song for this chapter: it's not living (if it's not with you) by the 1975
get ready for a long one hehe
It has been two weeks since Avery spoke to her dad. He tried to reach out the first week, calling and texting, even showing up at The Chateau, which as you can imagine, didn't end well. If the boys had it their way, he would have been bludgeoned to the point of needing surgery on his face. The cops were called and he was escorted off the property, she is eighteen after all, not needing parental supervision any longer. The second week was radio silence, which she was both concerned and thankful for. Finally after everything this summer she wanted a break from all of the drama, and she would get it no matter what. Fourth of July weekend is the most sought after weekend in The Outer Banks. Tourists from all over the country come to spend time at the beach before school starts, and the locals love to see what kind of trouble they can create. The pogues have been up all night planning their stunts, with the help of alcohol and JJ's mind. For the first time in a long time, Avery feels whole. She has her best friends surrounding her, and the blonde haired, blue eyed boy who crept into her heart has been thought of less and less.
On the other side of the island, Rafe sits in the waiting area at the Kildare County Jail. His legs shake, palms sweaty and a killer pang shoots through his head due to the lack of cocaine and nerves of seeing his dad for the first time since he had been arrested. He didn't know what to say, or how to say it. The Bahamas helped clear his head slightly on the whole thing, and he came to a bit of an understanding of what he needs to do next. Yet, as much as he wants to hate him, he doesn't think he will ever be able to. Which is why he is spending his twenty first birthday with him. Anyone who knows Rafe has been making plans for him, knowing Fourth of July weekend is the time on the island where everyone cuts loose, but he hasn't felt like celebrating. Every person makes him think of her. He hears her laughter in the silence and sees her face in the dark. No matter the amount of drugs or alcohol he consumes, she doesn't leave his mind.
RAFE
"You're good to come back." Shoupe says, leading me towards a large metal door. The same door I walked in three weeks ago ready to be locked away for life. It still haunts me to this day. Loud banging echos through the hall, the prisoners making as much commotion as they can to scare me. Fucking animals. I round the corner and come face to face with my dad. His hair looks more grey than usual, and the bags under his eyes are deafening. However, his blue eyes are still the same, which scares the shit out of me more than anything.
I sit down in the chair across from the plexiglass window and pick up the phone. "Rafe." My dad breathes into it, less anxious already now that I am here. His voice calms me down slightly, but the thoughts running through my head make me feel otherwise.
"Hey, dad."
He sticks his hand to the glass, and I do the same. It's the closest thing I have to being near him. Why can't I hate him? Why can't I be strong like Sarah and remove him from my life completely?
"Rafe, you need to listen to me. I have a plan to get out." His voice is quiet, whispering into the phone so the guards can't hear him. I press it closer to my ear, waiting for his response. "Robert Poole. You need to say it was him. He had a gun too, that he killed Gavin with. If there is a way to somehow switch the guns around, maybe the imbeciles in this jail will let me out."
As soon as Avery's dads name comes through the phone it's like my hearing has gone out. All I hear is static and my vision is clouded. I feel like I am going to pass out and be sick all at the same time.
Words come out of my mouth but I don't hear them, all I see is my dad's face drop and get angry.
"What do you mean, no?"
Oh, so that's what I said.
"I said no. He didn't do anything to put you here. You did all on your own." His face contorts, expressing even more anger that I didn't think was possible. The look makes me laugh. A real laugh that has me hunched over onto the table, tears streaming down my face. This is my breaking point and I have finally hit it.
My dad's eyes stare into mine, looking like he wants to crash through the glass and strangle me. "If this is about that girl, Rafe please. You think that is actually going to last? She'll get tired of you after a few years and leave, just like everyone always does."
He is trying to break me. He wants to see me suffer. "Goodbye, dad." I move to put the phone down, but pause, wanting to add one more thing.
"It's my birthday, by the way."
The cheap plastic slams into the holder, a few pieces flying out as it does. My father's hands slam against the glass, begging me to come back. He shouts my name over and over again, but no sound comes out. I look at him once more before turning on my heel and walking out the door. A freeing feeling washes over my whole body. What was once a heavy weight on my chest, is now gone. The hot summer sun blares down on me but I could care less. It's my twenty first birthday and the day has started off on the right foot. It can really only go up from here, let's see what the others have in store.
I dial Topper's number and he picks up almost immediately. "Hey, birthday boy!"
"What are we trying to get into today?"
He laughs, sounding drunk already. Something about The Fourth of July makes people do that. "Whatever you want, you're legal now so you get to pick. No more fake ID."
