12/20/2018
Thursday
____________
You're rushing out of bed the second you hear the front door opening. You're out of the room in seconds, not even caring that you're just wearing a bra, panties and one of Spencer's button down shirts. You see Spencer closing the door behind him and setting his satchel down on the ground. He takes off his suit jacket, hanging it on the coat rack and slowly bringing his eyes up to meet yours.
A smile appears on both of your faces, excitement is running through your veins as you prepare to tell Spencer the news you just received today. You practically run up to him, meeting him halfway, letting him wrap his arms around your waist, lifting you off the ground, and pulling you in for a kiss. You instantly wrap your legs around his hips, pressing your lips onto his. "Hi, baby," he says in between the kiss.
You smile, "Hi, handsome. Busy day?"
Spencer smiles, "Not at all. It was paperwork day since we just got back from Arizona last night. How was your day?" You pull back from the kiss, staring up at him and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, twisting a strand around your finger. "My day was great actually. I spent most of the morning cleaning the entire apartment, reading a book, baked a banana bread, showered and got ready for the day to run some last minute errands -- oh and I talked to Dr. Suarez and Dr. Stevens," you said those last words with a smile on your face.
"And how did that go?" he asks, while staring up at you and walking over to the couch. He takes a seat, keeping you in his arms and letting you straddle his lap. You adjust yourself, bringing your arms out from around his neck and placing your hands on the sides of his face, feeling the stubble that has grown in the past few days of you not seeing him. "Well, if you must know, I talked to Dr. Suarez yesterday and she said that I've improved a lot since my first visit. She recommended journaling, for whenever you aren't here or if I can't get ahold of Desiree which is hilarious because that girl is attached to her phone and the second she sees my name on her screen she will answer my calls or texts immediately. But, she did clear me and was able to get a hold of Dr. Stevens to do my psych eval which I did today over a video call and she said she would call me tomorrow morning. She also mentioned that we might have another session just to be sure, but I think everything will be fine," you explained.
Spencer raised his brows in excitement, "Baby, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you. Why didn't you mention any of this when we talked on the phone the other day?" You straightened up, Spencer's hands tightening their hold on your waist as he stared up at you waiting for your answer. "I didn't want to mention it because I was scared we'd get our hopes up and there wouldn't be any good news. We still don't know if I can get back to work yet," you answered.
"Baby, you could have at least told me you were nervous about something when we talked," he says. You sigh gently, leaning forward to lay your head on his shoulder, "I know, I wanted to, but I didn't want you to be thinking about my sessions with Suarez while you were out on a case. You need to stay focused when you're at work," you said. Spencer placed his left hand on the back of your head, while his right soothed your back. He let out a soft chuckle, "We've been over this, Y/n, you always come first," he spoke softly while pressing delicate kisses on the side of your face going down your neck. "I don't like when you think you're less important."
"Sorry, it's a habit," you whispered, feeling his lips on your pulse point. "But really thank you, Spence," you smiled while pulling away from the crook of his neck and staring down at him. He stares up at you with a lovesick smile on his face, "For what," he asks. You giggle, "For always being proud of me," you answered. "Well, you're welcome, but you should already know that I'm always going to be proud of you no matter what it is you accomplish. You could do the smallest thing, like bake my favorite kind of cookies and I'd be proud," Spencer exclaims.
You smile, leaning forward and pressing your lips onto his, "I love you so much." Spencer reciprocates the kiss, his hands making their way up to your face and cupping your cheeks. "I love you, baby. So fucking much," he says in between the kiss.
The kiss is sweet and passionate, there was no rush behind it. There are a few featherlight touches Spencer gives you. His fingers tracing down your face to your neck. You wrap your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "Babe --," you whispered as Spencer's lips trailed down your jaw, "What is it, pretty girl?"
"I was going to ask you if -- if you wanted to eat dinner with me before bed?" Spencer pulls away and stares up at you with a grin on his face, "You're stopping me from kissing you to ask if I want to have dinner?" You laugh, while admitting, "Yes. As much as I love it when you kiss me, I was waiting for you to get home so we could talk and have dinner."
Spencer smirks, "Give me a few more minutes. I wanna hold you and — kiss you — whisper 'I love you' in your ear, and admire how beautiful you look in my shirt and this nice set of lingerie you have on," he spoke in between the kisses he spread across your lips, jaw, neck, and tops of your breasts.
"Fine — just a few minutes, but no —." you're cutoff by Spencer pressing his lips back down onto yours.
_
After Spencer got his few minutes to admire you, and begging for an extra minute or two, you both eventually made it to the table for dinner, while talking about the week you guys had.
