughly before deciding it was okay to eat.
The rest of the slice ended up on Remus's plate moments later.
Remus was in such a good mood the entire day that he had nearly forgotten his migraine.
Until he stepped foot in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.
Valerie had moved her things so that she occupied the seat that Sirius usually sat in, beside the one that Remus usually sat in. She had seemingly been there for hours, with her books already neatly arranged in the desk corner and her foot tapping anxiously on the floor beneath them.
"Lily," Remus said instantly, freezing firmly in the classroom doorway. Lily broke from her conversation with James and followed Remus's gaze.
"No," she stated.
"Please," Remus pressed.
"Remus, no," Lily said again. "Really, this is asking too much."
"It's not," Remus insisted. "You owe me one anyways."
"I do not," Lily laughed. "If I recall correctly you're the one who owes me."
"I'll owe you a thousand, Lily, just please."
Valerie had recognized the entrance of the Gryffindors now, and she was staring directly at Remus, trying to catch his eye. Remus looked only at Lily, knowing she would break at any moment.
"Fine," Lily sighed predictably, releasing her firm stance and looking sadly to the empty chair beside Valerie. "That means you'll have to take my seat, though."
"That's fine," Remus shrugged. "I like Alice."
"It's not Alice anymore," Lily said with a small grin. Remus turned to find Alice taking a seat towards the front with Frank. At the back, only Sydney sat alone.
"Oh," Remus said. "What a devastation."
"Shut the fuck up," Lily said with a laugh. "Go sit before I change my mind."
"You're a legend," Remus said with a smile.
"I know," said Lily. "If you don't ask her out while you're over there I'll kill you."
"That's only if you survive the class beside Valerie," Remus laughed. Lily shoved him and reluctantly slipped into the chair that was meant for Remus. Valerie spun wildly around to watch Remus sit next to Sydney, and Remus could feel her stare like the pointed rage behind his left eye.
"Hi," Remus said to Sydney. She looked up, slightly startled and glanced around until her eyes rested on Lily and Valerie and she smiled.
"Didn't want to sit with your girlfriend?" She asked.
"Going through a rough patch," Remus said simply. Sydney laughed slightly and then waved sweetly in the direction of the skull-faced girl who was no doubt death-glaring her.
"How tragic," she said dryly.
"You could say that," Remus said.
"Ahem," demanded Professor Sirius, who stood at the blackboard on the side wall with a pointer stick and a serious expression.
"If you two do not want to pay attention to our lesson, perhaps you'd like to pay attention in detention," James stated, putting his hands on hips.
"Oh dear," Sydney said sarcastically, entirely missing the pun.
"Deepest regards," Remus nodded. "Please continue."
"Thank you," Sirius said, glancing at Professor Merlow, the adult who was actually responsible for the teaching, to make sure that she was still oblivious to the going ons of her class.
"Today we are your teachers," James said. "And we should be treated as such." He sent a pointed look at Remus and Sydney. Remus rolled his eyes and threw a wad of paper at them.
"What disrespect," Sirius said, devastated.
"Anyways," James said, slamming his own pointed stick into the blackboard. "In spirit of today's quidditch match, today we will be learning about why Gryffindor's team is far superior to Hufflepuff's."
"Number one," Sirius said, pointing his wand at the board so that an image of James appeared. "We're bloody fit."
And, when they ran out on the pitch, Remus could hardly disagree. Sydney came out towards the back of the group, her eyes immediately falling to the immense crowd. Her hair was pulled back, her shoulders weighed down with her jersey, and she had two lines of black painted on her cheeks, which were relaxed in awe.
There was a crack at the booth window, a friendly reminder from Lily, and Remus repointed his wand to his neck and applied the Sonorous charm.
"And here's Gryffindor," he said, his voice amplifying through the stadium. "Led onto the field by captain James Potter, who has switched career paths this year, playing seeker for the Lions. The man does it all."
James pretended to be happily embarrassed and then blew a kiss from the field.
"With Potter as seeker, that leaves Sydney Carter stepping in at chaser," - the Gryffindor section erupted and Marlene and Cassidy shoved Sydney on the shoulders - "Carter is brand new to quidditch, making her about as knowledgeable about the sport as I, but, hey, I'm the one in this lovely box, aren't I?
"Further in the Gryffindor lineup, we have Cassidy Gunther and Walter Diggins as Carter's fellow chasers; Marlene McKinnon and John Bell for beaters; Quentin Jeffs in goal; and, of course, the amazing James Potter for seeker. Quite the crew if I do say so myself.
"Hufflepuff has seventh year Waverly Finn in goal; JT Fowler for seeker; Kim Fredericks, Georgina Gafful and Tim Davis to carry the quaffle; and Greg Johnson and Harley Tip for beaters - oh look, they've tossed up the quaffle and the match has begun.