Oh, now this could be fun. "I'll be over to yours in ten. Let's pick up Kelce and start at Grey Lady."
"I'll prepare my liver. See you soon."
I hop in my car and head over to Topper's. The roads are more packed than usual today, everyone getting a head start to the beaches before they get too crowded. Outer Banks and Fourth of July go hand in hand. It's a match made in Heaven, and I think these tourists need a little taste of Hell on their vacation.
An old, beat up Volkswagen bus zooms by, cutting me off. I lay on the horn, nearly running into the back of it. The mass of stickers gives the driver away and the sense of doom I had before walking into the jail returns. I know she and the pogues are planning something for today. Whether it be the beach, or something else, I need to make sure seeing Avery is the last thing I do. She knows it's my birthday, it was one of the first things she asked about me. I'm not expecting a celebratory text, though.
My car pulls into the driveway and Topper is standing outside waiting. He hops in and immediately hands me a Fireball shooter. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you?" The two of u laugh and I shove it down my throat, the cinnamon liquor burning all the way down.
"That never gets easier."
We pick up Kelce quickly and make our way downtown. Even the public parking spots are almost full, proving my point about the damn holiday. After five minutes of looking, I pull into one and the three of us hop out, ready to start the day. Grey Lady is an older bar, having been on the island for almost thirty years. Because of that, not many young people go which allows them to have strong drinks for cheap prices.
"Hey boys, what can I get for you?" The older bartender says, eyeing us up and down.
Topper and Kelce throw their arms across my shoulders. "Anything he wants. You only turn twenty one once."
I roll my eyes and move their arms off me. "Surprise us." She smiles and turns around, making us some kind of shot. When she hands them to us, they are a bright red color with whipped cream on top. I raise my glass to cheers my friends, throwing back the shot easily. The red was due to some sort of cherry vodka, and the whipped cream added more texture.
"That was actually pretty good." I say, wiping my mouth free of any residue.
Kelce shakes my head, a sour expression on his face. "You're insane, bro."
We move onto the next bar in town, repeating the same action. And then the next, and the next. By the time we get to the fifth bar, my head is fuzzy, the effects of the alcohol starting to appear. The room is packed with guests, starting their day drinking off early. I approach the bar and rest my arms on the wooden top.
"Surprise me. It's my birthday." I tell the older bartender, who looks like she could care less that I was even in the same room. Bitch.
She hands me a shot similar to the first bar. "You wanna know why it's red?" I roll my eyes, wanting to take the damn drink already.
"Because you always have blood on your hands."
Looking down at the small glass, I move it towards my mouth to take it, but at the last second reach across the bar and throw it all over her tall frame.
"Rafe!" Topper yells, grabbing the collar of my shirt and dragging me towards the door.
I shove him off. "Fuck you, bitch. I can get you fired right now for saying shit like that to me."
My friends don't wait for her response before pulling me outside and onto the street. With the alcohol and anger, my balance falters slightly.
"I'm going to go back in there and-,"
Kelce cuts me off. "You're not going to do anything. Let's just get some beer and go down to the beach. That's where all the babes are gonna be anyway."
"Okay, fine." I say, rolling my eyes and following them to the closest liquor store. We buy a handle of vodka and two cases of beer, hoping that lasts us the day.
The walk to the beach takes longer than usual because of all the fucking tourists. Sticky kids follow their parents in beach hats, applying sunscreen as they walk. They carry enough shit with them for one beach day, just to have to carry it all back to their car. Example A of why I am never having kids. When we finally get there, it's just as packed as I expected.
"Those girls look pretty cute, let's go over there." Kelce has to be the horniest person I know. All this man wants is some sort of pussy. Maybe I can use the birthday card and get him some if it shuts him up.
I follow him towards an opening in the sand where a group of about seven girls lay down their towels. Even looking at them makes me nauseas knowing they're not Avery. Ugh, get out of my head. A tall blonde looks over at us and smiles, raking her eyes up and down my body. She's cute in a bright pink bikini. A little too flashy for me, though. Topper sets down the alcohol and begins to lay out his towel. I follow his lead and sit down, reaching for the beer.
"Hey, I'm Lacy." She says, standing in a perfect position to look straight at her chest. Gag.
Topper and Kelce introduce themselves and I shoot her a bored smile, not interested in getting to know her.
"Sorry, Rafe can be in a mood sometimes. I don't know why when it's his birthday." Topper leans back and hits my arm, expecting my smile to grow but it doesn't as I sip my beer and look out at the water.