Spencer was gone most of the time because of cases, but he made sure to call or text to let you know he was at the station or his hotel room. You'd text him anytime, no matter what it was you were doing. If you were going to the grocery store, you made sure to let him know. Hell, if you were going to go get the mail you'd tell him.
"Dinner was great, babe," Spencer stated as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.
You smile, "Thank you. I wanted to try something different tonight, so I called Desiree and asked for the recipe and she was more than happy to give it to me. She also says 'Hi' by the way." Spencer huffs out a laugh, while reaching for his glass of wine, "Well, when you talk to her tomorrow, let her know I said 'Hello' as well."
You nod, "I will make sure to tell her. Okay — I'm gonna start cleaning the kitchen, you can go get ready for bed and I'll meet you in the room." You stand from the table, grabbing your plate, then walking towards Spencer and taking his plate to the sink. "Let me do it, you've done a lot today. Why don't you wait in the living room and then we can go to bed?"
You start to shake your head to protest, but Spencer has already made his way into the kitchen. He stood behind you, reaching for the dishes in your hands and pressing a kiss on your cheek. "Go sit down. Let me take care of this," he says.
"But I was already gonna do that. You've been at work all day and you barely had enough sleep last night, so let me do this?" you said, while trying to take the dishes out from his hands. Spencer sighs from behind you, his cool breath hitting your cheek, "Fine, you can do the dishes, but I am not gonna let you clean up by yourself. We will be going to bed together."
"Okay, you can help me clean — and since you won't be in bed yet," you slip out from Spencer's hold, dropping the dishes in the sink and go into the living room to grab your phone. You open it up quickly and start playing music loud enough for the both of you to hear. "We have to listen to music while we clean, it is the only way I'm able to get things done."
Spencer grins from ear to ear, "Of course we do. Do you remember when I went over to your apartment when we first started dating and I walked in on you cleaning and you had music playing so loud. You said to me, "Spence, music helps me get things done. Do not tell me you don't listen to music while you clean?" And I said "Don't be ridiculous, of course I listen to music while I clean." That was a lie, but I did start listening to music while I cleaned right after that. I also am still surprised no one complained. I was able to hear it out in the hallway," he admits as he starts gathering containers for the leftovers.
You think back on that night, smiling at the memory, "I do remember that. And trust me people did complain, especially Mrs. Ortiz on the floor below mine. She even threatened to call the police" you replied. Spencer laughs, as he stands straight up with a Tupperware container in his hands, "Is this big enough to fit the leftovers?" he asks, while looking at you and the container.
"Yes, genius."
_
Almost half an hour later, you and Spencer finished cleaning up the kitchen and you both went into the bedroom. Spencer went straight to the bathroom to take a shower, so while you waited, you got underneath the covers and turned on the tv to watch a movie.
Less than fifteen minutes later, you hear Spencer shouting from the bathroom. "Babe, can you bring me a towel! I didn't bring one in." You shook your head, a silent laugh leaving your lips, "Doesn't forget anything," you said to yourself while removing the blankets from on top of your body, getting up and grabbing him a towel from the closet in the hallway. Once you had the towel, you went back to the room and walked into the bathroom to give him his towel. "Here you go," you said as he turned off the water and extended his hand out of the shower. "Thank you," he simply said.
"Do you need anything else?" you asked as you took a seat on the covered toilet, watching Spencer step out of the shower with his towel wrapped around his waist. "Not at the moment," he says, looking over his shoulder as he makes his way towards the sink. "Hm — okay, I'm just gonna wait for you to come to bed then," you exclaimed, standing up, walking towards Spencer and standing on your tiptoes to press a chaste kiss on his cheek.
You're able to see his cheeks turn a bright shade of red through the mirror, a smile spreads across his face. "I'll be right out, okay?"
"Okay," you say before walking out the bathroom and getting right back into bed.
Five minutes later, Spencer walks out of the bathroom with a pair of boxers on and a small towel in his hands he uses to dry his hair. He walks towards the dresser to pull out a pair of sweatpants, which he quickly slips on. He then makes his way to the bed, getting in under the covers beside you. You scoot closer to him, laying your head on his bare chest, pressing a small kiss on his skin.
Spencer raised his hand, setting it atop of your head to run his fingers through your hair. "I missed you, Spence." He smiles, "I missed you too, pretty girl," he kisses the top of your head. "Why didn't you wake me when you got home last night and before you left this morning?" you asked, bringing your hand up to his stomach and leaving featherlight touches on his skin.
"Honey, I tried, but you just wouldn't wake up. You were cuddled up with the blankets and my pillow to your chest, there's was no way I was going to wake you up. And in the morning, I kissed your nose before leaving and you scrunched your nose up and smiled, then turned onto your side. I waited a few minutes to see if you'd wake up, but you didn't," he explained with a chuckle.