"Gafful takes the ball for Hufflepuff, speeding fast towards the Gryffindor rings but OH McKinnon nails Hufflepuff chaser Georgina Gafful with a bludger! Nice one Mar!"
Marlene flipped her bat in the air and caught it, waving to the cheering fans around her and then tipping the end of the bat to the Hufflepuff section.
"Gunther has the ball, she hands it off to Diggins, they're closing in, quick pass to Carter and-"
Come on Syd.
"GOALLLL! SYDNEY CARTER'S FIRST POINTS AS A LION!"
Sydney threw her arms in the air, a huge smile plastered on her face as her teammates flew in around her.
"Hufflepuff's Tim Davis has the quaffle," Remus continued, sitting back down after realizing that he had jumped to his feet. "He makes a lousy attempt to take on Jeffs and is STRIPPED AWAY! DIGGINS IS ON THE MOVE BACK AT FINN!
"Diggins weaves through the Hufflepuff defense - you badgers are far too kind - he's swarmed by Davis and Fredericks, leaving Gunther open, he kicks it downfield and CASSIDY GUNTHER PUTS UP 10!"
Cassidy spun back in time to get slammed by a cheering Sydney and Walter, her mood boosted only more by the crowd chanting Cass Gun, over and over.
"Finn throws the quaffle back into play and it's Davis again on his way through the Gryffindor defense. He swerves by Gunther, dodges a well placed bludger, and passes it over to Gafful who faces a 2v1 with Carter and Jeffs in front of her.
"Gafful has hold of the quaffle and goes to throw it in BUT SHE'S BLOCKED BY CARTER HELL YEAH SYD!"
McGonagall had found her way to the booth now, and she cleared her throat rather obviously.
"Sorry Professor, won't happen again," Remus lied, turning back to the game.
"The quaffle falls down into the hands of Fredericks who passes it up to Davis. Davis shoots and... 10 points for Hufflepuff."
The hands of the Gryffindor mob fell momentarily as Hufflepuff erupted. It only took a minute for their enthusiasm to return, though, and the ball fell quickly into Sydney's hands.
"Gryffindor is in possession of the quaffle," Remus began just as James kicked the back of his broom and dove for the ground. "Oh! But it looks like Potter sees something!
"Both chasers are speeding away, they're swooping low. Go Prongs go!"
"No bias, Lupin," McGonagall warned. Remus nodded but internally ignored her.
"They've done a loop around the Ravenclaw stands, and hES RIGHT BEHIND YOU JAMES WOULD YOU HURRY UP PLEASE."
James and JT swerved back behind the rungs of the Hufflepuff goals as Sydney handed the quaffle off to Walter. Harley Tip, one of the Hufflepuff beaters, wasn't even looking at Walter as she rose her bat, though. Her eyes were locked on Sydney, whose focus was on Walter and the goal. Tip slammed a bludger right for Sydney, nailing her target perfectly and sending her flying from her broom and spinning towards the ground.
"HEY THAT'S A BLATANT FOUL- alright Professor I've heard you! - Syd Carter goes spinning towards the grass after a totally fair hit that was definitely reffed correctly."
Remus stood to his feet again, as if being closer to the glass of the booth would somehow prevent Sydney from slamming into the grass. She fell alarmingly fast, but, just before she hit the ground, a blur of red swept her to the side.
"JAMES POTTER CATCHES CARTER RIGHT ABOVE THE GROUND. HE'S AMAZING. HE'S MAGNIFICENT. LADIES, HE'S SINGLE."
Lily turned to glare at Remus from the stands, and Remus laughed.
Well, he is, Remus mouthed with a shrug. Lily used a gloved finger to flip him off and then turned back to the game.
"It appears that Potter has also managed to catch the snitch!" Remus cheered as James landed and held up a gold ball. "What a match, two fantastic catches for Potter. It's enough to make me like quidditch.... Well, it's not.. But regardless, the match has ended and I'm off!"
Remus pulled his wand away from his neck, bowed to McGonagall, and slipped out of the booth. He ran quickly down the bleacher steps to meet up with his friends before they were washed down the field with the rest of the excited Gryffindors.
"Excellent commentary, Remus," Alice grinned.
"I especially liked your note about James being single," said Dorcas, eyeing Lily with a persistent smirk. Remus thanked Dorcas kindly and Lily pretended not to hear them, pushing her way through their small group and taking Pete and Sirius down to the field to join the celebration.