She smiles, "well, happy birthday. If your mood changes we'll be over here." I tip my can up at her as she walks away. My friends turn around and look at me with wide eyes.
"Dude she was so hot and into you." I roll my eyes, "pass."
Topper groans, "just because you're not over-,"
"Don't say her name." I spit, very serious about stopping whatever he was going to say next. He raises his hands in defense, cutting the conversation at that.
"Let's just have a good time today." I say, leaning back and closing my eyes, the hot summer sun burning my chest already.
A few hours pass, nearly both cases of beer down the hatchet. To say I'm drunk is an understatement. The sun is making the alcohol hit me faster and my friends won't stop pouring it down my throat. By the time I stand, I nearly fall into a family of four trying to enjoy their day.
"I need food now or I'm actually going to yack all over this beach." I say, steadying my balance.
Topper and Kelce look up at me and away from Liberty, or whatever the hell her name is, and her friends. They all seem to be emerged in some kind of drunken conversation that I wasn't invited to.
"You guys wanna go to the club?" Topper asks and I shrug, just wanting food in my stomach pronto. A burger sounds amazing right now, with some fries and maybe dessert. Holy shit, I don't think I've ever been hungrier.
The five, or maybe six of us begin our walk to the country club. My vision is blurred and I know I'm not walking in a straight line. Luckily my sunglasses cover my eyes, hiding some of the drunkenness behind them.
"So, are you having a good birthday?" The tall blonde comes up next to me, now clothed in shorts and a tank top.
I roll my eyes, "it's pretty good. Can't complain."
She nods, trying to continue the conversation that I'm doing everything I can to get out of. "I know something that can make it better." She looks at me with a flirty smile.
I go to turn her down, but the nausea sitting in my stomach doesn't hold back as I throw up all over the sidewalk. Slight gasps and groans come from several groups of people and I hold my middle finger in my air as I let out of the contents of my stomach.
"Is that a good enough way to say no?" I ask, wiping my mouth as I turn and look at what's her name.
She looks at me in disgust, "you're an asshole."
I laugh and continue walking towards the country club, not caring if anyone is following me anymore. All I need is food. I turn around to see Topper and Kelce talking to the girls, and I shrug not caring I made her cry. Blah blah blah, so whiny.
"Hey Country Club!"
Fuck. Barry.
Looking to my right, I see my former drug dealer coming towards me with a limp. His ankle is swollen and bruised from what looks like some sort of accident.
He approaches me and grabs my neck. "You see this?" I look at his ankle, now seeing it's a bullet wound. "Your little girlfriend did this shit to me. She shot me, Rafe. You better tell her and her friends to hide because if I see her, I won't hesitate to put a bullet through her skull."
Avery did that? Barry must have done some fucked up shit to make her shoot him. Avery shot him, that's my girl.
"Rafe? Are you listening to me?" He asks, pushing my head down into the grass. Topper and Kelce see what's happening and run towards me.
"Shit, I'm listening, okay? She's not my girlfriend. I don't know what to tell you."
Barry rolls his eyes, "I'm not here for any sob stories. Fix this or I'll do it myself." He pushes my head into the grass once more before walking away and hopping back on his dirt bike.
Just as he begins to ride away, the same van that cut me off this morning pulls into a parking spot down the street. John B. steps out and cheers, not knowing what he has in store for him. It seems like Barry notices who just arrived and hurries over to the van.
"Happy fucking birthday." I mumble, running over towards the group. Avery hasn't made herself present yet, but she will soon.
John B. sees me coming and moves to step in front of the passenger door, blocking Sarah. "I'm not here for Sarah. Where is Avery?"
"She doesn't want to see you, man." He says, keeping his place in front of the door.
Barry arrives mere seconds later, throwing his dirt bike on the ground. "Where the fuck is Avery? Do you see this shit she did to me? She shot me and she's not getting away with it."
JJ and Pope step out of the car and round the corner, standing in front of the sliding door. She's right behind that piece of metal. I can almost picture her sitting there in fear, crouching down to not be seen.
"She's not here, dude." JJ yells, pushing Barry slightly. Bad call, Maybank.
As they fight, I slowly move to the other side of the car. The door is opened slightly and Kie comes into view. She looks at me with a look somewhere between worry and anger. Behind her is the most angelic person I have ever laid eyes on. She looks amazing in a blue bikini top and white shorts. Her hair is in two braids, showing off her beautiful face.