You laughed, "Sorry. What can I say I'm a heavy sleeper and I am going to need all the sleep I can get if I'm going to be able to go to work soon."
"About that — I know you keep saying you're ready and your therapist and doctors say it as well, but — are you sure you want to go back already? Don't you think a few more sessions of therapy and a few more weeks out will be better?" Spencer explains.
"You don't think I'm ready to go back to work?" you ask while lifting your head from his chest and looking up at him, your brows furrowed. "No, I didn't say that — I don't mean it like that," he stuttered while shaking his head. "Then what are you trying to say? What do you mean by a few more sessions of therapy and a few more weeks out?"
"You know what I don't want to argue. How about we go to bed and we can talk about this in the morning?" Spencer suggested while trying to get you to lay back down on his chest. You shook your head, "No, you brought it up. We can talk about it right now."
Spencer sighed while removing his hands from you as you sat up and turned to look at him with your arms crossed in front of your chest. "You don't need to get upset. I just think that less than 3 months isn't enough time to recover from what you went through," he said, while sitting up and leaning against the headboard.
You stare at him, confused as to where this is coming from and why he didn't say anything before. He said he was proud of you and how much improvement you made since you started taking therapy seriously again.
"Have I done something that proves I am not ready to go back to work?" He closes his eyes and shakes his head, "No, Y/n. Like I said I don't think it's enough time off. Yeah you've been cleared and you're all healed, but —."
"But what, Spence?"
Spencer opened his eyes, seeing the look of confusion on your face. "Come here," he says while patting the spot beside him on the bed. You let out a breath before allowing yourself to crawl next to him on the bed.
He pulls the covers over your bodies, pulling you closer to him and wrapping his arms around. You stay quiet, waiting for Spencer to say something back and answer your questions.
Spencer sighs softly, then kisses the top of your head before saying, "You haven't been back to the hospital since the — you know — and I just think that with you going back it is just going to bring back the memories and what you went through. Have you thought about getting a job at a different place? Or given a thought of what I mentioned a few weeks ago?"
"I know, Spence. I know the chances of PTSD after a shooting or anything traumatic, but I just want to get back to my normal life. I want to work. I want to meet new patients. I want to talk to everyone who went through the same thing I did. So, no I don't want to work anywhere else and I don't want to not work. I understand that you might be worried and scared of me going back to work, but I can't just stay home 24/7."
Spencer hums, "I understand."
"I've been honest with you and my therapist about how I feel about going back to work. Yes, I'm ready to go back to work and yes I'm a bit worried and scared any little thing might trigger me, but I keep reminding myself that that person who caused all this is gone and I'm still here living my life and I'm with you," letting out a deep sigh, and looking up at him while saying, "I just — I just want everything to go back to how it was before."
Instead of answering with words, Spencer holds you tighter in his arms, while kissing the top of your head, and repeatedly saying, "I'm sorry."
You sigh softly as you're trailing your fingers up and down Spencer's stomach, "Babe, you don't have to apologize. You didn't say or do anything wrong," you said. Spencer scoffs, "Yes I did. I shouldn't have questioned you like that. If you say you're ready, then I'll support you into going back to work. You want everything to go back to normal."
Shaking your head with a small smile on your face, you look up at him, and seeing that he genuinely is sorry and he meant no harm. You remove your hand from his stomach, slowly sitting up and feeling Spencer's gaze on you. "What — Where are you going? I'm apologizing, Y/n," he quickly questions. You smile, "I'm not going anywhere besides right here," you say as you crawl on top of him to straddle his lap. "That okay with you?"
He nods, his hands going straight for your bare thighs. Spencer starts running his hands up and down, while staring up at you with a small smile. Just as you were about to lean forward for a kiss, Spencer's movements came to a halt and hissed as he said, "I need to know if we're okay and that you're not gonna be upset for the next couple of days or weeks because sometimes you say everything is fine and then you —."
You roll your eyes before cutting him off by pressing your lips to his. Spencer's hands move from your thighs, his left moves to the back of your neck, while his right moves to your hip. "If we weren't okay, I wouldn't be sitting on your lap or kissing you. You would be sleeping on the couch or in the guest bedroom," you muttered in between the kiss.
Spencer groans when you bite down on his bottom lip. "Fair point, but I — I," he pulls away from the kiss, you sit up, staring down at him with a confused look. "Are you okay?" Spencer sighs, "Yes, I'm fine. I just cannot keep kissing you without saying this. I don't want it to sound like I am comparing our situations, but I can understand what's it is like wanting everything to go back to the way it was. There have been many — many times and you know what I'm talking about where something happened to me and I didn't like when people constantly questioned my state of mind or if I was able to do my job after something so traumatic. But before I start rambling about the past, the point is, is that I can see why people ask and worry about others and I can see why it gets irritating with all kinds of questions."