"Coming Remus?" Frank asked, one of his hands wrapped in Alice's as they took a few steps down the stairs. Remus glanced out to the mob of red, with the team held high on the shoulders of some of the fans. Sydney had her head thrown back in a laugh, her hair messy and falling from her ponytail, and her arms reaching out to hold onto James and Marlene.
"Nah," said Remus. "I'll just meet you at the party tonight."
Frank and Alice nodded and waved, running happily down to join the crowd. Remus watched them go for a moment before turning to walk back the other way, only he ran directly into Dorcas.
"Avoiding something?" She asked with a small smile.
"What?" Remus asked. Dorcas rolled her eyes.
"Sydney," she said. "You obviously fancy her."
"Why does everyone keep saying that?"
Dorcas blinked at Remus.
"Surely you're not this dense, yeah?" She said, Remus furrowed his eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes again.
"All I'm saying is that you run a lot."
"I actually do not run at all."
"You know what I mean," Dorcas groaned. "You avoid things - feelings. You run from them when you get scared."
"I'm not scared of Sydney," Remus stated. Dorcas scoffed.
"Really?" She said, "I am. She's so... out there. More so even than Marley. And she has no idea! I can't imagine being so expressive. Bitch is terrifying."
"Yeah," Remus laughed. "Okay, she's a little scary."
"You're only scared of being happy," Dorcas said flatly. "You think she's too good for you."
"Well, she is," Remus said, glancing down to the field again to see that Sydney had been set back on the grass and was now being crushed in a hug by James.
"No," Dorcas argued. "She's brilliant, I agree. But so are you, Remus. Stop being such a bitch baby and let yourself be happy. You deserve it too."
"Did you just call me a bitch baby?" Remus laughed. Dorcas shrugged.
"She's got good nicknames, what can I say?"
"You can't call me that," Remus stated.
"I'll call you what you are," Dorcas replied. "And right now, you're being a bitch baby. Honestly, what's stopping you?"
Remus paused again as the crowd departed victoriously from the field, leaving only Marlene to look up the stands in search of her girlfriend.
"I guess nothing," Remus said. "It just doesn't feel right yet."
"It never will," Dorcas said, waving down to the impatient blonde. "It never feels right until it happens."
Remus nodded carefully. "Maybe," he said. Dorcas rolled her eyes again and stepped around him to the stairs.
"You should get drunk tonight," she said. "You think too much when you're sober."
Remus laughed. "Okay Cas," he said. "I'll get drunk for you."
"Well it sounds weird when you say it like that," Dorcas said, scrunching her nose and laughing, too. "I'm still a lesbian, Lupin."
"Well," Remus shrugged. "If you ever changed your mind..."
Dorcas put her hand over her heart and backed down a few more steps.
"Don't flatter me like that, bitch baby," she said.
"Stop calling me that!" Remus yelled after her. Dorcas grinned and turned her back to him, throwing a wave over her shoulder and then running down to join Marlene on the field.
The pair of them hugged briefly, exchanging a few congratulations and thank you's before they abruptly began snogging in the middle of the pitch. Remus's smile dropped.
"Maybe I don't even want a relationship," he said to himself. "Fucking gross."
Remus took Dorcas's advice a bit too literally that night, and he was already three drinks in when Valerie approached him from the side.
"Can we talk?" She asked quietly, her hands shoved deep into her pockets. Remus glanced at Dorcas, who widened her eyes, lit up a cigarette, and vanished away.
Bitch.
The Firewhiskey in Remus's bloodstream answered for him: "Yeah."
Valerie nodded and Remus followed her through flashing lights and pounding music and jumping teens until they were out the portrait and it was quiet. Remus could hear his heart beating in his chest and his feet stepping on the floor. He could see Valerie walking blurrily before him, and he could see waves of the corridor, washing back and forth across his vision.
Valerie stopped midway through a hallway and slid to a seat against the wall. Remus followed suit rather clumsily.
"I just want us to be okay again," Valerie said, looking at Remus with wide and sad eyes. "Isn't that what you want?"
I want to throw up, Remus thought.
"I want to break up," the Firewhiskey said.
Oh. Damn.
Valerie's mouth dropped slightly. "Oh," she said, faltering backwards. "Without even trying?"
"I don't want to try," said the alcohol. "I want to break up. I don't like you."
Too harsh. Tooharshtoohrshfn
"What?"
"I. Don't. Like. You," the Firewhiskey clarified. "I can't."
Stop stop stop. Stopstopstop. Stop.
"What do you mean you can't?" Valerie asked, her wide eyes welling up with stunned tears.
"I can't like you," Remus said drunkenly, his words spilling like beer from a bottle. "I'm in love with Sydney."
Fuck.
______
A/N
HI
if i hear any of you mfs telling me to take my own advice i'll discontinue burn i stg😐☝️