"You need to get her out of here now." I whisper to Kie so Barry won't hear me.
Kie looks at me then back at Avery, whose eyes still haven't met mine. They share some sort of nod and Avery slinks by her. When her eyes finally land on mine, the drunken feeling comes back ten times harder.
"Follow my lead." I whisper, wanting to reach out and kiss her plump lips.
She nods and crouches so the people on the other side won't see her. "I'm right here!" Kie yells, making Barry fight against JJ's grip. As soon as she rounds the corner, Avery and I book it deeper into Figure Eight. Kie's façade must have worked because our footsteps are the only two in earshot.
We weave through the mass of people who jump out of the way in fear. I want to grab her hand, telling her everything will be okay and to feel our skin on each other's. I've never longed for someone's touch this bad in my life. She follows me to the gates of my home, stopping in front of the thick metal bars.
"I'm not going in there." She says, short of breath.
I look over at her, resting my hands on my legs. "Why? Barry could be after us, it's the only place that is safe."
"I'm fine, Rafe. I can handle myself." She spits.
I roll my eyes. So we're back to square one. "Let's just go in for a little bit to make sure we are, and then Sarah or someone will call you when it's safe."
Avery laughs, "how do I know you won't block their numbers again?"
"Low blow, Avery." I say, not having the willpower to even fight her right now. This interaction makes me sad more than anything.
She shrugs, not caring that what she said hurt me.
"Can we just go inside and talk about this?" I ask,
no, plead. My eyes bore into hers, letting her know how badly I want to have a conversation that isn't full of screaming.
With a roll of her eyes she says, "five minutes. That's it."
I nearly jump for joy as I punch the code into the security system. My fingers shake as I do, once again the lack of cocaine affecting my body. She trudges behind me slowly towards the house and up into my room. I'm sure she notices it looks different due to all of the evidence the police took when they arrested my dad.
Avery stands awkwardly in the corner of my room, waiting for me to say something. Whether it be the alcohol or excitement, I nearly run over to her and crash my lips against hers. They don't touch for more than two seconds before she rips me off of her.
"What the fuck, Rafe?"
Her face is filled with anger. "Why did you do that?"
"I wanted to. You're all I've thought about for the last three weeks, Avery. I'm finally ready to be with you." I say truthfully, my confession coming out just as humiliating as I expected it to.
She wipes her mouth clean of the kiss. "You're the one who left, remember? Not me. I asked you to stay and you just left."
"I needed time to think, and process everything, Avery. I couldn't give you an answer."
Avery rolls her blue eyes, not affected by anything that I am saying. "Well it's too late, Rafe. You left and I had to move on."
No, this can't be happening. "But I love you!" I blurt, my eyes widening the second the words leave my mouth.
Her eyes never leave mine as she processes what I just said. "No, you don't."
My knees hit the ground in front of her as my hands clasp into one another, literally pleading at her feet. "I have never loved anyone more than you."
She looks down at me, unsure. "Why should I believe you?"
"You don't have to, and if you don't, I will spend my whole life trying to prove to you that I do, because you make my want to be in love, Avery. I tried for so long not to feel anything, using anything and anyone to make me forget about all the shit I've been through, but with you, you make me want to feel. The good, the bad, the happiness you bring me every fucking day. You're the only one who truly knows what I've been through because you're the only one I've let. Letting you go was the worst possible decision I could have made, but it led to me realizing that letting me love you is the best one I could make."
She looks down at me with tears in her eyes and mouth slightly open. I know she is speechless, because I am too. I never thought I had anything like that inside of me.
"You mean all that?" Avery asks quietly, almost embarrassed.
I take her hand, a warm feeling spreading throughout my whole body as soon as our skin touches. "Every single word."
Without warning, she leans down and kisses my mouth. Her lips cover mine, moving fast. My tongue snakes into her mouth, as does hers in my own. I pull her down onto my lap and run my fingers through her hair. She moans lightly, and the sound causes one to leave my lips.
"Rafe, I love you."
The words sound like bells ringing, perfect and true.
"I love you. Say it again." I tell her, kissing her lips.
She laughs against my mouth, "I love you."
"Fuck, I'll never get tired of hearing that." I tell her, leaning my head against hers. She looks at me, trying to hide her smile. I remember telling her once that there has been no one in the world to make me happy, but even then I was lying.
"Oh, happy birthday." Avery giggles, pressing her lips against mine as the two of us fall onto the hardwood.
ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ
so i'm literally crying
also imagine the gif at the top being how he looks at avery when he sees her