You slide off of Spencer's lap and lay beside him, your head back on his chest and his arms wrapped around you again. "I'm sorry," you whispered. Spencer furrows his brows, "Why are you apologizing?" You lift your head up, looking at him, "I feel like I did something wrong."
"Honey, you didn't do anything wrong."
Spencer moves his left arm from around you, bringing his left hand up and under your chin, tilting your chin up before pressing his lips down onto yours. "You. Didn't. Do. Anything. Wrong." he punctuated each word with a kiss to your lips. "Say it," he demanded with a half smirk on his face once he pulled away from you.
You bit down on your bottom lip before doing as you were told. "I didn't do anything wrong."
"That's my girl," Spencer reassured before pressing his lips down onto yours again. Spencer is quick to lay you back down on the bed with his body hovering over yours. His lips move feverishly against yours and as much as you love this, you need to tell him something else before things can escalate.
Spencer runs his hand down your body feeling any exposed skin. You break the kiss and look Spencer in the eyes, "Babe, I love you, but I have to tell you that we can't have sex right now without a condom. I ran out of my birth control pills and I had my period two weeks ago, meaning I'm ovulating. And as much as we talk about having kids, we do not need one right now or two. Did I ever tell you twins run in my family."
You cringe at your own words, unsure why you said the last part. Spencer leans forward pressing a final kiss to your lips,"Let me ask you this, do you feel comfortable having sex right now?" he says in between the kiss.
"Honestly, no. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just — it's just —," you're cutoff by Spencer. He moves from above you, laying back down on his back and pulling you to him. "You don't have to explain. We can just watch a movie and go to sleep. Do you want to do that?"
You nod, for some reason not being able to say anything. Spencer kisses the top of your head, while running his fingers up and down the side of your arm. The two of you lay in silence, watching the movie that was already playing on the tv.
Just as you were slowly starting to close your eyes, Spencer broke the silence between the two of you after nearly twenty minutes. "Baby?"
"Hm?" you hummed in response.
"I was going to tell this earlier, but we got into other conversations, but it's about Christmas." You opened your eyes, turning your head and looked up at him, with a curious expression, "I'm listening."
"Well, as you know for holidays we usually get together at Rossi's house or another team members and we were talking about it today at work — about where we were spending Christmas and I may have told everyone to come and spend Christmas here with us. If you don't want that I can call them all tomorrow," Spencer rambled.
You smiled at the thought of having everyone here in the apartment celebrating Christmas together. Spencer continued, "I shouldn't have said anything. You know it took me almost twelve years to finally invite everyone to my apartment to 'hang out' and I'd known them all for years. Y/n, baby, tell me what to do?"
You giggle, "Babe, calm down. I don't mind having everyone over for Christmas. Just let me know how many people I have to cook for and what I should get for everyone, including the kids."
Spencer let out a sigh of relief, "Okay, yeah I can do that."
____
You and Spencer spent the rest of the night talking about what to cook for Christmas dinner, what kind of drinks to buy, what decorations to put up, and what to buy for everyone. Spencer wasn't sure on who would be coming over just yet, but he would know most likely know by tomorrow. He mentioned that Derek, Savannah and Hank might come over and someone he mentioned before, Aaron and his son Jack.
"Okay, so I'll be making enough food to feed a village if everyone agrees to come over," you joked. "How about we have a pot luck? I'll still make food, but it'll be easier if everyone brings something too. Actually, no I want to be a good hostess. I'll take care of everything."
Spencer chuckles, "Okay, I think you need to go to sleep before you start overthinking even more and start setting up everything and cooking now." You let out a deep breath, "You're right, let me shut up and go to sleep."
Spencer helps you pull the covers over your body and allows you to get comfortable. You give Spencer a quick kiss, "G'night, babe, I love you." You close your eyes, already letting sleep quickly take over your body.
"Sweet dreams, my love. I love you," were the last words your heard along with the movie playing in the background before you fell asleep in Spencer's arms.
_________
Author's Note
Hi!! I know it's been a while since I updated this book and I just wanted to put something out there for those who are still reading my book. I wanted to write a little more about Y/n's recovery and where they are with going back to work. I wanted to also write about how Spencer felt about the situation. I feel like this chapter is more of a filler, but I really like how it came out.
I will start writing the next chapter, but I cannot say when it will be out. Please be patient with me. I want my chapters to be good and make sense to the readers and not seem rushed.
Let me know what you think of this one and what you'd like to see in the next chapters. There are five chapters left to write plus an epilogue and I already have ideas for them but I am open to your ideas as well.
Thank you for reading, commenting and voting.
- Destiny <3